Drama Kings/Queens Need To Leave Others Out Of It

Dear Tazi:

I have come to the sad (?) realization that I love drama. In fact, I thrive on it. While I hate the emotional downs, I know that they are necessary to enjoy the ups and I love the excitement that swirls around me when I am in the thick of things. I love being the center of people's attention, and when they pick my "team" over the other person's side. Sometimes, if things are slow, I will go out of my way to start something just to keep life lively!

I suffer from depression and these emotional ups that drama creates are my one joy in life. I have been on SSDI benefits because I was unable to hold a job due to the drama that would swirl around me (not all of it was my creation, but I admit I did fan the flames whenever something erupted; I couldn't help it. I loved the spotlight!). My benefits are being suspended for my refusal to go to the mandatory counseling sessions, which I don't think is fair! More drama, I know? I just feel that my counselor does not understand my needs.

My mother has told me that I am "flat out crazy" and has demanded that I return to counseling and get back in my meds as a condition of living with her, but I don't think this is fair! I live in her basement, so it is not like I am invading her personal living space. Plus, I don't think I need counseling anymore; after all, I figured out the root cause of my "problem" and am willing to live with the fact that I love the drama that surrounds me; my medications only suck the fun out of the dramatic. The only problem is that not taking them leaves me unable to hold down a regular job, but I think in time I will find something that fits my needs.

Do you think my mother is being unfair to me? Or am I asking too much of her to let me live here rent-free until I either find a job or my disability benefits kick in again? Please print me letter! I will be so excited to see it in print and my friends will be sooooo jealous!

Signed,
Drama King

Dear Drama King:

I am happy to hear that you have come to the realization that you love drama. This is a real breakthrough. Now, you need to come to the realization - and acceptance - that not everyone else feels the same way about it. In fact, most people detest it. Your forcing the people in your life to live with it is very unfair to them.

If you seek to fan the flames of drama at work you will never be able to hold down a full-time job in a traditional place of work. Employers like to keep all of their employees happy, so making one happy at the expense of others is not going to work for them. As for the home front, you may be living in your mother's basement, but this does not mean you have no interaction with her. You must come upstairs to use the kitchen. bathroom, and other common areas so your behavior and your love of drama does affect her life.

I strongly suggest that you return to counseling and get back on your medications for depression - at least for now. I am also going to suggest that you find an outlet for your love of drama - be it a local theater group, where you will be able to act out your fantastical scenarios without hurting anyone, or something as simple as a bowling league, where emotions can run high and the competitive spirit of the game can satisfy your need for the dramatic. A counselor will be able to assist you in finding just the right niche for you, and seeing one will help you to continue to work through your depression and the needs it brings until you are ready to return to a regular job.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

He's In A Wheelchair; Should She Ask Him To The School Dance?

Dear Tazi:

I have secretly been in love with the same boy since middle school.  I am now a sophomore in high school, and my school's annual Winter Ball is next month.  I would really like to ask my crush to go with me, but I am afraid it would be awkward.  You see, the boy I like is in a wheelchair.  Would it sound insensitive if I were to ask him to a school dance?

"Dax" is an amazing guy.  He is cute, friendly, and always surrounded by friends and making people laugh.  He is the kind of person you can hang with all day and not even notice his wheelchair until you get up to leave, and realize that he has to take the long way to the exit because he needs to use the ramp.  I think he would have a good time at the Winter Ball, even if he can't dance.  I know lots of guys don't dance, but go because their girlfriends make them, so Dax wouldn't be the only guy not dancing if he went with me and I could dance with the other girls whose dates don't dance.  If I explained things to him this way, do you think Dax would say yes to going to the dance with me?

Signed,
Winter Blues

Dear Winter Blues:

I think if you told Dax everything you just told me he would be super insulted that you assume he is unable of getting around on the dance floor.  Disabled does not mean unable.  Whether Dax enjoys dancing or not is a matter of his personal preferences, not his chair.  I know plenty of men with two perfectly working legs who can't dance worth a lick!  Many people in chairs are capable of pulling moves non-paraplegics can only dream of doing, like popping a wheelie while spinning in a circle - with or without an attractive date sitting on their lap, arms thrown around their shoulders!

You write that Dax is "an amazing guy" who is "always surrounded by friends and making people laugh".  How do you think he would feel if he was excluded from the dance because of the wheelchair that you otherwise do "not even notice"?  If you want to ask Dax to the dance - and he is interested in spending time with you - I do not see why he would refuse.  Several years ago my Mommie went to a Winter Ball with a date who was in a wheelchair.  She had an awful time because her dress was improperly sewn and the rear seam tore, but her date had an awesome time tearing up the dance floor while Mommie searched for a needle and thread.  After the dance, they went clubbing and danced some more!

If you aren't certain about how to ask Dax to the dance, try the casual approach.  Ask him if he is considering going, or if anyone has asked him yet; judge by his response as to whether or not he seems interested in going and decide what move to make from there.  Asking someone you like on a date can be a nerve-wracking experience, so just take a deep breath and act like you always do when you are around Dax...unless you normally act like the giggly airhead girls seem to turn into when they are around their crush, in which case try to act like you do around your best friend.

