Dear Tazi:
I have a unique first name that is difficult for many people to pronounce correctly from looking at the spelling of it. All through high school teachers would not call on me for the first few weeks of class, until they learned how to properly pronounce my name. Men would always call me “baby” or “honey” – rarely by my given name – unless I demanded that they call me by my first name, which they would then garble. I thought I could live with this problem by educating others, but a new wrinkle has shown itself.
By the time this letter is printed, I will be a college graduate; seeking my very first professional job! Unlike my classmates, I have never had an internship; so I do not have any professional work experience beyond my work-study job. I thought this might be the reason I have been having trouble finding full-time employment, but I just discovered that several of the companies to which I applied have hired members of my graduating class; many of whom have less experience in the field than me!
I am starting to think that my unique name is holding me back in life, and am considering having it legally changed to something easier to pronounce – like Lisa or Jane – but I am not certain if this is the right step to take. I feel that changing my name would be a denial of who I am, and that the people who refuse to hire me because of it are practicing some form of discrimination. I would really like your advice on this matter, King Nebuchadnezzar! How do you feel about shortening such a regal sounding name to “Tazi”?
Signed,
Jhéojhañâ
Dear Jhéojhañâ:
Just out of curiosity, how do you pronounce your first name? Is it JAY-ohzh-an-yah? Am I close? I ask because I am seeing the problem you have described.
Mispronouncing a person’s first name is one of the more discomforting parts of being a human, don’t you think? Many people would rather not risk it and will simply ignore the person with the unusual moniker until they feel comfortable that they are pronouncing it correctly. Some, as you have discovered, will refrain from offering a job interview to someone whose name they cannot pronounce. Although this practice may sound discriminatory, I believe the intent is to simply save the embarrassment of destroying a hard to pronounce name. A Hiring Manager is a person who represents their company to those they seek to hire. To be put off guard by a difficult to pronounce name shifts the power to the other person and changes the tone of the interview and job negotiations.
It seems that you are very attached to your unique identity, so I would not advise legally changing your name to suit the needs of others. Rather, I would suggest adopting a suitable nickname that is to your liking but easy for others to pronounce. This practice is not uncommon among Americans who live and work outside of their personal ethnic culture. Simply choose a name that you like and put it on your resume; but first be sure to inform your professors and others who would recommend you for a job that this is the name you will be going by as you apply for a job. You could also choose to write your new nickname in quotation marks between your first and last name – like King Nebuchadnezzar “Tazi” Kat – to inform hiring managers that you are amenable to something that is easier to pronounce. A third suggestion would be to simply use your first and middle initials in place of your first name (if you have no middle initial you can use “X”).
To answer your question about how I feel about shortening my regal sounding name to the more familiar “Tazi”, I have to say that I never really thought about it. I answer to both names, and people who know me will call me both names – as well as a variety of endearments that let me know that they love me, including the generic “sweetie”. So long as the name is spoken with respect and is followed by treats, snuggles, or playtime I am a happy kitty.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Family Riffs Start As Tiffs So Mend Them Quick!
Dear Tazi:
I am having an argument with my sister and we would like you to settle it for us. I am the type to buy expensive, quality goods that are meant to last. I see spending a little more on my purchases as an investment because they last longer so, in the long run, I spend less. My sister “Mary-Ann” prefers to buy the cheapest, least expensive brand of something so when it breaks – as it always does – she isn’t out a lot of money and she gets to go shopping again. My style works for me and Mary-Ann’s style works for her; but our personal styles do not work for each other.
Last week, I loaned my sister a pair of Donna Karen sunglasses because we were going out for a family field day at the park and she had forgotten her cheap throwaways. I expected Mary-Ann to respect my property and treat it with care; but she treated my sunglasses with as much care as she treats her own – that being none at all. Before the day was half over, Mary-Ann had broken the earpiece of my sunglasses clean off while playing volleyball; leaving them beyond repair. Although she apologized for wrecking my sunglasses, she did not offer to pay for a replacement pair. Rather, she offered to “replace them” for me.
I took Mary Ann’s offer of a replacement pair of sunglasses to mean a new pair of Donna Karen’s, so you can imagine my surprise and disgust when she presented me with a pair of plastic throwaways she purchased at the local drugstore. When I expressed my displeasure, Mary-Ann told me that Donna Karen sunglasses are a “waste of money” and that the sunglasses she purchased me were perfectly fine.
I believe that since Mary-Ann broke my sunglasses she should be responsible for purchasing me a replacement pair of equal value. Mary-Ann believes that since I loaned her the sunglasses in the first place I accepted the fact that they may have been damaged, and that she was being nice in replacing them at all. Is this the thanks I get for watching out for my sister’s vision? Or am I wrong in thinking I deserve more?
Signed,
Ginger
Dear Ginger:
Mary-Ann and Ginger were always two women of different tastes. Mary-Ann with her gingham tops, cut-off jeans, and coconut cream pies was the down-to-earth balance the glamorous Ginger needed. Who wears an evening gown on a three-hour-cruise? Seriously, I am asking because you seem the type who could answer this question for me!
As a fan of designer sunglasses (we felines look fabu in them!) I can understand how upset you are with your sister. However, did you really think that pair of Donna Karen sunglasses was appropriate to wear to a family field day? It’s a castaway in an evening gown all over again! As the lender of this fine eyewear, you should have assessed the risk of damage to them before loaning them to anyone; although as the borrower of these sunglasses, your sister has an obligation to make good on the damage done while she was wearing them.
Doesn't this kitty look fabu?
Unless the sunglasses were brand new, there was probably some amount of wear and tear done to them – regardless of how good the care you gave them – therefore I do not think it fair of you to demand the full retail value of the sunglasses, or the full replacement cost of an equally valued pair. All things depreciate in value and construction, including sunglasses. I do not believe that Mary-Ann did the appropriate thing by purchasing you a pair of throw-away sunglasses from the local drugstore, either. Knowing your tastes, I believe it would have been appropriate for her to offer you a fair amount towards the purchase of a replacement pair of sunglasses. An easy way to resolve this issue is to look for the sunglasses on an online auction site like eBay. The average cost of a pair of Donna Karen sunglasses similar to the ones damaged should be the amount your sister owes you towards a replacement pair. If you would like, Mary-Ann can purchase you a pair of sunglasses used from eBay or she can simply offer you the cash towards a new pair.
Regardless of how you resolve this issue, the lesson to keep in mind is “never a borrower or a lender be” – especially to family. Do you really want an argument over sunglasses to be the breach that cannot be resolved between you and your sister?
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
I am having an argument with my sister and we would like you to settle it for us. I am the type to buy expensive, quality goods that are meant to last. I see spending a little more on my purchases as an investment because they last longer so, in the long run, I spend less. My sister “Mary-Ann” prefers to buy the cheapest, least expensive brand of something so when it breaks – as it always does – she isn’t out a lot of money and she gets to go shopping again. My style works for me and Mary-Ann’s style works for her; but our personal styles do not work for each other.
Last week, I loaned my sister a pair of Donna Karen sunglasses because we were going out for a family field day at the park and she had forgotten her cheap throwaways. I expected Mary-Ann to respect my property and treat it with care; but she treated my sunglasses with as much care as she treats her own – that being none at all. Before the day was half over, Mary-Ann had broken the earpiece of my sunglasses clean off while playing volleyball; leaving them beyond repair. Although she apologized for wrecking my sunglasses, she did not offer to pay for a replacement pair. Rather, she offered to “replace them” for me.
I took Mary Ann’s offer of a replacement pair of sunglasses to mean a new pair of Donna Karen’s, so you can imagine my surprise and disgust when she presented me with a pair of plastic throwaways she purchased at the local drugstore. When I expressed my displeasure, Mary-Ann told me that Donna Karen sunglasses are a “waste of money” and that the sunglasses she purchased me were perfectly fine.
I believe that since Mary-Ann broke my sunglasses she should be responsible for purchasing me a replacement pair of equal value. Mary-Ann believes that since I loaned her the sunglasses in the first place I accepted the fact that they may have been damaged, and that she was being nice in replacing them at all. Is this the thanks I get for watching out for my sister’s vision? Or am I wrong in thinking I deserve more?
Signed,
Ginger
Dear Ginger:
Mary-Ann and Ginger were always two women of different tastes. Mary-Ann with her gingham tops, cut-off jeans, and coconut cream pies was the down-to-earth balance the glamorous Ginger needed. Who wears an evening gown on a three-hour-cruise? Seriously, I am asking because you seem the type who could answer this question for me!
As a fan of designer sunglasses (we felines look fabu in them!) I can understand how upset you are with your sister. However, did you really think that pair of Donna Karen sunglasses was appropriate to wear to a family field day? It’s a castaway in an evening gown all over again! As the lender of this fine eyewear, you should have assessed the risk of damage to them before loaning them to anyone; although as the borrower of these sunglasses, your sister has an obligation to make good on the damage done while she was wearing them.
Doesn't this kitty look fabu?
Unless the sunglasses were brand new, there was probably some amount of wear and tear done to them – regardless of how good the care you gave them – therefore I do not think it fair of you to demand the full retail value of the sunglasses, or the full replacement cost of an equally valued pair. All things depreciate in value and construction, including sunglasses. I do not believe that Mary-Ann did the appropriate thing by purchasing you a pair of throw-away sunglasses from the local drugstore, either. Knowing your tastes, I believe it would have been appropriate for her to offer you a fair amount towards the purchase of a replacement pair of sunglasses. An easy way to resolve this issue is to look for the sunglasses on an online auction site like eBay. The average cost of a pair of Donna Karen sunglasses similar to the ones damaged should be the amount your sister owes you towards a replacement pair. If you would like, Mary-Ann can purchase you a pair of sunglasses used from eBay or she can simply offer you the cash towards a new pair.
Regardless of how you resolve this issue, the lesson to keep in mind is “never a borrower or a lender be” – especially to family. Do you really want an argument over sunglasses to be the breach that cannot be resolved between you and your sister?
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
EXTRA EDITION: Happy Birthday, Mommie!
Dear Readers:
Today is my Mommie's birthday, and I wanted to use my forum to wish her a great, big, happy one - so here it is:
Happy Birthday, Mommie!!
I love you!
Snuggles,
Tazi
There. That should keep her happy enough that she doesn't spank me for puking in her shoes. --T.K.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Today is my Mommie's birthday, and I wanted to use my forum to wish her a great, big, happy one - so here it is:
Happy Birthday, Mommie!!
I love you!
Snuggles,
Tazi
There. That should keep her happy enough that she doesn't spank me for puking in her shoes. --T.K.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Follow-Up Letter: Tea-Partying Teenager Writes To Tell His Tale!
Dear Tazi:
I am the teenager named "Joey" whose parents wrote to you about my wanting to join the Tea Party. I can't say I am happy with the response you gave them because it has been a very difficult six months for me, but I can see the point that they were trying to make. My Dad wanted me to write this letter to you so your readers can know how everything turned out with their "experiment" with me. It's just easier if I make a list, so here it is:
1. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to give up your iPhone for a Jitterbug phone? If nothing else, this taught me that I never, ever want to be so poor that I can't afford a normal phone. It is practically child abuse to make me use this thing!
