Cheerleader Says "Bring It On!", Parents Not So Spirited

Dear Tazi:

Have you ever seen the movie Bring It On? That could be the story of my life! I live, eat, sleep, and breathe cheerleading! I started with lessons when I was only 3 and have been on a squad since I was 7. I love cheerleading! It is all that I want to do with my life. My goal is to cheer professionally for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. I cannot try out for them until I am 18, but I have been practicing really hard, and have the opportunity to go to a training camp where I can learn their moves and other ways to improve my chances of making it onto their squad. The problem is the cost: $300 per week, not including the cost of travel. I would like to attend for the entire summer program next year, bringing the cost to over $3,000.

I would like to use the money my parents have put in my college education fund to pay for cheer training camp. I figure if I make the Dallas squad I will not have time to go to college anyway, so why leave the money sitting there? I think using it for cheer training would be a much better use for it. As you have probably already guessed, my parents are firmly against this plan. I don’t think they are being fair. It is MY future; shouldn’t I get to decide what I want to do with it?

Signed,
Future D.C.B.C.L.

Dear Future D.C.B.C.L.

You do not say how old you are, but from the tone of your letter I will guess that you are a teenager. This means that your parents are legally responsible for you and that the decisions they make must be made with your best interests in mind. I realize that you understand the difficulty in making it onto a professional cheering squad; otherwise you would not be seeking such expensive, specialized training. Please tell me, what do you plan on doing for a living if you do not get picked for a professional cheering squad? This is what your parents are considering, and why they have set aside money to pay for your college education and not cheer camp.

$3,000 is a lot of money to invest in a dream, and you are essentially asking somebody else to pay for it. I will suggest a compromise that I think is fair to both you and your parents:

You must:

Be willing to work a part-time job to pay for at least 50% of this special cheer training camp (your parents can decide what percentage they would be willing to pay, and 0% is an acceptable answer).

Keep your school grades at or above the level you have them at now.

Agree to at least try college, to see if you like it and to work towards a degree as a back-up plan should a cheerleading position not come through right away (a community college would be the perfect place to start, as the costs are lower than a traditional college and the scheduling more flexible).

Your parents must:

Be supportive of your dream, as it appears they have been in the past, so long as you stick to your end of the bargain.

Accept your decision with regards to continuing your education, if after one year you decide you do not wish to continue

As you can see, the onus is on you to follow through with the tough stuff – planning and working towards a successful future, complete with a Plan B should things not go as planned, regardless of how talented you are. Football players are not the only ones who can suffer career-ending injuries.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teen Wants To Drop-Out, Learn Lessons From The "School Of Life"

Dear Tazi:

I hate school.  It's boring and I think I could learn a lot more in the School of Life than I am in my local high school.  I will be 16 in January - old enough to drop-out.  My parents have told me if I do that, I can find a new place to live.  I don't think they would actually kick me out, but it is a risk I am willing to take.  What really has me angry is my father.  He owns his own company - a warehouse and shipping place - but he has told me that he doesn't hire people without a high school diploma, a GED, or a good reason for not having either - no exceptions, not even for me.  I don't think this is very fair.  First, my parents tell me I can find another place to live if I leave school, then they won't offer me a job to help me make it until I can find something on my own.  it's like they are forcing me to stay in school.

My Mom is crazy about you, Tazi.  She is always reading your column.  Do you think you can convince her to either ease up or get my father to give me a job?  Without a job, I have to stay in school.

Signed,
Hates School

Dear Hates School:

At sixteen years old, it is not uncommon to hate school.  Many of your peers also think school is boring and that nothing they are learning has anything to do with them.  Many of these students drop-out; some do well for themselves because they have a strong work ethic and generally were holding down a job before leaving school, others discover that dropping out was a big mistake.  Right now, the choice is yours to make - which group do you want to join?

Your comment that you could learn more from the "School of Life" shows a woeful amount of ignorance as to what the School of Life is really like.  Currently, you cannot handle a six-hour workday which requires you to attend 180 days a year, with weekends off; one week vacations every six to eight weeks; and three months off during the summer.  The School of Life may require you to work weekends; days as long as 12-hours, little to no vacation time your first year on the job; no summers off; and low-pay for work harder than you are doing right now.

