Tazi Recommends: Go Ireland AND The Italian Blog

Dear Readers:

As I am sure you all know, this week was St. Patrick's Day; but tomorrow is another Feast Day dear to the hearts of my hometown: St. Joseph's Day! Being from a city that has both strong Irish and Italian roots, I am honoring both Feast Days today with my blog recommendations!

Normally, I prefer to recommend amateur blogs, but

The Go Ireland Blog
the featured blog of GoIreland.com
offers so many interesting and informative blogs on a variety of topics - from political to human interest - that I could not resist. Featured for St. Patrick's Day was a blog on the health benefits of Guinness, which made such a strong argument I am thinking of asking my Mommie to pour some of hers in my water dish! Another blog of interest was done as a picture blog, with a poster graphic illustrating the theme 10 Irish Inventions That Changed the World. Raise your hand if you knew the Irish created chocolate milk? The blog is an offshoot of an Ireland Tourism website, so many of the blogs are primarily related to tourism and things to do in Ireland, but they feature some great pictures and offer an interesting view into the Irish culture and history (check out Historic Sites of Dublin or the 7 Wonders of Ireland to see what I mean!). The site is categorized with a table of contents running down the right sidebar of the page, so it is easy to navigate your way around the page and find exactly what you are looking for - from Irish Culture and Irish Food and Drink (including recipes) to Irish Geneology blogs that offer tips on how to trace your Irish family tree! Even if you are not Irish, there is something on the Go Ireland blog for everyone to enjoy and explore.

If Irish food and culture is not your thing, check out

The Italian Blog
by Daniele, Lori, and Jay

The authors are REAL Italians, who are from (and still live) in Italy! The blog is (mostly) written in English, so you do not need to speak the language to enjoy this blog. The theme of the blog is Italian culture - daily living, recipes, history, and holidays - told from the point of view of your average Italian citizen.

Hailing from one of the many Little Italy regions here in the United States but not actually being Italian myself (I am American Short-Hair), I found this blog fascinating! When I saw the headline "Not Only Mafia" I thought I was going to read an article dispelling the stereotypes of Italians pictured in The Godfather and Goodfellas, so I was surprised to discover it was an informative article on a museum in Calabria that is featuring the documentation of many other criminal enterprises that go under the radar, thanks to the focus on the mafia. The museum site is in Italian, but easily translated if you have Google Chrome.

In the blog post "Sometimes You Just Need to Be Hungry" the authors give a brief but hypnotic review of a little cafe in Siena. The description paints a picture of what it is like to spend the afternoon "among culture and art", seeking to wind down with a pleasant meal. Though short, the blog gives the reader a sense of what it is like to live in Italy and participate in their culture. As a cat, I have to say I am liking the relaxed atmosphere much better than the hustle and bustle of American living!

The Italian Blog will keep you occupied as you jump from the funny little jokes they post, like the picture and translation of a humorous Help Wanted sign they saw in a village near Torino to their praise of the coffee break, an apparent universal love of humans everywhere! I would suggest that you take a coffee break right now! You know the drill: Put down that Sunday paper (so kitty-cat can nap on it), grab a mug of your favorite caffeinated brew, and check out the Go Ireland blog and The Italian Blog. Consider it your daily dose of culture. You're welcome!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Georgia Bulldog Follows A Tradition That Family Does Not Understand

Dear Tazi:

I am a huge sports fan. I love my teams - professional and college (Go Georgia Bulldogs!!!) - and attend several games a year; including the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry, for which I travel back to Georgia every year. The dates of my travel games are known well in advance, and I make my plans well in advance, too. I have been making the trip back to Georgia for the past fifteen years (since I graduated from the University of Georgia), so my habits are nothing new. My entire family knows how important these games are to me, and MOST have been understanding enough not to plan any major events that would conflict.

My problem is my sister. She got engaged this past Christmas, and decided to set her wedding date for the same day as the UGA-Auburn game (that's the game I am referring to when I mention "the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry"); the most important game of the year! People come "home" from all over the world to attend this game; buying tickets as soon as they go on sale - in fact, I had just bought my tickets when she announced her wedding date: 11-15-14. Her reason for picking this date? Because her Astrologer told her that this date would result in a "fruitful marriage. (My sister is 42 and is done having kids, so it is not like her biological clock is ticking. This will be her third marriage, too, so I think she is hoping that the word "fruitful" is not being used in the Biblical sense). I explained to her that I would not be able to attend her wedding that weekend and asked her to reschedule, but she just flew into a Bridezilla rage and called me every name in the book.