2. Education is important and a high school education is free, so taking it for granted is stupid. I realize that not everyone can afford college, but doing well in high school can earn you scholarships so you don't end up doing tough jobs for low pay. My father paid me what he paid the landscaper to do our spring cleanup. It was the toughest $250 I ever made. I thought I was being underpaid and complained about it when he told me the landscaper has to pay his expenses out of that $250 (employees, gas for his truck and equipment, and dumping fees), and actually makes a lot less.
3. I don't want to be a landscaper. I applied for a summer job as one and was offered $9.00/hour to mow lawns and do garden cleanup. My day would start at 7AM and end when the sun went down. My only days off would be when it rained, and I would be an "independent contractor" which means I would have to pay all of my own taxes, even though I am only 16 and it would all be refunded anyway. My Dad told me that the cleaning lady works under a similar arrangement. I don't want to clean houses, either.
4. It is tough to find a job when you have no skills. I just turned 16 and got my working papers, only to find there is no work for me other than minimum wage fast food kind of stuff that I don't want. I was hoping someone in a trade would offer me on-the-job training but that didn't happen, even when I offered to work for free, after school, for two weeks to learn the basics. What is with people? I offered to work for FREE just to learn how to do the job!
5. It is impossible to live off of minimum wage. I have no idea how people manage to pay rent and buy food and own a good car if they have to live off of minimum wage. I still say it is an incentive to work harder so you don't have to earn minimum wage, which is why I am working harder in school and will be taking some Voc-Tech courses next year, so I can learn a trade in case college doesn't work out for me.
6. A helping-hand is not the same as a hand-out. I now understand why my parents give to the United Way, to help those who have less than us. I just wish they would demand that the money go into programs that offer job training and adult education instead of hand-outs.
I still believe in the Tea Party, but I have learned that many of the people who support it would not have all that they have if they had not been given a privileged start when they were young. I also realize that they would not have gotten as far as they have if they made stupid mistakes like Levi Johnston, and that Bristol Palin is a lot luckier than most teen Moms. I still say people need to own their actions, which is what the Tea Party is all about, but I can see the other side of things now, too. People need to remember that people like Herman Cain are Tea Party members, and that we are not all bad; we just want people to live by the standards that made America great.
Signed,
"Joey"
Dear "Joey":
I thank you very, very much for writing to me and sharing the lessons you have learned with my readers, many of whom have asked for a follow-up to your parents' story. It sounds to me that you have learned some valuable lessons about how the real world works. It is my hope that these lessons are not soon forgotten, and that they serve as a guide in how you live your life as well as how you treat others. I would ask that you work to practice what you preach in all areas of your life, lest you fall back into the hypocritical behaviors that brought about the need for this experiment, with you as the guinea pig.
You ask "what is wrong with people?" that they were not willing to train you in a job, even after you offered to work for free for a part-time, two-week training period. The fact of the matter is, even with you working for free, your training would be costing the company time and money; therefore, it is more economical for them to hire someone who is already trained. There are many job-force training programs available - however, they are generally sponsored by unions; which are organizations that the Tea Party works against.
As for your experience in lawn-care and your lack of desire to become a landscaper or home cleaning professional you must remember that the people who do these jobs generally enjoy them, and get paid very well to do them. Many landscapers are college educated, with degrees in Agriculture, Botany, or Environmental Science. Do not assume that these are the jobs of the unskilled or under-educated. There is no shame in having dirt under your fingernails if it was put there by hard work.
Perfunctory Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
I am the teenager named "Joey" whose parents wrote to you about my wanting to join the Tea Party. I can't say I am happy with the response you gave them because it has been a very difficult six months for me, but I can see the point that they were trying to make. My Dad wanted me to write this letter to you so your readers can know how everything turned out with their "experiment" with me. It's just easier if I make a list, so here it is:
1. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to give up your iPhone for a Jitterbug phone? If nothing else, this taught me that I never, ever want to be so poor that I can't afford a normal phone. It is practically child abuse to make me use this thing!
2. Education is important and a high school education is free, so taking it for granted is stupid. I realize that not everyone can afford college, but doing well in high school can earn you scholarships so you don't end up doing tough jobs for low pay. My father paid me what he paid the landscaper to do our spring cleanup. It was the toughest $250 I ever made. I thought I was being underpaid and complained about it when he told me the landscaper has to pay his expenses out of that $250 (employees, gas for his truck and equipment, and dumping fees), and actually makes a lot less.
3. I don't want to be a landscaper. I applied for a summer job as one and was offered $9.00/hour to mow lawns and do garden cleanup. My day would start at 7AM and end when the sun went down. My only days off would be when it rained, and I would be an "independent contractor" which means I would have to pay all of my own taxes, even though I am only 16 and it would all be refunded anyway. My Dad told me that the cleaning lady works under a similar arrangement. I don't want to clean houses, either.
4. It is tough to find a job when you have no skills. I just turned 16 and got my working papers, only to find there is no work for me other than minimum wage fast food kind of stuff that I don't want. I was hoping someone in a trade would offer me on-the-job training but that didn't happen, even when I offered to work for free, after school, for two weeks to learn the basics. What is with people? I offered to work for FREE just to learn how to do the job!
5. It is impossible to live off of minimum wage. I have no idea how people manage to pay rent and buy food and own a good car if they have to live off of minimum wage. I still say it is an incentive to work harder so you don't have to earn minimum wage, which is why I am working harder in school and will be taking some Voc-Tech courses next year, so I can learn a trade in case college doesn't work out for me.
6. A helping-hand is not the same as a hand-out. I now understand why my parents give to the United Way, to help those who have less than us. I just wish they would demand that the money go into programs that offer job training and adult education instead of hand-outs.
I still believe in the Tea Party, but I have learned that many of the people who support it would not have all that they have if they had not been given a privileged start when they were young. I also realize that they would not have gotten as far as they have if they made stupid mistakes like Levi Johnston, and that Bristol Palin is a lot luckier than most teen Moms. I still say people need to own their actions, which is what the Tea Party is all about, but I can see the other side of things now, too. People need to remember that people like Herman Cain are Tea Party members, and that we are not all bad; we just want people to live by the standards that made America great.
Signed,
"Joey"
Dear "Joey":
I thank you very, very much for writing to me and sharing the lessons you have learned with my readers, many of whom have asked for a follow-up to your parents' story. It sounds to me that you have learned some valuable lessons about how the real world works. It is my hope that these lessons are not soon forgotten, and that they serve as a guide in how you live your life as well as how you treat others. I would ask that you work to practice what you preach in all areas of your life, lest you fall back into the hypocritical behaviors that brought about the need for this experiment, with you as the guinea pig.
You ask "what is wrong with people?" that they were not willing to train you in a job, even after you offered to work for free for a part-time, two-week training period. The fact of the matter is, even with you working for free, your training would be costing the company time and money; therefore, it is more economical for them to hire someone who is already trained. There are many job-force training programs available - however, they are generally sponsored by unions; which are organizations that the Tea Party works against.
As for your experience in lawn-care and your lack of desire to become a landscaper or home cleaning professional you must remember that the people who do these jobs generally enjoy them, and get paid very well to do them. Many landscapers are college educated, with degrees in Agriculture, Botany, or Environmental Science. Do not assume that these are the jobs of the unskilled or under-educated. There is no shame in having dirt under your fingernails if it was put there by hard work.
Perfunctory Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Pregnant Teen Has Regrets; Will Her Baby Be One Of Them?
Dear Tazi:
How I wish I could pick you up and give you a big snuggle and make everything right in my world again. I have a big problem, one I am not so certain that even a cat could solve. I am 15 years old and pregnant, and I do not know how to tell my parents or if they would even believe me when I tell them how it happened.
A few months ago my best friend and I got dressed up, put on make-up, and made ourselves look older in order to sneak into a frat party at one of the local colleges. We did it on a dare and because it felt sooooooo cool to be drinking with college students and to be escaping from my parents firm rule. They are fundamentalist Christians, and have tries to raise me to live by the same rules, but I hate it. Now I feel like I am being punished for breaking the rules.
I take full responsibility for going to the party, Tazi, but I did not have sex on purpose. I can't remember how much I had to drink, only that I got really dizzy after my last one and may have blacked out or passed out - I can't remember! I know I would not willingly have sex with a stranger, so I am thinking maybe someone at the party slipped something into one of my drinks - but I can't be 100% certain! My best friend wasn't with me at the time; all she remembers is seeing me sitting on a couch looking "out of it" and then finding me at the end of the night with my clothes pulled off.
Obviously, I am far too young to be a responsible Mom, but there is no way I could have an abortion, either, even if I believed in it. Sooner or later I am going to have to tell my parents - I just can't imagine how! I just wish this was all a bad dream.
Signed,
Growing Problem
Dear Growing Problem:
You have my deepest sympathies for your plight. Your situation is a difficult one all around, and the sooner you work on setting things straight the sooner your life will start to make more sense. The first thing you need to do is tell your parents everything you have told me here - you can even print out this letter and tell them it is from you, if that is easier for you. The second thing you must do is report your sexual assault to your local authorities.
Normally, a few months after a sexual assault occurs is a few months late to collect evidence; however, your assailant left undeniable evidence that now grows inside of you. Regardless of whether the sex was consensual or not, at fifteen you are considered to be too young to give consent, so your assailant is guilty of statutory rape at the very least. If you provide the police with the time, date, and location of the party they may be able to track down the man who has fathered your child. Fraternities - especially those that are chapters of a national organization - have a reputation to protect, and will generally cooperate in exchange for keeping the house name of their organization out of the negative spotlight that is about to be shone upon it.
Your parents will be understandably upset, to put things mildly. As fundamentalist Christians, though, it is their avowed duty to practice the love that they preach. This means forgiving you of your sins (going behind their backs to a party qualifies as a sin) and offering you the emotional support you need to work through this difficult time. This child you carry is their grandchild, so they have a duel emotional stake in what is happening.
Since termination of your pregnancy is out of the question, this leaves you with two choices: putting the child up for adoption or raising the child yourself. There are several non-profit resources out there that would be willing to offer you assistance as you attempt to find the right path for you to follow. I would suggest that you start with the church that you and your family attend.
I realize this is a scary situation for you to be going through, but I want you to take a deep breath and think for a moment how your decision will affect you down the road. Can you picture your life ten years from now? Do you see raising your child as a daily part of it? Or do you see yourself content with the decision to offer him/her to a loving couple who are seeking to start a family? In the end, the final decision is yours to make; but I do hope that your family will be supportive of whatever you decide.
Extra snuggles and a purr,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
How I wish I could pick you up and give you a big snuggle and make everything right in my world again. I have a big problem, one I am not so certain that even a cat could solve. I am 15 years old and pregnant, and I do not know how to tell my parents or if they would even believe me when I tell them how it happened.
A few months ago my best friend and I got dressed up, put on make-up, and made ourselves look older in order to sneak into a frat party at one of the local colleges. We did it on a dare and because it felt sooooooo cool to be drinking with college students and to be escaping from my parents firm rule. They are fundamentalist Christians, and have tries to raise me to live by the same rules, but I hate it. Now I feel like I am being punished for breaking the rules.
