Relocating Means Learning New Language, Overcoming Old Prejudices

Dear Tazi:

A few months ago I accepted a job transfer to Miami, thinking the change of scenery (and escape from an upstate New York winter) would be a nice change of pace. The one thing I forgot to count on is the fact that Miami is no longer a part of the United States, at least it seems that way.  With more people speaking Spanish than English, I feel like I have moved to Cuba.  I believe that in America we should speak English, but my beliefs are not going to help me get by in this new city where I do not know anybody and do not speak the predominant language.  I feel like an immigrant in my own country, and am very, very frustrated.

I am trying very hard to overcome my anger at those who have moved here to America - legally or illegally - and have not learned English, but it is hard.  Why should I have to learn Spanish when the official language of America is English?  Why shouldn't people who speak Spanish have to learn English?  I am in my forties, and learning a new language is not easy at my age.

People have mentioned that I try Rosetta Stone, but that program is very expensive and I am not sure how I would do in a self-guided program.  I do not have time to take a class at the community college, and I really need to learn at least conversational Spanish to get around this city.  In past columns, you have mentioned that your Mommie is learning Spanish.  Can you tell me any of her secrets for learning this new language?  Or is she failing as badly as I am at trying to learn Spanish?

Signed,

No Habla Español 

Dear No Habla Español:

First let me state for the record that, due to my bearing the onus of an inordinate amount of neglect, my Mommie is doing very well in her attempts to learn Spanish!  Mi mamá trabaja mucho! Before I share some of her tips for learning a new language - I have not decided if you are worthy of them yet - I would like to address the attitude I sense coming from your letter.

To start, you are incorrect in stating that English is the "official language" of the United States.  The U.S. has no official language; English is simply the most commonly spoken one and the most agreed upon for government use as it is the traditionally used language within our borders.  There are those who argue that America should pass legislation declaring English as our official language, but until that happens your argument is on shaky ground.

There are different areas in America where the predominant culture dictates the language most spoken - a good example of this would be among the Amish, who speak a German dialect among themselves and within their communities.  This does not mean that they cannot speak English (they can, and they do when the occasion calls for it), which brings me to another point: you assume that simply because someone is speaking Spanish that they are unable to speak English; this is not always correct.  Many immigrants and first generation Americans are bi-lingual and even poly-lingual, putting the language skills of the native born to shame.

You mention that you are in your forties and that learning a new language at your age is hard.  Many who immigrate to America come here not as children, but as adults and experience the same difficulty learning English that you are experiencing learning Spanish.  It is for this reason that Spanish speaking communities form, eliminating the need to learn English in order to go about one's day to day business.  Again, this is not to say that nobody in those communities speaks English; I suggest you work to find businesses that are bilingual in English-Spanish and patron them while you work to improve your Spanish.  Who knows?  The business owners may even assist you with your Spanish while you are in their stores.

You are right to feel like an immigrant in your own country, because technically you have immigrated to a new community.  Even if that community spoke English, it would be a very different form of English than what you speak in upstate New York; you would have to learn how to interpret the local verbiage and work through the differences in your accents in order to make yourself understood and to understand others.

Being immersed in a new language is actually the best way to learn it - after all, it is how you learned your first language.  The next time you find yourself lost in the world of a new language, try to put aside your anger, fear, and panic and truly listen to what is being said.  Many Spanish words are part of the English language, and many Spanish words sound similar to English words; try to put these words into the context of the situation.  Do not be afraid to tell people that you do not speak Spanish, and ask them to speak slowly (habla despacio, por favor!).  Use as many physical props as possible to get your message across, and listen to the words used in response.  This is a great way to increase your vocabulary.  In time, as your vocabulary increases, your grammar will also improve.

Now, as for how Mommie is managing to do so well in her Spanish class: She first worked on building her vocabulary.  Her Spanish textbook keeps words in groups - physical traits, academic topics, rooms in the house, etc.  She learns each group in turn, and then uses them when speaking to me.  Over the past few months I have learned that I come la comida para gatos (eat cat food); duerme sobre una manta (sleep on a blanket) and that I can be a dolar en el culo! (pain in the...HEY!!!  That is not nice!).

