Private Property Owner Steaming Over Bus Stop Behavior

Dear Tazi:

Due to a problem with bullying (I do not know all the details) a local school bus stop was divided into two, with my front curb being the location of the new bus stop.  I have no problem completing my civic duty and making allowances for a school bus to pick up and drop off children in front of my house - I have even repaved my portion of the sidewalk, filling in cracks just to keep the children safe - but I do have a problem with unruly children running across my lawn and through my driveway on the way to and from the bus stop.

I have a large front lawn with only a few trees, which apparently children find irresistible for use as a makeshift football field.  I have asked the children - on several occasions - not to play on my lawn, that I am afraid that they will get hurt.  Tazi, I do not wish to be held legally responsible for any injuries.  Technically, these children are trespassing, but how do you explain that to an eight year old?  You don't.

This past fall, as one child was "going long" he slipped and fell on some wet leaves in my yard.  Thank goodness he landed on the lawn, but his head landed only inches from my driveway!  After coming to the child's aid and making sure he was okay, I lectured him about playing football on my lawn and told him that I would be calling the school about this behavior.  The child laughed at me and suggested I do just that.  It was then that I realized that I did not know the child's name, and that the school bus would be arriving after I had to leave for work.  This is another concern of mine - children left unattended in my yard when I am not home.

If I could, I would put up a small white picket fence with a gate at the edge of my property line, but local zoning laws prohibit fencing so close to the curb; a fence set eight feet back would look ridiculous, and would still allow a good portion of room for these children to play on my lawn, thus defeating the purpose of the fence and quite possibly adding a new hazard.

I do not know who these children are, so I cannot contact their parents about this issue.  I sincerely doubt that my city council will be able to do anything about it, and I am hesitant to call the police - in the end, these are just children looking to have some fun while waiting for their bus; I just do not want them to do it in a place where I am legally liable for any injuries!  Do you have any suggestions on how to solve this issue, Tazi?

Signed,
Not A Parent (Obviously)

Dear Not A Parent (Obviously):

Your concerns are valid ones.  My front yard has a school bus stop across the street from it; thankfully, the children are chaperoned by parents who see that they are well-behaved and respect the boundaries set forth by the neighboring property owners.  I can only imagine the nightmare that would occur if these parents were not so conscientious! PAWS UP to parents who do this!  ("")  ("")

Since you do not know the identity of the children in your yard - or the identity of their parents - I suggest that you contact your local school board.  It should be they who control the placement of school bus stops; if it is not, they will know who to contact regarding this matter.  Politely explain the situation and your concerns, as you have here, and emphasize your concerns over liability. The fact that a child narrowly escaped a serious head injury is cause for deep concern for all parties involved.

The School Board should have a list of addresses within the radius that the school bus stop in front of your house serves and a letter to parents can be sent to those addresses, explaining the situation and the responsibility that they bear, as parents, in teaching their children to respect the property of others.  If your community participates in the D.A.R.E. program, perhaps an associated officer (one that the children know and trust) can come and check on the children to make certain that they are following the rules, and enforce the rules if the children are disregarding them.

I highly doubt that it will come to this, but if these aforementioned steps do not solve the issue you may have to file a formal complaint, with your City Hall, against your School Board, stating that they have failed to enforce your rights as a private property owner and demanding that the school bus stop be moved elsewhere...thus making it somebody else's headache.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Repost: Tazi's Corner #39 - Social Media Does Not Excuse Bad Manners Or Other Indiscresions

Dear  Readers,

This week, while perusing the social media sites, I have seen everything from a video of a man in his early twenties singing about how much he loves to smoke pot to a comment from a woman of similar age making threats against those who would “aggravate” her. A little deeper digging showed that each of these people seeks to work in positions of the public trust – police work and as a medical provider. Do you think either of them would stand a chance of getting a job in either field if this information showed up on a pre-employment media search? Do you think either of these people would be proud to hear that their mothers-in-law viewed this information? I can just see it now!

“My, Sparky, I am so proud of you! That chant about how much you love to smoke pot was truly inspiring! Now, about that inheritance I was planning on leaving you…”

“Griselda, with that temper you would make a wonderful match for my son! A mentally and emotionally abusive wife is exactly what he needs!”

