Nervous Nelly Makes Man Feel Mothered, Not Manly

Dear Tazi:

I was out of work for about three months this year, and financially things have been tough. I have finally been able to land a job as the night manager for a chain liquor store, but it is not in a very good neighborhood. I am not a [wimp] and know how to handle myself in difficult or dangerous situations (I spent four years in the Navy), but my girlfriend thinks I am going to end up in the hospital or the morgue if I keep working here.

I have been dating "Clarice" for about six months now, and she is an amazing woman. I can see myself building a future with her, but the only problem is she is so overprotective of me to the point where she tries to control my life. When I first took the job at the liquor store, she threatened to leave me if I "put my life in danger" by working there; I ignored the threat, and we are still together. In fact, she is in the other room right now so I have to make this quick!

Every night before I leave for work, Clarice asks me to call her before leaving in case it's the last time she ever gets to speak to me; text her when I arrive, so she knows I got there safe; text her on my break and again when I leave; and then to call her when I get home so she knows I arrived there safe. I want my girlfriend to act like my girlfriend, not my mother. If you haven't guessed already, Clarice is the sensitive type so you can imagine how any attempt at fixing this problem will head, but I can't take it anymore! How would you discuss this with your "lady friend" if she acted like Clarice?

Signed,
Butch

Dear Butch:

I am between lady friends at the moment, since Mommie disapproved of my last one; she called her a "'round the way kitty" and suggested that mine was not the only fence she was climbing! She was far too aggressive for me anyway, so I hissed at her and she got the message. Have you tried hissing at Clarice when she gets too emotionally aggressive with you? Do humans hiss?

I suppose the big question here is, do you enjoy your job working as a night manager at a liquor store in a bad neighborhood? I am not being facetious. My Mommie and several of her friends have worked in liquor stores, and the word from them is that they can be fun places to work, so I ask again: do you enjoy your current job? Can you see yourself advancing within the company or is this a dead-end job, and does either path appeal to you? If you answer no to both of these questions, then Clarice's concerns will be rendered moot when you tire of this job and find a different one.

If you enjoy your job and do not see yourself moving on to greener pastures then you will have to reach a compromise with Clarice. Personally, I think it is sweet but morbid that she wants to talk with you before work each night in case it is the "last time" she will get to speak to you, but the fact remains that none of us know which moment will be our last; if it makes her happy to hear your voice before you head into work I do not think this is an unreasonable request, so long as it does not make you late for work. A quick text while you are on your break is not unreasonable either, so long as Clarice does not expect you to spend your entire break texting her; and a short phone call before calling it a night is a tradition for many couples. If you are too tired to call when you get home from work, Clarice will have to learn to be satisfied with a polite text message saying so.

From what you write, it does not seem that your girlfriend feels any more concern for you than other girlfriends do for their partners; she just expresses her concerns in a melodramatic manner that can be off-putting. Since she is sensitive, I will not make you deliver a verbal message that she needs to tone it down a notch; I suggest you print a copy of this column and leave it where she will find it, which will lead to a natural opening for a conversation, should she wish to have one. If Clarice does not wish to talk about the issue, give her time to try and modify her behavior. It is quite obvious that she loves you and does not want to lose you, but she needs to have more faith in your ability to care for yourself. (Are you listening, Miss Clarice?).

Snuggles,
Tazi

If you drink, stay home...your home, not mine!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Now Grown, Sister Is Afraid Of Being Pushed Back Into The Shadows

Dear Tazi:

I am one of those people who grew up in the shadow of a sibling. Like Jan Brady, my older sister was the perfect one; Miss Popularity who got all of the attention, while I was just “Marcia’s” sister. As fate would have it, we both went to the same state college, and enrolled in the same major, Communications, but different concentrations – I chose Public Relations while Marcia went towards Advertising; however, we had a lot of classes together – I couldn’t get away from her.

After graduating, I decided to start my career while Marcia decided to continue on to graduate school, thinking it would make her more marketable. It didn’t. In fact, her choice backfired, making her un-hirable in our local market because her education level demanded more money, which local employers did not have to pay. Rather than accept less than she could make elsewhere, Marcia moved to a larger city while I stayed in our hometown. The distance between us actually helped us to grow closer, as Marcia learned what it was like to leave her comfort zone and I was allowed to step out of her shadow.

