A Short History Of Valentine's Day! (And Of Course, Some Trivia, Too!)

Happy Valentine’s Day, Readers!

Today is one of my favorite holidays! What’s not to love about expressing love for one another and eating chocolate? Plus, my black fur looks stunning in both red and pink! In honor of both this holiday and Pope Benedict XVI’s announcement that he will be resigning at the end of the month, I have decided to look into the history of this holiday, named for a Catholic saint!

According to Catholic.org, there are fourteen saints named Valentine, Valentin, or Valentina, and even one Pope named Valentine! Luckily for my research, only one of these Saint Valentines are celebrated on February 14^th; St. Valentine of Rome. Even the Church itself cannot confirm that he is the St. Valentine associated with lovers and love and that naked baby with the cross bow, but since today is his feast day I am going to run with it, although there is not much to tell: St. Valentine was martyred on February 14^th, around the year 270, under the Roman Emperor Claudius for assisting Catholics in their plight against the Romans and for refusing to renounce his Catholic faith. It was a common fate among Catholics who lived during the time of the early Roman Empire.

Another tradition of the Roman Empire was the Feast of Lupercalia on February 15^th, which was essentially an ancient (around 730 B.C. is when it is reported to have started) mating ritual where men essentially drew a woman’s name from a hat and romanced her in the Roman tradition – which, if you have ever watched Spartacus on STARZ, you understand to mean fornicated with her at every opportunity. Catholic priests were horrified by this tradition and many of them would substitute the name of a saint for the name of a local woman – thus explains one Valentine’s Day tradition, expressing love for the object of your desires and affection; it was just one more (successful) attempt to Christianize the pagan holidays of the time. (Seriously, does anyone still celebrate Lupercalia?).

Another reason St. Valentine is associated with love and marriage is the reason he was martyred; the assistance he gave to Catholics – in direct opposition to the Roman Emperor Claudius II – was to marry them. Emperor Claudius II felt that unmarried men without children made the best soldiers because, as is true today, men without loved ones are thought to be better in combat since it is presumed that they will concentrate all of their thoughts on battle and not on their wives and children back home. In ancient times, unmarried men without children were also considered disposable; if they died in battle, they died a hero’s death without leaving a widow and children in need of financial assistance. Apparently, Roman leaders were not the sentimental sort. With this logic in mind, Claudius II is said to have passed a law forbidding young men to marry; Valentine disobeyed that law and married young sweethearts anyway, which led to his imprisonment and untimely death.

It is rumored that while Valentine was in jail, he himself fell in love with the jailor’s daughter (this was allowed in the early Catholic Church, as priests were allowed to marry back then). On the eve of his execution, St. Valentine purportedly wrote a letter expressing his eternal love for the young woman, signing it “from your Valentine”. The tradition that follows from this legend is the giving of Valentine’s Day cards. A NicholasSparks novel could not possibly have a sadder or more enduring ending! But wait, there’s more!

But first an animated recap of the story thus far...

It was under Pope Gelasius (492 – 496) that February 14^th was declared the Feast day of St. Valentine and celebrations of love and affection were outlawed by the church, having been deemed unchristian in spirit, since they were rooted in the feat of Lupricalia, which was still widely celebrated. It was not until the Middle Ages that Valentine’s Day expressions of love regained their popularity, which some credit to the British Duke, Charles of Orleans, who sent his wife a Valentine’s greeting while imprisoned in the Tower of London in 1415. (What is it about love letters from prison that bring out the romantic in people?). This love letter – a poem, actually – is the oldest known written Valentine in existence and is preserved as a part of the Manuscript Collection of the British Library in London, England. Knowing this makes me feel like less of a pack-rat for saving all of my past years’ Valentine’s cards!

By the 1700’s it became popular among people of all social classes to exchange Valentine’s Day sentiments, although they were not written down due to the high rate of illiteracy that plagued society and the even higher costs of printing and postage. In 1840, the mass-produced Valentine was created when American Esther A. Howland created greetings out of lace, ribbons, and other fancies that caught consumers’ eyes. She presumably sold them, as these materials were not cheap. It was not until the early 1900’s that printed Valentine’s were commonly exchanged, popular due to the decreased cost of printing and the Victorian era tradition of not publicly expressing affection for another. Today, Valentine’s Day sees an estimated one BILLION greeting cards sent and exchanged, making it the second most profitable holiday for Hallmark, American Greetings, and the like (Christmas is first).