I take full responsibility for going to the party, Tazi, but I did not have sex on purpose. I can't remember how much I had to drink, only that I got really dizzy after my last one and may have blacked out or passed out - I can't remember! I know I would not willingly have sex with a stranger, so I am thinking maybe someone at the party slipped something into one of my drinks - but I can't be 100% certain! My best friend wasn't with me at the time; all she remembers is seeing me sitting on a couch looking "out of it" and then finding me at the end of the night with my clothes pulled off.
Obviously, I am far too young to be a responsible Mom, but there is no way I could have an abortion, either, even if I believed in it. Sooner or later I am going to have to tell my parents - I just can't imagine how! I just wish this was all a bad dream.
Signed,
Growing Problem
Dear Growing Problem:
You have my deepest sympathies for your plight. Your situation is a difficult one all around, and the sooner you work on setting things straight the sooner your life will start to make more sense. The first thing you need to do is tell your parents everything you have told me here - you can even print out this letter and tell them it is from you, if that is easier for you. The second thing you must do is report your sexual assault to your local authorities.
Normally, a few months after a sexual assault occurs is a few months late to collect evidence; however, your assailant left undeniable evidence that now grows inside of you. Regardless of whether the sex was consensual or not, at fifteen you are considered to be too young to give consent, so your assailant is guilty of statutory rape at the very least. If you provide the police with the time, date, and location of the party they may be able to track down the man who has fathered your child. Fraternities - especially those that are chapters of a national organization - have a reputation to protect, and will generally cooperate in exchange for keeping the house name of their organization out of the negative spotlight that is about to be shone upon it.
Your parents will be understandably upset, to put things mildly. As fundamentalist Christians, though, it is their avowed duty to practice the love that they preach. This means forgiving you of your sins (going behind their backs to a party qualifies as a sin) and offering you the emotional support you need to work through this difficult time. This child you carry is their grandchild, so they have a duel emotional stake in what is happening.
Since termination of your pregnancy is out of the question, this leaves you with two choices: putting the child up for adoption or raising the child yourself. There are several non-profit resources out there that would be willing to offer you assistance as you attempt to find the right path for you to follow. I would suggest that you start with the church that you and your family attend.
I realize this is a scary situation for you to be going through, but I want you to take a deep breath and think for a moment how your decision will affect you down the road. Can you picture your life ten years from now? Do you see raising your child as a daily part of it? Or do you see yourself content with the decision to offer him/her to a loving couple who are seeking to start a family? In the end, the final decision is yours to make; but I do hope that your family will be supportive of whatever you decide.
Extra snuggles and a purr,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Tazi Recommends: Five Words
Good Morning, Readers!
I hope your week has been as productive as mine! I spent my days napping, my nights prowling, and the in-between time playing a new game I discovered through the blog
Five Words
by Bill .
What is Five Words, you ask? It is the blog I will be reviewing this week!
With all of the addicting but mind-numbing games out there on the Internet, this blog takes a simple concept - being concise - and turns it into an intellectually challenging game. Each week the author posts a new topic and readers must respond to the question posted in five words, no more and no less. It may not sound difficult, until you try it! Each week the most creative answer gets bragging rights as the winner!
The topic posted for this week is "Define the pitfalls of maturity". Can you do it in exactly five words? Remember, you have to be insightful and creative and/or humorous in order to be declared the winner! If this topic does not work for you, check out one from a few weeks ago: "Don't say to significant other". (The winning response was "I kinda miss my ex").
Five Words is funny, thought-provoking, and a great way to kill time while keeping your mind sharp. How it words is after reading the five word question (all of which are posted on the home page) you click on the comments section to leave your answer. You do not have to register for anything; the site accepts anonymous comments; but wouldn't you prefer to leave your name so the world may know your glory?
Right now, Five Words only appears to have about a dozen regular followers, based upon the number of comments on each post, and I would like to see that number increase - the more the merrier, right? Seriously, this blog is a lot of fun, does not take up a lot of your time, and is not likely to get you kicked off of an airplane. So take five minutes and check out Five Words! While you are there, you can check out my responses to the current questions being asked. What more could you want? Other than a nap in the sun, which is what I am off to do right now!
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
I hope your week has been as productive as mine! I spent my days napping, my nights prowling, and the in-between time playing a new game I discovered through the blog
by Bill
What is Five Words, you ask? It is the blog I will be reviewing this week!
With all of the addicting but mind-numbing games out there on the Internet, this blog takes a simple concept - being concise - and turns it into an intellectually challenging game. Each week the author posts a new topic and readers must respond to the question posted in five words, no more and no less. It may not sound difficult, until you try it! Each week the most creative answer gets bragging rights as the winner!
The topic posted for this week is "Define the pitfalls of maturity". Can you do it in exactly five words? Remember, you have to be insightful and creative and/or humorous in order to be declared the winner! If this topic does not work for you, check out one from a few weeks ago: "Don't say to significant other". (The winning response was "I kinda miss my ex").
Five Words is funny, thought-provoking, and a great way to kill time while keeping your mind sharp. How it words is after reading the five word question (all of which are posted on the home page) you click on the comments section to leave your answer. You do not have to register for anything; the site accepts anonymous comments; but wouldn't you prefer to leave your name so the world may know your glory?
Right now, Five Words only appears to have about a dozen regular followers, based upon the number of comments on each post, and I would like to see that number increase - the more the merrier, right? Seriously, this blog is a lot of fun, does not take up a lot of your time, and is not likely to get you kicked off of an airplane. So take five minutes and check out Five Words! While you are there, you can check out my responses to the current questions being asked. What more could you want? Other than a nap in the sun, which is what I am off to do right now!
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tazi Recommends: The World of Poe
Dear Readers:
It has been a VERY exciting week here in Tazi-Land, which is why today's blog review will be a short but concise one. I am sorry to "phone it in" so to speak, but I am drained from the excitement, and a kitty cat needs his rest!
This blog, which was started seven months ago as a project for my Mommie's college writing class is poised to hit 10,000 page views, if it has not done so already by the time you are reading this. If this important milestone is not big enough news, I am also being followed on Twitter by the New York Post and the New York Post Editorial Pages (I love The Post, and I don't mean ironically; they have the best headlines!). Oh, and the movie The Raven, based upon the works of Edgar Allan Poe came out in theaters this weekend. What Black Cat does not love what Mr. Poe has done for our reputed nine lives? In honor of Mr. Poe, I am dedicating this week's blog review to
The World of Edgar Allan Poe
by Undine
What drew me to this blog was the review of The Raven (which is lambasted as a piece of garbage). What kept me there was the extreme knowledge the writer displays about the curiosity that is Mr. Poe. For those who are unfamiliar with the Master of Horror, The World of Poe's tagline says it all: The truth was stranger than his fiction.
Offering book reviews, YouTube videos of artistic interpretations of Poe's work, and - best of all, in my opinion - reliable information about the much storied (and oft incorrect) history of the legendary poet and storyteller. From a 50-minute clip of the haunting but unfinished Claude Debussy opera based upon "The Fall of the House of Usher", a reading of The Raven set to Celtic music, to the MGM produced An Evening With Edgar Allan Poe narrated the late, great Vincent Price there is something for every artistic taste at The World of Poe.
Filled with history and copies of original articles written about Edgar Allan Poe, The World of Poe offers more than artistic expression and makes for a rich source of period information on the man shrouded in mystery. I think I might skip The Raven movie (seriously, John Cusack as E.A. Poe? What were they thinking!) and stay in to further peruse The World of Poe. I believe you would do well to do the same.
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. If you have never read the works of Edgar Allan Poe, you do not know what you are missing! Every horror movie villain from Friday the 13th's reincarnating Jason Voorhees to Jigsaw's complicated machinationsin Saw have been influenced by the works of Edgar Allan Poe.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
It has been a VERY exciting week here in Tazi-Land, which is why today's blog review will be a short but concise one. I am sorry to "phone it in" so to speak, but I am drained from the excitement, and a kitty cat needs his rest!
This blog, which was started seven months ago as a project for my Mommie's college writing class is poised to hit 10,000 page views, if it has not done so already by the time you are reading this. If this important milestone is not big enough news, I am also being followed on Twitter by the New York Post and the New York Post Editorial Pages (I love The Post, and I don't mean ironically; they have the best headlines!). Oh, and the movie The Raven, based upon the works of Edgar Allan Poe came out in theaters this weekend. What Black Cat does not love what Mr. Poe has done for our reputed nine lives? In honor of Mr. Poe, I am dedicating this week's blog review to
by Undine
What drew me to this blog was the review of The Raven (which is lambasted as a piece of garbage). What kept me there was the extreme knowledge the writer displays about the curiosity that is Mr. Poe. For those who are unfamiliar with the Master of Horror, The World of Poe's tagline says it all: The truth was stranger than his fiction.
Offering book reviews, YouTube videos of artistic interpretations of Poe's work, and - best of all, in my opinion - reliable information about the much storied (and oft incorrect) history of the legendary poet and storyteller. From a 50-minute clip of the haunting but unfinished Claude Debussy opera based upon "The Fall of the House of Usher", a reading of The Raven set to Celtic music, to the MGM produced An Evening With Edgar Allan Poe narrated the late, great Vincent Price there is something for every artistic taste at The World of Poe.
Filled with history and copies of original articles written about Edgar Allan Poe, The World of Poe offers more than artistic expression and makes for a rich source of period information on the man shrouded in mystery. I think I might skip The Raven movie (seriously, John Cusack as E.A. Poe? What were they thinking!) and stay in to further peruse The World of Poe. I believe you would do well to do the same.
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. If you have never read the works of Edgar Allan Poe, you do not know what you are missing! Every horror movie villain from Friday the 13th's reincarnating Jason Voorhees to Jigsaw's complicated machinationsin Saw have been influenced by the works of Edgar Allan Poe.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Tazi Recommends: Nature Mom's Blog
Dear Readers:
Welcome to another edition of Tazi Recommends.. in honor of Earth Weekend, I am recommending that you recycle your Sunday paper into a cat toy. We felines love to shred stuff, so when we are done with it you can recycle it again by putting it in your garden as a mulch. Sigh...we cats do nothing but give, I'm telling you! Since you are probably expecting a blog review, I will give you one of those, too (feline generosity knows no bounds!). Again, in honor of Earth Weekend, I am recommending
Nature Mom's Blog
by Tiffany, a Nature Mom Since 2004
I am not a Mom, nor do I pretend to know how to Mom. In fact, small children unnerve me, with their tiny, paw-sized hands and their loud, cat-like wails; however, I am often asked for advice from Moms who are doing their best to raise their children; but sometimes need an outside, unbiased opinion. Because of this, I read a lot of parenting sites and pass along the advice I learn from experts in the field. It was while perusing these sites that I came across what People I Want To Punch In The Throat would call a "crunchy granola Moms" blog. What caught my attention was a line in the first paragraph, about a Mom-To-Be explaining how she bought all of her new baby's things second-hand - INCLUDING CLOTH DIAPERS! Speaking as one who likes my litter to be fresh, I cannot imagine buying second-hand cloth diapers. Yes, I know they are clean, but isn't that a little like wearing someone else's old underwear? As a devotee to the extremes some people will go to in an attempt to out-granola one another, I was hooked and decided to see what this site was all about.