Once you learn some vocabulary, you can learn how to conjugate each verb.  A book like Spanish for Dummies can be very helpful, as can a Spanish to English dictionary, many of which are free online.  The key to retaining what you learn is to practice every day.  Mommie talks to me in Spanish, and reviews the stuff that is giving her trouble right before she goes to bed; while sleeping, her brain untangles the problem and things generally make sense in the morning.

I realize that you say you do not have the time to take a class, but this really is the best way to learn a new language if immersion is not working for you.  Many colleges offer Spanish classes online, so you  do not have to worry about making it to a set class time each week - just about completing the assignments and practicing, practicing, practicing!!!  Perfection will not come overnight, but nobody is expecting that of you.  The fact that you are making an effort will be noticed, and go a long way towards helping you gain acceptance in your new community.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Marital Issues Have More Than One Solution

Dear Tazi:

I am friends with what has to be the most annoying couple on the face of the earth, “Tony” and “Toni” (yes, they have matching names, but I have changed them so please don’t change them again). I have known Tony since we were children, and he is a great guy to be around, most of the time, so I would hate to lose his friendship, but get him around Toni and he becomes an obnoxious bore.

Tony and Toni have had marital problems on and off from the better half of their marriage. They have children and cannot afford to get divorced, although they have separated several times, with Tony crashing on my couch and Toni getting their home and the kids. When Tony is away from Toni, he is the guy I enjoy being friends with – easygoing, determined to work hard and make a good life for himself and his kids. When Tony is with Toni he turns into Mr. Awesome Husband who can’t do enough to keep his wife happy, even if it leads to his own misery (which it often does). I don’t think my buddy deserves this, and I have suggested that maybe he should make the next separation a permanent one.

Toni thinks I am a bad influence on Tony because I am single (never married) and have no children. She thinks I want them to end their marriage so I have another single guy to pal around with, which is just plain crazy. I happen to know that Toni does plenty of “palling around” with other guys when she and Tony are on one of their breaks, so her devoted wife act isn’t fooling me.

Toni is talking about moving out of state for the “fresh start” she feels she and Tony need to save their marriage. She has recently completed training as a nail salon tech (what I call a manicurist) and wants to move to someplace warm and touristy where people get both manicures and pedicures year round. She thinks she will get more business this way, and she may be right, but what about Tony? Tony has fifteen years in with the same company, and is hoping for a big promotion next year. Toni has been throwing the old “If you really loved me…” line at him, trying to guilt him into leaving his secure job, friends, and family to follow her dream of being a manicurist. I know all of this because Tony complains about it to me all the time. I want to tell him to be a man and stand up for himself, but he is afraid that if he divorces Toni she will take the kids and move somewhere far away. What’s you take on the situation, Tazi?

Signed,

Best Friend In A Bad Spot

Dear Best Friend In A Bad Spot:

You seem to know a LOT about Tony and Toni’s marriage; I am not certain that you are not Tony himself and just pretending to be his best friend. For that reason alone I will not suggest that you butt out of your friend’s affairs, and will offer you my advice.

All marriages have difficulties; it is a fact of life. It is how you deal with those difficulties that will determine whether or not the marriage will last. Since there are children involved, this adds another dimension as to how to go about trying to save the marriage, and doing whatever must be done to give the children a well-adjusted life throughout the process, and beyond. The back and forth separations that are occurring between Tony and Toni are not healthy for anyone directly affected by these changes – the children, Tony and Tony, you as the best friend stuck in between the two, and the men who get involved with Toni thinking they stand a chance at a future with her. The time has come to end all of this drama!

You write that Tony becomes Mr. Awesome Husband after each separation has been reconciled, but it is at the expense of his own happiness, so obviously these reconciliatory events are one sided and favoring Toni. I get the impression, based upon this evidence and her “If you really loved me…” ultimatums that she is emotionally abusing Tony, perhaps even using their children as a pawn to get him to submit to her will. No one should have to live like this.

The next time Tony starts complaining to you about his problems, suggest that he complain to a marital counselor instead. A disinterested third party is what is needed here to sort through the he said/she said dynamic and the deep rooted issues that are keeping Tony and Toni ever on the edge of another separation.

If the marriage cannot be saved and divorce is the path they choose to follow, Tony should stand up for his rights as a father. Nowadays, more and more divorced fathers are petitioning for physical custody of their children, and many of them are winning their cases. A judge can decided what is best for the children; sometimes, staying in familiar surroundings with their father is better for them than being yanked halfway across the country in order to stay with their mother.