I suggest that, for a moment, you look at your situation from an employer's point of view.  If you cannot handle school because it is "boring", what is going to happen if you do not like some aspect of your job?  Will you leave it for another to handle?  Would you be open to learning new skills to advance within the company, or is learning something that does not apply to your immediate living situation just not your thing?  These are questions that may go unspoken, but that a Hiring Manager is asking him/herself.  

I like your father's attitude - many employers are not willing to give a chance to someone without a high school diploma or a GED, even though the potential employee may have had extenuating circumstances as to why they were unable to complete their high school education.  This is something you will quickly discover if you drop out of high school (most states do not allow you to sit for your GED tests until you are 18).

Since you seem so gung-ho about working, I suggest you ask your parents for a compromise: You will stay in school and ask if your father will hire you to work after-school and/or weekends.  This will give you the opportunity to finish your high school education while learning valuable lessons in the School of Life you seek to attend.  If the experience of others has taught me anything, it is that you will soon discover how important an education really is.

If by the start of the next school year you still want to drop out and work full-time, your parents should honor this decision.  They do not, however, have to support your decision - I suggest that you save every dime you make, develop a standout work ethic and plenty of professional references so you can find a full-time job on your own in order to become self-supporting.  If I were you, I would not doubt your parents threat to kick you out of the house - it sounds to me as though your education is more important to them than it is to you.  I am not certain of the laws in your state (or what your state is), but generally it is unlawful to kick an underage youth out of the house.  However, you cease to be a youth on your 18th birthday.  Just saying...

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenage Vegetarian Seeks Parental Acceptance For Her Choice

Dear Tazi:

I am seventeen and for many reasons I have decided to become a vegetarian. I am not certain if I want to go completely vegan, but I do not wish to see animals die for my meals any longer. When I told my mother this she responded that as long as I eat at her table I will eat what she serves and not argue about it. I figured I could get around this by simply not eating dinner when she serves meat, but she grounded me for wasting food! How am I the one wasting food when I tell her not to prepare a meat-based serving for me?

My father has been a bit more supportive, suggesting that I am going through a "teenage phase" and asking my Mom to "play along" until I "grow out of it". Tazi, this is not a phase! I will be off to college in another year and a half and I will be able to eat however I want, and a vegetarian diet is what I want. In fact, I am only looking at schools that offer vegetarian meal plans.

My decision to go vegetarian has caused a lot of stress around my dinner table. This was not my intent and would like to try and diffuse it, but it looks like the only way to do that is to give up my new lifestyle as a vegetarian and that is not an option. Can you think of any ways to get my mother to lay off on the meat? She serves it at almost every meal!

Signed,
Vegging In, Not Out

Dear Vegging In, Not Out:

For years now, medical science has touted the benefits of a well-balanced vegetarian diet. The key here is the term "well-balanced", which means your diet should include a combination of starchy and non-starchy vegetables, grains, and legumes (nuts, beans, and other protein rich plant-based foods. So often, people who decide to "go veg" do not do their homework and end up eating a poorly balanced diet that is deficient in many of the amino acids needed to build proteins - which are the building blocks of the enzymes your body needs to function!

I suggest that you ask your mother why she is so offended by your choice to eliminate animal flesh from your diet. If she is concerned that you will end up malnourished a trip to the doctor for a full check-up and a visit with a dietitian, who can show you all that you need to eat in order to achieve a balanced diet, will go far in assuaging her fears.

I only wish it was this easy!

If your mother is afraid that your new diet will be an additional burden on her, requiring her to make separate menus for every meal you need to make sure that this does not happen. It is very simple to ask your Mom to set aside a portion of a recipe before adding any meat to it; it is quite another to demand an entire meal be prepared separately for your needs, since there is no medical reason for your specialized diet. For example, if your mother is making spaghetti and meat sauce, ask her to set aside some of the sauce before adding the meat/meat juices; if she is making steak and potatoes, do not tell her that she needs to prepare a Tofurky for you. Rather, politely request that she not prepare a helping of steak for you and sit with your family and eat the parts of the meal that coincide with your dietary preferences.

If your mother's concern is that your vegetarian needs will be a burden on the family's grocery budget, offer to pay for the additional cost of your specialized foods. If your mother normally buys you beef hot dogs for $3.69 a package and tofu pups cost $3.99, offer to pay the difference in cost. Although 30-cents is not much, over the cost of an entire shopping trip the money really does add up fast!