As my Valentine’s gift to you, dear readers, I will leave you with some fun, trivial facts (followed by my opinion) about this day to pass along to the ones you love. (Hey, it’s cheaper than buying a card!).

FACT: 85% of Valentine’s Day cards are purchased by women.

Tazi’s Opinion: Many of these are purchased on behalf of their cats

FACT: In Korea, single people who do not receive Valentines eat black noodles to mourn their relationship status

Tazi’s Opinion: It’s good to know that Americans don’t have a lock on such pathetic behavior.

FACT: Teachers receive the most Valentine’s Day card than any other demographic; children are second

Tazi’s Opinion: Those 3” x 2” pieces of cheap cardboard that kids are forced to exchange with everyone in the class should not count!

FACT: The heart is associated with Valentine’s Day because the ancients believed that the heart is where the soul (and the source of emotions) resided.

Tazi’s Opinion: The pancreas would make a better choice, since it actually is heart-shaped…unlike the heart.

FACT: During the 19^th century, doctors prescribed chocolate as a cure for heartbreak and loneliness

Tazi’s Opinion: I think this is a great idea! I also think that citizens should be able to write off the cost of Godiva confectioneries as a medical expense on their tax returns.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all!

Snuggles,

Tazi

With gracious thanks to History.com and MyDearValentine.com for statistical information and fact verification.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Man Ask For (And Tazi Gives!) Tips On How to Spot A Gold-Digger

Dear Tazi:

I am a very wealthy man, one who was born into money and has worked hard to multiply what was left to me in trust by my grandparents. I was raised with good manners; exercise regularly to keep physically fit; have interests that range from sports to fine art; donate to charity and hold politically moderate views.

My marriage ended amicably after my wife and I grew apart, and I have been on the singles scene for about five years now. During that time I have dated several women whose ages have ranged from mid-twenties to mid-forties. All have been well-mannered, educated, and gainfully employed, but I could not shake the feeling that they were with me for the financial security I could offer them. One woman went so far to complain that the Valentine’s Day gift I bought her did not reflect my financial worth – a polite way of calling me cheap, I guess. Tazi, I am not cheap! I believe a gift should reflect the level of affection someone holds for another, not the balance of their checking account. Obviously, I broke up with that one.

I have met the women I have dated in various places – church, restaurants, and political gatherings, to name a few venues – but for some reason I only seem to attract gold-diggers; the last one tried to fake a pregnancy in order to get me to marry her – you should have seen the look on her face when I told her that I have had a vasectomy! I have tried dating women who are of secure financial means themselves, but most of them are either too busy with their careers to find time for a relationship or they are the “desperate housewife” type that secured their fortunes through marriage and divorce and are now on the hunt once more.

Tazi, all I want is to meet a nice woman who will love me for who I am, not for my finances. What do you think I am doing wrong?

Signed,

Richie Rich

Dear Richie Rich:

A good way to attract gold-diggers is to flash your wealth. Whether you realize it or not, there is a good chance you are dropping hints to your economic status. For example, what kind of car do you drive? Do you buy your pants off the rack or have them custom tailored? Are your shirt cuffs monogrammed? Are your jeans plain old reliable Levis or do you wear $150 Hugo Boss’? Do you wear flashy jewelry or a luxury watch? Do you get regular manicures? Each of these questions by itself will not tell anyone much, but combined can paint a picture of how much disposable income you have, and how you like to dispose of it.

 A woman who is after you for your money will be able to tally up these things in a single glance; a woman who is interested in you as an all-around person will appreciate that you are nicely dressed, but will probably not know the value of your wardrobe and accessories. A woman who is after your money may offer a compliment along the lines of “I love your Harry Winston”; in recognizing that you spent over $10,000 on a watch you are being flattered. A woman with no such aims would just say she likes your “nice watch” (the exception to this being if she works in the jewelry industry and would recognize a Harry Winston).