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S. Since Toni is looking for steady, year-round work as a nail tech in a “warm and touristy” area, why not suggest she look for work on a cruise ship or in an upscale hotel with a spa? This solves the problem of moving and also provides a venue that offers the opportunity for year-round manis and pedis.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenager Fears College Life Will Ruin Her Perfect Life At Home

Dear Tazi:

My life is very normal. I have two wonderful parents, still married, who never argue in front of me or my sister. Speaking of my sister, we get along great – she is the best little sister anyone could ever want. I have a dog (sorry, Tazi!) who I love to death and enjoy taking for long runs in the park, and I live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. My family is not rich, but I do not want for anything I need; I do well in school; and have great friends who do not pressure me to drink or do drugs. I am a cheerleader for my high school and my boyfriend is one of the Captains of the football team (surprise, surprise huh?). Basically, my life is so incredibly perfect it is positively abnormal!

I guess you are wondering why I am writing to you, huh, Tazi? I will be finishing my senior year of high school later this year, which means college is only a few months away. Both of my parents are legacies from the same college, and they would love for me to go to the family alma mater, as well. I would love to continue with this family tradition, but I am scared to go out on my own! The school in question is three hours from home, so there is no way I could commute every day; I would have to live there, in a dormitory or an off-campus apartment.

Moving away to school would mean leaving behind my dog, my little sister, my friends, my parents, and my entire life! My boyfriend would be going to school nearby, so I would have him to depend upon, but I know he will be busy with his own school and probably football, too (he has been offered a scholarship). I want to make my family proud; I just wish college was closer to home! Do you have any advice to help me overcome my fears and enjoy the rest of my senior year, Tazi?

Signed,
Future Tiger

Dear Future Tiger:

Something I have learned from writing this column is that Southern traditions die hard, so I can understand why you want to continue the tradition of your parents and your grandparents and your…

Moving away from home for the first time can be incredibly heartbreaking, especially when home is such a wonderful place. A three hour drive may sound like a million miles away from loved ones, but the truth is it is not that far – especially nowadays, when there is Skype, and Facebook, and other ways to communicate in real and almost real time.

A big part of growing up and making the transition from childhood to adulthood is moving out of your parents’ house and being responsible for yourself. Moving into a college residence hall is often a first step, a halfway point between living at home and being completely on your own. Living in a residence hall can offer many benefits while in college. In addition to making new friendships it relieves you of several hours a week of commuting time (which can be used for be used for both studying and extracurricular activities); plus it helps you to learn how to be responsible for your own life, without having Mom and dad there to tell you what to do and when to do it. In short, you can learn a lot of important life-skills that the classroom cannot teach you.

The fact that your boyfriend wants to continue your relationship through your college years is the sign of a man who cares very deeply for you – a lot of young men move away to college and forget the promises they made to their girlfriends back home – so he will be one constant in your life that will help you to adjust to your new living situation. Plus, there will be weekends where you can go home for a visit and weekends when your family will come to visit you (I have a feeling the latter will occur most often during football season!).

Just because you are moving away for a few years does not mean that you are moving on permanently; try to keep this in mind as you finish your final year of high school. As the school year winds down, your friends are bound to start firming up their college plans; let yourself get caught up in the bittersweet excitement and the future will not look so daunting!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Facebook Cattle-Call Brands Writer A Bad Friend

Dear Tazi:

I am so upset I don't know what to do with myself. I was moving into a new apartment for the first of the year, so I put the word out to my friends on Facebook to ask if they could help me. A lot of people responded, but only to tell me why they couldn't do it. You know - sorting, packing, and all the stuff that needs to be done before the actual move and then to help me with the actual move.  I am sick of hearing excuses like "I'd like to, but I have plans" or "I can't unless you can give me gas money; I don't have the gas money to get there and back". One person even said "I can't because that's the Sabbath"!

Isn't assisting a friend in need the perfect way to honor God? And I would think helping a friend to move is more important than some weekend plans. As for not having gas money, friends should be willing to help friends for free, not for gas money! Do you have any good responses that I can give to these so-called "friends" when they ask me why I am un-friending them on Facebook?

