Postponement Of Dreams Not The Same As A Loss (But It Can Feel Like One!)

Dear Tazi:

I will be graduating high school in a few months, but am no longer looking forward to it. Even though I was accepted by my first-choice school, I did not receive any offers of scholarship money to help me pay for it. My parents are middle class, but are not about to start taking out loans to pay for my tuition and do not want me to do that either.

I would rather skip college and work full-time to save money until I can afford to go to my first-choice school, but then I would feel like a complete tool watching all of my friends go off to school while I am stuck here working full-time. My parents would prefer that I get my degree at the state college (my safety school) and apply again to my dream school for my graduate degree. I want to leave this state, not set down roots here, which is what I am afraid would happen if I went to the state university.

Tazi, these last few months of high school should be some of the happiest, most care-free of my life (if I am to believe my teachers), so I would like to figure out my direction now so I can enjoy all of the cool stuff planned for my senior class - especially my senior prom. Should I just give up on my dream of leaving this state and go to the state university? Work for a year or two to save money to go to my dream school? Throw caution to the wind and take out a mortgage sized loan to pay for it all?

Signed,
Disappointed Senior

Dear Disappointed Senior:

How about none of the above? While you have my sympathies for the devastation you must be feeling, this is not the end of the world. As my Mommie's mentor likes to say, when you receive bad news you should "cry about it for 10 minutes and move on with your life". He says this with a smile, so you can see that he is trying to tell you not to wallow in hurt while other opportunities pass you by.

Did I mention that my Mommie's mentor is a Chemist? 

Signing up for a few hundred thousand dollars in loans at the age of 18 is never a good idea. I realize that will be the only way you would be able to go to your dream college right now, but is it really worth the cost? If your dream school really, really wanted you they would find a way to make sure it happened. Don't be the desperate young woman trying to get a man's attention by doing anything it takes; like her, you are only selling yourself short. Let them chase after you by improving what you have to offer academically.

The way to improve your chances of making your dream school financially feasible will not be to go to work full-time for a few years. Once you have started working full-time it is very difficult to give up that paycheck - and the wonderful things it can buy - to return to school and pay for something that you will not be able to use for three or four years, while all the while you must concentrate on studying and sacrifice to attain it. My Mommie wanted to return to school for 10 years before a twist of fate pushed her into doing it. Can you see yourself waiting 10 years to return to school, by which time you may be married with children? The more complicated your life gets, the tougher getting an education becomes.

Now that my lecture is over, I will advise a compromise between you and your parents and your dream school:

First, ask your dream school if they will postpone your acceptance for two years while you attend your state college to complete your general education credits, and then accept you as a transfer student. Colleges - especially those big, brand name ones - love accepting transfer students because they help boost the school's retention rate. By junior year, the year most students transfer, the original freshman class has lost a large percentage of its members; transfer students help to fill this gap and make it appear that the school is retaining more students. Furthermore, transfer students have proven that they are capable of doing college level work, something colleges discover only after students start at their school; sometimes, they are disappointed to discover that the brilliant high school student is an abysmal college student.

Second, talk to your parents about paying tuition at your state university. Will they be willing to assist with the bill so you can work less and concentrate on your studies more? Studies have shown that students who work more than 20 hours a week show less engagement in campus activities, which can adversely effect their grades. (Students who worked 10 - 19 hours a week excelled, presumably due to a stronger sense of responsibility). Between a part-time job and some financial help from Mom and Dad you should be able to make the Dean's List every semester which will lead to scholarship monies, along with invitations to join academic honor societies (which can lead to even more scholarships).

Third, lose the impression that "all" of your friends will be leaving the state to go to college. While some of them may be attending out of state schools, a lot of them will be at the state university with you, as will other students from high schools around your state who will become new - and probably lifelong - friends. Remember that the nest the bird flies away from sits in a tree that is well-rooted. Wherever you fly to in life, your roots will remain, so try not to pour weed-killer on them.

I will leave the last word on the matter to the great poet, Langston Hughes:

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

You Are Never Too Old To Give Up On A Life's Ambition

Dear Tazi:

I am 77 years old, but I like to think of myself as a young 77. My husband of 60 years recently passed away after a long illness, and I find my days quite empty without him. My children and grandchildren are all grown, so I have no responsibilities to others to tie me down during the day, which is why I am thinking of doing something I have always dreamed of doing since I was a little girl: taking ballet lessons.

I grew up poor and married young, and the children soon followed – six of them, in all, and five that lived to adulthood. I saw every one of them through college, and helped to raise my grandchildren, as well, all of who are now professionals. I would like to chase my dream now that I have the time, but I am wondering if the time for that has passed. Am I being a foolish old woman or do you think I have the right to follow my dream?

Signed,

Nana Suzie

Dear Nana Suzie:

So long as you are in good enough physical shape to learn the movements of ballet, I cannot think of a single reason why you should not don some slippers and a tutu and pas de chat until your heart is contented! I suggest that you check with your local YMCA or community/senior center to look into beginner classes for adults. You may even be able to find classes designed specifically for senior citizens.

If you cannot find any available classes, ask if the studio would be willing to start offering classes for adult/senior beginners. It has been said that for every one person who asks a question there are ten others who are interested in the answer; that would make for eleven people who would be interested in a senior’s ballet class!

Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams, Nana Suzie! You have more than earned the right to do it!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Sometimes, Dreams Need To Adjust To The Reality That Surrounds Them

Dear Tazi:

I am twelve and I want to grow up to be an Air Force pilot. The problem is I have terrible eyesight and you need to have 20/20 uncorrected vision to fly a plane. My Dad is in the Air Force and I asked him if they would make an exception for me but he told me there are no exceptions in the U.s. Air force, only exceptional people. He told me that there are lots of things to do in the Air force besides fly planes, but I want to fly a plane.

My best friend’s Mom just had some kind of surgery where they shoot lasers at her eyes to make her eyesight perfect. I asked my parents if I could have lasers shot at my eyes to make my eyesight perfect so I could fly in the Air Force but my parents said no, that my eyesight will continue to change as I continue to grow and that even if I had the surgery my eyesight would not stay perfect for long. I said I could just have the surgery again but they still said no.

Being an Air Force pilot is all I have ever dreamed of doing. Am I going to have to decide to do something else when I grow up because of my stupid eyes?

Signed,

Stupid Eyes

Dear Stupid Eyes:

Your eyes may not be perfect but that does not mean that they are stupid! They allow you to see, right? Never take your senses for granted; there are those who have been blinded due to diabetes or other health problems that would love to have your less-than-perfect eyesight.

At twelve years old, you have a long life ahead of you and even though you have wanted to be an air Force pilot for as long as you can remember, your memory is not yet that long. It is okay to mourn a dream lost, but you still need to accept that some dreams are not meant to come true; your dream of being an Air Force pilot appears to be one of them. This does not mean that you cannot join the Air Force – like your father said there are lots of things to do in the Air Force other than fly a plane, and he should know, right?

The surgery your friend’s Mom had is called laser eye surgery, and your description of how it is done is darn near accurate! However, it is also for people whose eyesight is so bad it cannot be easily corrected any other way. If your eyesight ever gets this bad, you can consider laser eye surgery, but even then I am not certain the Air Force will accept you into flight school. According to the U.S. Military’s About.com page anyone who has had laser eye surgery before enlisting in the Air Force will not qualify for flight school unless a special waiver is granted. Active pilots who require the surgery are allowed to continue flying. However, who knows what the case will be six years from now, when you are old enough to enlist? If you are passionate about joining the Air Force, I am not going to suggest you plan to do otherwise, but will suggest that you consider all of the career options the Air Force can offer you.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Turning 40? Life Is Just Beginning!

Dear Tazi:

My 40th birthday is fast approaching, and I feel like I have accomplished nothing in life. I am a stay-at-home-Mom to four children who consume most of my free time. I have a few hobbies that I participate in with the other SAH-Moms in my circle, but I feel like I am not making much of a difference in the world. In my twenties, I graduated college and planned to change the world, first by marching on Washington, then by being elected to Congress! Well, marriage and children changed all that and the only thing I have been changing for the last ten years is diapers.

I feel like I am of no use - washed up before my time, with nothing to contribute and no major accomplishments on which to brag or be remembered. My husband has a fulfilling career and is well-respected in our community; he will probably run for City Council in the next election, following my dream of making change...and leaving me, once again, on the sidelines to watch.

I know I should be grateful for my husband and children and the good life I have, but I feel like all these years have been wasted time; like I have not left my mark on the world. Twenty years ago I imagined I would have run for office, run a marathon, or run my own business. Now, I feel like I can hardly run my own life. My friends all seem so happy being SAH-Moms and I feel like there is something wrong with me for wanting more. They say life beings at 40, and that 40 is the new 30. Is it? Right now, I sure hope-so, because I feel like I will have the do-over I desperately need.

Signed,
Almost 40, and Not McLovin' It

Dear Almost 40 and Not McLovin' It:

I am printing your letter on Wednesday, May 15th for a very special reason - because it is my Mommie's 40th birthday! Normally, she would be moping about growing older and wondering how life has passed her by, as she does on every birthday, but not this year! Last year, a serious health scare helped her put it all into perspective!

You say that being a SAH-Mom leaves you with no way to have an affect on the world around you. Are you kidding me? You are helping to mold the next generation! Your children will live what they learn - what you teach them! What bigger influence is there than to be a Mom and to raise another human being? Your influence will help your child be a strong, independent thinker or a meek, go-along to get-along type of person. You can teach your sons to respect women or to treat them like possessions; you can teach your daughters to respect themselves or to accept lesser treatment as a way of life.

Everyone has to make choices in life; it is almost impossible to "Lean In" unless you have the financial back-up and managerial clout required to make it all happen at once. That does not mean that you can't start small, though. Everyone has to start somewhere...if you start at the bottom you can only move upward!

You have a college degree, and that is a start to making your dreams come true. Are there volunteer positions where you can put it to use? You seem to like politics; what is keeping you from getting involved? If you do not feel ready to run for office, why not help to run a campaign? There is no reason for you to be left on the sidelines watching.

World renown author "Jen" of PeopleIWantToPunchInTheThroat.com published her first book at the age of 40, and now at 41 has a second book published and a contract for two more books! I suggest you hop on over to her website to read her inspiring story, and hysterical blogs about being a Mom to two young children! Life does not begin at 40, or any other set age for that matter. Life begins when we take the steps towards achieving our dreams, and stop listening to the naysayers who hold us back - even if the naysayer is the voice in our own head.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. to my Mommie: Happy 40th birthday to my favorite crazy cat lady! --T.K.

I can haz a few friends over for party?

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.