Over the years we have both done well in our chosen career fields and I even went to graduate school, courtesy of my company’s tuition-reimbursement plan. I have married and have a wonderful husband and children. I am truly blessed! Marcia, on the other hand, has taken a different path over the years, one that led to difficulty during the economic recession.

Marcia has bounced from one market to the next, never building up seniority at any one place, but reaching for the next rung of her career ladder when an opening became available in a desirable market. In this way, she reached upper management very swiftly, but never put down roots anywhere. She was living in Nevada when the recession hit, and she has not quite recovered from the huge blow she took. After two years of looking for a job opening in a similar or higher position that she last held, her savings are running out and she is talking about moving “home” to look for a job.

Tazi, I realize that our hometown has not been “home” to Marcia in over a decade, but I can’t help but feel frightened that her return will threaten all that I have managed to build for myself. I am afraid that I will go back to being Marcia’s sister and all that I have accomplished and all that I cherish will be forgotten. Marcia on the other hand talks excitedly about renewing our sisterly bond and how she can’t wait to be a part of my children’s lives, which worries me the most. What if my children prefer their Auntie to me, just like everyone else used to prefer Marcia to me?

Signed,

“Jan”

Dear “Jan”:

I am sure there will be a lot of people who will be able to relate to what you have written. Growing up in the shadow of a sibling can be a painful experience, but luckily – as you have found – that shadow is something we eventually outgrow. Having gone to college and studied the same major as your sister extended your time in that place, but you have bloomed since taking the path that led you to sunshine.

There is one sentence in your letter that is very telling of what the future may hold, but you seem to have missed it in your worry of what might happen versus what will most likely happen. You state that your hometown “has not been ‘home’ to Marcia in over a decade”. I would like you to think upon all the changes that have occurred during that time. Who has moved away or passed on? Who has moved into your town? Which of Marcia’s old boyfriends have moved on and married women they could not imagine living without? How many of Marcia’s best friends have developed new, adult friendships? Marcia may be moving back to her hometown, but I doubt it is the same town she left all those years ago. Upon arrival, she may discover that she is viewed as “Jan’s sister”. Do your best to overcome any desire to revel in this glory, and try to take a compassionate view by reintroducing your sister to the hometown she left behind.

"Wanna see my Linda Blair impression, Marcia?"

Regarding your final concern…it is my hope that your children will enjoy the time they spend with their Auntie – times with aunties are supposed to be fun times! Just remember that the love between a mother and child is something unique and that it can never be surpassed; it is not a more or less kind of love, it is a different kind of love that can never be taken away from you.

Snuggles,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Exotic Dancer Offers Advice For College Student Considering The Field

Dear Tazi:

When I read the letter from the young woman who is considering working as an exotic dancer to pay her way through college I knew that I had to write. As one who has been in her situation, I think your advice was right-on; although I made a lot of money as a dancer, it cost me in other ways.

I was a good dancer – I mean really, really good. I took classical ballet, jazz, and modern dance from the time I was three years old, so I knew how to dance and incorporated many of my moves on the pole and on the stage. I was clearing over a thousand dollars a week and receiving expensive gifts (in secret, of course) from clientele who sought to “romance” me. I thought I had the world of a string, as my Grandma used to say!


After graduating – debt free – I went on to pursue a Master’s Degree and continued dancing to pay the bills, even though I was getting a little tired of it. The job is draining, both physically and mentally. Dancing isn’t exactly the type of job you can list on your résumé, so the only experience I had to list was co-op and internship positions, which I was smart enough to get while still a student. Once I got my graduate degree I thought I would be able to put dancing in my past, but I realized it was not going to be that easy. I got dressed up to go on my first professional job interview, walked into the Interviewer’s office, and came face to face with a former regular to my club. When I saw the look of recognition on his face I did not even have the courage to sit down; I turned around and walked right out of there, figuring he would call if he was interested in hiring me, but as expected that phone call never came.

After that incident, I was too upset to continue looking for work in the city where I went to school so I moved back home and looked for work in the large cities in that region of the country, where nobody knew of my past. I am not ashamed of my past, but there were a lot of business people who looked at me as if my past was shameful, which was hypocritical because they were the clientele that kept me employed as an exotic dancer.

That’s all I have to say, Tazi. I hope my story helps that young woman make an informed decision.

