Repost: Tazi's Corner #39 - Social Media Does Not Excuse Bad Manners Or Other Indiscresions

Dear  Readers,

This week, while perusing the social media sites, I have seen everything from a video of a man in his early twenties singing about how much he loves to smoke pot to a comment from a woman of similar age making threats against those who would “aggravate” her. A little deeper digging showed that each of these people seeks to work in positions of the public trust – police work and as a medical provider. Do you think either of them would stand a chance of getting a job in either field if this information showed up on a pre-employment media search? Do you think either of these people would be proud to hear that their mothers-in-law viewed this information? I can just see it now!

“My, Sparky, I am so proud of you! That chant about how much you love to smoke pot was truly inspiring! Now, about that inheritance I was planning on leaving you…”

“Griselda, with that temper you would make a wonderful match for my son! A mentally and emotionally abusive wife is exactly what he needs!”

Social Media does not make you special. Announcing through your Facebook or Twitter feed that you are in a bad mood so people should just lay-off or look out does not give you the right to address someone with a stream of expletives and then expect them to let it go without apology because, after all, you did warn them on Facebook! Singing about how much you love to smoke pot will not make you immune to drug laws; rather, it will probably expedite your prosecution for possession of a controlled substance! Being a member of any interactive society – in person or online – requires that certain protocols be observed. Among dogs and cats, a certain amount of ass-sniffing is required; among humans the expectations of basic courtesy and abidance of the law are the norm. While, judging by the populations of inmates vs. free citizens, most laws are still being followed, but the rule of common courtesy for all has fallen by the wayside.

Although I have not done any research into the actual topic, I am certain that most humans do not want their butts sniffed. So why would they act like a dog in other ways, barking to show people how tough they really aren’t? It is not the barking dog that you must fear, but the silent, snarling dog that bares its teeth. In a human sense, announcing that you are in a bad mood and telling people off with expletives does nothing but show the world that you are at best a tiny little person, incapable of socializing with others; at worst, mentally unstable. In the animal world, you would be judged a menace to society and “put to sleep”. What would happen in the human world? What would happen, indeed…?

More and more social media is becoming the yardstick by which a person is measured. Your LinkedIn profile is not the only online presence that potential employers can see; they find ways to access a person’s Facebook page, Twitter feed, and Instagram pages. You may sign a contract insisting that you will obey your employer’s drug-free office policy, but that picture of you smoking a joint speaks louder than your pledge to eschew illegal substances; if you call in sick to work on Monday, make sure that nobody has posted pictures of you partying like a rock star all weekend. Although we do not have much control over what other people post, we do have control over what we post – including the language we choose to use when posting.

Adulthood 101 teaches that this is a bad idea!

Potential employers are not the only ones watching what it posted to social media feeds. Friends, family, future business contacts, loved ones, and people we don’t even realize are watching can see what is posted to our social media sites. Is your site representing you as you would like to be seen? Did you inadvertently tell off your husband's favorite cousin with your blanket "Leave me the $%# alone" status update? Or worse, the sister-in-law you fought with last week?

The errors of youth are commonplace and practically universal, but there was a time before social media when these errors could be buried in the past. Now, with the ever-advancing means of social media, these follies are also being committed by people who are old enough to know better - and are being permanently preserved. Is this what you would like to leave for posterity? Think before you post...and remember your manners. Just because you are posting on a social media site is no excuse for acting like a putz.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

LinkedIn Is Not "Facebook Plus", Should Not Be Used For Romantic Connections

Dear Tazi:

I am a sophomore in college and am sick and tired of dating immature little boys who think they are men just because their birth certificate says they are. I have asked my older sister if she could set me up with someone more mature, but she tells me that I am too young, and besides she would not feel comfortable setting me up with one of her friends or colleagues (there is a 10 year age difference between us).

I recently received a "connect" request from a friend to join LinkedIn. She is a year older than me and very smart. She will be graduating college a year early because she took early enrollment courses while still in high school and has gone to school summers, which has put her a year ahead in her program. Anyway, she put together a LinkedIn profile because she is looking for work and wanted to have a professional online profile where she can network with people who will make her look good. She asked me to create a page because I am a Dean's List student and she wants to show people that she hangs out with responsible and mature people.

While I was on LinkedIn I noticed a lot of really good looking men who are not much older than me (mid-twenties) and have fantastic jobs! They don't say how much they are earning, but it looks like big bucks from their job descriptions and the pictures of them in suits and ties! In addition to connecting with people I know I have scoped out a few people who work in the field I hope to go into after I graduate - you know, to network with them and to hopefully score a sweet internship or even a paid part-time job. And yes, I have asked several of the cute guys I found to connect with me because I am hoping to meet someone special. Someone mature, who has his life in order and is looking for a good woman for more than a good time.

I am not overly obvious about my intentions, always choosing men who attended the same college as me (so it looks like I am trying to connect with the alumni) or who know someone I know. My problem is that I requested one of my sister's co-workers. He recognized the last name and since my sister and I look a lot alike he figured out the connection and assumed I was looking to connect because I have an interest in their professional field (she is a lawyer, and I am a Political Science major, so duh...I can see why he would think that way. He even commented about it to my sister, and asked if I would be applying for an internship with their firm. While I thought he was expressing interest in me it turns out he is gay and is really just interested in helping me out because he respects my sister's work.

