Algebra Tests Are Not The Only Cause Of Stomach Pains

Dear Tazi:

Yesterday, I was sick with a nasty stomach flu, but my Mom didn't believe me when I said I was sick. She thought I just wanted to get out of taking an Algebra test that I didn't study for, and that my anxiety was what was giving me a stomach ache. She sent me to school, even though I begged her to let me stay home.

My Algebra test was during first period, and once the test is started, the teacher does not allow you to leave the room for anything. It was midway through the test that I felt my stomach clench, and I knew I would have to get to a bathroom FAST! I begged the teacher for a hall pass, but he would not give one so I ran out of the classroom without one. On the way to the lav, the Hall Monitor saw me running and demanded my hall pass - which of course I did not have. To make a long, disgusting story short and sweet, I ended up being sent to the Nurse's office to wait for a ride home so I could go change my clothes.

Tazi, I go to a small school and I am pretty sure that everyone will have heard about what happened to me. The smell coming from the Nurse's office was pretty bad, and the student volunteers in the Main Office knew something was happening. All of my classmates saw me run out of the Algebra test and not return. Do you think people will put two and two together and figure out what - and who - was the cause of the smell? My Mom says no, but I am not so sure that I want to trust her opinion - after all, it was her opinion that got me into this mess (no pun intended).

Signed,
Em-BARE-ASS-ed

Dear Em-BARE-ASS-ed:

Judging from your signature, you are able to laugh at the situation - just not as it applies to you. Considering the time-sensitive nature of your letter, I am printing it the same week that I received it; so you should see it before you have to return to school.

Please do not blame your Mom for her judgement error. If every Mom believed her teenage child when they complained of stomach pains, Algebra tests everywhere would go un-taken. Obviously, you were telling the truth when you complained of stomach pains; it's just that your timing was bad.

Eventually, you will have to go back to school! You cannot simply drop out because you are afraid of being embarrassed. If it is any comfort to you, know that the teachers and the school Nurse are all bound by confidentiality rules - meaning those who witnessed your embarrassing moment cannot talk about it. Since no student actually saw you covered in your own waste, they cannot know for certain that you were the cause of the smell. If by the time you get back to school the incident has not been forgotten, I would suggest you not involve yourself in it. Tell people the truth - you went home sick that day and missed the aftermath of the commotion. If your classmates insist on pinning the commotion on you, simply say that you "got sick" (a euphemism for vomiting) on your clothes and went home to change and rest. Your personal medical status is not their concern.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. As a cat, I am partial to Puss in Boots brand "No Pants" Pants. I don't think this would work for humans, though.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Speed-Uh-Oh! Step-Daughter Catches New Dad In Awkward Swim Suit!

Dear Tazi:

I am a newly married, former single mother. My husband is of a higher economic class than I was before we wed, but he has always made it clear that what is his is mine; that we are married and that I should not feel like a guest in our home. It has been an adjustment for me to go from penny-pinching and coupon-clipping to living in a mansion with all the amenities, but my daughter has readily adjusted - perhaps bit too readily, which brings me to my problem.

"Jason", my husband, was a swimmer in college and has kept up with his sport ever since, continuing to swim competitively; hence, when he swims laps in his (our!) in-ground pool he wears a Speedo-style suit. Jason is also rather well-endowed, but he is not the type of man to flaunt himself. I cannot stress this last part enough!

My daughter "Tiffany" is fourteen, as are most of her friends. Last week, during a heat wave, she invited half a dozen of her girlfriends to come over for a swim. She did not ask permission first; as I said, she has readily adjusted to our new lifestyle. When Tiffany and crew arrived to swim, Jason was doing laps in the pool. Seeing that Tiffany and her friends wanted to cool off and splash around, he generously ended his workout a few laps early. While getting out of the pool he had to cross the patio to retrieve his towel, and all eyes were upon his manly physique.