There are many other ways to sniff out gold-diggers, but it usually involves spending time getting to know them. Someone who is on a serious mission to marry wealth will have a game plan that will be hard to recognize when you first meet him or her (men can be gold-diggers, too!). In talking with some of my wealthier contacts over a glass of cream (wine for them), they offered the following warnings:

1.       Beware of flattery. Women who are after your money may refuse to allow you to buy them a drink, dinner, or popcorn at the movies thinking this reverse psychology will work, but every one of them will work to flatter you. Put your ego aside and ask yourself if her compliments are sincere. “I know my pot belly isn’t sexy, so don’t tell me you find it attractive”, offered a friend.

2.       Is she overdressed for the occasion? If you are sitting at the bar in a mid-priced restaurant and she walks in looking like she’s dressed to go clubbing in downtown Manhattan, be on your guard; she is hoping you will see her as someone you can take to fancier places.

3.       If you are at an upscale venue, do her clothes match what the other women are wearing or do they have a discount aura about them? Maybe the price tags are still attached somewhere? Does she show up week after week in the same designer outfit? If she is trying hard to look like she has more money than she actually does, this is a bad sign. As one man put it, “I hang out at the sports bar, too, and I would rather meet a woman there because it means we have similar interests. When I see a woman trying to pass off a knock-off as the real thing, I get suspicious. If she isn’t being honest about who she is with the crowd, how can I expect her to be honest with me?”

4.       How does she treat the bartender? Another source told me he hates “women who are rude to the bartender…it’s like she thinks he is hitting on her because he is being nice to her, and she doesn’t have time for someone who makes his money tending bar.”

5.       Trust your gut. If you get a bad feeling about the woman you are romancing, follow your instincts. Humans are the only animals who do not do as their instincts tell them, and they usually end up paying the price for it.

I hope these tips are helpful and wish you luck in finding the right woman to open your heart to, without having to open your wallet as well!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

When Time Is A Limited Commodity, Something Has To Give

Dear Tazi:

I started high school this year and since my classes now start earlier than ever, and I live further than ever from school, I have to get up earlier than ever – by 6 AM to catch the school bus for 7 AM. If I want to take a shower in the morning instead of at night, I have to wake up at 5 AM. Because I am not getting as much sleep as I need, my grades have been slipping.

My report card just came in, and I got C-minuses in two classes. My Mom flipped out because I used to be a straight A/B student. She realizes that it is because I am not getting enough sleep, and has told me that I must go to bed earlier – no later than 9 PM.

Tazi, I play sports and need to keep a minimum of a C- in all of my classes, so it’s not like I am going to start failing. I usually have practice or a game after school, and I work part-time for my father on weekends. I can’t quit my job because I am responsible for paying my own future bills – like the price of a car with insurance and a college education – and I can’t quit my sport because I am hoping it will lead to scholarship money in college. Plus, it is the only time I get to exercise or spend any time with my friends. Because of my crazy schedule I am usually up until 11 o’ clock every night doing homework – some nights even later.
My parents don’t want to hear excuses as to why I need to cut back on work (I asked and got a lecture about what to expect when I am an adult); my teachers don’t want to hear excuses about why I can’t complete my assignments (they tell me I need to set aside an hour a night for homework for each class I am taking); and I can’t take a study hall instead of gym class (I already tried asking). I don’t know what else to do, Tazi, except resign myself to living like this for the next three and a half years and hope that it gets better in college.

Signed,
Tired Teenager

Dear Tired Teenager:

I, too, would be tired if I had your schedule, but then I am a cat and am used to sleeping a lot, so I asked the humans in my life if your schedule is as backbreaking as it sounds, and they agreed that it is. Teenagers, like cats, need a lot of sleep. Sleep nurtures the growing body of someone your age, and you are simply not getting enough of it.

The pressures put on teenagers today are enormous. Your father is right that as an adult you will need to work hard in order to succeed, but you will at least be able to see some of the fruits of your labor in a more immediate time frame; being in school can feel like work for no pay, and that’s downright demoralizing.

You sound like a mature young person, having explored all of your avenues and tried to talk matters through with your parents before writing to me. As an athlete, I know you need medical clearance to play sports, so I am going to assume you have had a recent check-up and are in overall good physical health. This means that your tiredness is strictly related to your schedule and your lack of sleep; this means, I can help you!

I suggest that you work on your time management. Humans have a tendency to waste time without even realizing it – that is, until they write down how much time it takes them to complete tasks and they see chunks of unaccounted time in their day. A good way to plan your day is to make an Excel spreadsheet and fill it in with your various activities and the time they take. Across the top row put the days of the week; down the side, the hours of the day – you can use 15 minute, ½ hour, or 1 hour increments, whatever your preference, but start with the time you wake up and end with the time you would like to go to bed. Next, fill in your day!