Signed,
Moving On

Dear Moving On:

I have the perfect response that you can give to those who question why you are un-friending them: I'm sorry I over-reacted to your inability to help me move. Can you forgive me for being so self-centered?

And for failing to offer the obligatory case of beer!

Nobody likes moving, even during the best of times; but to put out the request for help during the winter weather, on a weekend, in the middle of the holiday season? Did you honestly expect people to respond in droves? The reasons people gave are perfectly acceptable and quite reasonable. Would you have preferred they ignore your request altogether? In your letter, you disrespect one friend's religious practices; another's financial limitations; and a third friend's pre-existing plans. I can only imagine how you responded to them on Facebook, where people tend to be much more candid.

Unless you would be willing to put your plans/religion/financial needs aside to answer a cattle-call type request for help you have no right to complain about others reacting the same way. By un-friending these people, you are probably doing them a favor. Remember that in order to have good friends we must be a good friend. It's a little late to make this your New Year's resolution, so why not just resolve to try harder? Consider it a spring cleaning for the soul. You will be surprised at the results you get.

Snuggles,
Tazi

In-Law Week, Day 3: Must Man Choose Between Mother And Girlfriend?

[Ed. Note: Tazi has had a large influx of letters from men complaining about their mothers and wives complaining about their in-laws. I have decided to make this "In-Law Week" in an effort to let Tazi make the world a better place!].

Dear Tazi:

I have been dating a wonderful woman named "Lorelei" for almost two years now. Since I lost everything in a horrible divorce a few decades ago I have been gun-shy about marriage, since I have worked very hard to rebuild my life. I now own my own home, have a car with no payment, and have healthy savings and retirement accounts, as well as a few blue chip investments. I would hate to lose all of this in a second divorce (and have to start over again in my fifties!) so I have stipulated that I will not marry a woman until I have lived with her for at least a year.

After Lorelei and I were dating for a full year, I asked her to move in with me. Her reasons for saying no were valid (she feels that the first year of a relationship is always the easiest) and wanted to wait for another year to pass so we could get to know each other "with our masks off". I had to laugh, because up until that point I didn't realize how much of ourselves we censored from each other - at that point, I had never farted in front of Lorelei, kept a lit candle in the bathroom whenever I knew she would be coming over, made sure the bed was made and the sheets freshly washed...all stuff I generally overlook when I am around the guys.

Now that the two year mark is approaching I have once again asked Lorelei to move in with me, and she has said yes - on the condition that we are engaged and have a tentative wedding date in mind to work toward. She has told me she does not wish to sell or lease her house long-term and combine our finances unless she knows that she will not be out of house and home should things not work between us. I hadn't thought of things this way before, and realized how self-centered I was being. After speaking with my attorney and financial planner I had paperwork drawn up that will protect both of our interests, and Lorelei has read and agreed sign them after her lawyer reviewed them. Wow, three paragraphs and I still haven't told you my problem!

Lorelei has decided to lease her house with the option for the lessee to buy after two years. She is currently looking for a tenant before making our move, the only thing that is delaying us. Last month, my father passed away after a short but terminal illness. My mother is now looking to move in with me so she does not have to live alone. Mom is in excellent health and does not need someone to look after her - but if she did, she has her choice of my six other siblings, all who live nearby! Five of my siblings are married, and Mom has said she does not want to live somewhere where she will not be "the woman of the house", which rules out all but my youngest brother who is 28 and not married. "Joe" lives on his own and has offered to give up his apartment and move in with Mom to keep her company, help with expenses (the house is paid for, but there are always bills and repairs), and see after her. Mom has refused this offer, saying that Joe is old enough to be on his own and that she will not have him moving home with her! Joe cannot afford to buy his own home - even with Mom's help - so this idea is out, too.

I suppose I have detailed the problem enough for you to figure out what it is, but let me spell it out anyway: If my mother moves in with me, Lorelei will not...and I can't say I blame her. What woman would want to give up her own home to be subservient to another woman of the house? We have talked about renting/selling my house and moving into Lorelei's, but my house is larger and more conveniently located to both of our jobs, and because I live just over the border in a different state my property taxes are a lot lower than hers, as are my income taxes. We have considered selling both houses and buying something that will be "ours" but that would take even more time in this difficult economy. What the heck do I do? Do I have to choose between my mother and my girlfriend?

