Embarassing Problem Leads To Office Theft...And Painful Consequences

Dear Tazi:

I have a very embarrassing problem, made worse by the way I have handled it. I have hemorrhoids, which leave me in agonizing pain and unable to sit still. I am too embarrassed to buy Preperation H at the store, and since they keep it behind the pharmacy counter I cannot secretly take it and leave the money on the service counter.

Last week, I was rummaging through a vacationing co-worker's desk for some white-out when I came across a huge stash of personal needs - feminine hygiene products, toothpaste, floss...and a brand new tube of Preparation H, still in the unopened box. Although I am ashamed to say I took it (and left the money for it), I have to say I am feeling great relief in other areas. My problem is, my coworker returned from vacation to find her product gone as well as the money that I left for her! She reported the "theft" to Human Resources, who sent out a memo about respect for others' personal belongings.

Tazi-Kat, although I am not proud of my part in this whole debacle, I am outraged that someone would take the money I had left! Should I approach my co-worker and explain what I did? Or just let the whole issue pass? What should I do when I need a new tube of cream? I just can't go back to living without it!

Signed,
H.

Dear H.:

I have to say, I am intrigued by your sense of morality. To steal is morally wrong, and I admire your desire to pay for your purchases; but your co-worker's desk is not your personal pharmacy. Since you appear to be positively humiliated over the concept of purchasing hemorrhoid treatment, I would suggest a compromise:

Write a letter of apology to your co-worker for taking her hemorrhoid cream, explaining that you were looking for white-out when you saw your tushy's salvation in a tube and could not resist "borrowing" it before realizing that once you used it the owner would probably not have wanted it back [Ed. Note: The nozzle of the tube is inserted rectally]. Mention that you left money for the product, so she knows your intentions were honorable, but pay for the tube a second time (consider it a penance for your actions) by enclosing money with the letter in a sealed envelope that is clearly addressed to your co-worker.

In the future, you might want to consider home delivery of pharmaceutical products through Internet sites like Drugstore.com or CVS. It will reconcile your embarrassment over being seen purchasing the product with your need to buy it.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Foot Odor, Nosy Co-Worker Make For Uncomfortable Office Environment

Dear Tazi:

I have a terribly embarrassing problem. I have horrible foot odor. Even though I wash my feet daily; wear thick, absorbent socks; and use powder to absorb any swear my feel still smell rank. It think it is very noticeable to others, even when I am wearing shoes, although no one has ever said anything about it - until now.

I recently started a new job, and the woman in the cubicle next to me must have a very sensitive sense of smell because she keeps telling me she smells "a dirty foot kind of smell" and that she cannot figure out from where it is coming. She has asked me if I can smell it, too, or if she is going crazy. Our co-workers say to ignore her, that she is always smelling something; but I can't help but wonder if she is smelling my feet. Should I say something? Apologize? Pretend not to notice? I just don't know what to do, Tazi!

Signed,
Smelly Paws

Dear Smelly Paws:

Have you talked to your doctor about this problem? Generally, foot and other body odors are harmless, caused by a combination of excessive sweating and the bacteria that feed on human sweat. If you have tried all of the over-the-counter methods to combat foot odor - such as Gold Bond medicated powder or Odor Eaters products for your shoes - and you are still not getting relief, perhaps it is time to try a prescription-strength deodorant and antiperspirant. I hear that Drysol - or any other brand of aluminum chloride hexahydrate (AlCl3*6H2O) based product - has a wonderful success rate for humans with your exact same problem.

In the meantime, if you are not comfortable revealing to your co-worker that you are the source of the foot odor, do not feel obligated to do so. The next time your co-worker complains, suggest that she try using a small, desktop air freshener to combat the offensive "phantom odor" that only she can smell. Soon enough your problem should be solved - and so, in turn, will hers - until she finds another smell to bring to the attention of everyone in the office.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Attractive Co-Worker Is Attracting Attention - And Rebuffing It

Dear Tazi-Kat:

There is a woman in my office who is a total b!tch. She comes to work wearing short skirts and tight blouses and then complains when guys hit on her and ask her out (I've enclosed some pictures of her so you can see what she looks like).