Social Media does not make you special. Announcing through your Facebook or Twitter feed that you are in a bad mood so people should just lay-off or look out does not give you the right to address someone with a stream of expletives and then expect them to let it go without apology because, after all, you did warn them on Facebook! Singing about how much you love to smoke pot will not make you immune to drug laws; rather, it will probably expedite your prosecution for possession of a controlled substance! Being a member of any interactive society – in person or online – requires that certain protocols be observed. Among dogs and cats, a certain amount of ass-sniffing is required; among humans the expectations of basic courtesy and abidance of the law are the norm. While, judging by the populations of inmates vs. free citizens, most laws are still being followed, but the rule of common courtesy for all has fallen by the wayside.

Although I have not done any research into the actual topic, I am certain that most humans do not want their butts sniffed. So why would they act like a dog in other ways, barking to show people how tough they really aren’t? It is not the barking dog that you must fear, but the silent, snarling dog that bares its teeth. In a human sense, announcing that you are in a bad mood and telling people off with expletives does nothing but show the world that you are at best a tiny little person, incapable of socializing with others; at worst, mentally unstable. In the animal world, you would be judged a menace to society and “put to sleep”. What would happen in the human world? What would happen, indeed…?

More and more social media is becoming the yardstick by which a person is measured. Your LinkedIn profile is not the only online presence that potential employers can see; they find ways to access a person’s Facebook page, Twitter feed, and Instagram pages. You may sign a contract insisting that you will obey your employer’s drug-free office policy, but that picture of you smoking a joint speaks louder than your pledge to eschew illegal substances; if you call in sick to work on Monday, make sure that nobody has posted pictures of you partying like a rock star all weekend. Although we do not have much control over what other people post, we do have control over what we post – including the language we choose to use when posting.

Adulthood 101 teaches that this is a bad idea!

Potential employers are not the only ones watching what it posted to social media feeds. Friends, family, future business contacts, loved ones, and people we don’t even realize are watching can see what is posted to our social media sites. Is your site representing you as you would like to be seen? Did you inadvertently tell off your husband's favorite cousin with your blanket "Leave me the $%# alone" status update? Or worse, the sister-in-law you fought with last week?

The errors of youth are commonplace and practically universal, but there was a time before social media when these errors could be buried in the past. Now, with the ever-advancing means of social media, these follies are also being committed by people who are old enough to know better - and are being permanently preserved. Is this what you would like to leave for posterity? Think before you post...and remember your manners. Just because you are posting on a social media site is no excuse for acting like a putz.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Girlfriend Is "Too Hands On" For Her Partner

Dear Tazi:

I have been with my "lady friend" for several years now, and I enjoy her company. Although I can never marry her (I am legally separated but not divorced) I have no plans on leaving her for another woman - least of all my legal wife, whom I remain married to for financial reasons - and "Leona" says that she understands this and is content with our arrangement so long as I remain faithful to her.

My problem is that Leona does not seem to trust me around other women. If another woman so much as looks at me - for whatever reason - Leona will put her arm around me, nuzzle my neck, whisper in my hear, or grab my behind; basically claiming her territory. This behavior is embarrassing enough at parties and other social gatherings, but it is downright aggravating when it happens in line at the grocery store (Leona swears the cashier has a crush on me). The worst is when Leona starts pawing me in church.

There is a woman who goes to the same mass as me and I have a long but platonic history with her. She went to high school with my youngest sister and was even in her wedding party, which is how my family and I got to know her outside of church. My mother has always adored "Katrina" and her fondness shows. Mom made the mistake of giving Katrina a hug one morning after mass and asking about her relationship status within sight of Leona. This convinced Leona that my mother wants to push her out of my life in order to set her up with Katrina. Since that day (three years ago) Leona has made a point of draping herself all over me whenever she sees Katrina at mass.

Because Katrina sits in the choir, she sits off to the side of the main church and has a full view of the congregation. I know she sees Leona acting far too hands on for church (especially during the sign of peace) because she will rapidly look away, like she is embarrassed at witnessing a private moment, as soon as she sees Leona lick my ear or nibble my fingers. Leona is convinced that Katrina is starting at me (why else would she suddenly look away?) and uses this logic to further her physical attentions to me. I don't think Katrina is looking at us on purpose; I think it is just that we sit in her field of vision.

In order to accommodate Leona's insecurity I suggested we move to a different seat, which worked for a short while - until the ceiling over the choir's nook collapsed and they had to move to the other side of the church. Now Leona and I are once again in the direct view of Katrina and Leona's machinations are getting worse - so much so that the Pastor drew us aside after mass and asked us to conduct ourselves with "decorum appropriate to the venue". I was humiliated! Even worse, so was my mother.