Signed,
The Dancer Formerly Known As Peppermint

Dear The Dancer Formerly Known As Peppermint:

Thank you for sharing your story and your words of wisdom. So often when we are in desperate circumstances we cannot see past the immediate gains that are being offered, not realizing that we may be putting ourselves further into dire straits.

"Tempted", if you are reading this, I hope you take the former “Peppermint’s” advice to heart and take a waitressing job instead.

Snuggles to both of you,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Good Money Does Not Mean The Job Will Be A Good Fit

Dear Tazi:

I am 18 years old and have the opportunity of a lifetime to go to an Ivy League school. My financial aid package will cover all of my tuition and fees, with a little bit left over for books, but I will still have to pay for my room, board, and living expenses. I am concerned as to how I will be able to work enough to pay for all this and study enough to keep my grades strong. I have a friend who suggested I try working in a gentlemen’s club. She said that I do not have to take my clothes off, that gentlemen’s clubs are different than strip clubs; that their cocktail waitresses dress sexy and make very good money without having to worry about men pawing them. She knows so much because she secretly works in one. Last year, she made over $60,000, working part-time during the school year and full-time during semester breaks.

My friend tells me that I have the figure and the looks to work as a cocktail waitress, as well as the experience from working in the local diner. I know how to be sweet and charming, but also how to hold my own against the tough customers who think that their large tips can buy them a little something extra. I like the idea of making good money while I am still in school, but I feel like I would be selling out my morals if I went to work in a tawdry place like a gentlemen’s club. Plus, as a student at an Ivy League I would have a certain level of sophistication to uphold, one that runs contradictory to working as a cocktail waitress, and yet the money is very tempting. What do you think, Tazi? Do you think I could find another job that pays well but would not lower my standards? Or should I look into cocktail waitressing at a men’s club?

Signed,
Tempted

Dear Tempted:

Sixty-thousand dollars a year for part-time work would be tempting to anyone – until they find out what they have to do to earn it, so I can understand your hesitancy to jump at this job field. Since you believe that cocktail waitressing would leave you in an uncomfortable bind, I advise against it. I would never judge somebody by what they do for a living, so long as what they do is legal, but I would never push someone to take a job that compromises their morals. Remember, college is only four short years! Once you graduate, you will have the opportunity to make a comfortable paycheck in a career field that inspires you.


Photo courtesy of www.icanhascheezeburger.com
You do not say which Ivy League school you will be attending, but I live on the East coast and I know that many of the Ivy’s are in or adjacent to large cities; and with large cities come restaurants, from fine dining establishments to small café’s and diners, all of which offer the opportunity to earn a good income from tips. You may not earn as much as you would working as a cocktail waitress, but then again you might do quite well just the same – and you would be much more comfortable with your working environment.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Real Life Is Not As Seen On TV

Dear Tazi:

I am a young adult with absolutely no skills. I did horrible in high school so college is out of the question and I have no job skills. I am not handy in any way, shape, or form and have never had a job. I live with my parents who have told me that I need to get a job or else they are going to cut me off financially. I like playing video games, but no place is hiring a video game tester (I looked); not even the local arcade. My father works for a newspaper and I was hoping he could get me a job as a movie or video game critic, but he just looked at me like I was crazy when I asked him that and told me that you needed to be a journalist to get a job like that.

I was watching some reruns of King of Queens when I heard the dog walker on the show mention how much money a dog walker can make in one week. The job seems pretty easy, and I like dogs, it just seems like a lot of walking but I suppose I could take a rest once I reached the dog park and let the dogs run free before taking them home again. Do you think this would be a good idea for a job? I want to hang up some flyers and get a few clients before I tell my parents, because I don’t want them to laugh at my idea. Do you think this is a good idea?

Signed,
Unemployed

Dear Unemployed:

I am happy to hear that you have found your motivation, but are you fully aware of all the responsibilities that go into being a professional dog walker? It is more than just dropping the animals off at the dog park for a run and then bringing them home again. There are issues of licensing and insurance – you cannot get one without the other – that will indemnify you if a dog under your care is injured or injures another, be it a human or another animal.

A professional dog walker must also work with scheduling of clients – you can only walk so many dogs at once and only certain dogs together. If two dogs do not get along they must be walked at different times. Additionally, there is the matter of bookkeeping and customer accounts. When you run your own business you are responsible for keeping track of and paying all of your expenses, from charging the correct customer for doggie treats to paying your own social security and Medicare taxes.