Jason, like most men, was completely oblivious that that he was being observed and walked into the house without incident. My daughter was humiliated at what she called Jason's "inexcusable display" and has told me she wants an apology from Jason and a promise not to wear a male bikini around her friends again. I have tried to explain to my daughter that this was Jason's house first and that she needs to adjust her behavior accordingly; that he was kind enough to accommodate her unexpected company and that the next time she wants to bring friends over she should ask permission.

Tazi, Tiffany refuses to see anybody's point of view but her own. She tells me that I need to assert myself as the woman of the house and that Jason needs to change his behaviors now that there is a teenage girl in the house. She has told me that if I do not say something to Jason she will. All I want is peace in my new marriage and my new home. I want us to feel comfortable here, but I do not want to make Jason uncomfortable; he has had so much to adjust to as it is. Do you think Tiffany's demands are unreasonable? Should I ask my husband to change to a more modest swimsuit? He only wears it when he is doing laps; otherwise, he wears more modest-style trunks.

Signed,
In-Between

Dear In-Between:

The demands of a new marriage and the blending of a family can be stressful enough, without adding teenage angst to the mixture. At fourteen, your daughter is going to be embarrassed at everything that puts her in an unwanted spotlight, and she is going to have an attitude of entitlement about her that can only come from the confidence of being a teenager. Resist the urge to slap her silly and repeat after me: This is just a phase, and she will outgrow it soon.


Tiffany's demand for an apology and accusation that Jason created an "inexcusable display" of his body are out of line with what actually occurred. Tiffany was the one who barged in on Jason during his swim time; she is the one who should be apologizing for cutting short his workout and putting him on the spot. Please remind her of this fact. Your reminder that the house was Jason's place before it became your family home is the type of thinking that your husband is trying to help you to overcome. It sounds to me like compromise can come from all sides in this matter.

You say that Jason was oblivious to the stir his physique caused. This is a very good thing, considering the females who were noticing him were all decidedly underage. Knowledge of the stir he caused would only serve to make him uncomfortable around Tiffany's friends, so mentioning this fact is probably not a good idea. You could start the conversation by saying that Tiffany felt awkward barging in on him while he was swimming, and perhaps you could create a pool schedule - time when Jason can do his laps uninterrupted, and time where open swim for all is allowed. This will accommodate everyone while embarrassing no one. To ask Jason to change his swimwear would be wrong, considering he still swims competitively. The uniform may be outrageous, but the skimpiness of the suit shaves several precious seconds off of a swimmer's time.

Overall, you could learn a few things from your daughter about adjusting to your new home; your daughter still has a few things to learn about manners and respecting others. I wish you luck on becoming the family that you all dream of becoming.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Grown Siblings Have Grown Apart, Should Mother Intervene?

Dear Tazi:

I have two sons. I will call them “Zip” and “Zap” because I do not want them to identify themselves if they read your column. They are only a year apart in school so they grew up very close until they reached their teenage years. It was at this point that Zap sought to create his own identity separate from his brother’s shadow. Because Zap is the younger of the two, Zip is the one that everyone got to know first, the one that always got to do things first. Zap became known as “Zip’s brother”, in spite of his efforts to establish himself as an independent person. To his great discredit, Zip basked in this limelight and never corrected people when they referred to Zap by this moniker.

Both of my sons are now attending state university, and thankfully they are in different programs which have allowed them to meet new and different people and run in different crowds. While Zip has just finished his second year and has been concentrating solely on his schoolwork, Zap blossomed during his freshman year. He has joined an intramural sports team and has successfully pledged a fraternity, in addition to making the Dean’s List. Zip, accustomed to being the brother that everyone knows, is feeling resentful of the attention Zap is receiving. Although both are in competitive academic programs, Zip has taken to saying that Zap is majoring in “basket weaving” while he is taking a more rigorous course of study. This is but one example of the barbs Zip has been throwing Zap’s way.