The guys at the office are all starting to think that she is only trying to nail the boss in order to improve her standing in the company. Should we let her know that the boss is gay? Or just continue to be frustrated with her "look but don't touch" policy?

Signed,
Castrated Casanova

Dear Castrated Casanova:

Are you really castrated? Did your Mommie take you to the clinic and have your testicles removed, too? I don't really miss mine, since I was still a sexually immature kitten when I had it done. You seem sexually immature, too, but it sounds like you miss yours. Do you have Neuticles? My Mommie read me an article on them once, and I am dying to know what they are like!

Okay, seriously: I realize that you are using the word "castrated" as a metaphor, but you really do sound immature. Calling a young woman a b!tch because she turns you down for a date? Sheesh! The pictures you sent (which I legally cannot republish; because they appear to have been taken with a mobile phone camera, without her consent) show an attractive young woman wearing clothing that is somewhat inappropriate for the office - it appears to be Victoria's Secret catalog office wear - but it does not appear to fall within the realm of Human Resources sending her home. Speaking of HR, if her style of dress is inappropriate for your office, it is an issue for them to address, not you. If you find her style of dress distracting to the point you cannot do your job, then that is an issue you should bring directly to HR; not your co-worker. As an aside, I would like to mention that many companies have policies against co-workers dating; and even if they do not, many people have a personal policy against dating co-workers.

As for outing your boss because you think this woman is trying to sleep with him: I would seriously advise against this action. For one, your boss' sexuality is his own business. If he wishes to discuss it with this female employee it is his business to do so, not yours. If you find looking at this woman frustrates you, then discipline yourself to stop looking!

Perfunctuary Snuggles,
Tazi

Repost: Co-Worker Needs To Stop Being So "Picky"

[Ed. Note: Tazi-Kat is taking a holiday vacation this week. Please enjoy a letter that you may have missed the first time around!]

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem that I have never seen addressed elsewhere, probably because it is pretty gross and very embarrassing. I work in an office that has cubicles, rather than separate offices, and in one of those cubicles is a coworker with some very disgusting habits. I will call him "Elmer" because he is bald like Elmer Fudd.

Elmer snorts like a pig because of a post-nasal drip, and then hacks it up a few minutes after every snort. The sound effects are horrible, and I try to tune them out with music, which works some of the time; and I can deal with the sound if only because it is the lesser of two evils, the second evil being the visuals. Elmer also picks his nose, and eats whatever he happens to find in there. If someone catches him indulging in this disgusting practice, he will make a joke about it being "snack time"
and offer "a bite to eat" to whomever had the misfortune of catching him off guard. He wipes his nose with his shirt-sleeves, and my male co-workers have informed me that he never washes his hands after using the bathroom.

My biggest problem with Elmer's behavior is that I sit in the cubicle next to him, so I am exposed to this spectacle more often than most. I love my job, and when I first started working here I was excited with my cubicle placement, because Elmer happens to be the owner's son. I figured such a placement would help me to quickly move up within the company. After six months, I realized that all "newbies" get placed next to Elmer and, with seniority, they get better placement. I have been seated next to Elmer for over a year now and, being in the middle of a recession, there has been a hiring freeze so there is absolutely no chance of gaining seniority and moving to a new cubicle, far from the atrocity that is Elmer.

What should I do, Tazi-Kat? As I mentioned, Elmer is the owner's son; so I am hesitant to go to HR over this, and it is obvious that Elmer is not about to change his ways.

Signed,
Getting an Earful While Seeing a Noseful

Dear Getting...:

You are right, your issue is pretty gross; and it appears that Elmer lacks the decency to be embarrassed, so there appears to be little that you can do other than approach Human Resources about this issue.

Before going to your company's HR office, you should build a case about Elmer that does not center on the yuck factor, but on the issue of general office health. Elmer's habits are spreading germs around the office, and you have a right not to be so heartily exposed to them.

With cold and flu season arriving, now is the perfect time to approach HR about instituting a campaign for the use of tissues and hand sanitizer, along with regular hand-washing. Many offices have a policy that all employees utilize these items to reduce the spread of cold and flu or face sanctions. If the policy is instilled throughout the office, Elmer cannot argue that he is being singled-out for punishment and his father cannot single-out you or the HR Manager for retaliation.