As easy as it sounds, being self-employed is often much more difficult than working for somebody else. I strongly suggest that you pick up the phone book and look for a social services agency that provides career counseling and job placement. If you think employers are going to knock on your door to offer you work based upon your video gaming skills, you are sadly mistaken – and your father is correct, in regard to the need for professional training or a degree in journalism to work as a product reviewer. Do not fall for those easy-money Internet schemes that promise otherwise; they will only cost you money that you do not have to spend.

I wish you the best of luck in finding a job and some sort of career interest, because it sounds like you are in dire need of it. Please write me back in a few months to let me know how things are turning out for you!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Depression Has Many Symptoms, Is A Treatable Illness

Dear Tazi:

My life has not been all that great in this busted economy, so I have taken to imagining that my life is ten times better than it ever was. In the evening, when I return home from a job I hate to a small apartment I despise to microwave a frozen dinner (the only kind I can afford) I imagine that I am wealthy, without a care in the world. Since all of my problems could be solved if only I had more money, these fantasies take me away from the cares of my real life. I love my fantasy life, and up until now it has kept me going in my real life.

A few months ago, my boss told me that she would be transferring to a different office and that I would have a new supervisor come summer. I like my old boss, and would have followed her to the out of state office where she transferred, except that there were no openings that covered relocation and I do not have the money to relocate. Do you see what I mean when I say that all of my trouble could be solved if I had more money?

My new boss is awful. I can’t stand working for her. She has no respect for anyone but herself. She came into the office and tried to change how everything is done; the first thing she did was fire all of the non-union employees so she could bring in her own people. My office is now filled with new people who are not nearly as pleasant as my old co-workers. On top of it all, my new boss came to work when she was sick and I caught her cold. This is where my problems get worse.

Since I was too sick to go to work, my doctor gave me a note to stay home. It was so nice not to have to go to work, and since I get paid sick time it did not impact me financially. When I got over my cold, I didn’t want to go back to work, so I lied and told the doctor I was still feeling fatigued and he wrote me out of work for another week. When that week was up, I still did not want to go back to the office so I told the doctor I was still not feeling well enough to return to work. I have [private disability insurance] so I still have money coming in to pay my bills even though I am not working.

My doctor has run all sorts of tests for various illnesses, from chronic fatigue syndrome to mono and all have come back negative. I don’t know how much longer I can stay out of work on medical leave, but the thought of going back leaves me feeling very depressed, especially since I have crawled further and further into my fantasy world since being home all this time. I have started to look for a better job, like I had before the economy went sour, but I am not having much luck. Can you think of any illnesses that I might ask my doctor to test me for, to keep me out of work just a little bit longer? Maybe until I can find a better job?

Signed,

Paradise Lost

Dear Paradise Lost:

I think you might be suffering from a very real illness called clinical depression; if your doctor has not had you screened for it yet I suggest you come clean to him and ask for a referral to a mental health professional.

While having a fantasy life is not uncommon and is actually a healthy way to deal with life’s everyday stresses, regressing into that fantasy life at the cost of living your own reality is not healthy. Your life does not sound very enviable, but pretending to be sick in order to remain out of work on leave is not going to improve your prospects at all. What is worse, and extended illness could actually hurt your chances of finding a new job, should your current employer report on you when called for an employee reference.

If you are suffering from depression there are medicines and counselors who can help you to overcome the symptoms and help you to function outside of your fantasy world. By following a prescribed medical plan, you will be able to work towards making your fantasies a reality – but you have to take the first step and get tested! Depression is a treatable illness. You will not be sent back to work right away, and your bills will be covered by your medical insurance. Since depression is a documented disability, your private disability insurance should cover you while you work towards recovery. I know it is hard, but once you find the courage to do the right thing things will get easier. Please write back in six months or so to let me and my readers know how you are doing!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Sometimes The Best Grades Do Not Mean The Best Job Fit

Dear Tazi:

I am a recent college graduate who is looking for work. My whole life my parents pushed me to get good grades, to try my best and then to try harder to do even better than what I thought was my best. I graduated at the top of my high school class and finished college almost a year early with an enviable 3.88 GPA. I have been looking for work since last spring hoping to have a job waiting for me when I finished my coursework over the summer, but here it is almost a year later and I still have not found a job.