Zap has been patient with his brother. When I asked him if everything was okay between them, he told me that he understands how it feels to always come in second, so he is willing to let things go for now, but at the same time his patience is wearing thin. I am afraid that the death knell to their relationship is close at hand. Last week at a party, I witnessed Zip try to embarrass Zap in an attempt to make people laugh. Zap kept quiet, but I could see his jaw twitching; something that happens when Zap is angry beyond control.

I pulled Zip aside and had a word with him about his behavior, but he just responded with a negative tone, saying that somebody needs to but Zap in his place now that his popularity is soaring. Tazi, I love both of my sons so much and it pains me to see them hurting like this. I would like to tell Zip that he has had his day in the sun and that now it is time to let Zap have his, but I am afraid that Zip will think that I am taking sides against him. For what it’s worth, Zap is still the same humble boy he has always been; it is Zip whose ego is out of control. All I want is for my sons to get along like they did when they were children. Do you think that this is possible? Should I intervene? How much?

Signed,
Z-Mom

Dear Z-Mom:

Your sons are not children anymore, so it is time for them to start acting like adults. From what you write, it sounds like Zap has been taking the high road while Zip is wallowing in self-pity and resentment. The fact that he has put down his brother to entertain others, while building up his own ego, is pathetic. It is grossly out of line and shows a complete lack of maturity. It is as if Zip’s emotional development is arrested at the high school level. This is a problem that will start to affect other areas of his life, as well as hold him back in life, if he does not put a stop to it now. Family counseling may be helpful, but all involved must be on-board in order for it to work. Your sons are relatively young, but the issue of one-upmanship has been simmering for years so you cannot expect it to be solved overnight. I realize that, as their mother, you would like to mediate; but the fact of the matter is that they will need to resolve this issue on their own. Ignore any requests to take the side of one over the other, but offer correction as necessary and appropriate.

If you see or hear one of your sons doing or saying something that you know to be inappropriate or untruthful (such as the incident at the recent party or the “basket weaving” comment) you should continue to pull them aside and correct their behavior. Better you do this than one of their friends, who might not offer to respect privacy or feelings. Such embarrassment will only breed further contempt.

Your sons may legally be men, but emotionally they are still growing up. If you find that Zip’s behavior is getting more hostile towards his brother you may wish to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. If you find that Zap is getting to be egocentric or starts flaunting his accomplishments to his brother, you should sit him down, as well. Do not try to resolve their issues; just let them know that you find their behavior disappointing. The problem may resolve itself from there. Nobody wants to disappoint their Mama!

In the end, you must trust that you have done your best as a mother and let your sons work out their differences like men. Some brothers are destined never to be close, while others are as peas in a pod. In time, as Zip and Zap discover their own divergent paths, they may find that they miss each other’s company and reach out to each other. However, in order for that to happen, old hurts must not wound too deep. Remind them of this fact should the need present itself; otherwise, let them decide on their own how close they wish to remain.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

College Graduate Working As A "Specialty Janitor", Much To Mom's Dismay

Dear Tazi:

My son graduated college last month with a degree in Philosophy. His plan was to go on to law school, so this major made sense. Unfortunately for him, his grades fell short of gaining admittance into a top or second tier law school. He has been accepted at a few places of little note, without scholarship, which means I would be on the hook for his tuition. I told "Mason" I would not pay his graduate tuition (as I did his undergraduate tuition) until he showed he was willing to put in the work to improve his grades. He is planning to register for a few graduate level classes at the state university for the fall, and in the meantime he has taken a job at the only place that will hire him: a disaster clean-up company that cleans up the aftermath of personal tragedies.

My wife is mortified that our son is cleaning up what is left at home invasion and murder scenes, and busted crack houses. She wants to pay our son's law school tuition starting this fall. I say the unenviable work is good for him and will teach him that this is what he will end up doing for the rest of his life if he does not work harder in school. The job pays well and he is given protective gear to wear when he is on a clean-up scene, so I am not worried about his health, physical or financial. My wife, however, is worried about what people will think if they find out our son is working for a specialty janitorial service. I say hang what people think. What do you say, Tazi?

