Drama Kings/Queens Need To Leave Others Out Of It

Dear Tazi:

I have come to the sad (?) realization that I love drama. In fact, I thrive on it. While I hate the emotional downs, I know that they are necessary to enjoy the ups and I love the excitement that swirls around me when I am in the thick of things. I love being the center of people's attention, and when they pick my "team" over the other person's side. Sometimes, if things are slow, I will go out of my way to start something just to keep life lively!

I suffer from depression and these emotional ups that drama creates are my one joy in life. I have been on SSDI benefits because I was unable to hold a job due to the drama that would swirl around me (not all of it was my creation, but I admit I did fan the flames whenever something erupted; I couldn't help it. I loved the spotlight!). My benefits are being suspended for my refusal to go to the mandatory counseling sessions, which I don't think is fair! More drama, I know? I just feel that my counselor does not understand my needs.

My mother has told me that I am "flat out crazy" and has demanded that I return to counseling and get back in my meds as a condition of living with her, but I don't think this is fair! I live in her basement, so it is not like I am invading her personal living space. Plus, I don't think I need counseling anymore; after all, I figured out the root cause of my "problem" and am willing to live with the fact that I love the drama that surrounds me; my medications only suck the fun out of the dramatic. The only problem is that not taking them leaves me unable to hold down a regular job, but I think in time I will find something that fits my needs.

Do you think my mother is being unfair to me? Or am I asking too much of her to let me live here rent-free until I either find a job or my disability benefits kick in again? Please print me letter! I will be so excited to see it in print and my friends will be sooooo jealous!

Signed,
Drama King

Dear Drama King:

I am happy to hear that you have come to the realization that you love drama. This is a real breakthrough. Now, you need to come to the realization - and acceptance - that not everyone else feels the same way about it. In fact, most people detest it. Your forcing the people in your life to live with it is very unfair to them.

If you seek to fan the flames of drama at work you will never be able to hold down a full-time job in a traditional place of work. Employers like to keep all of their employees happy, so making one happy at the expense of others is not going to work for them. As for the home front, you may be living in your mother's basement, but this does not mean you have no interaction with her. You must come upstairs to use the kitchen. bathroom, and other common areas so your behavior and your love of drama does affect her life.

I strongly suggest that you return to counseling and get back on your medications for depression - at least for now. I am also going to suggest that you find an outlet for your love of drama - be it a local theater group, where you will be able to act out your fantastical scenarios without hurting anyone, or something as simple as a bowling league, where emotions can run high and the competitive spirit of the game can satisfy your need for the dramatic. A counselor will be able to assist you in finding just the right niche for you, and seeing one will help you to continue to work through your depression and the needs it brings until you are ready to return to a regular job.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Whirlwind Romance Results In A Baby...And A Father Who Does Not Know He Is One

Dear Tazi:

Last summer, I fell madly in love with a carny [carnival worker] when the state fair came to town. Last month I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I will let you do the math and figure things out from there. "John" does not know that I got pregnant because by the time I knew, the fair had moved on to a new town and the cell phone number he had given me was disconnected.

The carnival is scheduled to come to town again this summer, and I see no reason why John would not be working it again, since he told me he has been working for the same carnival for the past ten years. I would like to approach him about child support for our daughter, but I am not certain how to go about doing this. I would also like to be able to rekindle our relationship, but I am not so dumb to think he would quit his travelling job to settle down with me and the baby. Besides, he needs an income to support our daughter.

My friends think I am foolish for even considering approaching John, that he probably gave me a fake name a fake background and a fake cell phone number just to get me into bed, but I am not so certain. I think what we had was love at first sight - he seemed just as sad as I did to be moving on after only a week. My baby girl will need a father in her life, and he is the only one she has. I also think it would be wrong of me to deny John the opportunity to have a relationship with our little girl. What do you think, Tazi? Should I approach John when he returns to town; and if so, how?

Signed,
Baby Mama, Maybe More

Dear Baby Mama, Maybe More:

If I were you, I would stop dreaming about the "maybe more" part you are hoping for and concentrate on the part about being a "Baby Mama" because one thing is for certain: you are now the mother of a newborn baby who needs you to remain realistic. The reality of this situation is, your friends are probably right - you were duped by a guy who wanted only one thing, and a baby was not it. You should get started now in your search for John. Do not wait until the carnival arrives in town two or three months from now.

Your first step towards collecting child support for your child should be to contact an attorney. Give him/her the business name of the carnival that John worked for; plus any business contact information for that carnival. If you do not have it or cannot find it, an attorney should be able to look it up in the county records. In order to operate, the carnival would have had to have an operating license issued to them, which would include contact information. If you have a picture of John, give that to the attorney, as well. John may very well be a fake name, but the Human Resources department for the carnival company will have a photo ID of John on file, and the picture can be matched up with the real name, address, and phone number.

Once your attorney has tracked down John, a paternity test will have to be done. This will be required by any court before child support will be awarded. I suggest that you prepare for things to get ugly between you and John. Even if he says he is thrilled to be a father, you know very little about this man so I strongly suggest that you do not allow him time alone with your child. In a worst case scenario, she could end up at the local fire station or other anonymous baby drop-off location just before John heads out of town again.

Once paternity has been established John will be required by law to pay a percentage of his income for child support. Keep in mind that your little girl may not be the only child he has, so you could end up getting a very small amount of money in return for allowing him parental rights. This trade-off may not be worth what you receive, so I advise that you listen to your attorney's advice before accepting any type of financial support from John.

