Morbid Obesity Is A Health Threat That Many Do Not Wish To Cure

Dear Tazi:

I have an enormous appetite. I love food and can't get enough of it. Consequently, I am seriously overweight.  My doctor has told me that I am morbidly obese and need to lose 250 pounds. My problem is, I don't want to diet. I love food too much. I especially love sweets, so to give those up would be heartbreaking for me.

I know what I look like, and I know that the choices I am making will shorten my lifespan, but I would rather die younger and live a fulfilling life than eat like a bird and be miserable for the rest of my life, which would be much longer because eating healthy is said to prolong your lifespan. No thank you!

My doctor has told me that he cannot help me if I won't help myself. I asked him what he meant by this and he told me he would drop me as a patient! Can he do this? Is this even ethical? I am sure I could find a new doctor, in time; one that I like and who accepts my insurance, but in the meantime who would prescribe my medications? I am on insulin for diabetes and I take several other medications for my heart and blood pressure. My doc says he is trying to keep me from an early grave, and then he tries to push me into one!

Signed,
Overeating And Loving It

Dear Overeating And Loving It:

If you are certain - and I mean absolutely positive that you are not using your love of food to compensate for something that is missing in your life - you need to make this clear to your doctor. We all have the free will to live our lives as we see fit, and if your choice is to wreck your health through a poor diet that is your decision. Some people choose to smoke in spite of the overwhelming amount of medical evidence that argues against it; some participate in extreme sports that result in multiple broken bones and arthritis; you are choosing your poison.

Your doctor also has free will, and if it is his choice not to continue seeing you as a patient he has every right to dismiss you for not following his medical advice. Why would you want to continue to see this doctor when you disagree with his plan for treating you? Just as personal relationships break off, so do professional ones; it sounds like the time has come for you and this doctor to part ways, with no hard feelings.

Whether it is ethical of your doctor to dismiss you as a patient is a judgement call, but I will say it would be unethical of him to dismiss you without plenty of notice and a list of referrals for other doctors who would be willing to treat you and prescribe your medications. Until then, he should remain your primary care physician, regardless of his desires. I suggest you bring up this idea to him, and ask for a list of referrals to other doctors who could meet your needs.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Thin Wife "Too Heavy" For Waif-Loving Husband

Dear Tazi:

I am the type of man who is attracted to extremely thin women. When my wife and I were married 7 years ago, she was a size 00 and I was never more attracted to her! Now, two pregnancies later she is a size 3 – creeping up on a size 5 – and my attraction for her is waning.

I realize that a size 5 is not heavy, and that many women dream of being a size 5, but for me it is just a little too much meat on the bones. My wife is 5-feet, 2-inches so she is still quite petite, but she no longer has the emaciated look that I fell in love with. I realize that having children has changed her body a bit, but I think with a little effort she could get back into a size 0 once more.

I have gained my fair share of weight over the years, so I feel like a bit of a hypocrite asking my wife to lose weight but she tells me that she likes my “extra padding” and that as long as I remain physically healthy she sees nothing wrong with it. A part of me wants to believe her, but the larger part of me thinks she is just trying to fool me into letting her stay at her current weight.

I suppose you are going to paw slap me for this, Tazi, and I suppose I deserve it, but I would like to ask my wife to go on a diet or to even consider plastic surgery to lose the excess weight. At a size 3 (and growing) I am no longer sexually attracted to her and it is taking a toll on our marriage. Do you think it would be okay to ask my wife to do this – for the sake of our marriage, and our children’s well-being? If my marriage falls apart, I fear my children will suffer in a broken home, so in the end this is really about the children, not me.

Signed,

Waif-er

Dear Waif-er:

I would love to offer you s Paw Slap of Disgust, but since you realize that your request is worthy of one, yet you still cannot get over your disgust, I believe that you are suffering from an obsessive fetish, which will require counseling – not a Paw Slap – to overcome.

At 5’2” and a size 3, your wife is very petite. If he bone structure is also petite, then he weight is fine as it is; she is possibly even a little bit underweight, a problem that can cause serious health issues. She should not even be considering weight loss, let along plastic surgery to remove what you call extra weight and what the medical community sees as important body tissue.

You try to make your desires to be about your children, but in the end they are not; they are still all about you, regardless of how you twist them. You are right that children need a loving home, so I suggest that you take steps towards providing one. If possible, why don’t you and your wife join a gym? Exercise is a wonderful way to stay healthy and live a long and energetic life. You may lose the extra padding that you have put on and your wife will be able to add lean muscle mass to her petite frame, as well as short-circuit the chance for osteoporosis that people of petite bone structure often suffer later in life. Exercise while young is a great preventative for bone degeneration when old. A side affect will be a healthier sense of self-esteem, due to all those endorphins that are released during exercise.

I strongly suggest that you see a counselor to deal with your lack of attraction to your already slim wife. I am not entirely certain that her body size is what has killed your attraction to her, since sexual attraction is mental as well as physical. Seeing her as a mother instead of your wife could be a part of your issue, as could a sense of anger that the attention that once belonged solely to you is being split between your children. Your attempts to control your wife’s physical appearance may be seated in a deep rooted desire to control her.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

War Of Words Over World Of Warcraft Creates Real Life Miseries

Dear Tazi:

I have an embarrassing problem that is too recognizable for my local advice column, so I am hoping you will print my letter online. I have been dating a woman you would call my "lady friend" for two years now, and everything is great with one exception: our sex life is practically non-existent.

My girlfriend’s 23-year-old daughter “Maxine” lives at home and almost never leaves the house; my girlfriend is not comfortable being intimate while her daughter is in the house (or having me sleep over or sleeping over my place) so it is difficult for us to have any time alone. I know that this problem would solve itself it the problems with Maxine were solved, so I hope you can suggest how to fix her.