Signed,
Third Generation Ole Miss

Dear Third Generation Ole Miss:

Is your son a fourth generation at Ole Miss? Does the answer to this question have something to do with why your wife is willing to ignore his lackluster academic record? I realize that tradition runs deep down South, especially at places like Ole Miss! If your son is now an alumnus, people are going to be asking about him at the next class reunion or event. Are you prepared to tell your friends why your son is not in law school, as planned? I ask because it is apparent that your wife is not.

Personally, I think an education in the school of life is what your son needs. If he enjoys his job as a specialty cleaner and is able to support himself with the money he makes, and there is room for promotion, than I see no reason why your wife should be ashamed of what your son is doing. He is providing a valuable service that not many would be willing to provide. Furthermore, your attitude towards his Philosophy degree - claiming "the only place that will hire him" is short-sighted, considering the competitive economy we are currently experiencing.

If your son is embarrassed to be doing the kind of work he is doing, I suggest the following compromise: one semester of graduate level courses, which your son will pay for out of his own earnings. If he can prove that he is ready to make the commitment to graduate level learning, you and your wife can offer to pay for his continued schooling, provided that he maintain a minimum grade-point-average that you and your wife will set. Should his grades fall below the mark, he will be responsible for his own education expenses. I believe this is a compromise that all can live with, as well as one that will allow your son to prove his academic worth.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Is It Ever Too Late To Pick Up A Special Order?

Dear Tazi:

Almost three years ago, I put some decorative hardware on order at a local, family owned hardware store. Because the items were a special order, I had to put down a deposit of 50% of the total cost of the merchandise. At the time I was making good money and had decided to extravagantly redecorate my entire home, so even though the hardware was rather pricey I did not blink at the cost. The items were backordered from the supplier for three months, but I felt the items were worth the wait.

During the three months I was waiting for my order to arrive, I was unexpectedly laid off from my high-paying job and my mother got sick and I had to use my savings to assist with her medical expenses. It was a rough three months. When I received the call that my decorative hardware had arrived, I was too embarrassed to tell them I did not have the money so I told them I would be in shortly to pick up my items, figuring I would save up for the balance owed and complete my redecorating project since the hardware I ordered was the finishing touch. 

It took me almost six months, but between what was left of my savings, my unemployment benefits, and a reimbursement check from the health insurance I did manage to save the $1500 dollars still owing. Then my car dropped its transmission and I had to use the money to pay for repairs. Fast forward through my long stretch of unemployment and low paying temp jobs until I finally got a job that comes close to (but does not match) my former salary and here we are today – three years later!

Tazi, I am very embarrassed about this whole situation, but would like to pick up my decorative hardware just the same. Do you think the store would still have it? I did make a rather large deposit on it. If the store sold or returned my special order, do they owe me a merchandise credit for the money I put down on the order? For the first few months they made several phone calls to let me know my order was waiting, but they never told me what would happen if I did not pick it up within a certain amount of time. You seem to be a knowledgeable kitty; do you know if it’s too late to pick up my decorative hardware or to get a merchandise credit equal to my deposit?

Signed,
To Heck and Back

Dear To Heck and Back:

It does sound like you have been through quite an ordeal! You must also be in love with this decorative hardware to be willing to pay the $1,500 balance owing on it! Laws differ from state to state, with property being considered abandoned from anywhere between 30 days and one year, depending on the item. It has been my experience, though, that most businesses will not just take your money and run. They will hold onto the item for as long as possible, if storage space allows for it; try to sell the item, if there is interest in it; or return it to the manufacturer, often paying the cost of return shipping and a 10% - 25% restocking fee, all of which could eat up your 50% deposit.