Please write back and let me know how things turn out for you!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Adult Son Wants To Return To The Nest; Mother Is On The Fence

Dear Tazi:

I don't know what I am going to do with my adult son. "Harper" is 40-years-old and has never been able to hold a steady job. In fact, he was fired from his very first job at age 16, and has been unable to hold down steady employment ever since. From what I can tell, it is not that he is without skills; just without commitment to holding to a regular schedule. Harper enjoys his free time, and believes that a job should not encroach on his personal time. He has quit several jobs due to "differences with the management", as he puts it; "a refusal to follow direction", is how the management puts it. I know because a few of the jobs he has quit involved working for friends of my late husband.

My husband passed when our son was only ten years old, and he left Harper a large trust fund that was to be used for his college education or to be accessed on his 30th birthday, should Harper follow a career path that did not require college, figuring twelve years after high school graduation would be enough time for Harper to establish himself financially and the trust monies handled appropriately. My husband was a wise man and a hard worker but, sadly, our son did not inherit his father's work ethic or business sense. Harper has squandered all but the last few thousand dollars of his trust, and has asked to move into my guest cottage while he sorts out his issues. I agreed to Harper's request, but this was before I discovered some new information that has me wanting to turn back on our agreement.

In advance of moving in to my guest cottage, Harper has started having his mail delivered there. The mailman, not realizing that Harper was to stay in the cottage delivered Harper's correspondence to the main house; which is how I discovered that Harper has applied for Social Security [Disability] benefits. When I approached Harper about this disgrace, he did not deny it; claiming he suffers from depression, which is why he is unable to hold down a job. He informed me that his original filing had been rejected, as was his appeal, because his doctor was not properly certified. Harper did not have an attorney representing him because those he approached demanded he see a certified physician. All in all, this why Harper needs to move into my guest cottage until he can figure out how to secure a primary source of income, now that his trust monies have been depleted.

Tazi, my husband worked very hard to accumulate his wealth and was not at all adverse to sharing it with those in true need of assistance. If he were here today to see what a disgrace his son has become he would disown him! The only thing depressing Harper is his inability to continue sponging off of his late father. My sister suffered from depression, so I am aware of the signs and symptoms and have a genuine concern for those who exhibit them - which Harper does not. The only time he is at all depressed is when the latest party or road trip ends. I believe that the judge saw right through Harper's charade, which is why he was turned down for Social Security. (Did I mention that Harper also smokes marijuana, saying it is a treatment for his depression? Hogwash!).

I would like to tell Harper that I have changed my mind about allowing him to move into my guest cottage, but I am afraid that he will have nowhere else to turn and will end up sleeping on a couch in someone's basement. If, however, I allow him to move into my guest cottage I fear he will be living there until I join his father. Do you have any advice to offer, Tazi?

Signed,
Harped On

Dear Harped On:

I would first like to address your opinion that Harper's use of marijuana for the treatment of depression. According to a recent John's Hopkins University report hallucinogenic drugs have been shown to help people with mood disorders look at their problems from a different perspective. Marijuana is technically a hallucinogen, but the instance of hallucinogenic experiences while using the drug is very rare. The John Hopkins study did not include marijuana, focusing instead on hard drugs such as "MDMA (also known as the street drug "Ecstasy"), psilocybin ("magic mushrooms"), and ketamine ("Special K")"

In my Mommie's paraprofessional scientific opinion (she has a degree in Science, as well as Communications, but does not hold graduate credentials), any relief Harper gets from smoking marijuana is outweighed by the negative effects of the drug, which include a causal link to mood disorders; such as depression and amotivational syndrome - which may be what your son actually suffers, considering his work history. A psychological examination would be required for an actual and accurate diagnosis, which is why I recommend that you require Harper to get one as a condition to moving into your guest cottage. Should he refuse or claim that he has already received treatment, stand firm and tell him it's your guest cottage; so you make the rules for living there.

If a psychological workup by a properly certified psychiatrist shows that Harper is suffering from depression or any other type of mood disorder that leaves him unable to work the first step is to get him to quit smoking marijuana. If follow-up treatment shows no improvement for his mood disorder he is entitled to re-file for disability benefits. There is no shame in collecting SSDI benefits if they are truly needed. Included in these benefits is medical treatment for the root cause of the disability, in the hope that intensive treatment will cure the disability. SSDI benefits are not guaranteed for life and, in the case of those receiving benefits for mood disorders, a yearly review of benefits can be expected.

I understand your desire to be supportive of your son without being supportive of his bad habits; but at this time I believe you are in the perfect position to see that he gets the medical treatment he needs. In order to protect your own interests, though, I would recommend having your son sign a detailed lease outlining the terms and conditions of his taking up residence in your guest cottage. Your attorney can assist you with this matter, if necessary.

Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Threat Of Black Friday Shopping Leaves This Man Feeling Blue

Dear Tazi:

My wife is one of those crazy people who like to go shopping in the wee hours of Black Friday.  I say whatever floats her boat works for me, so long as I don't have to go with her. We have been married for thirty years, and remained so because I tend to go with the flow and not make mountains out of molehills.  I love my wife, and would do almost anything for her, but she has made a request of me and I am drawing a line in the sand.