At 5’5” and 300+ pounds Maxine is grossly overweight and I believe the reason for her weight problem is her addiction to junk food and to playing World of Warcraft, which she plays like it is her job. Maxine has tried to claim that it is her job to play WOW because she blogs about the game. Tazi, her blog is poorly written and posts sporadically; she makes no money from it and its readership is probably non-existent. Aside from her WOW activities, Maxine has no outside interests, not even a paying job. Her mother has encouraged her to get out and look for a job, but does not push beyond that. She continues to pay all of Maxine’s bills, including her WOW subscription, which is not cheap.
I was left alone with Maxine last week when I stopped by just as my girlfriend ran out to the store for a few items. I snapped on Maxine after she made a rude comment to me – while her mouth was full of junk food. I told her exactly what I thought of her behavior and that she was a disgusting excuse for a human being. Maxine walked off in a huff and, unbeknownst to me, proceeded to eat an entire apple pie that her mother had baked for the church bake sale.

When my girlfriend arrived home about 30 minutes later, she was devastated that her pie was gone and asked what had happened to it. I was disgusted when Maxine blamed me for its disappearance, saying I had upset her so much she sought “comfort food” to assuage her hurt feelings. Tazi, she was wolfing down an entire box of Twinkies when I walked in the door! What was her excuse for that? My girlfriend was not happy about being put in the middle, and we had a huge argument that boiled down to my telling her that our relationship would never advance (she’s hoping for a ring) as long as her daughter remained a “greedy, gluttonous, slothful lump of human flesh” that sponged off of others. I told my girlfriend to think about that and stormed out the door before she could respond; it’s been a week and I still have not heard from her. I miss my girlfriend and would like to make things work, but not as long as Maxine remains...well, to be blunt, a greedy, gluttonous, slothful lump of human flesh that sponges off of her mother.

Signed,
Stuck With A Package Deal?

Dear Stuck With A Package Deal?:

It does not appear that you are “stuck with a package deal”; not after you called a part of that package a “greedy, gluttonous, slothful lump of human flesh”. I cannot see why your girlfriend would want anything to do with you after you said such cruel things about – and directly to – her daughter.

I do not think anyone is going to fall for the “comfort food” excuse Maxine used to excuse herself from eating her mother’s bake sale pie, least of all her mother who lives with her and has seen her daughter’s eating habits. It appears that Maxine was lashing out at her mother in punishment for your comments. However, this is a different issue altogether. It is not up to you – or me – to “fix” Maxine; it is up to you to try to mend your relationship with both Maxine and her mother if you wish to continue with your romantic relationship. The first step in this process is to apologize for your hurtful words – to both Maxine and your girlfriend. Nobody, no matter how greedy, gluttonous, or slothful, deserves to be called a “lump of human flesh”. We are all fallible, and the list you started has four more vices that accompany it: pride, lust, envy, and wrath; you are guilty of at least one of them. You hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of your own eye, and then shall you see clearly to pull out the mote that is in your brother's eye. (Luke 6:42 KJV). See how I am learning to control my wrath? I quoted scripture instead of paw-slapping you!


However, my lady friend has not yet found inner peace through God
I would be remiss if I did not address Maxine’s behavior, and I do hope that her mother is reading this because Maxine clearly needs help. Video games – especially large scale, multi-player, online games like World of Warcraft are extremely habit forming. This particular game has torn apart marriages as one spouse has neglected the other to play the game; a Google search will reveal other horror stories such as loss of jobs due to this gaming addiction. At 23 years of age, it is beyond time for Maxine to shelve the full-time gaming and grow up; this means getting help for her addictions, learning to adopt and adapt to a healthy diet, and getting a job; higher education; or job training. Her mother needs to stop enabling her and give Maxine a reason to look for work and to get a life; suspension of her WOW account, Internet connection, and mobile phone service might be just the incentive Maxine needs.

Perfunctory snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Plus Sized Traveler Would Appreciate Some Consideration

Dear Tazi:

I am a very large woman, weighing in on the other side of 400 pounds. I do not have a glandular problem; I am heavy because I like to eat sweet and fattening foods and hate to exercise. I recognize the consequences of my choices, from paying extra to find clothes that fit me to the possibility of dying several years before my prescribed time. Truthfully, I would rather enjoy life on my terms and die younger than live miserably to a ripe old age. The one issue I have with my weight is flying in an airplane, which I do frequently because I enjoy travel.

Because I am large and airline seats are not, I readily accept the fact that I must purchase two seats on the place, in order to accommodate my girth. When I purchase my airline tickets I occasionally luck out and get a special on first-class tickets, so I am able to purchase two assigned seats that are adjacent to each other. Occasionally, I fly discount airlines that do not offer assigned seating but do offer too-good-to-pass-up pricing. On the day of such flights, I make an effort to board early so I am assured of getting two seats together. After all, two separate seats would defeat the purpose of my buying an extra ticket.

My problem is that I am not always able to board first on flights with unassigned seats, and I must ask the Flight Attendant to assist me in my search for a duel seat. The flight attendants are always quite accommodating; it is the other passengers who are not; more than once I have received dirty looks and told flat-out “no” when someone sitting next to an empty seat is asked if they will move to allow me to have two seats together. Often times the person will look at me in disgust and say something like “I paid for my seat, why should I give it up?” insinuating that I have not paid for the extra seat. On a few occasions, people have come right out and accused me of looking for more space without paying for it. Ironically, these are usually the people who have way too much carry-on luggage of another sort.

I am generally able to get a seat without the fuss turning into a whole media affair, but I am afraid that one of these days it will turn into the circus maximus. Can you recommend a way I might avoid this issue of seating altogether, short of always flying first class?