Lastly, if your mother is afraid that you just don't like her cooking, reassure her that this is not the case; that the decision you have made to eschew meat is a deeply personal one. Try sharing your reasoning with her to help her understand that your decision is about you, not her, or anyone else for that matter. You may not be able to convince either of your parents that you are not going through a "teenage phase", but you may be able to convince them to be more accepting of your choice once they see you handling it in a mature and responsible manner.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Another idea is to buy a vegetarian cookbook and offer to cook dinner for your family or ask your Mom to help you prepare some vegetarian recipes! Quality time is what the family dinner hour is all about!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

There Is A Difference Between Secrecy And Privacy

Dear Tazi:

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now, and he is always keeping secrets from me!  "Joe" always goes out and doesn't tell me where he is going.  If I find out where he went it is because I asked, not because he told me.  I never know who he is texting or Facebooking on his phone - when I try to see he blocks the phone and tells me to cut it out, that I am invading his privacy.  I feel like Joe has two sides to his life; one that he shares with me and one that he does not.  I want to be part of his entire life, not just the parts he allows me to see.

Yesterday all [heck] broke loose and I am ready to end the relationship over his attitude.  Joe and I were hanging out when he got up to use the bathroom.  He left his phone behind, so I decided to check his text messages to see what he is hiding from me, but his phone was locked with a security code!  I see no reason why he has this feature, and I told him so when he got back.  Rather than give me an answer he demanded to know why I was trying to use his phone when I had mine with me.

I told Joe that I did not like that he keeps so many secrets from me and demanded that he let me see his call and text history.  He told me that he was not keeping secrets but that his phone history was a private matter and that I need to learn to trust him.  I told him to stop turning the issue into something that was my fault; that he is the one keeping secrets.  I gave him an ultimatum: his secrets or me.  He just stared at me, so I walked out before he responded.  Now I am wondering if I should call to demand his answer.

Signed,
Boyfriendless?

Dear Boyfriendless?:

There is a big difference between secrecy and privacy.  Secrecy is accompanied by feelings of guilt; fear that someone will find out what you are doing; and overly defensive behavior.  Privacy is a matter of respect for another's personal life.  For example, Joe should not have to tell you where he is at every moment of the day; nor should he have to tell you who he has been texting and what has been said.  If he is texting directly in front of you and ignoring you to have a text conversation with another this is rude, but it is still a private conversation.  If I were you I would worry if he left the room to talk or text; since he is doing it in front of you he is not keeping the conversation a secret, just private.

The fact that Joe is willing to tell you where he went after you discover that he went out tells me that he is not keeping secrets from you; rather, it sounds like you are insecure in your relationship.  Have boyfriends past cheated on you?  Has Joe ever done anything (within reason) to make you question his fidelity?  Joe could make more of an effort to make you feel like a part of his life, but trust me when I tell you that most of what he does when he is not with you would probably bore you to tears.  Do you really want to hear about his trip to the store to buy milk?  Or his text conversation with his best friend that consists of one word answers?

You were wrong to try and sneak a peek into Joe's call and text history; this is an invasion of privacy.  As for the security code on his phone, has it occurred to you that maybe Joe keeps sensitive personal information in there - like credit card numbers and other financial information?  Nowadays, a phone is a mini-computer; Joe is wise to keep a digital lock on it.

I think you should call Joe and apologize for issuing such an unreasonable ultimatum.  Explain to him that his behavior makes you feel insecure, and ask him to meet you halfway - you can work on your insecurities and he can work on opening up to you.  Relationships are about compromise; it is time the two of you start.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Husband Wants Take-Out While Wife Wants To Be Taken Out

Dear Tazi:

My wife and I are having an argument that we repeatedly have and I am sick of it. On Friday nights she likes to go out to dinner because she says she has worked all week and is tired and does not want to cook dinner. I see her point, but I have worked hard all week, too, and do not feel like getting dressed up to go out somewhere.

