Your Mother's Living Room Is Not The Place To Be Naked

Dear Tazi:

My adult son moved home with me last year after he lost his job. I do not mind that he is still here because I understand the difficult economy we are experiencing, but I do have a problem with some of his living habits.

“Cameron” does not like to wear clothes. He claims clothing makes him feel restricted and agitates his anxiety which, in order to alleviate, he likes to indulge in what he calls his “naked time”. I am not a prude, but I believe that the place to be unclothed is in the privacy of your bedroom or the bathroom as you are preparing to shower. I have asked Cameron to wear a bathrobe or at the very least boxer shorts, but it turns out he owns neither – he feels underpants are restrictive and, because he prefers to be nude, sees no need to own a bathrobe. After my life partner caught an eyeful of Cameron one afternoon (he had returned home from work a little early) I put my foot down: absolutely, positively no “naked time” outside of the prescribed areas of bedroom or bathroom – especially since Cameron was not shielding the furniture with a towel.

Cameron’s desire to be naked has lost out to his desire to have a place to live free of charge (I informed him I would kick him out if he was caught naked in the living room again). Now, Cameron is moody and sullen all of the time, insisting that he “needs” his “naked time” to relax and let go of his anxiety and that I am not being fair to him. He has offered to place a towel between his bare backside and my couch and to only indulge himself after 10:00 PM, but my partner and I often like to watch TV in the evening, and do not care to have him sitting stark naked next to us! Cameron has suggested that we watch TV in our bedroom, I have suggested he go be naked in his but he claims that it “doesn’t count as naked time if it is in the bedroom right before bed”.

Tazi, I am completely disgusted with my son’s need to be bare! I am at my wits end with him over this issue and need some sound advice on how to handle his poor attitude. The man is almost 40 years old – isn’t it time he grew out of this childish obsession with being naked?

Signed,
Seeking Solace

Dear Seeking Solace:

My question for you is: why is your grown son sitting at home naked during the middle of the day? Shouldn’t he be out looking for a job; considering he has been unemployed, by my count, for at least six months? His bare butt on your couch reminds me of an old commercial for a local furniture store, which also reminds me: you might want to buy new furniture or at least get your current upholstery steam-cleaned!

As for Cameron’s aversion to clothing, it is possible that he suffers from a form of Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), a nervous system disorder that is on the Autism spectrum. People who suffer from SPD have overactive sensory nerves and can be, in many cases, extremely sensitive to touch. Many people who suffer from SPD are what is referred to as “texture eaters” – they will eat (or not eat) particular foods based upon the texture, not the taste. As children, they tend to be clumsy, a trait that can follow them into adulthood. SPD sufferers may also hate the feeling of constricting clothing, preferring to wear cotton/Spandex® stretch type clothing; un-tucked shirts; short, loose-fitting sleeves; and other types of clothes that do not put pressure against the skin. Does this describe your son at all? If so, a consultation with his physician could lead to a proper diagnosis and treatment plan. If this does not describe Cameron – meaning if when he is clothed the items he wears are fitted and his tastes in food are based on flavor not texture – he probably does not suffer from SPD, at least not to the extent that it affects his clothing preferences.

If your son has been diagnosed with anxiety (and by this I mean by a medical professional and not WebMD) there are many ways to control it through both prescription and non-prescription methods. Cameron’s comment that it “doesn’t count as naked time if it is in the bedroom right before bed” leads me to believe that he is using his anxiety as an excuse to steamroll over your house rules. You are right in refusing to bow to his pressure, or his moods.

You should inform Cameron that you would like to see some results from his job search – this means, copies of the help wanted ads to which he has replied; a copy of his most recent resume and cover letter; and weekly appointments at the local state-run job search center. The economy has been bad, but it is picking up in many areas of the country. Any job is better than no job, so if Cameron has to spend a few months flipping burgers so be it. You should also present Cameron with some boxer shorts and a bathrobe, along with the message that if he wants to be naked he can do it in the privacy of his own home, not yours. Even my hero, Puss in Boots, has the decency to wear boots!

Snuggles,
Tazi




Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Sensory Processing Disorder Can Make Eating A Nightmare

Dear Tazi:

I am very particular about what I eat. While I eat a variety of foods and flavors, I have to like the texture of the food, too; if I don’t like the way something feels in my mouth – too crunchy, too mushy – I will not eat it. My preferences used to drive my Mom crazy, but eventually she gave up and gave in to what she called my “peculiarities about food” after the pediatrician told her not to make a big deal out of it so long as I was eating a nutritious, well balanced diet.

I recently moved in with my girlfriend and I am hoping this step will lead to marriage, but it seems that my peculiarities about food are a sticking point in our relationship. “Betty” thinks if I do not eat what she has cooked it is a direct insult to her. I have tried to explain what she has always known about me – that I am particular about how food feels in my mouth; if something doesn't feel right I actually get a gag reflex. Telling her this made things worse; she accused me of saying her cooking makes me gag. I told Betty that was not the case and she knew it, and that if she would like I would do all the cooking. I thought this would please her, but it only made things go further downhill and much faster.