It turns out the recycled underwear woman was just a guest writer (she has her own blog, where she writes about sustainable living), and that the rest of the blog is actually quite interesting in a "hey, I would actually do this" kind of way. I especially loved the blog on Top Ten Green Toys For Toddlers, which offers short reviews and purchase information (most of the stuff is reasonably priced) on high-quality, sustainable toys made from natural products - like wood. And water-based paints. And...yeah, that's about it. No plastics, chemicals, or undecipherable without a degree in Organic Chemistry dyes; and I have to say, this stuff looks fun! As a cat, I would spend hours playing with the "rolling sorter" toy that has different shaped blocks that fit inside of it. I can just see myself spending hours sticking my paws inside of this thing...Other cool toy recommendations include green versions of traditional children's toys, such as stacking toys, push toys, toy cars, and other gender-neutral play items.
Other blogs of note cover topics like "Creating A Real Foods Kitchen" (which is a kitchen devoid of processed foods and artificial ingredients). With suggestions on what equipment to buy (I did not even know there was a such thing as a home-use yogurt maker!) and how to make the transition from processed to whole (or "real") foods, it offers tid-bits that many of us might overlook, such as the importance of purchasing cast iron pans and griddles (which add iron to your diet) over non-stick ones (which add chemicals to your diet).
What I really like about this blog is that it offers a sense of category for each blog, through a tagging index, in the right-hand margin. Each blog is cross-referenced according to category, like Recipes (yes, with me it always comes back to food!), Health and Healing (where I found many natural cures for insomnia), how to host a Green Holiday (I like the idea of using beet juice to dye Easter eggs!) or Eco-Friendly Birthday Party ideas, and even random ideas on how to live or more sustainable life.
Although it is hard to believe that one person can incorporate all of the ideas presented in Nature Mom's Blog (especially since she is also home-schooling her children), pictures of Tiffany and her family are included on the site; many of them showing how they all participate in the über -green lifestyle that is being promoted. Nature Mom's Blog is what I like to call "green fantasy": something many will read and fantasize about doing, but will never actually put the effort into accomplishing. I suggest that, rather than go overboard, you make a conscious effort to incorporate one or two of the green ideas presented in Nature Mom's Blog into your life. A little effort by all of us can help make the world a more sustainable place, and our children all the healthier for it - especially if they are using BPA Free pacifiers, teething rings, and sippy cups.
Happy Earth Weekend to all! I'm off to celebrate by taking my nap in the garden.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Welcome to another edition of Tazi Recommends.. in honor of Earth Weekend, I am recommending that you recycle your Sunday paper into a cat toy. We felines love to shred stuff, so when we are done with it you can recycle it again by putting it in your garden as a mulch. Sigh...we cats do nothing but give, I'm telling you! Since you are probably expecting a blog review, I will give you one of those, too (feline generosity knows no bounds!). Again, in honor of Earth Weekend, I am recommending
by Tiffany, a Nature Mom Since 2004
I am not a Mom, nor do I pretend to know how to Mom. In fact, small children unnerve me, with their tiny, paw-sized hands and their loud, cat-like wails; however, I am often asked for advice from Moms who are doing their best to raise their children; but sometimes need an outside, unbiased opinion. Because of this, I read a lot of parenting sites and pass along the advice I learn from experts in the field. It was while perusing these sites that I came across what People I Want To Punch In The Throat would call a "crunchy granola Moms" blog. What caught my attention was a line in the first paragraph, about a Mom-To-Be explaining how she bought all of her new baby's things second-hand - INCLUDING CLOTH DIAPERS! Speaking as one who likes my litter to be fresh, I cannot imagine buying second-hand cloth diapers. Yes, I know they are clean, but isn't that a little like wearing someone else's old underwear? As a devotee to the extremes some people will go to in an attempt to out-granola one another, I was hooked and decided to see what this site was all about.
It turns out the recycled underwear woman was just a guest writer (she has her own blog, where she writes about sustainable living), and that the rest of the blog is actually quite interesting in a "hey, I would actually do this" kind of way. I especially loved the blog on Top Ten Green Toys For Toddlers, which offers short reviews and purchase information (most of the stuff is reasonably priced) on high-quality, sustainable toys made from natural products - like wood. And water-based paints. And...yeah, that's about it. No plastics, chemicals, or undecipherable without a degree in Organic Chemistry dyes; and I have to say, this stuff looks fun! As a cat, I would spend hours playing with the "rolling sorter" toy that has different shaped blocks that fit inside of it. I can just see myself spending hours sticking my paws inside of this thing...Other cool toy recommendations include green versions of traditional children's toys, such as stacking toys, push toys, toy cars, and other gender-neutral play items.
Other blogs of note cover topics like "Creating A Real Foods Kitchen" (which is a kitchen devoid of processed foods and artificial ingredients). With suggestions on what equipment to buy (I did not even know there was a such thing as a home-use yogurt maker!) and how to make the transition from processed to whole (or "real") foods, it offers tid-bits that many of us might overlook, such as the importance of purchasing cast iron pans and griddles (which add iron to your diet) over non-stick ones (which add chemicals to your diet).
What I really like about this blog is that it offers a sense of category for each blog, through a tagging index, in the right-hand margin. Each blog is cross-referenced according to category, like Recipes (yes, with me it always comes back to food!), Health and Healing (where I found many natural cures for insomnia), how to host a Green Holiday (I like the idea of using beet juice to dye Easter eggs!) or Eco-Friendly Birthday Party ideas, and even random ideas on how to live or more sustainable life.
Although it is hard to believe that one person can incorporate all of the ideas presented in Nature Mom's Blog (especially since she is also home-schooling her children), pictures of Tiffany and her family are included on the site; many of them showing how they all participate in the über -green lifestyle that is being promoted. Nature Mom's Blog is what I like to call "green fantasy": something many will read and fantasize about doing, but will never actually put the effort into accomplishing. I suggest that, rather than go overboard, you make a conscious effort to incorporate one or two of the green ideas presented in Nature Mom's Blog into your life. A little effort by all of us can help make the world a more sustainable place, and our children all the healthier for it - especially if they are using BPA Free pacifiers, teething rings, and sippy cups.
Happy Earth Weekend to all! I'm off to celebrate by taking my nap in the garden.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Friday, April 20, 2012
EXTRA EDITION: Remembering Columbine
Dear Readers:
It was thirteen years ago today that two ostracized teenagers took out their anger upon innocent classmates and teachers; killing twelve students, one teacher, and themselves by the time their violent assault was over. The reason for their mass carnage, it is believed, was because they were bullied.
Thirteen years later, the problem of bullying in schools has not dissipated; sadly, it has escalated to levels never imagined, fed by easy access to social media which has enabled those who bully to do so without having to actually face their victims.
Today I ask you to take a moment to pause and reflect on the problems of bullying in your community, and to ask yourself what you can do to help end the scourge that is destroying our youth - for when one person is bullied to the point of destruction, the one doing the bullying also loses a piece of their humanity. With bullying, there are no winners.
To follow is a list of the victims of the Columbine massacre, and a short biography of each (courtesy of About.com). May they never be forgotten:
Cassie Bernall
A 17-year old junior who had dabbled in witchcraft and drugs had turned her life around two years before she was killed. She became active in her church and was restructuring her life. (Unfortunately, the story that circulated about her martyrdom was not true.)
Steven Curnow
A 14-year old freshman, Steven loved aviation and dreamed of becoming a Navy pilot. He also loved to play soccer and to watch the Star Wars movies.
Corey DePooter
A 17-year old who loved the outdoors, Corey loved to fish, camp, golf, and inline skate.
Kelly Fleming
A quiet 16-year old who liked to spend time in the library writing short stories and poetry.
Matthew Kechter
A shy, sweet sophomore, Matthew was a football player and a straight-A student.
Daniel Mauser
A smart but shy 15-year old sophomore, Daniel had recently joined the debate team and the cross-country squad.
Daniel Rohrbough
A 15-year old freshman, Daniel loved to play hockey and Nintendo with his friends. Often, after school he helped his father in his electrical store.
William "Dave" Sanders
A long-time teacher at Columbine, Dave was the girls' basketball and softball coach and taught business and computer classes. He had two daughters and five grandchildren.
May they all rest in peace.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
It was thirteen years ago today that two ostracized teenagers took out their anger upon innocent classmates and teachers; killing twelve students, one teacher, and themselves by the time their violent assault was over. The reason for their mass carnage, it is believed, was because they were bullied.
Thirteen years later, the problem of bullying in schools has not dissipated; sadly, it has escalated to levels never imagined, fed by easy access to social media which has enabled those who bully to do so without having to actually face their victims.
Today I ask you to take a moment to pause and reflect on the problems of bullying in your community, and to ask yourself what you can do to help end the scourge that is destroying our youth - for when one person is bullied to the point of destruction, the one doing the bullying also loses a piece of their humanity. With bullying, there are no winners.
To follow is a list of the victims of the Columbine massacre, and a short biography of each (courtesy of About.com). May they never be forgotten:
Cassie Bernall
A 17-year old junior who had dabbled in witchcraft and drugs had turned her life around two years before she was killed. She became active in her church and was restructuring her life. (Unfortunately, the story that circulated about her martyrdom was not true.)
Steven Curnow
A 14-year old freshman, Steven loved aviation and dreamed of becoming a Navy pilot. He also loved to play soccer and to watch the Star Wars movies.
Corey DePooter
A 17-year old who loved the outdoors, Corey loved to fish, camp, golf, and inline skate.
Kelly Fleming
A quiet 16-year old who liked to spend time in the library writing short stories and poetry.
Matthew Kechter
A shy, sweet sophomore, Matthew was a football player and a straight-A student.
Daniel Mauser
A smart but shy 15-year old sophomore, Daniel had recently joined the debate team and the cross-country squad.
Daniel Rohrbough
A 15-year old freshman, Daniel loved to play hockey and Nintendo with his friends. Often, after school he helped his father in his electrical store.
William "Dave" Sanders
A long-time teacher at Columbine, Dave was the girls' basketball and softball coach and taught business and computer classes. He had two daughters and five grandchildren.
May they all rest in peace.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Brother-In-Law Is A Hard Pill To Swallow
Dear Tazi:
My brother-in-law is one of those people who thinks they know everything and has no qualms about expressing their opinion whenever they feel like it. There is no such thing as a private conversation when you are around "Bill" because he butts into every conversation he happens to overhear, and excuses his behavior by suggesting that those who want privacy discuss matters elsewhere. Tazi, I am not talking about coffee-shop conversations (although he buts in plenty there, too, and always with his uneducated opinions); I am talking about private conversations taking place away from others.
My wife "Ellie" - who is technically of no relation to Bill (Bill is my sister's husband) - was recently diagnosed with cancer. She is handling the diagnosis quite well, all things considered, and was discussing her prognosis (which is very good) with my mother after Easter dinner, while the two of them were in the kitchen doing the dishes. Bill happened to be passing by on his way to the bathroom when he overheard the conversation, and felt the need to share his "uneducated medical opinion"; which included telling my wife that chemotherapy is a waste of time, that it only makes you sicker, and is a scam doctors pull to keep you coming back for treatment. He then went into a long spiel about how a special diet high in antioxidants could cure her cancer "the natural way, the way God intended". Things went downhill from there, with Bill cornering Ellie for almost half an hour and not allowing her to get a word in, edgewise. My mother has always been on the meek side, so she had no idea how to tell Bill to stop. I had been outside with the children during this time, preparing for our annual egg hunt; otherwise, I would have come to my wife's side.