I offer you my sincerest sympathies on your heartbreak, and wish you the best of luck as you begin your new life as a Mom. Do your best to raise her well.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Drama Queen Needs To Find A New Target

Dear Tazi:

I have a friend, "Randi" who feeds on drama. Whenever she gets upset with someone, she goes off on them on Facebook and "unfriends" them until the spat has ended; then, she will send another friend request. If the friend request goes unanswered, she will cancel it and resend it. Randi will keep doing this until you accept her as your friend. Since I like to keep my life a drama free zone, I let her unfriend me, ignored her multiple friend requests, and finally blocked her from my Facebook account so she could not drag me into her little game.

I thought Randi would get my point and leave me alone, but mutual friends have told me that she has been trashing me on her Facebook page, calling me a bad friend and names that are much, much worse. I would not be bothered so much by this if Randi did not act like a good friend to my face and as if nothing is wrong. I am torn between bringing the subject up with her and just letting it go and hoping she will eventually give up the fight. I am afraid if I ask my friends for their advice they will report back to Randi and the cycle will only get more intense - which is why I am writing to you for your opinion.

Signed,
Drama Free?

Dear Drama Free:

It looks like your life is not as drama free as you would like. In order to settle the situation, you have to ask yourself: how much do Randi's comments bother you? Is she mentioning you by name or simply implying that her comments are about you? Last of all, why are your friends reporting this to you? Are they trying to fuel the fire in hopes of a dramatic eruption?

In my opinion, Randi is attempting to get a reaction from you with her Facebook posts. Since she continues to be nice to you in person, it could be that she is hoping to play the innocent party and paint you as paranoid if you suggest that her comments are about you. As annoying as these comments must be, bringing them up to Randi will only cause more drama.

The next time your friends bring up the comments that Randi is making, shrug it off and do not let on that the comments bother you. Sooner or later, Randi will get tired of playing a one-sided game and move onto a new target. Since she loves drama so much, I suggest letting her keep it all to herself by refusing to take the bait she offers. If you are uncomfortable with maintaining a relationship with Randi, drop her from your circle of friends; if you are unable to do this, work to limit the time you spend with her. People who feed on drama tend to find a new source when another source dries up on them.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Division Of Space Between New Step-Sisters Is A Tricky Problem To Solve

Dear Tazi:

I only just discovered your column so you will probably print this after the fact, but here is my problem anyway. My Mom is getting remarried New Year’s Eve (2012) and the man she is marrying has an 8-year-old daughter, “Cindy”. She’s a cute kid, and I have nothing against her, but I am 15-years-old so I really have nothing in common with her, either.

Because my mother owns her own house and “Bradley” rents, he will be moving in with us after the wedding. Again, I have no problem with this so long as he respects my privacy and doesn’t turn my life into a Lifetime TV movie! My problem is that Bradley has visitation with Cindy one day a week (a non-overnight visit) and two weekends a month for overnight stays. He and my Mom have decided that, since Cindy will not be with us full time, she does not need her own bedroom. They are keeping our third bedroom/office as an office and expect me to share my bedroom with Cindy!

Tazi, my mother told me that I will have to give up my double bed to make room for two twin beds, and that I will have to get all new furniture to match the furniture that they will be buying for Cindy. The kid is only going to be sleeping over four nights a month! I do not see why I have to split my bedroom full-time or get rid of my stuff to make room for her! They get to keep their “study” instead of turning it into a guest bedroom!

I know that sounds bratty, but I have tried to make a calm and reasonable argument with my mother but it didn’t work. Bradley went all father-figure on me and told me that this was his home now, too, and that meant it was his daughter’s home as well and that we were to make her feel welcome. Like I said, Tazi, Cindy is a cute kid, but she is A) a kid, and will probably want to decorate the room like a kid’s room and act like a little kid when she is in there and B) she is not going to be around all that much. My mother told me that if I could think of a reasonable solution to the problem we could take that route instead, but I don’t know what to suggest that does not involve me giving up my space. Can you think of a solution – quickly? Bradley wants to go furniture shopping ASAP.

Signed,

Soon-To-Be Stepsister

Dear Soon-To-Be Stepsister:

I get the distinct impression that you do not care for Bradley. While this may seem neither here nor there, it is an important factor in the dynamic you describe. You do not say how long your parents have been divorced, but I get the impression that for the last few years (at least) it has been just you and your Mom, and now there are new people entering your home and your private life. This can be a big adjustment on its own, but to add on the stress of losing 1/2 of your bedroom to a child 1/2 of your age who will only be there to occupy it 1/10^th of the month…this can present an overwhelming amount of stress.

Try not to blame your Mom, but to see things from her point of view. She has just become a stepmother and is trying to make her new stepdaughter (who is going through her own stresses right now) feel like a welcome part of the family. In her zeal to impress this welcome upon both Cindy and Bradley, you are the one getting unfairly pushed.

If your mother and stepfather are adamant about keeping their office space an office and not a hybrid office/guest room, the only other solution is to put Cindy in your room. Personally, I do not believe that an eight year old should be sharing a room with a fifteen year old. Unless the two are extremely close, this is a recipe for argument and disaster! I suggest that, rather than split the room down the middle – which I agree is an unfair division of space – or invest in a whole new room of furniture – which can be expensive – that your parents invest in a trundle bed for Cindy. A trundle bed stores neatly under the main bed and can be pulled out for use as necessary. Hopefully, you will be willing to create some space – say two drawers worth – in your dresser for Cindy to put her stuff, and perhaps even a little bit of closet space, as well. This plan will allow Cindy to feel welcome without infringing on your rights to personal space, too. Furthermore, it will cut down on the problem of not having something she needs because it’s a t Daddy’s house, because with the exception of a few essentials she will be packing up her stuff when she leaves each Sunday night.

I suggest you show your letter to your Mom, as well as the response I have given; then, open up a real conversation on the topic of your personal space – and what I think are your fears of coming in second to your new stepsister.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.