Signed,
Chubbsey

Dear Chubbsey:

That’s what my Mommie calls me, and why she put me on a diet, only I think she spells it with only one “b”; I will have to ask. You are so lucky to be human and not having anyone controlling your food source. I also appreciate your candor; it sounds like you have a healthy sense of self and understand the consequences of your decisions.

I appreciate that you understand your need to purchase two airline seats to “accommodate your girth”, and I am certain that those who sit next to you on those flights appreciate it, too. Nobody enjoys having their personal space invaded, especially by somebody they do not know. The people who give you a problem about changing seats are the ones with the attitude problem.

The next time you fly, try to speak to the Boarding Attendant before the plane is ready to board. Explain your situation as you have explained it to me. I will bet you dollars to doughnuts (mmmmm….doughnut!) that you will be allowed to board early, along with others who require special boarding accommodations.



So long as you do not mind boarding with the elderly, the infirm, and people with young children and large strollers, your issue should be solved. If you are still concerned about the blockheads who would give you dirty looks or attitude over taking two seats, conspicuously display both of your boarding passes for easy viewing. Only a complete ignoramus would dare to make a rude comment, and complete ignoramuses deserve the same respect I give my litter-box!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

It's Tough To Be Twelve And Overweight, But Things Will Get Better!

Dear Tazi:

 I am 12 years old and fat. Not just overweight or chubby or “carrying some extra baby fat” like my Mom says; I am FAT! I am 4’11” and weigh 150 pounds. I want to go on a diet but my Mom won’t let me. She expects me to eat all of my lunch every day, plus an after school snack and a “healthy sized” dinner. If I don’t eat, she gets mad at me.  I know you are on a diet. Can you tell me how to lose weight and keep my Mom happy?

 Signed,
Joey Fat One

 Dear Joey Fat One:

 The original Joey Fat One lost weight through exercise when he appeared on Dancing with the Stars and is now better known by his real name, Joe Fatone. As for me, I am not on a diet by choice; the hand that feeds me – aka Mommie – has put me on this cruel regiment until I lose my extra chub chubs. Oh, the humanity! I am down 1.6 pounds, though; 3.3 to go!

 At 4’11” you are what health care providers would call “morbidly obese”, a nasty sounding term that means your future long-term health is in danger due to your weight. On the flip side of this coin, I can see your mother’s reluctance to put you on a diet. At your age, your body is preparing to go through a major growth spurt as you hit puberty; your mother is probably afraid that if you lose weight now the natural weight loss you would go through will slim you down too much. Moms tend to wear blinders when it comes to their children; they see only perfection!

I love you, too, Mommie!

The first thing your Mom needs to do is make an appointment for a complete physical with your pediatrician to rule out any glandular problems. If you do not have health coverage, your doctor may be willing to work with your Mom regarding payment – especially if you are a long-term patient. No doctor wishes to see a patient go without care due to an inability to pay, and many are willing to work out a payment plan or sliding fee based upon ability to pay.

The next thing you need to do is start to exercise. Nothing takes off unwanted pounds quicker than physical movement. If you can, go for a walk or a bike ride after school, or just play outdoors with your friends. If you cannot do any of these activities, try doing old-fashioned calisthenics – your gym teacher can show you some moves, so don’t be afraid to ask him or her for help. Like doctors, gym teachers are all about physical health and education; they are there to help you lead a healthier lifestyle.

The third thing you can do is review your menu. What kinds of food are you eating? Is your Mom providing you with healthy meals, complete with fresh fruits and vegetables and low amounts of sugar? Are your snacks nutritious or are they junk food? What you eat is just as important as how much you eat. This is something you can discuss with your doctor or your gym teacher; either one will be able to guide you onto the right track.

Last of all, you can be patient and wait. Permanent weight loss is a process that takes time, and when you are twelve years old time can seem to take forever, but a year from now you will have grown several inches and most likely slimmed down quite a bit if you choose to follow the tips I have given you. 

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Wife Loved Slim Spouse, Is Not Attracted To Chubby Hubby

Dear Tazi:

I am a married woman, and I love my husband – I truly do – but after fifteen years of marriage he is no longer in the same physical shape that attracted me to him. “Aaron” has lost the athletic figure of his youth, putting on several unsightly pounds while allowing his muscles to go soft and flabby. While I continue to go to the gym three days a week, Aaron chooses to sit on the sofa drinking beer and eating pizza; he insists that he needs this time to relax after a stressful day at work.

I am no longer physically attracted to Aaron, and would like him to lose some weight. I just know that if he does that old spark will come alive once more and our marriage – stunted by the lack of bedroom activity – will once again be happy and healthy. Do you have any suggestions on how to get Aaron off the sofa and into the gym?

Signed,
Svelte Sylvia

Dear Svelte Sylvia:

One sure-fire way to fail at your goal of reconstructing your husband is to shut him out in the bedroom until he once again meets your physical specifications. If my lady friend had your attitude it would stress me to the point of vegging on the sofa with pizza and beer, too! That is, if I wasn’t neutered – but that’s beside the point!

Aaron did not lose his athletic cut overnight; it happened over a period of months or even years. Something had to trigger his loss of desire for exercising and eating right. Has he been screened for depression? Even mild depression can sap a person’s desire for physical and/or sexual activity, which would explain why your husband went from being Slim Goodbody to Chubsy Hubsy. Other reasons for the change could entail reasons inside or outside of the marriage, but the one thing that is for sure is that whatever the issue it is affecting your marriage.

Rather than push Aaron off of the couch and into the gym, why not sit down with him and ask what is stressing him so much? Ask when did these feelings of stress start and how you might help him overcome them. Whatever you do, do not tell him that you are no longer sexually attracted to him! Instead, express your concerns for his overall health; tell him that you love him and want to have him around for many years to come and that regular exercise and a healthy diet are a way to help make that happen.

In the end, it will be Aaron’s decision to exercise or not. You must ask yourself if you can accept him for worse as well as better, because what you have now may be as good as he’s going to get.