Signed,
What Would Dad Do?

Dear What Would Dad Do?

It is obvious from your signature that you are deeply mourning the loss of your father; to be thrown into this new situation makes life all the more difficult. I ran your letter by a friend who happens to be a social worker, and she suggested that you and your mother not make any unplanned, major life decisions for the first year. Since you and Lorelei had already planned on moving in together, you could go forward with this plan, or you may wish to hold off - it all depends on how you feel. How supportive of you was she during your father's illness? How emotionally supportive of you is she now that your father has passed and you are adjusting to life without the man whose opinions and guidance you still seek? The answers to these questions will help you decide what to do about living with Lorelei or holding off for a while - even if it is not for a whole year.

You should tell your mother that making a major move within the first year of a spouse's passing is a bad idea. On the Holmes and Rahe stress scale, death of a spouse rates 100 points - the highest stress level one event can score. Divorce comes in a distant second at 50 points. (Click here to check your stress!). Moving into a new home will only further that stress. Point out to your mother that although you currently live alone, plans to move in with Lorelei in the very near future were all but finalized when your father passed and that those plans, although slightly delayed, are not subject to change. Stress that this means she will not be "the woman of the house" at your house; that Lorelei will be the woman of the house and that perhaps your brother Joe's offer would be worth a second look.

Whatever you do, do not make your mother not moving in about your desire to live with Lorelei but rather about your desire to have control over your own life. Remember that you did not invite your mother to come live with you - she invited herself. If your mother is still adamant about not living alone (one year later or not) and refuses to live with your brother, might it be worth suggesting she sell her house and buy a condo in a senior living community? Most people who do this find that they love it!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. I find that letters from men do tend to give a lot of background information before directly stating the problem. I have yet to figure out whether this is a desire to be thorough and communicate well or a desire to avoid getting to the issue.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Elderly Reader Has Something To Say!

Dear Tazi:

I am 91 years old and have seen a lot on my day! During my lifetime wars have been fought, women have been granted suffrage, a Civil Rights movement was begun, computers were invented, a man landed on the moon, and so much more! I am truly surprised we don’t have flying cars by now!

During my lifetime I married, birthed seven children and buried two of them; along with two husbands, both of whom left me widowed. I am financially comfortable thanks to prudent investments and modest living. My life has been a blessed one, and I will leave this world with no regrets. I bet you are wondering why I am writing to you, eh, Tazi?

My youngest child, “Mary”, and her children have been after me to move out of my home and into a retirement home. They claim that I am getting too old to live on my own! Tazi, I live in a senior condominium association and am perfectly capable of looking after myself and my neighbors! I do not need some nurse checking in on me all of the time! I think their true goal is to get me to quit smoking (which I would not be able to do in a retirement home) and to take over my condo, since the market is too soft to sell right now. Mary’s youngest is starting college in the fall, and her school is only a half an hours drive from my condo. Mary has “generously” offered to stay in my condo for me and take care of the place once I move out, but I think she is only trying to keep tabs on her girl. Mary is only 48 (she was my surprise baby) so she is far too young to move into my condo community!

My other children (ages 63 – 72) are all looking into their own retirements, and have offered to buy my condo from me if I choose to move, but insist it is my decision to stay or to sell. I want to stay, but Mary is making herself a pain in the behind over it! I’d like to enjoy what years I have left without her constant nagging, but it’s been two years now and she just won’t let up on the matter! Maybe if she sees my letter in print she will get the message:


And I ain't gonna quit smoking, and I ain't gonna stop taking a nip of ginger brandy for when my digestion needs it! I am a gonna continue to eat bacon and eggs and biscuits and gravy, and if I die from it I am a gonna die a happy old woman!

Thank you, Tazi, for letting me have my say! I have enclosed a picture of my Miss Mittens. Isn’t she a cutie?




Signed,
Florida Flo

Dear Florida Flo:

Miss Mittens IS a cutie! If I lived down in Florida, I would have to court her. Do you think she would be interested in a long-distance relationship? Oh, look at me! Acting all lovesick and forgetting your problem! We cats can be self-centered, on rare occasions such as this one!