Ellie was very upset by Bill's verbal attack, but managed to pull herself together for the remainder of the day; I, on the other hand, was livid and would have told Bill off if it were not such a special day for my family. This is not the first time Bill has pulled such inappropriate behavior, but I would like it to be the last. I am considering writing a letter to Bill and my sister to let them know how angry I am over his treatment of my wife; but Ellie says to just let it go - that Bill is never going to change and to rock the boat would only damage family relations. I wish I could be so forgiving, Tazi, but someone has to stand up to Bill and I would like the satisfaction of being the one to put this guy in his place.
Ellie and I have agreed to abide by your opinion, Tazi. Do you think I should write that letter to Bill?
Signed,
Itchy Trigger Finger
Dear Itchy Trigger Finger:
Your brother-in-law sounds like a real jerk. The sad part is, he probably thinks he is a likable guy and is doing people a favor by sharing his opinions and "uneducated medical" advice with them. Because of this, any attempt to correct him will fail miserably and, as your wife said, damage family relations. I am going to suggest you write that letter to Bill anyway. Just don't send it.
When we take the time to vent our feelings in a letter, we also pour out the negative emotions that are pent up inside of us. Just the act of writing a letter to Bill, telling him off in ways you have so far only dreamed of, will lift the burden of anger that is weighing on you. I fully understand your desire to tell Bill where to go, and I believe this desire sprouts from the instinct you feel to protect your wife, especially now that she is ill. I suggest you indulge that desire by protecting her in ways that she actually needs protecting, like being there for her emotionally and allowing her to break down when she needs to let go; and making yourself available to her when she needs assistance around the house. The purpose of this is several-fold: not only will you be "protecting" your wife and fulfilling your role as a supportive spouse, but you will be quietly showing Bill (and others who may be watching) the correct way to be helpful when someone is going through illness.
In time, your wife will recover - in spite of Bill's dire (but uneducated) prognosis, and he will be the one with egg on his face, instead of in his Easter basket. As much as I feel for you and your wife, the person I feel for the most is your sister - after all, she is the one stuck living with Bill.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
My brother-in-law is one of those people who thinks they know everything and has no qualms about expressing their opinion whenever they feel like it. There is no such thing as a private conversation when you are around "Bill" because he butts into every conversation he happens to overhear, and excuses his behavior by suggesting that those who want privacy discuss matters elsewhere. Tazi, I am not talking about coffee-shop conversations (although he buts in plenty there, too, and always with his uneducated opinions); I am talking about private conversations taking place away from others.
My wife "Ellie" - who is technically of no relation to Bill (Bill is my sister's husband) - was recently diagnosed with cancer. She is handling the diagnosis quite well, all things considered, and was discussing her prognosis (which is very good) with my mother after Easter dinner, while the two of them were in the kitchen doing the dishes. Bill happened to be passing by on his way to the bathroom when he overheard the conversation, and felt the need to share his "uneducated medical opinion"; which included telling my wife that chemotherapy is a waste of time, that it only makes you sicker, and is a scam doctors pull to keep you coming back for treatment. He then went into a long spiel about how a special diet high in antioxidants could cure her cancer "the natural way, the way God intended". Things went downhill from there, with Bill cornering Ellie for almost half an hour and not allowing her to get a word in, edgewise. My mother has always been on the meek side, so she had no idea how to tell Bill to stop. I had been outside with the children during this time, preparing for our annual egg hunt; otherwise, I would have come to my wife's side.
Ellie was very upset by Bill's verbal attack, but managed to pull herself together for the remainder of the day; I, on the other hand, was livid and would have told Bill off if it were not such a special day for my family. This is not the first time Bill has pulled such inappropriate behavior, but I would like it to be the last. I am considering writing a letter to Bill and my sister to let them know how angry I am over his treatment of my wife; but Ellie says to just let it go - that Bill is never going to change and to rock the boat would only damage family relations. I wish I could be so forgiving, Tazi, but someone has to stand up to Bill and I would like the satisfaction of being the one to put this guy in his place.
Ellie and I have agreed to abide by your opinion, Tazi. Do you think I should write that letter to Bill?
Signed,
Itchy Trigger Finger
Dear Itchy Trigger Finger:
Your brother-in-law sounds like a real jerk. The sad part is, he probably thinks he is a likable guy and is doing people a favor by sharing his opinions and "uneducated medical" advice with them. Because of this, any attempt to correct him will fail miserably and, as your wife said, damage family relations. I am going to suggest you write that letter to Bill anyway. Just don't send it.
When we take the time to vent our feelings in a letter, we also pour out the negative emotions that are pent up inside of us. Just the act of writing a letter to Bill, telling him off in ways you have so far only dreamed of, will lift the burden of anger that is weighing on you. I fully understand your desire to tell Bill where to go, and I believe this desire sprouts from the instinct you feel to protect your wife, especially now that she is ill. I suggest you indulge that desire by protecting her in ways that she actually needs protecting, like being there for her emotionally and allowing her to break down when she needs to let go; and making yourself available to her when she needs assistance around the house. The purpose of this is several-fold: not only will you be "protecting" your wife and fulfilling your role as a supportive spouse, but you will be quietly showing Bill (and others who may be watching) the correct way to be helpful when someone is going through illness.
In time, your wife will recover - in spite of Bill's dire (but uneducated) prognosis, and he will be the one with egg on his face, instead of in his Easter basket. As much as I feel for you and your wife, the person I feel for the most is your sister - after all, she is the one stuck living with Bill.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Friday, April 13, 2012
EXTRA EDITION: In Honor Of The Greenland (NH) Police Officers
Dear Readers:
I found this graphic on Facebook this morning, and would ask you to copy and paste this graphic (it's virus free) and post to your Facebook page or Twitter account - either on your wall/timeline or as your profile picture in memory of the Greenland, NH police chief, who died in the line of duty this week, and to honor the four officers injured in the same raid.
So often, police officers get a bad-rap, so let us take a moment to remember those who gave all to help keep our communities safe.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Tazi Is Not Cyberstalking You (Or Kevin Bacon); Just Offers Relevant Advice
Dear Tazi:
Whenever you publish a letter about a person having personal problems with life, relationships, or just in general I feel like you are talking about me. I do not mean specific problems, like the woman who destroyed her mother-in-law's expensive sofa or the one who is considering dating a sex offender; but general letters about problems with life not working out on any level.
Do you go around reading random Facebook and Twitter feeds until you find someone with more issues than they can handle, so they use social media as an outlet for their stress, and then make up letters to print based upon their issues? Are you making fun of people like me? Or are your letters real, and just seem to relate to my life because other people have similar problems with life just plain [stinking]?
Signed,
Life [Stinks]
Dear Life [Stinks]:
I am sorry to hear that your life is so difficult that you cannot find lasting happiness in any area of it. Do you suffer from paranoia, in addition to depression? I just have to ask because the answer to your question is no, I do not go around randomly checking people's Facebook and Twitter accounts for issues to resolve in my column. Do you realize how much time that would entail? My nap schedule would be thrown into complete chaos!! Cats need at least 20 hours of sleep a day in order to function. Not to mention I would have no time to help my Mommie by jumping onto her lap when she is trying to work. Besides, I am too busy cyber stalking Kevin Bacon to fit anyone else into my schedule. (Mmmmmm......bacon!).
Furthermore, I am not making fun of anyone when I print their letters. If someone has the courage to write to me for advice, I am going to give them the best answer possible. As strange and/or entertaining as some letters may seem - like the man who claims he wears ladies silk panties because they cost less than men's silk boxers - they are all real. The only things I change are names that do not come with quotation marks around them. I also edit for content and length, as well as grammatical accuracy. I have readers from around the world, and accurate grammar allows for accurate translations.
My letters are chosen for print for a variety of reasons - some because they are amusing, like the one about the teacup dog in the baby stroller; some because they are from children, like the boy who wanted to know how to convince his Mom to get a puppy; some because they are follow-up letters, like the mother of the aforementioned boy whose husband brought home a puppy; some because they are just plain out there, like the letter about the wife with a Puss in Boots obsession or the nose-picking co-worker; and most because they are issues that people can relate to their own lives - as you have discovered.
I will take your questions as a compliment, since it means that the letters I choose to publish reach a wider audience than their writers!
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. I do not really stalk Mr. Kevin Bacon! (Mmmmm....bacon!).
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Whenever you publish a letter about a person having personal problems with life, relationships, or just in general I feel like you are talking about me. I do not mean specific problems, like the woman who destroyed her mother-in-law's expensive sofa or the one who is considering dating a sex offender; but general letters about problems with life not working out on any level.
Do you go around reading random Facebook and Twitter feeds until you find someone with more issues than they can handle, so they use social media as an outlet for their stress, and then make up letters to print based upon their issues? Are you making fun of people like me? Or are your letters real, and just seem to relate to my life because other people have similar problems with life just plain [stinking]?
Signed,
Life [Stinks]
Dear Life [Stinks]:
I am sorry to hear that your life is so difficult that you cannot find lasting happiness in any area of it. Do you suffer from paranoia, in addition to depression? I just have to ask because the answer to your question is no, I do not go around randomly checking people's Facebook and Twitter accounts for issues to resolve in my column. Do you realize how much time that would entail? My nap schedule would be thrown into complete chaos!! Cats need at least 20 hours of sleep a day in order to function. Not to mention I would have no time to help my Mommie by jumping onto her lap when she is trying to work. Besides, I am too busy cyber stalking Kevin Bacon to fit anyone else into my schedule. (Mmmmmm......bacon!).
Furthermore, I am not making fun of anyone when I print their letters. If someone has the courage to write to me for advice, I am going to give them the best answer possible. As strange and/or entertaining as some letters may seem - like the man who claims he wears ladies silk panties because they cost less than men's silk boxers - they are all real. The only things I change are names that do not come with quotation marks around them. I also edit for content and length, as well as grammatical accuracy. I have readers from around the world, and accurate grammar allows for accurate translations.
My letters are chosen for print for a variety of reasons - some because they are amusing, like the one about the teacup dog in the baby stroller; some because they are from children, like the boy who wanted to know how to convince his Mom to get a puppy; some because they are follow-up letters, like the mother of the aforementioned boy whose husband brought home a puppy; some because they are just plain out there, like the letter about the wife with a Puss in Boots obsession or the nose-picking co-worker; and most because they are issues that people can relate to their own lives - as you have discovered.
I will take your questions as a compliment, since it means that the letters I choose to publish reach a wider audience than their writers!
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. I do not really stalk Mr. Kevin Bacon! (Mmmmm....bacon!).
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Guest Writer: A New Family For Foster Child; Some Advice For An Adoptive Mom
Dear Readers:
Yesterday, I received a wonderful letter in response from someone who had been hoping for a follow-up from the young boy in foster care who wrote to me last December. (Yesterday's letter was from the boy's overjoyed adoptive mother, whose adoption of the child is now official).