My family is from up North, so they don't understand the full meaning of the game tradition; which is why they feel I should be the one to cancel my plans in order to attend my sister's wedding. I offered to compromise if she would - I would fly home early and be there for the week of planned, pre-wedding celebrations; but she has her heart set on the date she chose and refused to budge, calling me a "bad brother". I am afraid I lost my temper and told her that she should get married on 12-13-14 if all she cared about was the superstitions of astrology and numerology, and now she is not speaking to me. My mother has suggested that I cancel my trip "in order to make peace", but as I see it that would just be letting my sister have her way.

Tazi, do you have any idea on how I can get myself out of this mess - without pulling a no-show to the greatest game of the season?

Signed,
A Bulldog In The Doghouse

Dear Bulldog:

If there is only one thing I know about the South it is that tradition comes before everything. I have met women in their 40's who return "home" for their sorority installation ceremonies and men of the same age who will plan their family vacation around the type of football rivalry games you have described. Some may find this way of life disturbing; I find it refreshing that respect for tradition is not lost in the hustle and bustle of every day commitments.

Being a Northerner, the closest thing to a rivalry game I have ever attended is the University of RI - Providence College basketball game, which is something fewer and fewer people seem to care about every year and especially this one as neither team has done well in the past few years. What can I say? Many Northern teams have fair-weather fans, and this appears to be the point of view from which your family is viewing your situation. You need to educate them on the historical importance of this game - share with them the rich history of the game; how it goes back over a century; and why the rivalry still exists today. Tell them of the camaraderie that occurs between fans, turning strangers into friends and friends into extended family.

The fact that you have been making this trip for 15 years speaks to the importance of this event and while I realize that your sister's wedding is also important, her reasoning for choosing the date she chose; her Bridzilla meltdown; and her complete refusal to compromise shows a complete lack of maturity and sensitivity on her part. She is, however, a blood relation; and as the expression goes, blood is thicker than water - even if you do bleed black as well as red. The game time has yet to be announced, but these games generally take place in the afternoon or the evening. Would your sister be adverse to having a morning wedding; at a time that would allow you to at least attend the ceremony (although not the reception) before hopping a plane to attend your game? Since neither of you wishes to budge, this appears to be the only compromise possible.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Termination Of Parental Rights Difficult, More So When Child Is Native American

Dear Tazi:

My eight year old daughter is the light of my life and I would do anything I can to make her happy – but I am stuck and don’t know what to do right now. “Amy’s” father walked out on us while I was eight months pregnant. My current husband, “Gerald”, is the only father Amy has ever known. Amy knows that he is not her “real” father but she calls Gerald “Daddy” and tells him that she wants him to be her “real Daddy”. Amy has friends who are adopted, and she has told us on several occasions that she wants Gerald to adopt her.

Gerald and I have always shielded Amy from the truth of why he has not legally adopted her, telling her that the legal process can be tricky and she needs to be old enough to tell the judge that this is her idea and that she will not be changing her mind when she gets a little older. Up until now, she has seemed satisfied with that explanation, but for the past few years, as her birthday approaches, she asks if she is old enough for Gerald to adopt her.

Tazi, the truth is that Amy’s father was a Native American Indian and his tribe has made quite a bit of wealth through casino gaming – wealth that comes to Amy through tribe-sponsored child support and eventually benefits that every adult member of the tribe receives, should she decide that tribal membership is what she wants; so far, she has had no involvement in her father’s culture. Because of the way the law works with Indian children, Gerald and I would have to petition the tribe for a release for Gerald to adopt her. If Amy’s birth father decides he wants to be a part of her life again, I will be forced to allow that to happen – even though he is a lazy drunkard who abandoned me while I was pregnant! Even if he does not want anything to do with Amy, she would lose a lot of financial benefits if Gerald were to adopt her – from the child support I now receive to vestment in the tribe.

While I admit the child support money is helpful, I would make do without it if that was all Amy stood to lose. I only want what is best for my daughter and the future that she currently has is perfectly secure, while her present home life is a happy one. How can I risk throwing that all away? How can I explain to her why I have decided as I have – to not let Gerald legally adopt Amy?

Signed,

Amy’s Mom

Dear Amy’s Mom:

If your decision was solely a financially motivated one my answer would be different than the one I am going to provide. A secure financial future is never a guarantee; casinos can and do fail, as many are in the current economy. If you can “make do” without your daughter’s child support your best move to provide her a secure financial future would be to save and invest that money on her behalf. So ends one part of your problem. Now to address the more complicated part: the legalities of terminating parental rights.

The termination of parental rights is difficult under mainstream circumstances, but your daughter’s direct Native American heritage invokes the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA 1978). I have no doubt that your daughter’s tribe is going to want a say in things, especially if her father lives on the reservation. I cannot say I disagree with this legislation.

