As Uncool As It Sounds, Proper Grammar Is Important

Dear Tazi:

I am at my wit's end with my fourteen year old daughter!  "Sabrina" insists on writing all of her communications - from texts to school writing assignments - in text speak, or worse, LOL speak.  I will admit that it is charming when you kitty-cats do it, but it is sickening seeing my daughter's grades plummet because she thinks it is "cool" to write this way.  She is also starting to speak in street slang; she sounds like a punk!  This is not how she was raised!

My mother-in-law spent her entire career teaching proper English to middle school students (she was an English teacher).  I remember when my husband and I first started dating, how I worked on my grammar so as to impress her with my proper speech, and I have worked to pass the lessons she taught onto Sabrina, but Sabrina just won't listen!  Her grandmother is coming to visit from Florida this Christmas.  It is her first visit since moving two years ago, and I am afraid of what she will think when she asks about Sabrina's grades or offers to proofread her papers - something Sabrina used to love to do with her Grandma.

I have tried to punish Sabrina for her low grades, but nothing works - she continues to use poor grammar because she thinks it is the height of fashion and that "nobody cares about grammar anymore".  She complains that it is boring, old-fashioned, and outdated.  Can you think of a way that I can get my daughter back on track?

Signed,
Not LOL'ing

Dear Not LOL'ing:

It appears that your daughter is trying to fit in with a certain crowd, and hopefully this is merely a phase through which she is going on her way to becoming an independent thinker. I realize from your letter that you hold your mother-in-law in high esteem, and that you fear she will somehow think less of you because of your daughter's sudden change in writing habits.  I think you give your M-I-L far too little credit!  She has been proofreading your daughter's work over the years, and has watched her writing abilities develop.  Could her move to Florida - and subsequent lack of quality time with Sabrina - have brought on Sabrina's changed behavior?  Is it possible that her use of poor grammatical skills is a cry for attention?

I suggest that, in preparation for your M-I-L's visit, you contact her and explain the situation with Sabrina's writing; then, have your M-I-L contact Sabrina about proofreading her work via email and chatting about it through Skype or a webcam.  Both are wonderful ways to keep in touch and to kept the bond between Sabrina and her Grandma strong.  If Sabrina knows that her Grandma will be reading her work her attitude towards grammar may suddenly improve.  It  is my greatest hope that your daughter sees that by writing in text and LOL speak, she is perpetrating the untruth that she is an uneducated dolt.

I also think that it is time that Grandma have a talk with Sabrina about the importance of proper grammar when speaking and writing the English language.  In our ever widening global economy more and more business people are not native speakers of the American language, and proper grammar can make the difference between being understood or unintentionally insulting somebody.

Proper grammar can save a life!

On a personal note,  I would like to say that LOL cats aren't cute because of the way they are shown to speak; they are cute because they are cats!  Furthermore, as you can see by my column, cats do not speak in LOL-Catese.  This is a horrible scam, one that the Great Cat Overlord is working hard on correcting, as you can see here:

P. Tigris only takes the time to speak out on matters of utmost importance.  
The rest of the time he naps.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Child Refuses To Do Homework, Mom Cannot Figure Why

Dear Tazi:

My usually bright, 11 year old son has suddenly refused to do his homework. He complains that it is too hard and gives up after only a few minutes. Because of this, his grades are slipping for A's and B's to C's and D's and even a few F's.

I have tried to talk to his teacher, but she just suggests that I help him in ways that I cannot - I do not understand the new math that kids are assigned, so I can't help him, and I do not have time to take him to after-school tutoring. His father has him on weekends (I am divorced) so I cannot schedule tutoring for Saturdays, either.

I have tried punishing my son by taking away privileges; rewarding him by extending privileges; and even bribing him with money for good grades but nothing sticks. Can you suggest any other ideas that will get my son back on track?

Signed,
At My Wits' End!

Dear At My Wits' End!:

While I understand that you cannot help your son with his homework because you do not understand it yourself, I cannot understand why you cannot find a way to get him to and from after-school tutoring. Is his father available to take him? A grandparent or a friend? Surely there must be a way to put your son's needs first, even if it means missing a few hours with his father in order to meet with a tutor on Saturday mornings. This is something that requires you to co-parent with your ex-husband - as difficult as that may be, you need to work together to meet your son's needs.

My larger concern is your son's flagging work ethic - you write that he "gives up after only a few minutes". This is not normal behavior for a child who is ordinarily quite bright. Are there other problems going on that you are now aware of, such as bullying or feeling pressured to succeed? You do not say for how long you have been divorced, but could this be what is affecting your son?

This could also be the reason your son can't finish his homework!

Since revoking privileges and offering rewards is not working, there appears to be something deeper going on with your son - as his mother, it is your job to start digging. I suggest another meeting with his teacher to see how he is doing socially, and to find out if there is an underlying cause to this sudden drop in academic progress.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.