I have gone on a few job interviews, but have not been offered anything. Here I was thinking if I worked hard and graduated at the top of my class the offers would be rolling in! Meanwhile, my friends who have lower overall grades and who spent their free time pledging sororities and playing intramural sports have all had job offers – a few have even moved onto a second job in their field after only six months, and one friend is working towards her graduate degree courtesy of her company’s tuition assistance benefit!

Tazi, I feel stupid writing to an advice columnist about my problem but I was crying in my cat’s fur and figured why not? I am starting to regret working so hard and missing out on life if this is where it has gotten me. I can’t talk to my parents about this – all they tell me is to try harder and to “network” among my friends. My cat just head butts me, which is as encouraging as any pep talk but not helpful in figuring out what to do next. I have considered graduate school, but I would rather not take out the loans for it and besides, I am afraid of being seen as over-educated and under-experienced.

Signed,

Missing Out

Dear Missing Out:

It seems the one thing schools cannot teach is the one thing you need the most – “soft” skills. Soft skills involve the ability to connect with a person and make them feel comfortable dealing with you – a smile of encouragement, an easy laugh that makes people feel happy to be around you, good manners, and even networking skills. While companies are concerned with how well you will do a job they are also concerned with how well you will fit in with their corporate team. Some businesses are very no nonsense while others are very relaxed.  You need to figure out what sort of company will be the best fit for you and target your search on these companies and organizations.

While it is great that you worked so hard to achieve such great grades, it appears you missed out on other parts of the college experience – social networking. By joining a sorority or playing intramural sports your friends made contacts with people who entered the working world before they did, so when they graduated they had established corporate ties even before they started working.

Although you have graduated it is not too late to make some important business contacts through social networks! Contact your school’s alumni association and see if there are opportunities for recent graduates to network with more established alumni. If there are networking events, attend them with the purpose of getting to know people – leave the business talk off the table until they ask you about it. Since this is an election year, you may want to choose a candidate whom you believe in and offer to volunteer to work on their campaign or at their campaign events. Numerous business leaders attend such events, and it will be a wonderful way to make a name for yourself among them. If politics is not your thing, charity work never goes out of season – from soup kitchens to homeless shelters, you would be amazed at the number of business executives who donate their time to these causes; donating yours will be a way to assist others while assisting yourself. Whatever you choose to do, be sincere in your efforts; if you truly do not care about the plight of the homeless, do not volunteer to assist in a shelter.

In the meantime continue your job search, but be sure to target it to jobs you honestly want with companies you can see yourself building a future. Just as you should not date someone just to have a date for Saturday night you should not accept a job that you plan on leaving as soon as something more interesting comes along. Employment managers would rather hire someone with lower grades/fewer credentials who is committed to staying than someone better who will be out the door in a month or two. The best fit for a job is not always the one who is most qualified on paper. Dig deeper and don't give up hope!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Padded Resume Will Come Unstuffed Upon Close Scrutiny

Dear Tazi:

I will be graduating high school this June and entering into the full-time work force while attending school part-time, at night. I realize that this is a lot to handle, but I am determined to make this work. My big problem is my resume. I have written it, but there is not much on it except for summer jobs and babysitting work, so I was thinking of embellishing it a bit.

Rather than writing that I worked as a babysitter for a local family, I am considering writing that I was a Child Care Provider. Also, instead of writing how I mowed lawns for extra money, I want to write that I was a Landscape Engineer. My Guidance Counselor told me to stick to "plain language", but something tells me that plain language isn't going to get me hired over someone with more professional experience than me. What do you think, Tazi?

Signed,
Young Professional

Dear Young Professional:

I think that you should reserve the title of "Engineer" for those who have actually earned a degree in Engineering and look to enhance your resume through other means. You are still quite young; no employer is going to expect a stand-out work history from you. In fact, many employers will be quite impressed that you took the initiative to take on babysitting and lawn mowing jobs. Neither of these positions is for the faint of heart, and it shows that you have a strong work ethic as well as varied talents.

Instead of attempting to pad your resume with ridiculous titles, why not add actual skills or accomplishments? How fast can you type? Do you speak any foreign languages with any level of fluency? Were you an honor roll student? Did you take part in any extra-curricular activities or sports at school or in your community? Have you performed volunteer work? Do you have any unique but marketable skills? I suggest you make a list of answers to these questions and return to your Guidance Counselor for assistance in building a resume based upon your actual skills, and not upon bloated job titles.