Perfunctory snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Being Overweight Is Not An Excuse For Abuse

Dear Tazi:

I am a woman in my twenties. My whole life I have been on the chubby side, which has had an effect on my self-esteem. Because of this, I have never felt comfortable dating; so I do not have much experience with men. For the past few months I have been dating a man I will call “James” who is everything a woman could want in a man. How I managed to snag him, I have no idea; but he is as committed to me as I am to him…or at least I think he is.

James tells me that if I loved him as much as he loves me, I would work harder to lose weight. He says he wants me to be as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside; and that I have a pretty face, but it’s tainted by my "lumpy figure". Tazi, I have tried dieting and exercise; and it works for a while; but then I start to miss my favorite snacks, or I am just not in the mood to go to the gym and I slide back into my bad habits and put back on all the weight that I lost.

My Mom tells me I need to stop dieting to please someone else and start doing it to please me; but I am not unhappy with my weight – at least, not unhappy enough to commit to a diet and exercise program that will maintain my perfect weight. My best friends tell me to dump James; that I can do so much better than a man who tells me I am fat, but James have never actually used that word. Besides, it is like I already said, James is everything a woman could want in a man; and I think my friends are just jealous that in spite of the fact that they are all perfect looking I am the one who landed God’s gift to women!

Do you have any suggestions on how to motivate myself to stick to a diet and exercise program? I would like to lose 15 pounds and be bikini-ready for summer!

Sincerely,
Chubby Lovey

Dear Chubby Lovey:

I have a great suggestion on how to lose a TON of weight fast – drop the millstone around your neck. You know, the one you call “James” because the man is bringing you down! Just because you are overweight does not give him the right to be mentally abusive towards you. If James cannot accept you for who you are, he has no business dating you.

It sounds to me that James gets a sick thrill out of putting you down and trying to control you by controlling your weight. Admittedly, he has never called you “fat”; but “lumpy” isn’t exactly a compliment, now is it? It does not matter how much weight you lose, it will never be enough for James; he will always see you as somehow less than perfect. Your friends are looking at the situation from an outside point of view, so please do not dismiss them so quickly – they may be seeing something that you do not. Trust me when I tell you that they are not jealous, but merely concerned about you.

Twice you say James is “everything a woman could want in a man”, yet you do not describe his positive attributes. Are you certain that this “God’s gift to women” did not just tell you that he is all that, and has you believing him? Your low self-esteem could be affecting your judgment. You tell me that you and James have only been dating for “the past few months” but claim that you are committed and deeply in love. Far be it for me to question the depth of your love for each other, but I have to say that James sounds like he has the depth of a puddle. I would tread gingerly if I were you.

Since you ask me for some diet and exercise tips, I will tell you what I know, and what you have already discovered: there is no silver bullet when it comes to permanent weight loss and maintenance. Some people are blessed with wonderful metabolisms that allow them to eat whatever they want and not gain weight – those people are generally called teenagers, and they outgrow it as they age. For the rest of us a regular, manageable regimen of diet and exercise is required to stay physically and mentally fit.

You do not have to go to the gym daily – three days a week is optimal – nor do you have to completely give up your favorite snacks; just indulge in them as a treat or reward for accomplishing a goal, not as an every-day part of your diet. Unless there is something wrong with your hormonal balances (a visit to the doctor could check this for you), you should start to notice a difference in your weight within a week or two. In order to stay motivated, try hanging your bikini on the refrigerator door as a reminder of what you are working to achieve. It is my hope that once you start to lose weight, your self-esteem will improve; I am with your mother on this one – if you want to lose weight, you must do it to please yourself and not anybody else.

Snuggles,
Tazi

James is being awarded a Tazi Paw Slap of Disgust! Here it is... -T.K.




Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Possibility Of A Pregnant Matron Of Honor Not An Option

Dear Tazi:

My sister got engaged last Christmas and is planning to be married this coming February - exactly one year from now. She told me that she would like me to be her Matron of Honor, but only if I am not pregnant at the time. She said she does not want a “large looking” honor attendant, especially since all of the other women she has chosen are quite petite, just like her.

Tazi, my sister’s words cut me to the bone! My husband and I have been married for three years and have been trying to conceive for the last six months, with little luck (I did conceive, but lost the pregnancy within the first month). Essentially, my sister has asked my husband and I to put our plans for a family on hold to suit her wedding plans. I have not told my husband of her request, nor have I given my sister an answer. Obviously, I would love to stand up for my sister on her wedding day, but not at the expense of my own marriage. Can you think of any way to get my sister to agree to a compromise on this matter?

Signed,
Hopefully A Mother-To-Be

Dear Hopefully A Mother-To-Be:

Was your sister drinking at the time she made this insulting condition a part of her request that you be her Matron of Honor? Honestly, that is the only reason I can think of as to why someone would think they should have any say in another woman’s fertility. As a married woman, one who is actively trying to conceive, your sister has to understand that a pregnant Matron of Honor is a very real possibility. If this is something she simply cannot get past than I am afraid you will have to tell her that you cannot accept her conditional offer – that she accepts you as you are (pregnant or not) or finds someone else to be her Honor Maid/Matron.

If this is acceptable...

Surely this is, too?