My sister on the other hand figured out what I was doing in about three seconds flat and freaked on me! She is demanding that I pull my LinkedIn profile and stop using it to try and get a date. I don't think I am doing anything wrong, and besides I have a perfectly legit reason for being on LinkedIn - to help my friend boost her image and yes to make business contacts of my own for when I graduate in two years. My sister has threatened to tell our Mom and while I don't know what she would do I know what she could do and that would make my life pretty miserable.

I don't think what I am doing is all that wrong! I haven't hit on anyone (outright) yet and have had no complaints about the comments I have left for people and the emails asking to meet for coffee. What do you think? Am I wrong for lookin gout for my own future?

Signed,
Future Professional

Dear Future Professional:

Linkedin is not "Facebook Plus", where people are willing to reveal even more personal information about themselves than they would ever dream of revealing on social media. This is why LinkedIn has very strict privacy settings and why many people use them. In many cases, if you do not know someone's email address you cannot even send them a request to connect! This should tell you something: that LinkedIn is not a dating/hookup site! If you are interested in that there are plenty of online personal site for you to peruse.

He's looking to make a professional connection, not a love connection!

For the sake of your (future) professional credibility I suggest you stop pursuing a romance through your professional profile and instead work towards making industry connections, as your friend is doing. Start with making a basic profile and posting classes taken and samples of the work completed in those classes. Note any awards and honors you have received (Dean's List is a big one, so don't sell yourself short!). Keep your profile picture tasteful; use a professional looking head-shot if you have one, not a picture of you in a string bikini. mention your career goals, and try to connect with people who would be willing to help you achieve them (like your sister's coworker). If any of your professors are on LinkedIn, politely request to connect with them so you can keep in touch with them once your class is through; an academic recommendation can go a long way when you lack professional work experience. Finally, remember that on a site like LinkedIn - or any social media - you are not only representing yourself but the people who choose to connect with you. Don't disappoint them by acting like a lovesick child.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. While I can understand your frustration with "immature little boys who think they are men" you need to cut them some slack; they are enjoying their youth. Today's immature college boys are tomorrow's business professionals. Continue to demand respect from them and you will be surprised at how quickly they can man up around you!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Think Of Social Media As A Giant Community Billboard And Post Accordingly

Dear Tazi:

My mother-in-law “Monica” has discovered social media. Now, nothing is sacred. Everything my husband and I do or say goes up on Facebook and Twitter (that's right - not "or", "and"!). Everything my brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law do ends up there, too. The grandchildren (almost all of them teenagers) have blocked her from their accounts and have all but stopped talking to her about anything because she posts about them on her social media, too.

Monica says it is her “right as a mother and a grandmother” to brag about her children and grandchildren, but we are arguing for our right to privacy! It’s one thing to post about an award at school or a great catch made at a Little League game, but Monica posts about so much more – my fourteen year old son’s bout with diarrhea; my niece’s tearful break-up with her first boyfriend (including the details of how she saw him kissing another girl); and worst of all, the results of my brother-in-law’s colonoscopy! She has NO FILTERS!

We have tried to talk with Monica as a family, but she refuses to edit the information she posts, so we have told her she would simply be cut off from the information supply chain; that we will tell her nothing we would not want posted on the billboard in the center of town. This helped until Monica realized she could glean information from the grandchildren’s social media pages, which caused them all to block her (when simply unfriending her did not work). Monica demanded we  tell our son to allow her access, but we are on his side on this one.

Monica has now taken to bad-mouthing me and the other spouses (but not her children) on her social media pages. I am trying to tune it out, but it is hard because this family feud is now the topic of town gossip. I just want my life back! Is there any way we can turn back the clock on all of this over-sharing on social media?

Signed,

Becoming Facebook-Phobic

Dear Becoming Facebook-Phobic:

The backlash you are experiencing against social media is not uncommon, and it is a topic I find myself covering frequently. As more and more people start using sites like Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit a lot of over-sharing is occurring and personal privacy is becoming a thing of the past. Since your mother-in-law refused to respect the privacy of other family members – after repeated warnings – you were within your rights to block her from the information source. It is sad that she felt the need to retaliate by airing the dirty laundry, but to most people this is a reflection on her, not you. Try to remember that and the next time the gossips pump you for information reply that you would prefer to keep the matter private, regardless of how Monica chooses to handle it. The problem with receiving gossip from a single source is that it gets repetitive and boring very quickly, and soon dries up like my garden in the August sun.

My larger concern here is the family dynamic with Monica. By cutting off all information from her you are essentially cutting her out of your lives. While this is an understandable reaction, it is not a healthy one. Social media sites allow you to adjust your settings so certain people cannot see everything you post. Yes, it can be a pain to have to adjust your settings for every status posted, so I suggest you and your family members resolve this matter by throwing Grandma a bone every now and then by posting directly to her wall. You can make your status updates invisible to her without unfriending her; this way you can control the information that she receives without worrying about what she will find on your page and maintain peace within the family all at the same time. I also think that Monica needs a new pastime; perhaps those close to her can suggest one.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.