A further suggestion is to include a cover letter with your resume. This letter should detail what kind of work you are seeking and why you are applying for the position to which you are inquiring. Employers want to hire people who want to work for their company, not people who are only looking for a job. Your enthusiasm for a particular employer may help you to overcome your limited job experience which, no matter how you try to hide it, is going to show. Keep your job search - and your resume - realistic and you will be more likely to meet with success.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Unemployed Adult Son Needs To Pick Up His Efforts

Dear Tazi:

My adult son is living at home after being laid-off from his job and being unable to find work. I don't mind having "Jerry" here; he is my son, after all. I do mind the fact that he is a slob who has been treating my home like a hotel and me like his maid. I work hard all day and do not want to have to come home to a dirty house! Jerry has been here for three months now, and has not lifted a finger to help around the house or clean up after himself. Worse, he creates messes in the common areas and leaves them for me to find. I did not raise him to be this way!

When I first noticed Jerry's poor house habits, I ignored them, figuring he was preoccupied with his job search. That was a big mistake, because they only got worse from there! I thought he might be suffering from depression or some other mental illness, but all of his screenings came back negative  I have told Jerry that if he cannot clean up after himself he can find another place to live, but had no answer when he asked me "Where am I supposed to go?". I don't have the heart to send him to the homeless shelter, Tazi.

Do you have any suggestions on how to get my son to start pulling his own weight? He's 32 years old, so he is not a child, which is why I feel awkward yelling at him like he is one. I raised him to be neat and tidy, hoping I was doing his future wife a favor, but there is no news on that front, either. Where did I go wrong?

Signed,
Buried In My Own Home

Dear Buried In My Own Home:

You did not go wrong, so please do not blame yourself for Jerry's slovenly habits. You raised your son to be "neat and tidy" and presumably respectful of women. He is the one who has chosen to ignore those guidelines and go his own way. As I see it, there are two ways to deal with your problem: continue to clean up after Jerry or leave his messes for him to clean up himself. The latter may be the better way, in this case.

When Jerry leaves a mess in the common areas of the house, pick it up and place it on his bed. Now, it is his problem to deal with and he will either have to put it away or have it fall on the floor when he gets into bed at night. Do this for clothing, shoes, (clean) food wrappers, and other items he sees fit to leave laying around. Refuse to change his sheets or do his laundry for him - these are things he is quite capable of doing for himself, but will not as long as you do it for him.

Dirty dishes should be deposited in the sink, but there is nobody telling you that you have to wash them for Jerry. Eventually, he will run out of clean dishes and have to wash them himself. If Jerry complains, hand him a sponge and some soap and tell him to have at it! If Jerry complains, tell him that until he is working full-time he will be working around the house. Spring is coming and the lawn will need to be cleaned up and then mowed on a regular basis. There are probably other things that will need to be completed, as well. The economy is picking up and employers are now hiring at a good clip! If Jerry is still having trouble finding a job the trouble could be in that he is not looking hard enough. Working him around the house may be just the motivation he needs to step-up his job search.

In the end, if none of this works I suggest that  you change the locks and, weather permitting, lock Jerry outside until you come home at the end of the day. Your house will remain clean while still giving Jerry a private place to sleep at night.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Unique First Name Makes For Difficult Job Search

Dear Tazi:

I have a unique first name that is difficult for many people to pronounce correctly from looking at the spelling of it. All through high school teachers would not call on me for the first few weeks of class, until they learned how to properly pronounce my name. Men would always call me “baby” or “honey” – rarely by my given name – unless I demanded that they call me by my first name, which they would then garble. I thought I could live with this problem by educating others, but a new wrinkle has shown itself.

By the time this letter is printed, I will be a college graduate; seeking my very first professional job! Unlike my classmates, I have never had an internship; so I do not have any professional work experience beyond my work-study job. I thought this might be the reason I have been having trouble finding full-time employment, but I just discovered that several of the companies to which I applied have hired members of my graduating class; many of whom have less experience in the field than me!

I am starting to think that my unique name is holding me back in life, and am considering having it legally changed to something easier to pronounce – like Lisa or Jane – but I am not certain if this is the right step to take. I feel that changing my name would be a denial of who I am, and that the people who refuse to hire me because of it are practicing some form of discrimination. I would really like your advice on this matter, King Nebuchadnezzar! How do you feel about shortening such a regal sounding name to “Tazi”?