We have only been living together a month but already Betty is saying that she cannot wait until our lease is up so she can move out and find a place of her own. I can’t believe that she wants to break up with me because she thinks I don’t like her cooking! Are there other people out there like me, Tazi? If there are, do you think they can explain to Betty that I am not making things up just to avoid eating her cooking?

Signed,

Twisted Taste Buds

Dear Twisted Taste Buds:

There are plenty of people out there like you; they are called “texture eaters” and many of them suffer from a condition called sensory processing disorder, or SPD for short (it is considered to be on the Autism spectrum, and a lot of people with Autism have it). Depending on how mild or severe a person’s super sensory perception is, they may be able to hear things others cannot, see better than most, or have a super sense of touch and feeling or sense of smell.

Kind of like a dog hearing his special whistle!

Some with SPD experience all of these, others one or two super heightened senses. Texture eaters generally have a super-heightened sense of touch, which is why some foods do not “feel good” in their mouths while others taste better because of their more enjoyable texture. Fear not, you are perfectly normal. In fact, you are in very good company – many cats, including yours truly, are texture eaters. I will only eat crunchy cat cereal; you can feed that moist stuff to the dogs!

The fact that Betty was aware of your “peculiarities about food” before you moved in together tells me that she is using it as an excuse to back off your relationship. It is possible that she was not ready to move in together after all, and is only just discovering this fact now that the two of you have merged every aspect of your lives. I suggest you find the time to talk to Sally about this possibility (calmly and rationally) and see if it gets you anywhere. It could be that Betty is afraid to broach this subject and is picking a fight over her cooking as a way to find an out of your living situation. You should work on resolving this before it ruins your relationship altogether.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Is It Autism? Or Is He Just Shy?

Dear Tazi:

I am really ready to lose it on my daughter and son-in-law! They have been married for seven years, and had their first child after three years of trying - so you can imagine how hypersensitive they are about anything and everything that relates to the child. If "Jack" so much as sneezes they are on the phone with the pediatrician, demanding a full check-up and possibly a trip to the allergist, just to be certain and rule out any underlying issues.

Ever since he was born, Jack has been the center of "Shirley" and "Earl's" universe, to the exclusion of anyone else. This past Fall actually had the nerve to ask my wife and me to reschedule our other grandchild's birthday party because the timing interfered with Jack's new nap schedule. I could see how this might be a reasonable request if Jack were still a newborn, but he is almost three years old! Can you see the picture I am trying to draw for you? It is very important, because here is the issue I am having: I think Jack might be autistic, but his parents are turning a blind eye to the problem.

Jack does not speak to anyone, although his parents say he speaks "when no one else is around". He does not make eye contact with people, and appears very uncomfortable around people in general. He does not like to be hugged or touched in any way, and is particularly sensitive to loud or unexpected noise. Shirley and Earl insist that this is all perfectly normal, and that Jack is just really shy. When I suggested they speak to his pediatrician about getting Jack screened for autism - they get him screened for everything else - they reacted with such offense you would think I suggested that they castrate the child! Shirley even went so far to say I was accusing their "baby" of being "less than perfect" simply because he "prefers the company of his Mommy and Daddy" over me.

Tazi, I am a Neurodevelopment Research Scientist. I have a PhD in my field, and conduct research that deals with autism spectrum disorders. In short, I recognize the signs of autism in children, and know that early-intervention is the best way to help a child overcome any difficulties that may limit him/her later in life. I do not want to see my grandson live a life where he is trapped inside his own mind; but I have tried everything that I can think of - short of kidnapping the kid - to get his parents to have him screened and treated. Do you think I should try calling Child Protective Services?

Signed,
Dr. Grandpa

Dear Dr. Grandpa:

I am so happy to know that your grandson has someone like you looking out for him! The symptoms you describe do reflect those of autism, and Jack would be well served to be screened and entered into an early-intervention program, if it is shown to be necessary. The fact that his parents consider autistic children to be "less than perfect" shows a very ignorant attitude. Some of the most brilliant minds the world has ever seen - from Mozart to Albert Einstein - are though to have been autistic. Both your daughter and son-in-law need to be educated on this issue. The fact that they call the doctor about every little thing - but ignore the big things - tells me that they are overcompensating for something; and that something could be the fact that Jack is indeed autistic.

Calling Child Protective Services sounds pretty extreme. Is there anyone else (besides you) who can advocate for Jack? Could you write to the child's pediatrician and ask that he evaluate the child the next time Jack is in for what sounds like one of his many visits? Is Jack a member of a play-group or day-care, with trained professionals on staff? All of these people could be potential advocates on Jack's behalf, to pressure his parents into opening their eyes and getting their son the assistance he needs.

If all else fails, and you simply have nowhere else to turn, then I would agree that Child Protective Services must be called for the good of the child - but this call should be an absolute last resort. Keep in mind that the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Today's column is dedicated to M.T.B., a kind and brilliant young man; and one of the world's next great genius'! --TK


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.