Today, I hand the reigns to "A Friend From the System" who shares her story, and some advice for the new mother. It is moments like this that make what I do so rewarding, and I thank all who make them happen!
--T.K.
Dear Jamal's Mom,
Congratulations to you, Jamal and the rest of your family. Thank you so much for giving Tazi, and me, an update; I was wondering how things went. I am very pleased to hear that my response to Jamal’s letter gave him the encouragement that he needed to speak to the judge and tell him what he truly wanted. I am sure that the judge listened to him intently. Now, it is time for me to add to Tazi’s advice to you as Jamal’s A-Mom.
The court system will (unless things have changed over the years) seal the adoption records and make it very hard for Jamal’s mother to come looking for him. As for telling Jamal what really happened to his B-Mom that is something only you can tell if Jamal is ready to hear. However, not knowing can have an effect on him. My B-Mom passed away when I was 6 years old. While I was in the foster home (no, I was not adopted by them, but by another family) I was always told that my B-Mother died in a car accident; I am sure Tazi’s mom remembers me talking about that. That was the story that was passed to my A-Mom as well. I, for years, remembered things a bit differently. I remembered trying to wake her up off the couch, and she would not wake up. That made me very curious as I grew up. My A-mother could not tell me anything differently, as that is what she was told too. So, I grew up believing that. As I got older, and became pregnant with my first child, I found I had a real need for medical information that I could not get. (THIS is what Jamal will truly need as he gets older.) I recommend that if you access to any of this, you save it for Jamal, it will be easier for him and his family (when he gets older) to fill out medical forms. Not knowing where I came from put me into a depression.
As I turned 18, I attempted to locate by B-father. I was unlucky for many years due to the fact that Rhode Island sealed my birth records and the state of Massachusetts altered my birth certificate [Ed. Note: The letter writer is from Southern New England]. For the last 12 years (I am now 42), I have been doing genealogy of my birth family, with the help of my A-mother, who does this professionally. Back when we first started the genealogical search, we contacted the state of Rhode Island for a copy of my B-Mom’s death certificate. As it turns out, I was correct and she did not die in a car accident, but rather a drug overdose. About 4 years ago, I found that my B-father died in 1992 in California, alone and in a nursing home.
I have also found a biological uncle through my search; we still talk to this day and have actually met. I found out that He had tried to come looking for me, but was not successful as the adoption had been sealed. I am telling you all of this, so that you can see how difficult it is to locate someone after an adoption. If Jamal so chooses, when he is old enough, there are registries he can sign up on, I know, I did when I was looking for my B-father. One of the many ones out there is http://registry.adoption.com/.
My B-Mom had a friend that adopted her granddaughter due to circumstances similar to Jamal’s. She was told that her B-Mom had died. As a teenager, her mother actually DID die, and her grandmother, now mother, told her this and she became very confused and unhappy. As you can see, it is important for Jamal to know “where he came from”, but you, as his mother, need to determine when it is best for him to hear the ugly details.
Sincerely,
A Friend From The System
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Yesterday, I received a wonderful letter in response from someone who had been hoping for a follow-up from the young boy in foster care who wrote to me last December. (Yesterday's letter was from the boy's overjoyed adoptive mother, whose adoption of the child is now official).
Today, I hand the reigns to "A Friend From the System" who shares her story, and some advice for the new mother. It is moments like this that make what I do so rewarding, and I thank all who make them happen!
--T.K.
Dear Jamal's Mom,
Congratulations to you, Jamal and the rest of your family. Thank you so much for giving Tazi, and me, an update; I was wondering how things went. I am very pleased to hear that my response to Jamal’s letter gave him the encouragement that he needed to speak to the judge and tell him what he truly wanted. I am sure that the judge listened to him intently. Now, it is time for me to add to Tazi’s advice to you as Jamal’s A-Mom.
The court system will (unless things have changed over the years) seal the adoption records and make it very hard for Jamal’s mother to come looking for him. As for telling Jamal what really happened to his B-Mom that is something only you can tell if Jamal is ready to hear. However, not knowing can have an effect on him. My B-Mom passed away when I was 6 years old. While I was in the foster home (no, I was not adopted by them, but by another family) I was always told that my B-Mother died in a car accident; I am sure Tazi’s mom remembers me talking about that. That was the story that was passed to my A-Mom as well. I, for years, remembered things a bit differently. I remembered trying to wake her up off the couch, and she would not wake up. That made me very curious as I grew up. My A-mother could not tell me anything differently, as that is what she was told too. So, I grew up believing that. As I got older, and became pregnant with my first child, I found I had a real need for medical information that I could not get. (THIS is what Jamal will truly need as he gets older.) I recommend that if you access to any of this, you save it for Jamal, it will be easier for him and his family (when he gets older) to fill out medical forms. Not knowing where I came from put me into a depression.
As I turned 18, I attempted to locate by B-father. I was unlucky for many years due to the fact that Rhode Island sealed my birth records and the state of Massachusetts altered my birth certificate [Ed. Note: The letter writer is from Southern New England]. For the last 12 years (I am now 42), I have been doing genealogy of my birth family, with the help of my A-mother, who does this professionally. Back when we first started the genealogical search, we contacted the state of Rhode Island for a copy of my B-Mom’s death certificate. As it turns out, I was correct and she did not die in a car accident, but rather a drug overdose. About 4 years ago, I found that my B-father died in 1992 in California, alone and in a nursing home.
I have also found a biological uncle through my search; we still talk to this day and have actually met. I found out that He had tried to come looking for me, but was not successful as the adoption had been sealed. I am telling you all of this, so that you can see how difficult it is to locate someone after an adoption. If Jamal so chooses, when he is old enough, there are registries he can sign up on, I know, I did when I was looking for my B-father. One of the many ones out there is http://registry.adoption.com/.
My B-Mom had a friend that adopted her granddaughter due to circumstances similar to Jamal’s. She was told that her B-Mom had died. As a teenager, her mother actually DID die, and her grandmother, now mother, told her this and she became very confused and unhappy. As you can see, it is important for Jamal to know “where he came from”, but you, as his mother, need to determine when it is best for him to hear the ugly details.
Sincerely,
A Friend From The System
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Foster Child Gets His "Forever Family" - An Ask Tazi Update
Dear Tazi:
Back in December, you printed a letter from a young boy named "Jamal" who was in foster care. He had asked you to publish his letter about wanting his foster family to be his forever family, so he could show the family court judge how much it meant to him to be adopted by the family he already saw as his own. Tazi, I am Jamal's Mom - I am so happy to be able to write those words because, you see, I am not his birth mother; I am his adoptive mother. The judge blessed us with the okay to legally adopt Jamal back in January, and the adoption has just finalized! Jamal is ours forever now; and we are his forever family. My husband, children, and I are overwhelmed with joy, as is Jamal. Even our puppy Max seems to understand what wonderful news this is.
Tazi, I want to thank you - and the friend from the system - for the support you gave Jamal when he was obviously stressed about facing the judge. Seeing his letter in print meant the world to my son (I love being able to call him that!) and the follow-up letter of support gave him the courage he needed to go before the judge and pour out his heart.
The one thing marring our joy is the fact that Jamal's mother contested the adoption - from prison, where she is serving a decades-long sentence for drug possession and armed robbery, presumably to support her addiction. Jamal does not know that his birth mother is in prison, or that she contested the adoption; all he knows is that his birth mother stopped visiting him one day. She is well into her 40's (she had Jamal a bit later in life) and has a lengthy criminal record, is HIV/AIDS positive (from using intravenous drugs), and Jamal barely remembers her. At one point, she had petitioned for jailhouse visitations, but the judge refused her request as he felt it would not be in Jamal's best interests.
I am uncertain if I should explain to Jamal and my other children now, or when he/they are a bit older, the reason his birth mother stopped coming around. I am afraid whatever I decide that it will hurt Jamal, which is the last thing I want to do to any of my children. All Jamal knows is that his birth mother loves him very much, but that she had to go away on a very long trip. Jamal adores you, and I read your column to him whenever the subject is age-appropriate. Do you know of any way to appropriately address the subject of his birth-mother? What if she gets out of prison and comes looking for him?
Signed,
Jamal's Mom
Dear Jamal's Mom:
I remember Jamal's letter vividly, and am thrilled beyond measure that his wish to become a part of your family "FOREVER" has come true! I know that my readers will be equally delighted, especially "Friend From the System". I will be certain that everyone hears the wonderful news as soon as possible by immediately printing your letter!
As for your quandary regarding Jamal's birth-mother...I think it is terribly sad that she could not put the welfare of her son above her own desire to hold onto him. From what you write, it is obvious that she cannot give him any kind of life; and it is obvious that the judge felt so, too. You say that she is "well into her 40's" and serving a "decades-long [prison] sentence" for some less than savory acts. This leads me to believe that she will not be released until Jamal is a grown man. For these reasons and more, I believe that an edited version of the full story would be the appropriate thing to tell Jamal.
At 8-years-old, Jamal is old enough to understand the concept of jail and prison; as well as the types of behavior that can put a person there. If you have not already done so, I suggest that you and your husband sit down with Jamal and explain to him that his birth-mother cares very much for him, but is unable to take care of him the way he needs and deserves. Explain to him that his birth-mother did some naughty things, and a judge sent her to a place that will help her to try and put her life together, while teaching her that what she did was very, very wrong. If Jamal asks if his birth-mother is in prison, be honest; if he does not ask, do not volunteer this information. As Jamal gets older, he may ask this question. I suggest that you always be honest with him. If he would like to share this information with his siblings, let that be his choice. If he prefers to keep it to himself, please respect his privacy.
Due to Jamal's birth-mother's special health conditions, it is a very real possibility that she may not live out her prison sentence, so your fear that she may seek him out upon release may never come to pass; however, the possibility - however slight - that it could occur is just one more reason to always be open and honest with your son. From the tone of his letter to me, I don't think you have any reason to worry that he will want to return to his birth-mother. Jamal sees YOU as his mother, so feel free to wholeheartedly embrace him as your son - because he is! Congratulations to all!
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Back in December, you printed a letter from a young boy named "Jamal" who was in foster care. He had asked you to publish his letter about wanting his foster family to be his forever family, so he could show the family court judge how much it meant to him to be adopted by the family he already saw as his own. Tazi, I am Jamal's Mom - I am so happy to be able to write those words because, you see, I am not his birth mother; I am his adoptive mother. The judge blessed us with the okay to legally adopt Jamal back in January, and the adoption has just finalized! Jamal is ours forever now; and we are his forever family. My husband, children, and I are overwhelmed with joy, as is Jamal. Even our puppy Max seems to understand what wonderful news this is.
Tazi, I want to thank you - and the friend from the system - for the support you gave Jamal when he was obviously stressed about facing the judge. Seeing his letter in print meant the world to my son (I love being able to call him that!) and the follow-up letter of support gave him the courage he needed to go before the judge and pour out his heart.
