Dear Tazi:
I have always been tomboyish, and now that I am an adult (in my twenties) I am still more interested in "guy stuff" than makeup, clothes, and shoes. I still prefer Popular Mechanics over Cosmopolitan and can outplay all of my guy friends at any video game you can name. I can do my own car repairs, prefer Bud Light over Beringer, and don't even own a dress.
My problem is that no guy seems interested in me as anything more than a friend; to all the guys I know I am just one of the guys, and they do not see me as a potential girlfriend. Over the years I have crushed on several of my guy friends, but they always seemed more interested in the cheerleaders or the hoochie types, and not the down-home girl that I am. I thought things would change as we got older, and they did. The guys are now interested in the Victoria's Secret model type of woman. They still look at me as nothing special.
I hate the idea of changing who I am to attract a man; I want someone to love me for who I am, not for the image I present. Even if I grew my hair long, got a makeover, and started wearing skirts I would still be who I am on the inside, just completely uncomfortable with who I was on the outside. Do you think there are men out there who will love me for who I am or do I have to bite the bullet and girl it up a bit?
Signed,
Tommie
Dear Tommie:
Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER change who you are to impress a romantic interest!!!! You are only selling yourself short and selling a lie to the object of your affection! If someone cannot love you for who you are than they are not worth your interest!
I am not sure what kind of men you are hanging around with that they only seem interested in girly-girl type women; could it be that they are merely fantasizing about these women but are looking to date someone more realistic? Or do they really seek to be the next Tom Brady?
Have you ever expressed interest in any of your guy friends, or have you kept quiet and fantasized yourself? A lack of self-confidence has slayed many in the area of romance, regardless of how they looked in a miniskirt. If you are looking to attract the attention of a particular man, I suggest you show him you are interested. Smile at him. Ask him to get together for a beer "just the two of us" and see how he responds. Listen to him when he is talking, and respond so he knows you are listening to him - ask follow-up questions (even if you already know the answer); use words/phrase like "cool" or "that sounds awesome" when a positive response is required, or sympathetic words like "I'm so sorry" when sympathy is needed (not "that sucks"; such casual language can be a turn-off and will keep you in the friend zone) .
If you are just generally looking to meet someone, say something! Tell your guy friends (who will have other guy friends) that you are looking to meet someone for a date or a relationship. Once they know you are open to meeting someone they should be comfortable introducing you to men they think will interest you and be interested in you. Friends look out for each other in many ways; this is one of them.
Don't get discouraged and give up if your first few - or first dozen - dates don't go anywhere; it can take a while to meet the right person. Know that dating is a process, and part of that process is discovering what you don't want as well as what you do want in a partner. In the end, you must always remember to stay true to yourself because in the end you are the only one who has to live with yourself.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
I have always been tomboyish, and now that I am an adult (in my twenties) I am still more interested in "guy stuff" than makeup, clothes, and shoes. I still prefer Popular Mechanics over Cosmopolitan and can outplay all of my guy friends at any video game you can name. I can do my own car repairs, prefer Bud Light over Beringer, and don't even own a dress.
My problem is that no guy seems interested in me as anything more than a friend; to all the guys I know I am just one of the guys, and they do not see me as a potential girlfriend. Over the years I have crushed on several of my guy friends, but they always seemed more interested in the cheerleaders or the hoochie types, and not the down-home girl that I am. I thought things would change as we got older, and they did. The guys are now interested in the Victoria's Secret model type of woman. They still look at me as nothing special.
I hate the idea of changing who I am to attract a man; I want someone to love me for who I am, not for the image I present. Even if I grew my hair long, got a makeover, and started wearing skirts I would still be who I am on the inside, just completely uncomfortable with who I was on the outside. Do you think there are men out there who will love me for who I am or do I have to bite the bullet and girl it up a bit?
Signed,
Tommie
Dear Tommie:
Never, ever, ever, ever, EVER change who you are to impress a romantic interest!!!! You are only selling yourself short and selling a lie to the object of your affection! If someone cannot love you for who you are than they are not worth your interest!
I am not sure what kind of men you are hanging around with that they only seem interested in girly-girl type women; could it be that they are merely fantasizing about these women but are looking to date someone more realistic? Or do they really seek to be the next Tom Brady?
 |
| The man who really does have it all... |
Have you ever expressed interest in any of your guy friends, or have you kept quiet and fantasized yourself? A lack of self-confidence has slayed many in the area of romance, regardless of how they looked in a miniskirt. If you are looking to attract the attention of a particular man, I suggest you show him you are interested. Smile at him. Ask him to get together for a beer "just the two of us" and see how he responds. Listen to him when he is talking, and respond so he knows you are listening to him - ask follow-up questions (even if you already know the answer); use words/phrase like "cool" or "that sounds awesome" when a positive response is required, or sympathetic words like "I'm so sorry" when sympathy is needed (not "that sucks"; such casual language can be a turn-off and will keep you in the friend zone) .
 |
| NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! |
If you are just generally looking to meet someone, say something! Tell your guy friends (who will have other guy friends) that you are looking to meet someone for a date or a relationship. Once they know you are open to meeting someone they should be comfortable introducing you to men they think will interest you and be interested in you. Friends look out for each other in many ways; this is one of them.
Don't get discouraged and give up if your first few - or first dozen - dates don't go anywhere; it can take a while to meet the right person. Know that dating is a process, and part of that process is discovering what you don't want as well as what you do want in a partner. In the end, you must always remember to stay true to yourself because in the end you are the only one who has to live with yourself.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
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