"Monica" slipped and fell on some wet leaves earlier this season and broke her foot.  She is in a cast and will remain in one until sometime in January.  Because it is difficult for her to get around, I have been doing all of the grocery shopping and other errands that she usually runs while I am at work.  I also promised her I would do the Christmas shopping for her this year; that she could order stuff online and I could pick it up at the store, or she could circle stuff in the sales flyers and I would go find it.  I failed to specify that my offer did not include going Black Friday shopping before 10 AM, and now that is coming back to bite me in a sensitive spot!

Monica is insisting that I hit the stores starting at 8 PM on Thanksgiving night and stay out until past midnight to shop at the places that do not open until midnight.  I say that Thanksgiving is for family and celebrating, not standing in line all day waiting for a store to open so you can save $100 on an iPad.  Monica feels differently, and has been pouting about it all week, threatening to go stand in line herself, in spite of the doctor's orders to stay off of her broken foot!

Tazi, I want to be a good husband to my wife and I feel that I have been over the years, but I also feel that my wife is taking advantage of my good nature.  I know this letter is late, but I am hoping you can print it before Thanksgiving.  If you think I am being unreasonable in not accommodating my injured wife, I will give up my Thanksgiving to do as she asks.

Signed,
Feeling Like Walter Mitty

Dear Feeling Like Walter Mitty:

Your letter arrived just in time for me to get it posted before Thanksgiving, which I am doing because you sound like a saint!  My ruling is that you are correct: Thanksgiving is for family and loved ones, and not for spending the day in line at Wal-Mart waiting for its 8 PM opening so you can save $100 on a 16 GB iPad (which is the kind that nobody wants anyway!).

I realize that your wife feels like she is missing out on something that is obviously important to her, so I suggest you ask her the following: how much is having the family together for Thanksgiving worth to her?  If she responds that you cannot put a price on something like that, ask her why she is.  Tell her that Black Friday sales may save you a few hundred dollars, but at what cost to your marriage and relationship with your family?

Luckily for your wife, Cyber Monday has just as many great deals as offered on Black Friday, and she can buy everything from the comfort of her own home.  Trust me, she is not missing out on anything.  Retailers hold back items until Cyber Monday so they have great deals to lure people into shopping online during office hours, when the brick and mortar stores are generally very slow.  The sense of urgency that surrounds Black Friday is an artificial sense of urgency, created by retailers to convince buyers that they will be unable to find the products they want at prices that they can afford in the coming weeks.  According to Time Magazine, 10% of Black Friday purchases are returned before Christmas as shoppers come down from the frenzy-doped euphoria of the day and discover that what they purchased wasn't such a great deal after all.  May this information give you the courage you need to tell your wife "no"...and may you and all of your family enjoy Thanksgiving together as a family, around the dinner table as Thanksgiving was meant to be celebrated!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Man Needs To Learn That Depression Is A Full-Time Disability

Dear Tazi:

I have the opportunity to take a cross-country road trip with some friends who are in college, and I would love to go!  I have always dreamed of driving down Route 66 and having an adventure with my best friends.  We would leave the day after Christmas and return home four weeks later after driving though New Orleans, Dallas, Las Vegas, and other cool places. 

The problem with the plan is that I am on disability benefits for depression and am required to meet with my counselor on a weekly basis.  I have told my counselor that a road trip would be therapeutic for me and would be a huge help to my depression, but he doesn’t believe me and refuses to sign off on my plans.  I can go without his permission, but I am afraid that he will report me to the state and I will be dropped from disability when my case comes up for review this spring.  Why can’t people see that just because depression keeps me from holding down a job it doesn’t keep me from trying to find happiness?  Depression is an invisible disability.  Just because I look okay doesn’t mean that I am!  Can you give me some words of advice that would convince my counselor to let me bail on my daily life for a few weeks?  I honestly think this trip will help to cure me of my blues.

Signed,

Easy Rider

Dear Easy Rider:

No.  What I can provide for you is a map of Route 66, and you will notice that it does not run through “New Orleans, Dallas, Las Vegas, and other cool places”. 

From what I have been told, Amarillo is kind of cool...

If you are on disability for depression it means you have a chemical imbalance in your brain that affects your ability to feel joy and/or motivation of any kind.  The fact that you are actively looking forward to going on a road trip with friends – to the point where you are seeking official permission from your counselor – tells me that your counseling and medication is helping and that your depression is not as severe as it once was.  I am not saying it is not severe enough to keep you on disability – that is for your counselor to decide – but having extensive personal goals that you feel ready to accomplish, such as a cross-country road trip, does not bode well for your future on disability. 

Since your counselor is advising against this trip, I think that you should follow his advice and not plan on going; as he is the one who evaluates your depression on a weekly basis you may want to follow his advice – even when you don’t like it.  To go on this trip against medical advice could result in devastating results for you and for your friends, who would have to deal with any fallout that would occur if you had any kind of medical complications.  Be a true friend and don’t risk ruining their good time.  There will be other opportunities for road trips once you are medically cleared to make one.

No snuggles for you!

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.