The one thing marring our joy is the fact that Jamal's mother contested the adoption - from prison, where she is serving a decades-long sentence for drug possession and armed robbery, presumably to support her addiction. Jamal does not know that his birth mother is in prison, or that she contested the adoption; all he knows is that his birth mother stopped visiting him one day. She is well into her 40's (she had Jamal a bit later in life) and has a lengthy criminal record, is HIV/AIDS positive (from using intravenous drugs), and Jamal barely remembers her. At one point, she had petitioned for jailhouse visitations, but the judge refused her request as he felt it would not be in Jamal's best interests.
I am uncertain if I should explain to Jamal and my other children now, or when he/they are a bit older, the reason his birth mother stopped coming around. I am afraid whatever I decide that it will hurt Jamal, which is the last thing I want to do to any of my children. All Jamal knows is that his birth mother loves him very much, but that she had to go away on a very long trip. Jamal adores you, and I read your column to him whenever the subject is age-appropriate. Do you know of any way to appropriately address the subject of his birth-mother? What if she gets out of prison and comes looking for him?
Signed,
Jamal's Mom
Dear Jamal's Mom:
I remember Jamal's letter vividly, and am thrilled beyond measure that his wish to become a part of your family "FOREVER" has come true! I know that my readers will be equally delighted, especially "Friend From the System". I will be certain that everyone hears the wonderful news as soon as possible by immediately printing your letter!
As for your quandary regarding Jamal's birth-mother...I think it is terribly sad that she could not put the welfare of her son above her own desire to hold onto him. From what you write, it is obvious that she cannot give him any kind of life; and it is obvious that the judge felt so, too. You say that she is "well into her 40's" and serving a "decades-long [prison] sentence" for some less than savory acts. This leads me to believe that she will not be released until Jamal is a grown man. For these reasons and more, I believe that an edited version of the full story would be the appropriate thing to tell Jamal.
At 8-years-old, Jamal is old enough to understand the concept of jail and prison; as well as the types of behavior that can put a person there. If you have not already done so, I suggest that you and your husband sit down with Jamal and explain to him that his birth-mother cares very much for him, but is unable to take care of him the way he needs and deserves. Explain to him that his birth-mother did some naughty things, and a judge sent her to a place that will help her to try and put her life together, while teaching her that what she did was very, very wrong. If Jamal asks if his birth-mother is in prison, be honest; if he does not ask, do not volunteer this information. As Jamal gets older, he may ask this question. I suggest that you always be honest with him. If he would like to share this information with his siblings, let that be his choice. If he prefers to keep it to himself, please respect his privacy.
Due to Jamal's birth-mother's special health conditions, it is a very real possibility that she may not live out her prison sentence, so your fear that she may seek him out upon release may never come to pass; however, the possibility - however slight - that it could occur is just one more reason to always be open and honest with your son. From the tone of his letter to me, I don't think you have any reason to worry that he will want to return to his birth-mother. Jamal sees YOU as his mother, so feel free to wholeheartedly embrace him as your son - because he is! Congratulations to all!
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Happy Easter From Tazi And Family
Dear Readers:
Today is Easter Sunday among Roman Catholics, Protestants, Unitarians, and others! Rather than do a blog review, I have decided to honor the day by sharing an episode of my Mommie's favorite Sunday morning show from her childhood, Davey and Goliath. This episode was always special to her because it featured Davey's Grandma, who reminded her so much of her own Grandma.
Enjoy the episode, and your day! Wishing all who celebrate a happy and holy Easter!
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. from my Mommie to her family: Wesołego Alleluja!
copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved
copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved
copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Today is Easter Sunday among Roman Catholics, Protestants, Unitarians, and others! Rather than do a blog review, I have decided to honor the day by sharing an episode of my Mommie's favorite Sunday morning show from her childhood, Davey and Goliath. This episode was always special to her because it featured Davey's Grandma, who reminded her so much of her own Grandma.
Enjoy the episode, and your day! Wishing all who celebrate a happy and holy Easter!
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. from my Mommie to her family: Wesołego Alleluja!
copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved
copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved
copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Friday, April 6, 2012
EXTRA EDITION: A Very Sacred and Joyous Passover To My Jewish Readers!
Dear Readers:
Passover began tonight at sundown. I would like to offer my Observant readers my wishes for a sacred, blessed, and joyous occasion during this solemn feast.
Shalom,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Passover began tonight at sundown. I would like to offer my Observant readers my wishes for a sacred, blessed, and joyous occasion during this solemn feast.
Shalom,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Wife Wants A New Car Payment; Husband Wants To Live Debt-Free
Dear Tazi:
I would like to buy a new car, but my husband feels that we cannot afford it at this time. He would like to use the money that would go to a monthly car payment to pay extra on our student loans each month and pay them off early so we can live debt-free. I argue that the money we spend on repairs for my current car is adding up, and the next major repair could end up costing more than the car is even worth.
In the last six months, I have had to replace the water pump, timing belts, all four tires, rear brakes, and several minor repairs. All told, I have put about $2,000 worth of repairs into it without even touching the engine or the transmission. My husband argues that the brand of car I drive has a reputation for lasting forever, and that the $2,000 I have put into my car probably represents all the repairs that I will have to make for the next three to four years, thus making the argument for keeping the car a more economical decision. Tazi, in three to four years my car will be over ten years old with a trade-in value of almost nothing. I would rather sell my current car while I can still get a solid down-payment on a new car for it, but my husband is adamant in his decision and since he controls our finances, I feel like I am stuck. Do you have any ideas on how to work my way out of this situation? To help me convince my husband that my argument is just as valid as his?
Signed,
Scrooge McDuck's Wife
Dear Scrooge McDuck's Wife:
Are you calling your husband a Scrooge because you feel he is cheap; or because you feel he is stingy towards the needs of others? The first is a case that can be reasoned; the second is a case for a marital counselor. Once you have figured out the reasoning behind your hard feelings you will be better able to tackle your problem head-on.
You say that your husband "controls the finances". Just how much control does he have over the money you earn? Do you hand over your entire paycheck to him, or do you keep a separate account for your own spending money? What are your personal financial habits? Can you be trusted to properly balance a checking account, without incurring large overdraft fees?
Assuming that you are a responsible adult who can manage her own finances, I believe that you should have a say in the matter of your vehicle. Although your husband makes an excellent point about paying down your student loans, you also make a good point about the money you have invested in repair work to your vehicle. $2,000 is worth several months of car payments on a new vehicle (assuming you keep your payment around $300/month), so the ideal time to have purchased a new vehicle was before you put so much money into it. You do not say what brand of car you drive, but you imply that it is six or seven years old already. If you were to buy a new car from a franchise dealer (Chrysler, Hyundai, Toyota, etc.) they would be required to sell your vehicle at auction, and might not be willing to give you a very good deal on the trade-in value.
Your best bet would be to try and sell your vehicle in a private party sale, which could net a few thousand dollars, putting you even with your recent repair bills. This strategy may work well with your husband, who appears concerned about losing money on the recent repair investment made in your vehicle. You can search the Kelly Blue Book value of your car to see what a fair price for a private-party sale. Armed with this information, you can make a well-researched argument for the purchase of a new vehicle. So long as the car you choose is moderately priced ($25K or less) and your husband is a reasonable man, he should at least be willing to listen to what you have to say.
If your husband's ears are deaf to your pleas, I have to wonder if there is more to the story than you are telling me - like the size of your student loan debt; your ability to manage money; or the price-tag of the car you desire. Be honest with yourself, and some of your confusion may lift.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
I would like to buy a new car, but my husband feels that we cannot afford it at this time. He would like to use the money that would go to a monthly car payment to pay extra on our student loans each month and pay them off early so we can live debt-free. I argue that the money we spend on repairs for my current car is adding up, and the next major repair could end up costing more than the car is even worth.
In the last six months, I have had to replace the water pump, timing belts, all four tires, rear brakes, and several minor repairs. All told, I have put about $2,000 worth of repairs into it without even touching the engine or the transmission. My husband argues that the brand of car I drive has a reputation for lasting forever, and that the $2,000 I have put into my car probably represents all the repairs that I will have to make for the next three to four years, thus making the argument for keeping the car a more economical decision. Tazi, in three to four years my car will be over ten years old with a trade-in value of almost nothing. I would rather sell my current car while I can still get a solid down-payment on a new car for it, but my husband is adamant in his decision and since he controls our finances, I feel like I am stuck. Do you have any ideas on how to work my way out of this situation? To help me convince my husband that my argument is just as valid as his?
Signed,
Scrooge McDuck's Wife
Dear Scrooge McDuck's Wife:
Are you calling your husband a Scrooge because you feel he is cheap; or because you feel he is stingy towards the needs of others? The first is a case that can be reasoned; the second is a case for a marital counselor. Once you have figured out the reasoning behind your hard feelings you will be better able to tackle your problem head-on.
You say that your husband "controls the finances". Just how much control does he have over the money you earn? Do you hand over your entire paycheck to him, or do you keep a separate account for your own spending money? What are your personal financial habits? Can you be trusted to properly balance a checking account, without incurring large overdraft fees?
Assuming that you are a responsible adult who can manage her own finances, I believe that you should have a say in the matter of your vehicle. Although your husband makes an excellent point about paying down your student loans, you also make a good point about the money you have invested in repair work to your vehicle. $2,000 is worth several months of car payments on a new vehicle (assuming you keep your payment around $300/month), so the ideal time to have purchased a new vehicle was before you put so much money into it. You do not say what brand of car you drive, but you imply that it is six or seven years old already. If you were to buy a new car from a franchise dealer (Chrysler, Hyundai, Toyota, etc.) they would be required to sell your vehicle at auction, and might not be willing to give you a very good deal on the trade-in value.
Your best bet would be to try and sell your vehicle in a private party sale, which could net a few thousand dollars, putting you even with your recent repair bills. This strategy may work well with your husband, who appears concerned about losing money on the recent repair investment made in your vehicle. You can search the Kelly Blue Book value of your car to see what a fair price for a private-party sale. Armed with this information, you can make a well-researched argument for the purchase of a new vehicle. So long as the car you choose is moderately priced ($25K or less) and your husband is a reasonable man, he should at least be willing to listen to what you have to say.
If your husband's ears are deaf to your pleas, I have to wonder if there is more to the story than you are telling me - like the size of your student loan debt; your ability to manage money; or the price-tag of the car you desire. Be honest with yourself, and some of your confusion may lift.
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Monday, April 2, 2012
"Gift Piggy" Needs To Go On A Diet
Dear Tazi:
I discovered your column a few months ago and have been enjoying the letters people send to you - past and current - never thinking I would ever feel the need to write to you, until I saw your response regarding giving the gift of jewelry to a woman. I saw my own problem reflected in that letter, but with an added twist.
I met "Victoria" on Christmas Eve, at a party at a friend's house. She was actually a friend of a friend of the host, joking that she was "crashing the party" because she didn't want to sit home alone on Christmas Eve. At first, I was charmed by her adventurous spirit; going out to a party on Christmas Eve where she knew virtually no one. We spent the evening talking, and before I left we exchanged phone numbers. I was pleasantly surprised when Victoria called me the next day to wish me a Merry Christmas, and to ask if it was too late to ask me out for New Year's Eve. Never having had a woman initiate a date before, I was flattered and accepted her offer.