The use of tissues and hand-sanitizer may not put a complete stop to Elmer's unhygienic behaviors, but it should be enough to curb them or at least minimize the spread of his germs. Should Elmer continue to make unsolicited comments after being caught in the act, calmly inform him that his comments are unappreciated and that you would prefer he kept them to himself. By reacting in cool and collected manner, the childish thrill Elmer gets from grossing you out should vanish, and his rude comments along with it.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Repost: Embarassing Problem Leads To Office Theft...And Painful Consequences

[Ed. Note: Tazi-Kat is taking a holiday vacation this week. Please enjoy a letter that you may have missed the first time around!]

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I have a very embarrassing problem, made worse by the way I have handled it. I have hemorrhoids, which leave me in agonizing pain and unable to sit still. I am too embarrassed to buy Preperation H at the store, and since they keep it behind the pharmacy counter I cannot secretly take it and leave the money on the service counter.

Last week, I was rummaging through a vacationing co-worker's desk for some white-out when I came across a huge stash of personal needs - feminine hygiene products, toothpaste, floss...and a brand new tube of Preparation H, still in the unopened box. Although I am ashamed to say I took it (and left the money for it), I have to say I am feeling great relief in other areas. My problem is, my coworker returned from vacation to find her product gone as well as the money that I left for her! She reported the "theft" to Human Resources, who sent out a memo about respect for others' personal belongings.

Tazi-Kat, although I am not proud of my part in this whole debacle, I am outraged that someone would take the money I had left! Should I approach my co-worker and explain what I did? Or just let the whole issue pass. What should I do when I need a new tube of cream? I just can't go back to living without it!

Signed,
H.

Dear H.:

I have to say, I am intrigued by your sense of morality. To steal is morally wrong, and I admire your desire to pay for your purchases; but your co-worker's desk is not your personal pharmacy. Since you appear to be positively humiliated over the concept of purchasing hemorrhoid treatment, I would suggest a compromise:

Write a letter of apology to your co-worker for taking her hemorrhoid cream, explaining that you were looking for white-out when you saw your tushy's salvation in a tube and could not resist "borrowing" it before realizing that once you used it the owner would probably not have wanted it back.

You stuck it WHERE? Um, no I don't want it back, thanks...

Mention that you left money for the product, so she knows your intentions were honorable, but pay for the tube a second time (consider it a penance for your actions) by enclosing money with the letter in a sealed envelope that is clearly addressed to your co-worker. You can do this anonymously, if you would like; I will not split hairs.

In the future, you might want to consider home delivery of pharmaceutical products through Internet sites like Drugstore.com or CVS. It will reconcile your embarrassment over being seen purchasing the product with your need to buy it.

Snuggles,
Tazi-Kat


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Same Sex Crush Has Office Worker Uneasy

Dear Tazi:

I work with a very sweet woman I will call "Lisa". I enjoy Lisa's company at the office, and often refer co-workers to her when their projects fall under her domain, just to make sure that they are not making her job harder by re-contacting her contacts and undoing her work (we work in Sales and Marketing). Because I pass by Lisa's cubicle on the way to my own, I will wave hello or stop for a minute to say hi. I am afraid that this has given Lisa the wrong impression of me.

Lisa is a lesbian and I am straight. Although she does not talk about her love life, others at the office are much closer to her than I am, and they have confirmed to me what I have suspected: that Lisa has a crush on me. At first I thought this was not possible - I didn't think gay people were ever attracted to straight people - but after thinking about it I realized that just because someone is not attracted to you does not mean you cannot be attracted to them. Isn't this the theme of every Taylor Swift song?

I do not wish to distance myself from Lisa, but every time I walk past her she looks at me with this dreamy look on her face; if I stop to say hi she practically begs me to stay and converse with her a little longer, so making my exit is quite awkward. I have considered talking to the HR Department, but I don't know what to say without embarrassing either of us, and I am not really certain how I might word a complaint. Lisa knows that I am straight - she has even commented on the picture that I have of me and my boyfriend that sits on my desk. How should I deal with this situation? Ignore it and hope it runs its course? Talk to HR? Talk to Lisa directly? What?