Leona is now refusing to attend mass with me, saying she feels unwelcome. This is fine with me, since I am not at all comfortable with her behavior, but she wants me to stop attending mass, too, or at least switch parishes or masses. Tazi, I know this sounds like a small request, but isn't to me. I have been attending the same mass at the same church for more than 20 years and I enjoy the familiarity. I have gotten to know the people who attend this mass, which makes the celebration of mass more fulfilling to me. Plus the thought of not being able to see my friend Katrina does sadden me. Just because there is nothing romantic going on between us does not mean that I do not appreciate and enjoy her friendship. I know it sounds like I am trying to have it all - and maybe I am - but is it all too much to ask?

Signed,
Wanting It All

P.S. I forgot to mention that Leona is several years younger than Katrina, who is ten years younger than me. Something tells me this may have something to do with my problem.

Dear Wanting It All:

If Leona is several years younger than Katrina, who is ten years younger than you, I am going to do the math and figure that there is a 15 - 20 year age difference between you and Leona, which could explain why she is acting so immature - it is because she is immature.

Leona's draping herself all over you at parties can be excused if alcohol is involved and can be understood if a cashier is flirting at you. But mauling you in church because she thinks a woman in the choir is gazing upon you from across the room? As Elvis Presley sang, "We can't go on together with suspicious minds"; this is a point you need to drive home to Leona.

Sparkly white jumpsuit not required!

Why your mother's affection for Katrina should set Leona off in a jealous rage is beyond me...unless there is something else you have failed to mention? Is it possible that Katrina does have a crush on you, and/or you on her? While this does not excuse Leona's behavior in church (nothing does) it may explain it. You need to be honest with yourself in order to be honest with your lady friend.

You briefly mention that you will never be able to marry Leona because you remain legally married for "financial reasons". How does this make Leona feel, that you are choosing to remain in a loveless marriage for the sake of money? Is she truly okay with remaining your girlfriend for the rest of her life or does she hope to someday marry you - with or without the money you would lose if you divorced your wife? What about children - does Leona want any? If so, this relationship is far more complicated than you realize. In your desire to have it all, you may be taking from others.

The time has come for you to have a serious talk with Leona about her insecurity - in general, and especially about Katrina, since her presence in church is driving you out of it. Ask Leona what solid evidence she has that Katrina is interested in you. Tell Leona that you love her, not Katrina, and that her immature behavior is upsetting you; that such physical expressions of affection are best expressed during private moments, not as witness to the entire church and community. Most importantly, ask Leona if she is happy with your current arrangement. It could be that in the "several years" since you started dating her wants and needs have changed, and her overbearing jealousy is her way of expressing this.

If you wish to continue going to the same church and the same mass as you have always attended, then do it. Leona has no right to dictate your religious observances. The same goes for your choice of friendships. If you wish to remain in contact with Katrina, Leona will have to learn to live with this if she cannot learn to like her. Nobody has the right to dictate whom their partners can have as friends.

Snuggles,
Tazi








Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Missing Lingerie Makes Woman Question Husband's Poker Buddies

Dear Tazi:

I am more than mildly disgusted with my husband right now and totally freaked out by one of his poker buddies. I’ll explain, but it is giving me the heebie-jeebies!

My husband, “Carl”, hosts a poker night on a rotating schedule with his buddies, which means once or twice a month he has the guys over for a game. I had started to notice on the laundry days after his poker games that my panties have not been in the wash. At first I thought it was odd that a single pair seemed to be missing, then more pairs went missing; this last time my favorite pair of silk and lace bottoms disappeared, and I knew something had to be happening! I thought back, and that is when I made the connection to my husband’s poker games and my missing lingerie.

I told Carl about my problem, and my suspicion that one of his poker buddies is stealing my drawers, and he laughed and told me they were probably stuck in the heat vent of the dryer and he would check for me before a fire started. Upset that my husband chose his buddies over me, I emptied the laundry hamper before his last poker game and left a single pair of my panties in there. I showed this to carl and bet him that they would be gone by the end of the night. I then monitored the bathroom, and checked the hamper after his buddies used it; sure enough, my panties were gone after on guy – a creep named “Jared” – used it.

