Dear Tazi:
My son’s mother and I are divorced and we share custody. “Justin”
is eight years old and of average height, but he weights almost 120 pounds. The
boy is morbidly obese, and I am deeply concerned about his health. With regard
to his upbringing, this is the one issue over which his mother and I disagree; unfortunately,
that disagreement spills over into several areas.
When Justin is at my house, I make sure he eats healthy
foods; plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, and low-fat foods.
Justin is not happy with this arrangement, but he has learned the hard way that
if he does not eat the food he is given less nutritional alternatives will not
be offered. When Justin is with his Mom, the opposite is true. She has given in
to Justin’s desires for poor dietary choices like macaroni and cheese, Raman
noodles, hot dogs, and sugary foods.
We have only been divorced for two years, and Justin’s
weight has more than doubled during that time. His pediatrician has ruled out
any glandular problems, and agrees with me that Justin’s weight problem is
related to diet; my ex-wife insists that it is “just baby-fat” and that he will
lose it as he ages. I am afraid that my son will not be aging well and will die
young if his diet is not overhauled now. He gets absolutely no exercise at his
Mom’s house, since she allows him to sit around and play video games whenever
he is with her. I try to make Justin exercise, but the effort it takes him just
to ride his bike up and down the street is heartbreaking, and he is soon
sweating, out of breath, and begging for a Gatorade.
My ex-wife could easily afford to buy healthy food for
Justin – I have offered to purchase it for her myself, but she refused, telling
me that money is not the problem; the problem is that at the end of the day she
lacks the energy to argue with Justin over what he will and will not eat. She
thinks it abusive to allow him to refuse a meal until he realizes that healthy
food in a reasonable portion size is all he is going to get. (Portion size is
something else his mother refuses to control; last Halloween she allowed him to
eat an entire pound of chocolate in one night to make up for the fact that he
did not have the energy to go trick or treating.).
I am considering suing for full custody of my son, a commitment
I am willing to undertake to save his physical health, but I do not wish to
take him away from his mother. I just want his mother to be a more responsible
caregiver. Can you think of any other way to motivate her, short of taking our
son away from her?
Signed,
Fit And Frustrated
Dear Fit And Frustrated:
Your letter leaves me feeling a deep concern for your son.
It is obvious from his choice of food that he is being malnourished while at
the same time being fed to death! From the sound of his diet he is not
receiving the nutrients he needs to fortify his growing body, and at the same
time is receiving too much of nutrients meant to be taken in sparingly. A
single serving of Raman noodles in sauce has over 1,200 mg of sodium; if Justin
is eating the entire block of noodles, that is two servings – and more than a
full day’s worth of sodium and carbohydrates, with little to no other vitamins
or protein.
From what you say, your son will eat nutritious food in
proper portions, he just prefers junk food. Since your ex-wife is worn-out at
the end of the day and caves to Justin’s preferences, a plan that works for her
will be the plan that is most successful. Her comment that Justin’s extra
pounds are “just baby fat” is obviously a denial of the reality that is before
her eyes. Rather than sue for full custody – a serious and dramatic step – try other
options first.
Together – as a family – the three of you should see a Nutritionalist.
Showing Justin a united front on this issue may be what he needs to realize the
severity of his problem, and will also show that he can no longer pit one
parent against the other. A Nutritionalist will teach you – as parents – proper
meal planning and foods appropriate for a growing boy who needs to lose weight.
S/he will teach Justin the definition of portion size and tasty substitutes for
his favorite foods. For example, turkey hot dogs are fat free and make a
delicious substitute for beef or pork frankfurters; fresh fruit can be sweeter
than candy.
Justin also needs to start exercising. Nobody likes to
exercise alone, so as his parents you need to make it a point to exercise with
him. Since Justin likes video games, the Wii Fit or other game system that
requires physical movement to play would be an excellent investment made on his
behalf. Justin did not double his weight overnight, and it will take a while
for him to lose it.
Making diet and exercise a punishment will only discourage
him from following such a regimen, so I do not suggest that you withhold food
from him. Rather, try to find compromise. Both you and Justin’s mother should
try meal planning, and include Justin in the process; if he feels involved in
deciding what’s for dinner every night there will be no battles to fight with
him at the end of the day. In the end, you need to make Justin’s journey a
journey towards better health and more energy, not about making him feel badly
about himself.
Snuggles,
TaziAsk Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
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