Signed,
Jhéojhañâ

Dear Jhéojhañâ:

Just out of curiosity, how do you pronounce your first name? Is it JAY-ohzh-an-yah? Am I close? I ask because I am seeing the problem you have described.

Mispronouncing a person’s first name is one of the more discomforting parts of being a human, don’t you think? Many people would rather not risk it and will simply ignore the person with the unusual moniker until they feel comfortable that they are pronouncing it correctly. Some, as you have discovered, will refrain from offering a job interview to someone whose name they cannot pronounce. Although this practice may sound discriminatory, I believe the intent is to simply save the embarrassment of destroying a hard to pronounce name. A Hiring Manager is a person who represents their company to those they seek to hire. To be put off guard by a difficult to pronounce name shifts the power to the other person and changes the tone of the interview and job negotiations.

It seems that you are very attached to your unique identity, so I would not advise legally changing your name to suit the needs of others. Rather, I would suggest adopting a suitable nickname that is to your liking but easy for others to pronounce. This practice is not uncommon among Americans who live and work outside of their personal ethnic culture. Simply choose a name that you like and put it on your resume; but first be sure to inform your professors and others who would recommend you for a job that this is the name you will be going by as you apply for a job. You could also choose to write your new nickname in quotation marks between your first and last name – like King Nebuchadnezzar “Tazi” Kat – to inform hiring managers that you are amenable to something that is easier to pronounce. A third suggestion would be to simply use your first and middle initials in place of your first name (if you have no middle initial you can use “X”).

To answer your question about how I feel about shortening my regal sounding name to the more familiar “Tazi”, I have to say that I never really thought about it. I answer to both names, and people who know me will call me both names – as well as a variety of endearments that let me know that they love me, including the generic “sweetie”. So long as the name is spoken with respect and is followed by treats, snuggles, or playtime I am a happy kitty.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Soon-To-Be Graduate Needs A Flight Plan From Mother's Nest

Dear Tazi:

I will be graduating college in a few months and need to start looking for a job. My plan is to apply for work in all 50 states (plus DC) and move to wherever the best opportunity takes me. My mother does not think this is a very good idea, and is pressuring me to come up with a "more structured plan for finding employment". I am not sure if Mom is just trying to keep me close to home because she will miss me when I am gone, or because she is afraid that I will fall flat on my face living alone. Either way, I need to get across to her that this is my life and I need to live it my way - without hurting her feelings. After all, she is my Mom. Do you have any suggestions on how to tacitly tell her all this?

Signed,
Future Superstar!

Dear Future Superstar!:

Congratulations on your educational accomplishments! I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Since this is your final semester of school, the time to start looking for work is now! Many employers expect college graduates to start sending out their resumes, and are waiting to receive them. Some are even setting up interviews for May start dates!

Although I admire your ambition - and your respect for your Mom - a more directed job search might be to your benefit. You do not say where you are from; but you have to remember that America is a huge country, stretching from the Atlantic Ocean to the Pacific Ocean, and from the frosty winters of the Canadian border to the warmer climates of the Gulf Coast. Some states - like Rhode Island and New Jersey - are densely populated and small enough to travel from end to end by car; others - such as North Dakota and Montana - are sparsely populated, and require hopping an airplane to get to the nearest major city. Do you enjoy fine culture, such as museums; night-clubs; and the lights of Broadway? Or do you prefer wide-open spaces and the light of the stars in the night sky? All of these are things that must be considered before you accept a job offer that requires relocation. Often times, your personal happiness can have an affect on your work.

Remember to keep your requirements realistic; consider the changing weather patterns of the different seasons; and factor in the cost of a visit back home for the holidays or family emergencies (illness, funerals, etc.). Other things to consider are your marital prospects, should that be a step you would eventually like to make. Some states - such as West Virginia - have an extremely high population of senior citizens; while areas like Austin, TX and Tampa Bay, FL consist of large pockets of younger people. You do not say if you are a man or a woman; but states like South Dakota and Alaska are currently overpopulated with single men of marrying age, with far too few single women to go around.

Once you have figured out your preferences, you can narrow your job search to the regions that will accommodate your needs and desires - or at least balance your needs with your desires, if you are unable to find a place that has it all - including employment. Once you have narrowed down your list, your mother should feel more confident in your ability to take care of yourself. She still may not want you to move away, but at least she can be confident that she raised didn't raise a fool - and that she won't have to worry about you living in her basement.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.