Signed,
Crushed On

Dear Crushed On:

I am glad that you figured out that just because someone is homosexual does not mean that they cannot feel an attraction to someone who is heterosexual! The class nerd may have a crush on the Homecoming Queen, even though he recognizes that his chances are about as close to zero as in your situation, but that does not change how he feels. Lisa is a human being, regardless of her sexual preferences, so please treat her heart with care.

I suggest that while you are at the office you remain 100% professional; this means no slipping into casual terms of endearment that can be mistaken for more than they are. Off the cuff comments like "thanks, hon!"or "got a second, sweetie?" can easily be misconstrued by one who has a crush on the person saying them. When Lisa stops you to speak to her, be polite but firm and tell her that you only have a minute, that you need to get back to your desk. If, on the other hand, her reason for stopping you is business-related, give her the same time you would give to any other co-worker. Lisa should get the picture that you know how she feels and are not interested in her that way; you should not need to spell it out for her.

If the situation does not improve and you are still feeling discomfort when dealing with Lisa, I suggest you ask HR for a desk reassignment. Explain that your current desk requires you to pass by an employee that has an unrequited crush on you, and the attention you are receiving is making you uncomfortable. There is no need to name names - if it is a small office, HR probably already knows about it.

Overall, you must remember to act like the adult you are, and handle the situation with courtesy and aplomb. As awkward as it may seem, take Lisa's affections as a compliment to the woman you are, and remind your boyfriend how lucky he is to have a woman as wonderful as you!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Co-Worker Needs To Stop Being So "Picky"

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I have a problem that I have never seen addressed elsewhere, probably because it is pretty gross and very embarrassing. I work in an office that has cubicles, rather than separate offices, and in one of those cubicles is a coworker with some very disgusting habits. I will call him "Elmer" because he is bald like Elmer Fudd.

Elmer snorts like a pig because of a post-nasal drip, and then hacks it up a few minutes after every snort. The sound effects are horrible, and I try to tune them out with music, which works some of the time; and I can deal with the sound if only because it is the lesser of two evils, the second evil being the visuals. Elmer also picks his nose, and eats whatever he happens to find in there. If someone catches him indulging in this disgusting practice, he will make a joke about it being "snack time"
and offer "a bite to eat" to whomever had the misfortune of catching him off guard. He wipes his nose with his shirt-sleeves, and my male co-workers have informed me that he never washes his hands after using the bathroom.

My biggest problem with Elmer's behavior is that I sit in the cubicle next to him, so I am exposed to this spectacle more often than most. I love my job, and when I first started working here I was excited with my cubicle placement, because Elmer happens to be the owner's son. I figured such a placement would help me to quickly move up within the company. After six months, I realized that all "newbies" get placed next to Elmer and, with seniority, they get better placement. I have been seated next to Elmer for over a year now and, being in the middle of a recession, there has been a hiring freeze so there is absolutely no chance of gaining seniority and moving to a new cubicle, far from the atrocity that is Elmer.

What should I do, Tazi-Kat? As I mentioned, Elmer is the owner's son; so I am hesitant to go to HR over this, and it is obvious that Elmer is not about to change his ways.

Signed,
Getting an Earful While Seeing a Noseful

Dear Getting...:

You are right, your issue is pretty gross; and it appears that Elmer lacks the decency to be embarrassed, so there appears to be little that you can do other than approach Human Resources about this issue.

Before going to your company's HR office, you should build a case about Elmer that does not center on the yuck factor, but on the issue of general office health. Elmer's habits are spreading germs around the office, and you have a right not to be so heartily exposed to them.

With cold and flu season arriving, now is the perfect time to approach HR about instituting a campaign for the use of tissues and hand sanitizer, along with regular hand-washing. Many offices have a policy that all employees utilize these items to reduce the spread of cold and flu or face sanctions. If the policy is instilled throughout the office, Elmer cannot argue that he is being singled-out for punishment and his father cannot single-out you or the HR Manager for retaliation.

The use of tissues and hand-sanitizer may not put a complete stop to Elmer's unhygienic behaviors, but it should be enough to curb them or at least minimize the spread of his germs. Should Elmer continue to make unsolicited comments after being caught in the act, calmly inform him that his comments are unappreciated and that you would prefer he kept them to himself. By reacting in cool and collected manner, the childish thrill Elmer gets from grossing you out should vanish, and his rude comments along with it.