When I informed Carl about what happened I asked him to confront Jared about why he is thieving my panties. Carl was upset, but said it would be “too awkward” to ask that of Jared and suggested that from now on I remove all of my panties before his poker games. Well, duh! That is my plan! Personally, I do not want Jared in my house but my husband says he is an important friend (my husband is a V.P. of Sales and Jared is a local business owner with a lot of connections). I plan of emptying the hamper and locking up my lingerie before leaving the house on Carl’s poker nights from here on, but my question is: What is Jared doing with my lingerie? Carl was visibly upset over the thought of Jared having sexual thoughts about me, but would rather believe that it is all just an innocent misunderstanding. Do you have any ideas what Jared might be doing, so we can ask him point-blank and get over the awkwardness?

Signed,

Losing My Shorts At Poker

Dear Losing My Shorts At Poker:

I puzzled over your letter for a bit and came up with a few ideas. You refer to your underwear as “panties” and “Lingerie”, commenting that your favorite pair is “silk and lace”; this tells me that you are not wearing granny panties or even cotton hipsters, but the sexy stuff! You also say that Jared is a local businessman, and that only your dirty laundry is going missing. As creepy as this sounds, could it be that Jared is selling your panties to the highest bidder?

Has Molly Ringwald ever lived this down?

If you look online you will be amazed at what people areselling in the sexual underground; women’s unwashed panties can fetch a high price – and the sexier they are, the more they are worth. The simple, non-sexual answer could be that Jared has started a business selling your unmentionables.

There are of course other possibilities, but I tend to think they would be rather far-fetched; if Jared is a cross-dresser he would prefer to buy his own stuff rather than pilfer from a friend’s wife; if he was in love with you it would show in other ways; and if he was just looking to be kinky other women would have noticed their undies – and maybe their bras and teddies – going missing, too.

If you want to confront Jared, do it bluntly but don’t let him know that your husband is aware of what is happening; let him save face among his friends. Tell him you know that he has been taking your panties and you would like to know why. If he denies, tell him you caught him and that you are more upset about not knowing why than you are about the theft itself. Ask him point-blank if he has started a side-business selling your stuff, and see how he reacts; it may work as the ice-breaker you need to get Jared to open up about why he finds your dirty laundry so valuable.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi’s Corner #57 – Home vs. Schooling

Dear Readers: 

I recently had the uncapitulated joy of clinging to my Mommie as she left for work. There was a bad thunderstorm going on and, as any pet owner knows, we four-legged children do not do well with loud noises. Like it or not, Mommie was stuck with me as I dug my claws into her shirt and accompanied her to her workplace, a local park (she does ecological stuff). I soon regretted this decision.

Lacking my Tazi Sack I had nowhere to snuggle up for a long day of napping and was forced to hide under the desk on the cold, concrete floor. I was treated to a view of feet and the sounds of screaming children who apparently had never been taught how to behave in public. This brings me to the subject of today’s column: Just how much should schools be required to teach and what should parents be responsible for teaching?

I love my Tazi Sack!

Once upon a time, back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and my Mommie was just a schoolgirl children were taught proper behaviors – good table manners, how to behave in public, respect for elders (even if they were not your parent), and other ideals that are no longer as fashionable. These habits were taught at home by parents and grandparents; by the time a child was school-age they knew enough not to bite the other children; that hitting an animal is in bad form; that chewing with your mouth open is rude; and that when you enter someone else’s house you obey their house rules, even if they differ from your own. Perhaps most importantly it was taught that when the adult in charge tells you to do something, you do it; that they have a reason for needing things done the way they have asked them to be done and that the child is not to talk back to authority; that is the job of the parent, should they feel that their child was treated unfairly. Are such lessons still being taught in the majority of U.S. households today?

During my short visit to the workplace I witnessed primary school-age children (ages 5 – 10) acting like heathens! When my Mommie requested that they use their “inside voices” while inside her small office; the children ignored her. When she implored the parents to control their children, the parents would respond with some variation of “they’re just excited”. Hmm…so you are telling me that excitement is an excuse for prolonged poor behavior? I can’t wait to let the dog know that! Does this mean you will excuse him when he pees all over your rugs because he is so excited to see you? I didn't think so.