I ran your letter by John M., an employee a local family-owned hardware store that has been in business for over 90 years (so they have seen EVERYTHING!). I was told that when a customer special orders something they do their best to honor that order. If the item was to be paid for in advance, they will hold onto it “forever” because the customer owns it, and they will do their best to make sure the customer is aware that it is still there, often calling months or sometimes years after the item has been ordered. John added that a 50% down payment is significant, and they will usually hold the item until it is picked up. As a hypothetical, he added that if the item was sold to another person for full cost, the original deposit should be honored if the customer wishes to reorder; however, if the price of the item has increased the customer will be responsible for paying the price difference.

It looks as though your chances are pretty good that your decorative hardware is still waiting for you! In talking with John, he reassured me that you should not feel embarrassed about your situation that these things happen. You will not be required to give a reason why you are so late in picking it up, so you need not fear anything. Personally, I think the store would be grateful that you have finally come to retrieve your order – in addition to the balance of the sale they will be getting back some very valuable storage space.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Excessive Sweating May Have A Medical Cause, Treatment

Dear Tazi:

I have an unusual problem that I don't know how to solve. I sweat a lot. I mean a LOT. I am not overweight, so it is not like I have extra body fat producing heat that makes me excessively warm. I am not a woman, so it's not like I am having hot flashes in the middle of winter. I am just always uncomfortably warm and so I sweat a lot, especially from my forehead, back, armpits, and feet. The result is that I often smell like sweat - fresh sweat and drying sweat. I don't dare go a single day without showing at least twice, and I use the strongest deodorant and antiperspirants I can find but I still sweat and smell funky.

I have not gone on a  date in a very long time because when I get nervous I sweat even more. The last date I went on, I could tell that the woman smelled me because she kept making a funny face all through dinner, and then excused herself to go to the ladies room halfway through the movie. She never came back. I was never so humiliated in all my life!

Tazi, I have reached the point where my problem is causing me some serious personal issues. I never want to leave the house because it means going out into the un-air conditioned weather; I rarely socialize and I don't date. I even think my problem may be holding me back at work. People who started after me and who have less seniority/experience are getting promoted before me. Any solutions?

Signed,
Sweaty McStink

Dear Sweaty McStink:

It sounds like you have hyperhidrosis, a very treatable medical condition in which the sweat glands are overactive and excrete far too much, far too often. You should make an appointment with a dermatologist or ask your primary care physician to refer you to one. A doctor will be able to prescribe testing and - if you do have hyperhidrosis - prescription-strength antiperspirant that has been clinically proven to alleviate the symptoms of hyperhidrosis. Do not delay; the quality of your life depends upon it.

I would like to add that your date who left you in the middle of the movie was a first class heel and has absolutely no class at all! Please do not judge all women by this one experience.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Diaper" Wearing Mom Has Trouble Potty-Training Daughter

Dear Readers:

I am on vacation this week! Please enjoy this classic letter that you may have missed the first time!

--T.K.

Dear Tazi:

I started wearing adult protective underwear (aka “adult diapers”) when I was pregnant with my daughter and having bladder control problems. Tazi, they were so comfortable I did not want to stop using them, even after I no longer needed them! I rarely soil them because I wear them for comfort, not protection, but they are a lifesaver when I am stuck in traffic and can’t “hold it in” any longer!

“Emily” is now three and I never knew she noticed my protective underwear use until now. I have been trying without success to toilet train her for over a year now when the other day she screamed that “if Mommy can wear diapers so can I!” I was terribly embarrassed because she screamed it in front of several people in the children’s department store where we were shopping. Blushing I explained to onlookers that she must be confusing sanitary pads with diapers. Several people laughed and I was able to leave without humiliation.

Tazi, I am a busy work-from-home Mom. I do not have the time to fight my daughter on this issue. I know she needs to toilet train, but how is that going to happen if I am not able to set the example she needs? Do I have to give up my comfort for Emily’s developmental health?