If your sister is open to compromise – and she has some very understanding friends – there is one possible solution in the form of a back-up plan. You could agree to stand up for your sister as her Matron of Honor so long as you are not pregnant/not showing and have another woman agree to be the back-up Maid/Matron of Honor if you are expecting and showing by her wedding day. This idea means investing in a dress that you might not end up wearing, and just suggesting this idea leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but you asked for an idea on how to compromise so I am providing one that your sister might agree to let happen.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. I am hoping that as her wedding date draws closer Bridezilla steps down off of her high horse and realizes what a horse’s behind she is being. I realize that the woman I am speaking of is your sister, so I am being as nice as possible!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Chunky Grandchild Needs Loving Support, Not Criticism Or Denial

Dear Tazi:

I have a difficult family issue that I feel needs to be addressed, but I am unsure how to approach it. My grandchild, "Suzie" is 10-years-old and weights over 150 pounds. She needs to shop at the women's plus-size stores just to find clothes that will fit her. She is not tall for her age, either - in fact, she is on the short side, making her weight all the more shocking. Since underactive thyroid problems run on my side of the family, my son (Suzie's father) insists that she is checked for thyroid problems at her yearly physical, and so far everything has come back normal, so her weight is not a glandular issue. It is an issue of poor diet and a lack of exercise.

I would like to approach my son and daughter-in-law about Suzie's weight, and ask about getting her into some kind of after-school fitness program, but I know that I would be treading on delicate ground. Suzie's mother insists that it's just "baby fat" and that Suzie will lose the weight once puberty hits; but I am afraid that puberty is a time when a thyroid problem is likely to develop, as it has with my other granddaughters (who all work very hard to keep their weight within a healthy range).

You seem knowledgeable about thyroid problems and other health issues, based upon what I have read in your responses to other readers with weight issues, so I am hoping you have some advice for me on how to approach this issue.

Signed,
Concerned Grandma

Dear Concerned Grandma:

You are correct in thinking that puberty is a time when a thyroid condition is likely to evolve in your young granddaughter, as that is exactly when most thyroid conditions - especially the autoimmune kind - leave the dormant state and start to wreak havoc on a person's health. Although 10-years-old is not too young to start having thyroid issues, it is highly unlikely that this is the cause. The fact that Suzie has been tested recently - and that those tests come back normal - rules out hypothyroidism as the cause of her weight problems.

You do not mention how tall Suzie is, just that she is "on the short side"; which means for her age and height she should probably weigh around 65 - 70 pounds. At 150 pounds, she is morbidly obese and is at serious risk of developing Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, liver and kidney problems, and a host of other weight-related health issues that no child should experience.

You are correct in assuming that Suzie's weight will be a sore subject to tackle, especially if her mother is in denial of the severity of the problem. My advice to you is to approach your son about Suzie's health, as he seems to be the realist in that house. Express your interest in terms of spending more time with your granddaughter, and suggest some seasonal physical activities that the two of you could enjoy together. I am especially fond of gardening, because it attracts wildlife that I can chase, but as a three-season activity it provides great exercise (planting, hoeing, weeding, watering...) and the fruits of your labor are tasty and healthy fresh foods to eat, which will go a long way towards improving Suzie's diet as well as instilling a sense of pride in the results of her hard work.

Regardless of what you choose to do, remember to let Suzie know that you love her, regardless of her size.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Series Of Short Questions And Answers

Dear Readers,

People often ask me if my letters are real, and the answer is YES, they are! A lot goes into writing an advice column, and I cannot imagine doing it if I had to write both sides of it! The only changes I make to letters is to correct spelling and grammar, edit for language (you will see synonyms placed in brackets where naughty words are removed), and truncate for space concerns. I try to keep each column between 800 - 1200 words, and some letters run that length on their own!

On the flip side of long letters is the short letter. I increasingly receive private messages through Twitter that are more than 140 characters, but not by much, or quick questions with little details about what surrounds the issue. Without knowing the full story, it is difficult to give a quality answer. Today I am answering some of those letters, because I believe that every letter deserves a response!

Here we go!!

Is It Ever Okay To Steal Someone Else's Food?

Dear Tazi,

What is your opinion on people who steal other people's lunches from the office refrigerator? I believe that if someone puts their lunch in there and labels it, it is their food; but no name means it is fair game for whoever wants to take it. After all, maybe what the "thief" took was the exact same thing that they brought from home and someone else stole theirs! Right?

Signed,
Not The Thief

Dear Not The Thief:

I believe that an office will provide a refrigerator for the benefit of its employees. It is up to the employee to label their food, because as you point out two people may bring the same exact item - yogurt, cottage cheese and fruit, a sandwich from the local deli. No labels means confusion and inadvertent theft can occur. I do not believe that "no name means fair game" unless the provider of the food explicitly offers to share ("Hey, everyone, I brought in some eclairs! They are in the fridge - help yourself!").

Also a good reason not to steal someone else's food...

It sounds to me like someone stole your labeled lunch so you grabbed someone else's unlabeled treat and got caught in the act! Next time, don't take the law into your own hands - take your complaint to Human Resources!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Could His Brother-In-Law Be Secretly Gay? 
Or Was He Just Really Drunk?

Dear Tazi:

My sister's husband groped my [butt] at a Halloween costume party! He claims that he had been drinking and that he didn't realize that I wasn't his wife (the siblings and spouses did a group costume and all dressed up like different colored crayons). I'd buy that if it weren't for the fact that I am several inches taller than my sister - and a guy. Could my brother-in-law be secretly gay? How do I tell my sister this?

Signed,
The Red Crayon

Dear The Red Crayon:

Exactly how much did your brother-in-law have to drink that night? How form-fitting were those crayon costumes? How visible were your faces? Before jumping to conclusions, think about the big picture. Has your brother-in-law ever acted so affectionately towards you before? Have you ever suspected that maybe he is interested in men as well as women? Before you suggest to your sister that her hubs might be gay, look at the totality of the evidence before you and not at one isolated incident. Chance are you are over-reacting. Alcohol can make people do crazy things!

Like make white people think they can dance!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Does Tazi-Kat Practice What He Preaches?

Dear Tazi,

You give a lot of good advice. Do you actually follow it yourself?

Signed,
Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering:

Thank you for the compliment! I am a cat, which is to say I am one of Earth's most perfect beings and therefore do not make mistakes. But you can bet your tushie  that I make sure my Mommie thinks before she acts and practices what I preach (she is the original recipient of the Tazi-Kat Paw Slap of Disgust!).