Like animals, children need to be socialized. They need to be taught that what is acceptable behavior for the home may not be acceptable behavior outside of the home. For example, stripping naked and running around in the buff may fly in the privacy of your living room but few will smile if your toddler does that in the middle of Sunday church services. Allowing your child to scream and “express” him or her self in whatever manner they choose may fly at the family dinner table, but I can assure you most restaurant diners – especially those who have worked hard to get their children to behave in a more socially acceptable manner – do not have the same appreciation for a child’s loud and repetitive rendition of the chorus to “Kiss Him Goodbye”. This observation begs the question: at what age should children be expected to behave in a civil manner?

True story: The kid would not...stop...singing it!

I have met children as young as three who understand that please and thank you are appropriate ways of showing respect for someone who has done them a kindness, and children as old as ten whose parents feel that such rules are a little too grown-up for their child, and that when the time comes he or she will learn it at school from watching their classmates or by following their teacher’s example. Just how much are our schools expected to teach? What is the appropriate age that society in general should expect a child to understand the basic principles of good manners?

I come into contact with a lot of teachers, from both near and far, because for some reasons teachers like me I am a quiet and well-behaved cat (most of the time) who enjoys a good snuggle (most of the time; other times I just tolerate it). Some of these teachers have gladly shared with me the following horror stories to print (on the condition that their names and locations remain anonymous) so you, dear readers, can see just how much some parents expect teachers to teach and/or tolerate:

A second grader who thought it was okay to swear at the teacher because he was allowed to swear at home. (The child’s parents were trying to break him of the habit and were hoping ignoring it would make it go away).

A third grader who jumped on his desk while the teacher had his back turned (he was writing on the blackboard) and then proceeded to jump the teacher because “Daddy and I play like this at home”.  I blame the parents for the teacher’s injuries.

A fifth grader who told his teacher she was “smokin’ hot”. When sent to the principal’s office, he said that his parents always taught him it was “healthy” to express his emotions and not to keep them bottled up.

A child who insisted on calling her teacher by her first name, instead of “Mrs. Smith” because her parents thought the teacher’s (real) last name was too hard for their child to pronounce. (In their defense, they suggested the child call the teacher “Mrs. [Last Initial]” or “Miss [First Name]” but the kid decided to abbreviate even that because that’s what she calls her “aunties who aren’t real aunties” and the teacher was not an auntie of any kind).

And finally, there is my personal, all-time favorite…

A first grader who was not yet potty-trained because her parents didn't want to “rush” her and believed that she would train when she was ready. The teacher noticed a nasty smell emanating from the student and when she asked the child what it was she replied, “My diaper. I did poops. Will you change me?” (The teacher sent the child to the school nurse, who called the child’s parents and received the aforementioned explanation. And no, the child is not autistic).

I think we can all agree that the line is drawn here; toilet-training belongs at home, not elementary school.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Drama Queen Needs To Find A New Target

Dear Tazi:

I have a friend, "Randi" who feeds on drama. Whenever she gets upset with someone, she goes off on them on Facebook and "unfriends" them until the spat has ended; then, she will send another friend request. If the friend request goes unanswered, she will cancel it and resend it. Randi will keep doing this until you accept her as your friend. Since I like to keep my life a drama free zone, I let her unfriend me, ignored her multiple friend requests, and finally blocked her from my Facebook account so she could not drag me into her little game.

I thought Randi would get my point and leave me alone, but mutual friends have told me that she has been trashing me on her Facebook page, calling me a bad friend and names that are much, much worse. I would not be bothered so much by this if Randi did not act like a good friend to my face and as if nothing is wrong. I am torn between bringing the subject up with her and just letting it go and hoping she will eventually give up the fight. I am afraid if I ask my friends for their advice they will report back to Randi and the cycle will only get more intense - which is why I am writing to you for your opinion.

Signed,
Drama Free?

Dear Drama Free:

It looks like your life is not as drama free as you would like. In order to settle the situation, you have to ask yourself: how much do Randi's comments bother you? Is she mentioning you by name or simply implying that her comments are about you? Last of all, why are your friends reporting this to you? Are they trying to fuel the fire in hopes of a dramatic eruption?

In my opinion, Randi is attempting to get a reaction from you with her Facebook posts. Since she continues to be nice to you in person, it could be that she is hoping to play the innocent party and paint you as paranoid if you suggest that her comments are about you. As annoying as these comments must be, bringing them up to Randi will only cause more drama.