The purpose of the ICWA is to ensure that Native American children are given the opportunity to be come culturally aware of their heritage and to participate in tribal customs and celebrations; to be taught history from the tribal point of view (which differs vastly from what you read in most history books); and to allow the child to maintain ties with his or her extended tribal family. Have you done any of this for Amy? Or have you simply erased all sense of anything having to do with her birth father?

I suggest that you contact your local Bureau of Indian Affairs and ask for an appointment to discuss your situation. At eight years old, Amy is at an age where she will have questions about who she is and where she came from (and I don’t mean that in a purely biological sense). When her birth father abandoned you, he also cut Amy off from any connection to her tribal family – aunts, uncles, cousins, and others who are a part of who she is. What is best for your daughter is not always the easiest path for you as a parent.

Explain to the Bureau representative that your child’s father (ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, ex-lover…whatever he is) cut off all contact with you when you were eight months pregnant. Explain that he was an unemployed alcoholic and the habits he exhibited. You call him “a drunkard” which leads me to believe he was violent, as well. The Bureau of Indian Affairs should be willing to work with you on this matter to ensure that your daughter’s welfare is put first at all times. Although it is unusual for parental rights to be terminated by the tribe (who would have jurisdiction if your ex lives on tribal lands), arrangements can be made to protect your daughter.

Although Gerald may not be able to legally adopt Amy, there are things you can do as a family to make Amy feel like she is part of a complete circle. I suggest that you have your own, family-oriented “adoption ceremony” or, if you are religious, ask your clergy to bless you as a family in the eyes of your church or synagogue. Make the event special for Amy; something that she will always remember. It will be especially important to do this if Amy is to get involved with her tribal family. She needs to know that even though legal bonds can be dissolved, those tied with heartstrings can never be broken.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Culture Clash Causes Relationship Misunderstanding

Dear Tazi:

My boyfriend “Elton” is from England, so he has that wonderful British accent that makes women (including me) melt. He also has a habit of calling people by terms of endearment instead of their first names. All men are “chap” or “mate” or something equally innocuous, but the women are all “honey” or “sweetie”, which gets on my nerves.

Elton is a very good looking man with a charming personality. Combine that with his accent, and you can see how women might take his personal attention the wrong way. Elton does not believe that there is a problem, saying that women never actually come on to him, but I argue that that is because women generally flirt and wait for the man to ask them on a date – which I know Elton would never do; he is very faithful to me.

I asked Elton to make a New Year’s resolution to be more aware of what he calls people, and to stop using terms of endearment and to start calling people by their first names. Elton balked at this, saying that his “vernacular” is a minor issue, and that I am making a big deal out of nothing. When I pressed him, he argued that there are a lot of things I do that annoy him, but he ignores them. When I asked him to name ONE annoying habit of mine, he couldn’t; he just said that there are several and that there is no need to make a big deal out of them, that they are a part of who I am and that he loves me as I am. I think Elton is merely trying to charm his way out of changing; he is saying that I am looking for trouble where there isn’t any. He has agreed to try, but refused to make a resolution of it, which I feel is disrespectful to my feelings. Am I making a bigger deal out of this than I should, Tazi? Or is Elton wrong, even as he insists he is not “marginalizing my concerns”?

Signed,

“Marginalized”

Dear “Marginalized”:

If I had to take a guess, I would say that your annoying habits include making a big deal out of nothing; always needing to be right; and just maybe thinking that you are perfect.

Different cultures have different protocols; not every culture is like our American one, where a term of endearment constitutes flirting. The fact that Elton calls men “mate” or “chap”, and does not reserve endearments exclusively for women, speaks to the fact that such speech patterns are a part of his culture; to demand that he change this would be like him demanding that you stop using the word “dude” or other American slang so ingrained in your vocabulary that you probably do not even realize that you are using it.

I rule that you should cut Elton some slack here. I do not believe that he is “marginalizing your concerns”; I believe that he has given careful consideration to your concerns and finds them to be overblown and even insulting. Seen from Elton’s point of view, you are accusing him of hitting on every woman with whom he comes in contact, from the teenage cashier at the grocery store to the elderly librarian. Not every woman is comfortable being called such names by just anyone; while you may think they are swooning over Elton, many are not. Women who come in regular contact with Elton will soon realize that he is not coming on to them, that the terms of endearment he uses are a cultural thing.

I do not suggest that you swallow your concerns; talking about them to Elton was the healthy thing to do in order to keep your relationship running smoothly. However, you do not appear to have listened to Elton’s answers, especially the part where he said that he loves you, faults and all. Rather than force a resolution on him, why not make one for yourself to love your boyfriend as he is, annoying habits and all. Nobody is perfect...not even us cats!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.