Snuggles,
Tazi

Is She Naturally Thin? Or Is She Anorexic?

Hey Tazi ,

I have read your article about thin/skinny bashing. I am so worried about my partner's weight.She is an extremely underweight person .We have issues related to weightiness..

Signed,

Awaiting Your Suggestion

Dear Awaiting Your Suggestion:

You are a very caring partner to take on such a difficult and sensitive issue. Problems with distorted body image are almost always to blame when a person who is extremely underweight refuses to eat. The question you need to ask is, does she eat very little only when you are around or in general? A lot of people are uncomfortable eating in front of someone they are trying to impress - be it a romantic partner or an important work colleague - for fear of looking undignified. Accidental spills, slurps, or food stuck in one's teeth can deeply embarrass some people.

I will suggest a way to put an end to your arguing, but it is something you must both agree on before following through with it: ask your partner to make an appointment with her doctor for a full and complete physical. She must agree before-hand to share the results with you. If the doctor gives your partner a clean bill of health, in spite of her low body weight, you must accept that she is healthy at her current weight and not pester her about it unless she starts to lose weight without reason (and without putting it back on within a reasonable amount of time). On the flip side, if your partner does not receive a clean bill of health (due to her weight or other issues) she must agree to follow the doctors orders towards a path to wellness. If your partner does not have health insurance, affordable health care is available through community based health-care centers, including many hospitals. Do not let a lack of insurance deter her from pursuing good health!

Snuggles,

Tazi

What Can You Do With A Degree In Women's Studies?

Dear Tazi,

What does a person do with a degree in Gender and Women's Studies? Is that even a real degree?

Signed,
Old Fashioned

Dear Old Fashioned:

Yes, it is a real degree! As for what you can do with it, the answer is anything you want; it just depends on what area you choose to focus. Many people go on to law school; some become practicing sociologists; others become writers, guidance counselors, or activists. I know Women's Studies graduates in the fields of social work, domestic and global politics, college administration, government...and oh yeah, even one that works in transcription, translating my meows into the written word you are reading here!

Snuggles,
Tazi


That's all for now, readers! Keep those letters - short and long - coming! Snuggles all around! --T.K.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Thin Bashing" Makes Being Underweight Even Harder

Dear Tazi:

I am a woman in my mid-thirties and have always had the same problem with my appearance since I was a child: I am too thin. I eat healthy and exercise in an attempt to put on muscle and increase my size, but I have a very small frame and will probably always be super-thin. My doctor tells me I am healthy, albeit being slightly underweight (muscle adds weight but not bulk to my frame), and not to worry too much about it so long as I do not feel dizzy or have heart palpitations or any other issues associated with being underweight. I have been able to deliver two healthy children, but after both of my pregnancies I lost the weight immediately - and my curves along with it :-( .

My problem is that many of my friends think I must be a closet anorexic and will not get off of my back about how thin I am - they are constantly trying to force me to eat "more" - and will encourage me to eat sugary foods. I eat approximately 2,000 calories a day, so I am not starving myself! Since when does "more" equal unhealthy? I do indulge occasionally, but I am not one for sweets; they hold no attraction for me.

Invariably, after I explain myself to my friends, someone will always accuse me of bragging about how I can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. Tazi, this is not the case! I am not bragging, nor am I saying I can eat "whatever I want", unless not liking sweets much implies that I can eat all of the healthy food I want and not gain weight. I would never criticize the appearance or eating habits of an overweight friend, so why do people think that it's OK to pick on me for being thin? How should I respond to these accusations?

Signed,
Skinny Minnie

Dear Skinny Minnie:

I am happy to hear that you are healthy, in spite of the fact that you are underweight; being underweight can be just as dangerous as being overweight, as I am sure you are aware. As you have discovered, there is a major backlash against the super-fit by people who are not so genetically blessed. This is because there are people who will "humbly brag" about how fit they are as a way of shaming those who cannot fit into a pair of size 2 skinny jeans.

What is HER excuse?
My guess is hunger pangs.

If your friends are making you uncomfortable, feel free to speak up in your own defense - you are among friends! Tell them that too much sugar makes you sick (as it would anyone) and that you don't have much of a taste for it. The next time a friend bemoans her size and wishes she could be as thin as you, tell her that you wish you had her curves - or her fabulous chest, or her dynamite booty - and see how quickly the mood of the room brightens! Living in a society that values the waifishness, many women feel insecure when in the presence of someone who is naturally thin; feeling insecure can lead to some thoughtless comments.

If someone continues to harangue you about your looks, politely but firmly tell them that your weight is not a topic you enjoy discussing - and then change the subject. Only an absolute clod would push the boundary you have set. Do you really want to count such clods among your close circle?

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Larger-Sized Woman Loses Out Due To Inappropriate Dress

Dear Tazi:

My wife is a very large woman, and I do not have a problem with this. I love her for who she is, not for what the tags on her clothing say. "Rowena" does not feel the same acceptance that I feel for her, and she she works very hard to squeeze into the smallest size she can possibly wear - ignorant of the fact that she looks like an overstuffed sausage ready to burst.

To make the matter even more difficult, Rowena refuses to acknowledge her true size, claiming that clothes are being made smaller these days and that she is really a size 7, not a 22 (when she is truthfully closer to a size 28). When we are out and Rowena sees a woman dressed in clothes that are ill-fitting, she will loudly proclaim that not all women have her body and can wear her size - "a seven", she will always add. When I buy Rowena clothing for her birthday, Christmas, or even just as an unexpected gift she first checks the size tag, and won't even try it on if it is a larger size than she believes she wears.