I have suggested we order take-out and have it delivered, but “Wilma” argues that it is not the same as going out on a date and that I have stopped showing my appreciation for her. I argue that we have been married for fifteen years and together for almost twenty and we really don’t need to go on dates anymore. Things get worse from there, all because she doesn’t want to cook dinner or have to worry about whose turn it is to wash the dishes if we order take-out! Can you give me a real zinger to use the next time Wilma starts this stupid argument? One that will end the issue once and for all?

Signed,

“Fred”

Dear “Fred”:

How does this work for you? “I’m sorry dear; I know I have taken you for granted by assuming that you no longer need romance in your life. I know you are tired after a long week at work; so am I, so why don’t we order a pizza and pay-per-view tonight and tomorrow night I will take you out for dinner and dancing?”

Consider yourself zinged, and trust me; this response should end the argument once and for all.

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S. In case you forgot, today is Saturday! Put on your dancing shoes, “Mr. Flintstone”!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #48 - The Art Of Compromise

Dear Readers,

Have you ever been frustrated with your fellow humans? I know I have! My Mommie is FOREVER forgetting to fill all five of my feeding bowls, to put exactly six ice cubes in my water bowl, and to fluff the pillow by the window so I can sit on it and stare out at the world. The other night when I wanted my customary 9:30 PM treat, she made me wait because she had to use the flushable litter-box! I didn’t get my treat until 9:33! The audacity!

I decided that there was only one solution to this abuse, and I consulted with the great wise cat, Old Deuteronomy. He asked me if I was willing to compromise my standards at all, for the sake of my humans’ busy schedules. I told him NO! He then looked at me and patiently replied, “Just as you refuse to compromise, so they refuse as well”.

Up until now, I have always thought of compromise as a way to get two losers in the same argument. With compromise, nobody wins and everybody walks away unhappy – or so I thought. After my conversation with Old Deuteronomy, I decided to try it. When I noticed that my favorite feeding station was empty, I did not wake Mommie at 2 AM to get up and fill it; I simply ate some cat cereal from a different feeding station, and woke Mommie at 5 AM to get up and fill my favorite bowl. Although I could see she was not happy about the 5 AM wake up, she did fluff my window pillow for me, since she was awake. What a treat! A fluffed pillow is worth two full feeding stations! This compromise stuff could have a good side to it after all…

In the spirit of compromise, I decided that I would do my morning barfs in the middle of the floor instead in some secluded corner where they would not be discovered for a week. This compromise did not work out as well; one of the humans stepped in it and was not happy with me, although in the spirit of compromise they might have looked at where they were walking!

I think with a little practice, I will get the hang of this compromise thing, and possibly even learn to like it! What are your thoughts on compromise? Do you think it solves more problems than it creates or that it creates more problems than it solves? Do you only compromise over the important things or the little things? How do you manage to compromise without compromising your principles? Discuss!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

When Mom And Dad Don't Agree, Child Writes to Tazi For A Tie-Breaking Vote

Dear Tazi:

My Mommy and Daddy are painting all of the rooms in our house. I want to paint my bedroom purple, but my Mommy won't let me. Daddy says it is my room, and I should be allowed to paint it whatever color I want, since I am the one who will have to live with it. Auntie who lives with us said I should let you decide since Mommy always says you give great advice. I am telling Auntie what to say and she is typing this on the Internet for me. Mommy reads your letters every day, and sometimes reads them to me. I like them! I think you are a nice kitty. Will you tell Mommy to let me paint my room purple? I am 5 years old.

Hugs and Kisses,
Madison

Dear Madison:

Five years old! Why you are practically a little lady! Thank you very much for writing to me, and asking me to solve your problem. I like helping humans solve their problems. When humans are happy, they feed me more kitty treats.

Can I tell you a secret? My bedroom - the room I share with my Mommie - is painted purple, and I love it! Mommie took a long time to look at lots of different color purples before she finally decided on two different purples, a dark one and a light one. She was afraid she would get tired of looking at all that purple, so she had to make extra sure she liked the colors. I think your Mommy is afraid that she will get tired of looking at all that purple, too, so here is an idea that you can try:

Since you really, really want to paint your room purple, I think you should be allowed to paint it purple - but your Mommy gets to choose the other colors for the room; like the bedding, curtains, carpet, and paint trim. This way, you get purple walls and your Mommy doesn't get a headache from looking at all that purple. This idea is what grown-ups call a compromise.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Remember to say thank you to your Auntie for helping you write to me! --T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.