Signed,
Comfortable, Not Incontinent

Dear Comfortable, Not Incontinent:

Yours is one of the more unusual problems I have come across in my column. Could it be that your regular underpants are so uncomfortable because you are not wearing the proper size and/or style? Adult protective undergarments are styled to fit like real underpants, and are designed in the style of cotton briefs. For the sake of your daughter’s developmental health, you may want to try wearing cotton briefs in the proper size. Women’s underpants are sized as such: 5 = small; 6 = medium; 7 = large; 8 = X-Large; 9 = XX-Large, and so on and so forth. Full-brief panties should fit so that they sit at your natural waist without having to tug on them; they should fit in the rear so they do not pull up when you sit down or sag when you sit.


This is an example of a pair of ill-fitting panties


This is how you rock cotton undies
It’s time to face the truth: you’ve been busted by your three year old. You even admit in your letter that there are times you let loose when stuck in traffic, rather than hold it until you reach a rest stop. If you want to teach your daughter appropriate behavior you will have to teach by example. I suggest you make a trip to JC Penney, Kmart, or some other adult department store and make a presentation of buying “big girl” panties for both you and Emily, informing Emily of your decision that it is time for both of you to start wearing them. The one allowable exception to wearing them is if you are having bladder control problems or if you simply must wear them on a long car ride.

If you find that regular underwear is simply too uncomfortable to wear, regardless of style; size; or fabric, you can discreetly go back to wearing your protective undergarments; just make certain that your daughter is not aware of your decision or you will be changing her diapers until she is old enough to change her own.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Public Humiliation Can Be The Result Of Gossip

Dear Tazi:

I am a working mother of two young boys. My husband owns his own small business, and I assist with the bookkeeping on top of my regular full-time job. In addition to all of this, I make a concerted effort to be a part of my son's lives and be there for them and their activities; to that end, I go to work early in the morning so I can leave early in the afternoon and be there to pick them up from school or be present at their after-school activities.

Most of the other Mom's that show up after school are stay-at-home-mothers; I have noticed that many of them are very competitive among each other, dressing up like they just spent the day with the Kennedy's and wearing a full face of designer makeup. Many of these women also have figures to kill for. There is one woman in particular, "Ms. Dolce", who stands out above the rest, and never misses an opportunity to brag about how she does yoga for two hours a day and only eats locally grown organic foods, and never, ever touches red meat. I am sure you know the type.

Is this the type?

Recently, while running from work to school I stopped off at McDonald's to grab a quick bite to eat, and guess who I saw chowing down on a Big Mac value meal? Yup! Ms. Dolce herself! The opportunity to get even was simply too good to be true, so I grabbed my phone and took a picture of her and sent it to all of my friends, never thinking it would get back to her. Well, it did and now she is livid and saying all sorts of nasty things about me, how I cannot be trusted, and that I am a bad person and probably a bad mother, too, since I am setting a horrible example for my children.

Ms. Dolce has a lot of friends, and they have all taken her side and are asking me how I could do something so cruel. Tazi, I caught Ms. Dolce in an enormous lie, so I exposed her, and I am the one who is being treated like a criminal! A few of the other Moms have suggested that I apologize to Ms. Dolce so we can all move past this, but I don't think an apology is necessary - SHE is the liar, not me! My boys have been hearing things from their friends about how I was mean to Ms. Dolce, which has me even more upset than ever. What kind of person would drag young children into this?

I know that Ms. Dolce and her crew read your column, because they talk about it while waiting for the kids to get out of school. Could you please tell them all to grow up and start acting their age and not the size 7 shoe size that they all claim to wear?

Signed,
Real Woman, Real Mom

Dear Real Woman, Real Mom:

It is obvious you do not like the fact that Ms. Dolce and her friends compete for the Best Dressed Mom award. Is this because it makes you feel insecure about your own looks? Jealous that they do not work full-time? Angry that they are pushing women's liberation back about sixty years? Whatever your reasoning, you need to build a bridge and get over it!