Tazi, I love my wife - all of her - but I am afraid she is making a fool out of herself by dressing so inappropriately. She was recently passed over for a promotion at work, and was told that the reason was that they hired someone with "a more professional appearance". (The woman they hired is also "plus sized" but dresses to accomodate her curves, so I know my wife is not being discriminated against because of her weight). Rowena works in sales, and she would have made an excellent Sales Manager if not for her insistence on dressing the way she does. (Dress matters in this position because she would be professionally interacting with high level clients).

Rowena is really down about losing out on this promotion, and I think I have found a way to cheer her: I am considering taking her to be fitted for a new wardrobe by a professional tailor - this way, she will have a property fitting, professional-looking wardrobe with clothes that do not have size-tags sewn into them. I realize that this will be an expensive investment, but I have some money set aside and my wife is worth it to me. Do you think this is a good idea? I really don't know who to discuss it with, since my family - my side and Rowena's - all think she is batty when it comes to clothes and her refusal to wear anything that fits.

Signed,
Squeezed

Dear Squeezed:

I think your idea is a marvelous one! A lot of women are very sensitive about their size, and will actually tear out the size tags in their clothing, they are so upset by the number they see. At her heaviest, Oprah Winfrey was humiliated when she discovered that wardrobe had been sewing two suits together - a size 14 and a size 8 - in order to create a designer suit large enough to fit her. While this may sound humorous, I can assure you that for Miss Winfrey it was not!

America is a country obsessed with size - or, should I say, a lack of it, when it comes to women; the thinner a woman is, the better. Where is this image coming from, I wonder? While it is not true that Marilyn Monroe was a size 16, she was curvy and had an hourglass figure; when photographed in a swimsuit, her collar bones never poked out.

She only poked out in the right places!

It is my opinion that your wife needs counseling in order to accept and love herself as she is, not as she once was or as she wishes she could look; however, let that be a step of last resort. I suggest you tell your wife that you think she is gorgeous just the way she is, but if her wardrobe needs a redo than that is what will happen - courtesy of her loving husband! Once Rowena sees how good she can look in clothing that is tailored to her shape, she may be willing to ditch the sausage casings she has been wearing in favor of a more tailored, professional look, which in turn could help her career.

If Rowena refuses your offer, or insists on having the clothing tailored to a skin-tight look, try to coax her into something more appropriate for work. Do not mention her size, but rather say that a looser fit is more appropriate for the office. You could even add that it upsets you when she shows off her curves for the world to see, and that you would rather she reserve the view for you and you alone. You sound like a very generous and loving husband, and I wish you all the best! Shame on your family (both sides) for poking fun of your wife!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Successful Marriage Must Go Through Thick And Thin

Dear Tazi:

You know the old stereotype that once a woman get married she lets her figure go? Well, my husband is the one in this marriage who has let himself go. “Mason” and I got married three years ago after dating for two years. While dating, he went to the gym every day, watched what he ate, and was actively involved in sports – he played softball for a local men’s league, soccer with the guys, and was always ready for a pick-up game of basketball. He even volunteered as an Assistant Coach for his nephew’s Little League team!  Together we would pack a picnic lunch and go bike riding or go roller-blading after dinner. We were healthy, athletic individuals and a healthy, athletic couple. Now, I am a healthy, athletic individual and Mason is a couch potato.

The first year of our marriage was great, but during our second year Mason got passed over for a promotion at work because he did not have an MBA and the person – the woman – who got the job did. This bruised Mason’s ego in more ways than one; I love my husband, but losing to a woman is not something he does very well. This prompted Mason to return to school to work towards his MBA. While I am supportive of this decision, he was not prepared for the strain of working full-time and going to school full-time.

Since returning to school Mason has been “too tired” to do anything but go to work, go to class, eat, and sleep. Oh, and of course he always manages to find the energy to have sex, even when I am no longer turned on by his bloated body! He has gained about fifty pounds over the last two years since he gave up the gym, softball, and other sports. He lo longer has the time to accompany me on an after dinner bike ride and our weekends consist of him working on projects while I take off with our friends.

I have told Mason that I want the man I married back, and that he needs to start making exercise and proper diet a priority again (that’s another thing; he eats a lot of fast food and cafeteria food now). Mason got very upset with me and told me that he knows he has gained weight, but that an MBA program is “no bicycle ride through the park”. (This comment hurt me!).  He went on to say that if we eventually have children I will gain weight and probably have a tough time taking it off, and then the shoe will be on the other foot.

Tazi, I would love to have children, but not until Mason gets back into better shape! I want the father of my children to be there for them, to coach their Little League teams and to simply be alive long enough to see them graduate high school, college, and even dance at their weddings! My father was a large man and he passed shortly before my wedding; I don’t want my future children to feel this same pain. How can I convince Mason to turn back the clock and return to being the man I married?

Signed,

Athletic Abby

Dear Athletic Abby:

A dear friend of my Mommie is currently in an MBA program while working full-time, so I would say that I have seen first-hand the commitment it requires, but I cannot – I have not seen Mommie’s friend in quite some time because she is so swamped by school and work! An MBA program is a full-time job in and of itself, so to be working full-time and working towards an MBA full-time leaves precious little time for anything else.

If Mason signed up for an MBA program on a whim and was not prepared for the commitment it involved, I can see why he is feeling like he is spiraling through a dark tunnel with no light at the end of it. The fact that he was accepted into such a competitive program tells me that he has the background and the aptitude to succeed, and that solid time-management skills may be what are needed to help him find his way back to you and the life you created before school took over his.

As an athlete you already know how exercise can be a great stress reliever; I think it is time you gently remind your husband of how good working out made him feel. I suggest that instead of pressuring him to join you on a bike ride that you look into a set of stationary bicycles so you can work out side by side while allowing Mason to get some reading done at the same time. If he balks at this suggestion, suggest a treadmill, or a stair climber, or any other stationary exercise machine that will allow him to get his academic reading done while doing something other than lying on the couch! My Mommie and her classmates always used to read their Anatomy textbooks while on the treadmill – not only did it make the reading more interesting (Hey, look! I am exercising my gastrocnemius and soleus muscles!) it also made the time on the treadmill go a little bit quicker.