When we got together for New Year's Eve, Victoria told me that she was disappointed that I did not bring her a "belated Christmas gift". I thought she was joking, and laughed it off when she told me I could make it up to her for Valentine's Day. We had a great night out, and started seeing each other on the weekends and occasionally during the week. For Valentine's Day, I brought Victoria flowers, a box of Godiva chocolates, and took her to a local jazz club for a light dinner and dancing. I thought we had a great night, but Victoria was playfully pouty because I didn't buy her jewelry. Like you, I feel that six weeks is far too soon to be buying a woman such an intimate gift. Victoria then joked (or so I thought) that I could make it up to her for St. Patrick's Day, since her birthstone is the emerald.
St. Patrick's Day just passed, and Victoria and I went out for a night on the town. I took her to an upscale Irish pub where we had dinner and several pints of Guinness and what I thought was a great time. The next day, though, Victoria emailed me to say she was disappointed that I had not taken the hint that she wanted an emerald! Attached to the email was a picture of a very expensive emerald ring, linking to the website where it could be purchased with the comment that it was "on clearance" and would not last long [Ed. Note: The letter writer enclosed the link. You can view the ring by clicking here].
Tazi, I was positively floored by Victoria's request, and had no idea how to respond so I told her I would have to think about it, just to buy myself some time. On the one hand, I have never met anyone like Victoria - she is a fun, free-spirited woman who makes me want to grab opportunity and squeeze every last drop out of it. On the other hand, she seems to have an absolute obsession with receiving (but not giving) gifts. When I mentioned to her that I have yet to receive any sort of gift from her, Victoria responded that the gift of her time and the wonderful mood she puts me in is what she has offered me; and she honestly seemed offended that I did not consider these "gifts" to be of equal value to the emerald ring she wants me to buy her. Is her reasoning logical? Because at times I feel a little guilty for not purchasing her the one thing she desires; but on the other hand, when I start to feel this way, I want to slap some sense into myself. Thoughts?
Signed,
Empty Hands
Dear Empty Hands:
Let me guess: Victoria suggested that you put the ring in the Easter basket full of goodies that you also were not planning on buying her, right? I have a name for people like Victoria, one I heard on that old TV show Just Shoot Me, and that name is a gift piggy! I realize from what you have written that you are quite taken with Victoria, but please remember that this woman started asking you for presents on your very first date! She then spent the first two months of your relationship trying to guilt you into buying her expensive jewelry, and it sounds like the guilt trip you are on has reached its final destination.
If I were you, I would sit down with Victoria, and explain to her that a gift of jewelry - especially an expensive ring - is a public sign of a deep, serious, and powerful commitment. At least, that is what the Josten's salespeople said when they were attempting to sell my Mommie a college ring. I would like to think that the same reasoning applies when a person is considering buying an expensive ring for another - that is it an outward symbol of the committed, loving relationship that binds the two of them. If Victoria cares for you more than she cares for expensive jewelry, she will understand this and accept that you are not ready to purchase her the bauble she wants and will hopefully stop "joking" about her disappointment. If she cares more for jewelry than she does for you, I am afraid this conversation will spell the end of your relationship. If that is not something you can accept, then buy Victoria the emerald ring; knowing that she is with you not for your love, but for your willingness to buy her presents in return for her presence.
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. My Mommie's birthstone is also the emerald! She is currently staring at the picture of the ring and saying "My preciousssssss" in a decidedly Gollum-like voice! --T.K.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
I discovered your column a few months ago and have been enjoying the letters people send to you - past and current - never thinking I would ever feel the need to write to you, until I saw your response regarding giving the gift of jewelry to a woman. I saw my own problem reflected in that letter, but with an added twist.
I met "Victoria" on Christmas Eve, at a party at a friend's house. She was actually a friend of a friend of the host, joking that she was "crashing the party" because she didn't want to sit home alone on Christmas Eve. At first, I was charmed by her adventurous spirit; going out to a party on Christmas Eve where she knew virtually no one. We spent the evening talking, and before I left we exchanged phone numbers. I was pleasantly surprised when Victoria called me the next day to wish me a Merry Christmas, and to ask if it was too late to ask me out for New Year's Eve. Never having had a woman initiate a date before, I was flattered and accepted her offer.
When we got together for New Year's Eve, Victoria told me that she was disappointed that I did not bring her a "belated Christmas gift". I thought she was joking, and laughed it off when she told me I could make it up to her for Valentine's Day. We had a great night out, and started seeing each other on the weekends and occasionally during the week. For Valentine's Day, I brought Victoria flowers, a box of Godiva chocolates, and took her to a local jazz club for a light dinner and dancing. I thought we had a great night, but Victoria was playfully pouty because I didn't buy her jewelry. Like you, I feel that six weeks is far too soon to be buying a woman such an intimate gift. Victoria then joked (or so I thought) that I could make it up to her for St. Patrick's Day, since her birthstone is the emerald.
St. Patrick's Day just passed, and Victoria and I went out for a night on the town. I took her to an upscale Irish pub where we had dinner and several pints of Guinness and what I thought was a great time. The next day, though, Victoria emailed me to say she was disappointed that I had not taken the hint that she wanted an emerald! Attached to the email was a picture of a very expensive emerald ring, linking to the website where it could be purchased with the comment that it was "on clearance" and would not last long [Ed. Note: The letter writer enclosed the link. You can view the ring by clicking here].
Tazi, I was positively floored by Victoria's request, and had no idea how to respond so I told her I would have to think about it, just to buy myself some time. On the one hand, I have never met anyone like Victoria - she is a fun, free-spirited woman who makes me want to grab opportunity and squeeze every last drop out of it. On the other hand, she seems to have an absolute obsession with receiving (but not giving) gifts. When I mentioned to her that I have yet to receive any sort of gift from her, Victoria responded that the gift of her time and the wonderful mood she puts me in is what she has offered me; and she honestly seemed offended that I did not consider these "gifts" to be of equal value to the emerald ring she wants me to buy her. Is her reasoning logical? Because at times I feel a little guilty for not purchasing her the one thing she desires; but on the other hand, when I start to feel this way, I want to slap some sense into myself. Thoughts?
Signed,
Empty Hands
Dear Empty Hands:
Let me guess: Victoria suggested that you put the ring in the Easter basket full of goodies that you also were not planning on buying her, right? I have a name for people like Victoria, one I heard on that old TV show Just Shoot Me, and that name is a gift piggy! I realize from what you have written that you are quite taken with Victoria, but please remember that this woman started asking you for presents on your very first date! She then spent the first two months of your relationship trying to guilt you into buying her expensive jewelry, and it sounds like the guilt trip you are on has reached its final destination.
If I were you, I would sit down with Victoria, and explain to her that a gift of jewelry - especially an expensive ring - is a public sign of a deep, serious, and powerful commitment. At least, that is what the Josten's salespeople said when they were attempting to sell my Mommie a college ring. I would like to think that the same reasoning applies when a person is considering buying an expensive ring for another - that is it an outward symbol of the committed, loving relationship that binds the two of them. If Victoria cares for you more than she cares for expensive jewelry, she will understand this and accept that you are not ready to purchase her the bauble she wants and will hopefully stop "joking" about her disappointment. If she cares more for jewelry than she does for you, I am afraid this conversation will spell the end of your relationship. If that is not something you can accept, then buy Victoria the emerald ring; knowing that she is with you not for your love, but for your willingness to buy her presents in return for her presence.
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. My Mommie's birthstone is also the emerald! She is currently staring at the picture of the ring and saying "My preciousssssss" in a decidedly Gollum-like voice! --T.K.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
EXTRA EDITION: Happy Smack A [French Word For Shower] Day!
Dear Readers:
Today is World Smack A [French Word For Shower] Day. Please celebrate accordingly, but safely. One never knows how a [French word for shower] will react at discovering the news that they are in fact a [French word for shower]. Now please excuse me, it's time for me to get my Tazi paw-slap on!
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Today is World Smack A [French Word For Shower] Day. Please celebrate accordingly, but safely. One never knows how a [French word for shower] will react at discovering the news that they are in fact a [French word for shower]. Now please excuse me, it's time for me to get my Tazi paw-slap on!
Snuggles,
Tazi
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
When Mom And Dad Don't Agree, Child Writes to Tazi For A Tie-Breaking Vote
Dear Tazi:
My Mommy and Daddy are painting all of the rooms in our house. I want to paint my bedroom purple, but my Mommy won't let me. Daddy says it is my room, and I should be allowed to paint it whatever color I want, since I am the one who will have to live with it. Auntie who lives with us said I should let you decide since Mommy always says you give great advice. I am telling Auntie what to say and she is typing this on the Internet for me. Mommy reads your letters every day, and sometimes reads them to me. I like them! I think you are a nice kitty. Will you tell Mommy to let me paint my room purple? I am 5 years old.
Hugs and Kisses,
Madison
Dear Madison:
Five years old! Why you are practically a little lady! Thank you very much for writing to me, and asking me to solve your problem. I like helping humans solve their problems. When humans are happy, they feed me more kitty treats.
Can I tell you a secret? My bedroom - the room I share with my Mommie - is painted purple, and I love it! Mommie took a long time to look at lots of different color purples before she finally decided on two different purples, a dark one and a light one. She was afraid she would get tired of looking at all that purple, so she had to make extra sure she liked the colors. I think your Mommy is afraid that she will get tired of looking at all that purple, too, so here is an idea that you can try:
Since you really, really want to paint your room purple, I think you should be allowed to paint it purple - but your Mommy gets to choose the other colors for the room; like the bedding, curtains, carpet, and paint trim. This way, you get purple walls and your Mommy doesn't get a headache from looking at all that purple. This idea is what grown-ups call a compromise.
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. Remember to say thank you to your Auntie for helping you write to me! --T.K.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
My Mommy and Daddy are painting all of the rooms in our house. I want to paint my bedroom purple, but my Mommy won't let me. Daddy says it is my room, and I should be allowed to paint it whatever color I want, since I am the one who will have to live with it. Auntie who lives with us said I should let you decide since Mommy always says you give great advice. I am telling Auntie what to say and she is typing this on the Internet for me. Mommy reads your letters every day, and sometimes reads them to me. I like them! I think you are a nice kitty. Will you tell Mommy to let me paint my room purple? I am 5 years old.
Hugs and Kisses,
Madison
Dear Madison:
Five years old! Why you are practically a little lady! Thank you very much for writing to me, and asking me to solve your problem. I like helping humans solve their problems. When humans are happy, they feed me more kitty treats.
Can I tell you a secret? My bedroom - the room I share with my Mommie - is painted purple, and I love it! Mommie took a long time to look at lots of different color purples before she finally decided on two different purples, a dark one and a light one. She was afraid she would get tired of looking at all that purple, so she had to make extra sure she liked the colors. I think your Mommy is afraid that she will get tired of looking at all that purple, too, so here is an idea that you can try:
Since you really, really want to paint your room purple, I think you should be allowed to paint it purple - but your Mommy gets to choose the other colors for the room; like the bedding, curtains, carpet, and paint trim. This way, you get purple walls and your Mommy doesn't get a headache from looking at all that purple. This idea is what grown-ups call a compromise.
Snuggles,
Tazi
P.S. Remember to say thank you to your Auntie for helping you write to me! --T.K.
Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)