I really like the fact that you put your message in animated type – it really gets the message across! I do hope that your youngest finally gets it, too. You did not ask for advice, so I will not offer any. I will presume that by 91 years old, you pretty much have life well figured out. God bless you, and thank you for your letter! It had spunk! (And I LIKE spunk!).

Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

College Education Could Be The Beginning Of A New Life For Young Student

Dear Tazi:

I come from a very small town in a part of the country where people still marry their high school sweethearts and buy the house they grew up in from their parents when Mom and Dad are ready to move to Florida. Don't get me wrong, I love my small town - and the people in it, especially my boyfriend "Randy" - but I have always yearned for more! My favorite movie of all time is Sweet Home Alabama, and I often imagine myself in the role of Melanie Carmichael [the Reese Witherspoon character] - until she decides to leave New York behind and settle back down in her hometown.

My family has lived in our town for seven generations now - nobody has ever left, not even to go to college. My teachers have always told me that i am very bright and that I could be somebody if I furthered my education past high school, but my parents always said there is no way they could afford to pay for me to go to college. Late last year, I secretly sent out applications for colleges and I just got the news that my first choice wants me! They have even offered me a full academic scholarship, so I would not have to worry about how to pay for it! When I told my parents the news, Mama cried tears of joy; and Daddy told me he was proud of me, which from him is high praise, indeed! The local newspaper did a write-up about me, and put the story on the front page; and the local diner where I work cut the story out and posted it on the wall for everyone to see. Everyone is so happy for me, I feel like a local hero! The only person who is unhappy is my boyfriend, Randy, who is against me traveling away for school.

Randy and I have been seeing each other since I was 14, and he is the only boy I have ever dated. Randy told me that was hoping that we would get married after he graduates high school (he is a year behind me, because he stayed back a year when he was little) and that my leaving for school would change everything. He is convinced that I will forget all about him and meet someone new while I am away. He suggested that we get married at the end of the school year, and he can come away with me; but I am not certain that is something I want. For one thing, I want Randy to finish high school. For another thing, I am afraid that if I get married I will not be able to handle the responsibilities of college and being a wife. Plus, if I were to get married I couldn't use birth control and I know there would be no way i could handle college and babies. Last of all, I have always hoped that I would grow up to move to a big city, like Atlanta; but Randy has no desire to leave our hometown for good.

What should I do kitty-cat? I don't want to break up with Randy, but I do want to go away to college and start a new life! Do you think it's possible to have it all?

Signed,
Miss Independence

Dear Miss Independence:

You may feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders right now; so I want you to think back to four years ago, right before you started dating Randy. Do you remember what you were like? What was your favorite way to spend your free time? What were your favorite TV shows and books? How much have you changed over these four years? I doubt that you are still the young girl you were when you and Randy started dating. Think for a minute about the dreams you held back then...have you accomplished them?

Now, think about the dreams you hold for your future. What do you hope to accomplish in your four years of college? Do you hope to pledge a sorority? Write a book? Design your own line of clothing? Cheer for a Division 1 cheer-leading squad? Graduate with distinction? Now, for the most important question of all: Do the dreams you have follow the same path as Randy's dreams? Or can you see the two of you growing apart as you both continue to grow up?

The "you" that Randy fell in love with may not be the same woman who returns home from college. Randy is fully aware of this fact, and would like to prevent any such change from occurring by keeping you at his side, be it in your hometown or away on a college campus. Would you be willing to sacrifice your dreams in order to see Randy's fulfilled? The tone of your letter tells me the answer to that question is no.

At this point in time, I would advise you not to make any rash decisions one way or the other. Enjoy the time that you and Randy have together and enjoy your senior year of high school! When the time comes for you to prepare to leave for school, ask Randy to give you one year away at school without any pressure to come back home. One thing you will experience once you get to college is culture shock. You will be surrounded by countless new people from countless different backgrounds. You may take to college and the city like a duck takes to water or you may find that there is a big difference between what we dream and the reality that those dreams can bring.

During this time away at school, you will be able to sort out your feelings for Randy, your hometown, and what exactly you would like your future to include; while Randy will be able to decide what is best for his future. You may both discover some hard truths about life, including the fact that we can't always have everything exactly as we want it. Whatever you discover, I think time and experience will tell you the zip code of where your heart truly resides.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.