While I will acknowledge that it was very wrong for Ms. Dolce to lie, it was also wrong of you to violate her privacy by taking a picture of her while she was eating. It appears that in the desire to impress others Ms. Dolce's mouth got ahead of her brain. You caught her in a weak moment; there was no need to exploit it to your own gain. This whole situation reminds me of a scene from Will and Grace!

In  my opinion, you do owe Ms. Dolce an apology for your gross lack of judgment. Just because the Empress has no clothes is no reason to take pictures and send them to everyone you know. Ms. Dolce, in turn, needs to stop bragging about how she "never" indulges in healthy habits since it is obvious that she has on at least one occasion.

As for the accusations that are flying around:

1) Children have an uncanny ability to hear things that they should not. I believe it is more likely that your sons' friends overheard their Moms talking and brought the news to school than the likelihood that their mothers dragged them into this whole sordid affair.

2) Ms. Dolce's comments that you cannot be trusted appear to hold some weight, based upon your actions, and she is entitled to her opinion as to whether or not you are a bad person. However, she owes you an apology for making such nasty comments about your ability to mother your children. Differences between adults should never be dragged down to the level of children - and I mean that in more ways than one.

The time is long past for everyone to shake hands and make-up. You may never be bosom buddies with these other women, but your children are friends with their children. In the words of one of my Mommie's closest friends, "You need to suck it up, Buttercup!"

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenage Embarrassments Are Soon Forgotten, So Tazi Advises Not Dwelling On Them

Dear Tazi:

My life is over!  I know you think I am exaggerating, but I am seriously thinking of asking my parents to send me to private school because I can never go back to my public school again after what happened to me today!

There is the most amazing boy ever in my Science class.  His name is “Mike” and he is the only boy I will ever love, I swear!  He is hotter than Justin Beiber!  Once every few weeks our teacher makes us do a lab assignment and we have to pair up with someone to work on it.  I was assigned to work with Mike so I took extra time on my hair and makeup and made sure my outfit was HOT!  I wore a pair of white skinny jeans with a tight v-neck t-shirt and a pair of Sketchers.  All of my friends said Mike was going to be watching me and not the experiment, which is what I was hoping!  Well, Tazi, my wish came true but not in the way I wanted.  I got my period right in the middle of science class!  I didn't notice because I was too busy watching Mike, and one of the guys sitting behind me made a joke about a “red tide rolling in”.  I had never had my period before, so I didn't know he was talking about me until things got really awkward.  I ran out of the room and to the girls’ bathroom and cried.  A teacher was in there, so she gave me some help and let me wrap her jacket around my waist and walked me to the Nurse’s office so I could call my Mom to go home and change.  My Mom was super excited that I got my period, but I am still super upset.  I went back to school the next day and it felt like everyone was staring at me.  I am afraid to even talk to Mike anymore.  I just want everyone to forget what happened but I don’t know how long that is going to take.  What do you think, Tazi?

Signed,

Double Red

Dear Double Red:

I am thinking that you should not have been wearing white after Labor Day!

I am also thinking you have experienced one of life’s less pleasant milestones – the surprise visitor.  Being young and inexperienced, I can see why you were unprepared to handle the fall-out from this traumatic event, and yes I can even understand why it was so traumatic.  However, you need to put the past behind you and move forward; you are not the first female this sort of thing has happened to, nor will you be the last.  Why do you think the teacher who assisted you knew exactly what to do to help?

The best thing that you can do to help this whole situation blow over is to do nothing at all.  The more you concentrate on it, the more others will, too.  You may feel like everyone is watching you, but I can assure you that they are not.  Middle-school aged girls are aware that this type of emergency can strike them, too, and know to be sympathetic and not make fun; middle-school aged boys have their own puberty-related catastrophes that they dread and should know better than to tease.  Only the most immature among them will say anything; may karma strike them double!

Extra Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.