Most people just call them calves...

I realize that Mason has gained a significant amount of weight, but expressing the idea that you are “no longer turned on by his bloated body” (either verbally or by physically pushing him away) is not going to motivate him to start working out; rather, it is going to crush his ego and leave him feeling even more stressed than he already is. How did you feel when he suggested that you will be the one gaining weight if you were to have children? Do you think you will be able to maintain your high level of activity when motherhood becomes your primary focus?

I think you and Mason need to work towards better communication and understanding. You need to tell Mason what you told me – that you are concerned about his health and that you are afraid of losing him to a heart attack or stroke (leave out the part where you say you are no longer attracted to his bloated body!); Mason needs to communicate to you ways you can be supportive of his educational endeavors; and together you need to get back to common ground in order to make your marriage work. I think some sessions with a marriage counselor will be most helpful!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Being Small Is Not A Curse. Healthy Eating Can Help

Dear Tazi:

I am a twelve year old boy and "small for my age", like my Mom says. I am really small. My nine year old brother is the same height as me. I am hoping I will grow a lot over the summer and during the school year because I want to go out for football next Spring.

I have always been really good at football, and was one of the best players on my town's PAL League. My Mom is already freaking out about how I am too small to play football with the high school boys and that I will get crushed or killed by some of the bigger boys. I am a really fast runner, Tazi, and I don't think the bigger boys would be able to catch me but my Mom is freaking out anyway. My Dad and she argue when they think I am not listening. Dad says Mom needs to stop treating me like a baby and let me play football "when the time comes". I agree with my Dad!

Do you think I will grow enough over the next year if I start eating more food? I am hungry all of the time, but I don't eat a lot because I am afraid I will get fat, like my older sister. I know that sounds mean, but she is really huge and I think it is because she eats too much and doesn't play sports.

Signed,
Billy

Dear Billy:

For someone so young you have made some very important observations! You are right that eating too much and not exercising can cause us to gain too much weight but so can a lot of other things, like gland problems. Has your sister been checked for hypothyroidism (HYPO-thigh-roid-ism)? This is a problem that gives a lot of teenage girls a problem with controlling their weight and can make them feel helpless to control their weight, so they just eat more figuring they are going to get fat anyway. Be nice to your sister!

You might have a gland problem, too, which would explain whey you are "small for your age". Your body might not be producing enough human growth hormone (HGH) which could be why you are not growing. I suggest that if you are hungry you eat. Teenage and pre-teen boys need more food than the rest of us because their bodies are going through changes that require extra energy - changes that include growing taller and developing bigger muscles!

Just don't turn into this guy...ever.

I also suggest that you ask your parents to take you to the doctor for a check-up, if you have not had one within the last 12 months. The doctor will be able to evaluate your physical development and let you know if there is a problem with it. Some boys start out small and grow tall and brawny almost overnight! You might be one of those boys, so don't despair! Be sure to eat plenty of healthy foods, including lots of fresh vegetables and whole grains and (if you are not vegan) low-fat dairy products. A healthy diet will result in a healthy body, and that is what you need to play football! Hike!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Permanent Weight Loss Requires Discipline, Commitment, and Exercise

Dear Tazi,

I am extremely obese and am not happy with the way that I look. I am barely five feet tall and weigh over 330 pounds. My weight is causing me medical problems such as asthma and diabetes. I tried taking up smoking because I have been told it speeds up your metabolism, but all it did was aggravate my asthma. I want to change but do not know how.

Every year around this time People magazine prints an issue about people who have lost half of their body weight and now look like beauty queens. My goal is to one day be featured in that annual article. I just don't know where to start. I have considered getting gastric bypass surgery, but I do not want to have to give up food completely. I tried the OptiFast diet and it did not work for that reason. I also hate exercise. It bores me, and the thought of going to a gym is upsetting; I am afraid that all the other people will stare at me because I am so huge.

Do you know of any way that I could lose weight without all of the discipline required to do so? I know this sounds lazy, but I am not. I am just scared of being judged and getting easily discouraged because I am not progressing as quickly as I would like.

Signed,

Big Bertha

Dear Big Bertha:

If you bother to read the articles in People magazine that you reference, you will notice that a proper diet and regular exercise are a large part of how those profiled lost the weight and kept it off for good. I doubt that you reached your current weight overnight, and it is going to take several months to lose it. This is just the cold reality of the matter. You will have to be disciplined enough to stick with a long-term diet and exercise regimen if you are serious about reaching a healthy weight.

Your first step should be in the direction of your primary care physician's office. He or she will be able to direct you to a qualified nutritionist who will teach you how to eat healthy, control your diabetes, and still lose weight at the same time. S/he should also order blood work to make sure your weight gain is not thyroid related. As for joining a gym, I suggest that you research local fitness clubs in your area. Many of them may offer programs tailored to the extremely obese and could be exactly what you are seeking. Furthermore, professional trainers specialize in working with people who need to lose 50% or more of their total body weight. Your local YMCA or Jewish Community Center is a great place to start your search.

If you are completely against joining a gym at this point, your home and neighborhood provide opportunities to exercise. The stairs in your house make for a great manual StairMaster and neighborhood parks make for excellent places to go walking. In time, you will find you enjoy the way exercise makes you feel and will become less self-conscious as the extra pounds start to fall off of your body.

In order to be featured in People magazine, you will have to keep the weight off for a minimum of one full year, so you will have to remain committed to your new disciplined lifestyle if you wish to see your dream realized. I wish you all the luck in the world! Please keep me updated as to your progress.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.