The next time your friends bring up the comments that Randi is making, shrug it off and do not let on that the comments bother you. Sooner or later, Randi will get tired of playing a one-sided game and move onto a new target. Since she loves drama so much, I suggest letting her keep it all to herself by refusing to take the bait she offers. If you are uncomfortable with maintaining a relationship with Randi, drop her from your circle of friends; if you are unable to do this, work to limit the time you spend with her. People who feed on drama tend to find a new source when another source dries up on them.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Bratty Niece Leaves Angry Uncle Wanting An Apology

Dear Tazi:

My sister-in-law has an eight year old daughter who is an absolute brat. She interrupts conversations, talks back to adults, and never says thank-you for anything. I avoid visiting my in-laws because I know that one day I am going to lose it on the kid if her behavior does not improve.

For me, the last straw with “Aimee” was Christmas Eve. We were gathered at my sister-in-law’s house and the kids were opening gifts from the adults. My wife spent a lot of time and money shopping for the nephews and nieces, picking out what she thought would be just the right gift for each of them. Her three other nieces and her two nephews loved their gifts, and expressed their gratitude; Aimee did not like her gift, and let everyone know. She threw aside the GAP Kids outfit my wife had bought her, calling it “stupid and for babies”. Aimee’s mother demanded that she apologize, but Aimee refused, saying she wasn’t sorry and that it is wrong to lie. (At least the kid showed some kind of moral compass).

My wife was distraught and I was just plain [angry], so we ended up leaving shortly after Aimee’s meltdown. I expected my sister-in-law to call to apologize, say she has punished Aimee for her rude behavior, or something like that, but she never did; she didn’t even call to wish us a Merry Christmas. I would like to call my sister-in-law and tell her exactly how I feel about her kid’s behavior, but my wife says to let it go, that Aimee is probably going through a phase and will outgrow it. Aimee’s birthday is in February, and I would like to skip the gift-giving altogether, as punishment since nobody else seems to be correcting her, but my wife says that is harsh and that Aimee will have forgotten her behavior by the time her birthday rolls around. I say that is all the more reason to remind her of it, not to reward her for it.

My wife is a devoted reader of your column (and yeah, I like it too) so I would like to know your opinion on what to do – let things go or make a point.

Signed,

Angry Uncle

Dear Angry Uncle:

Eight years old can be a difficult age for a girl; she is no longer a baby or even a little girl, but she is not yet a teenager who can wear makeup and talk about boys. Our American culture pushes adolescence on children younger and younger with every generation – it is different from when you were a child. When my Mommie was a child she would emulate Sheena Easton and Donna Summer; now girls look to role models like Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. What girly-girl would not be entranced by that much glitter? However, the fact remains that Aimee is still an eight year old girl, regardless of how old she may think she is. This could explain – although not excuse – Aimee’s rudeness.

She worked hard for the money, so hard honey, honey!

After re-reading your letter, I think that the situation was handled badly all the way around – from Aimee’s tantrum to your sister-in-law’s passive attitude, to you and your wife picking up and leaving early – while this may have resolved your own discomfort, it probably made things even worse for the other guests (who may have deserved that discomfort for sitting passively and watching the drama unfold; I cannot say for certain since I was not there).

Putting aside the fact that Aimee’s mother needs to take charge of her daughter’s behavior – that is another issue altogether – I would like to address your handling of the whole gift-giving situation. You say that your wife spent a lot of time and money picking out what she thought was the perfect gift. While I appreciate her efforts, did she seek input from her sister on what Aimee might like? This small effort could have saved her the larger effort of searching for the perfect gift, and is the reason that weddings have registries and why children write letters to Santa. This oversight, however, in no way excuses Aimee’s behavior.

Your wife is right in saying that Aimee will have forgotten her behavior from Christmas by the time her birthday arrives. Withholding her gift when you have given her birthday gifts in the past will be a lesson lost on one so young. I suggest that you give Aimee a birthday gift, as usual. Should her reaction to your gift mirror her reaction at Christmas, calmly take the gift, put it back in the box, and tell Aimee that you will be returning it since she did not like it. Do not exchange the gift for something she likes; do not give her a gift card or merchandise credit; simply let her poor behavior be its own reward. If she questions your actions, when she realizes a new gift is not forthcoming, explain to her in language that a newly-minted nine year old can understand: a gift is not something that is automatic; it is given out of love, and when love is not shown back no gift the giver feels very hurt. A gift once given belongs to the recipient, but if rejected can be taken back by the giver. If your sister-in-law has a problem with this, you can take the issue up with her – privately, not in front of her child.

Snuggles,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.