Start with “morning preparations” and block out how much time it takes you to get ready (be realistic); next, block out your school day; your practice and game schedule; and your work schedule. In the blocks that are left over, block in time to do homework, and even squeeze in a little free time for yourself. Next is the most important step – sticking to the schedule.

If you block out three hours each evening to do homework, make sure you are doing homework during those three hours – not checking your email, not checking Facebook, not staring off into space, but doing three quality hours of homework, with a few 5 minute breaks – and no more than 5 minutes – thrown in every half hour or so.

Once you have blocked out your schedule, you will be able to see where you have been wasting time (we all do it) and improve upon your habits. Your parents and teachers will be able to see just how overscheduled you really are and, now that you have a case to present, you might be able to schedule a study hall session during the school day. In the end, if there is simply no way to get more productive time out of your day, something will have to give. Would you be able to cut back on your work schedule if you promise your father to work extra over school vacations and summer break? Would you be able to drop one of the sports you play in order to cut down on the commitment to practices and games? While such a decision may not be ideal, it will be your first lesson in being an adult: learning that you can’t always get what you want (but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need!).

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #31 - Giving To God Does Not Excuse You From Tipping Others

Dear Readers: 

A few weeks ago, a Unitarian pastor named Alois Bell went to dinner at Applebee’s with some friends. Rather than leave a tip for the server, she left a note asking why she had to give 18% to the server (the automatically generated charge on parties larger than 8); she already gives 10% to God. I know about this – and you probably do, too – because the server decided to post a picture of the receipt (on which the note was written) to her social networking account. The picture went viral, and the pastor – now embarrassed by her behavior – complained to the restaurant manager. The waitress was summarily fired.

My question is this: why was the waitress fired? She was not fired for wrongly removing the receipt (or a facsimile of it) from the restaurant; she was fired for violating Bell's right to privacy; the waitress claims she was fired for embarrassing the customer. Yet, it was not the waitress who embarrassed the pastor; it was the pastor who not only embarrassed herself but threw off her cloak of privacy by self-identifying as a pastor.

Nothing like signing your title to offer some street cred

I am not buying the pastor’s comment that leaving the rude note was “a lapse in [her] character and judgment”, as reported on Yahoo! News. Such snark does not come naturally to most people; usually, it is the thing we wished we said/wrote after the fact. Something tells me that Alois Bell – Pastor Alois Bell – is not embarrassed at leaving the note, but rather is embarrassed at getting caught.

We live in a world where, thanks to the Internet, everyone can be famous for 15 minutes. Perhaps the opportunity for – or threat of – such should teach us to be more civil to our fellow man. The night of their dining experience, Pastor Bell and her party claimed no issue with the service received, yet chose to leave a rude note in return for pleasant service, rather than take up the issue of an automatic tip with the restaurant manager. Why was this so? Was it easier to act the part of the bully when she thought she would remain a nameless, faceless entity? The pastor’s congregation should not feel embarrassment over their pastor’s behavior; rather, they should feel anger that one so disrespectful to their fellow man is allowed to represent their ministry. It is the pastor who should be relieved of her duties, not the waitress; however, I doubt that is going to happen.

Right here, right now, I am calling for Pastor Bell to do the right thing and apologize to the waitress who lost her job after Pastor Bell complained of being offended. It is written in the Bible that Christ said, “As you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me” (Matthew 25:40). As a pastor, Alois Bell should not only know this sentiment, but work to live the sentiment as well. It was Pastor Bell who threw the first stone; it is she who must now prove that she is worthy of her ministry by extending the olive branch and not a limb from a burning bush.

I offer further criticism of Pastor Bell's cruel comments by examining her claim that she “gives 10% to God”. Unless Pastor Bell does not bother to keep receipts for her giving, she can deduct that 10% from her taxable income on her end-of-year tax return which means that, in the end, the government gives some of that 10% back because the pastor is not taxed on this income. PolitiFact might  rate this claim "mostly true", but the lack of humility surrounding it makes me question the piety behind the action. It is the meek and the humble who shall inherit the Earth, not the self-righteous, no matter how much they give.

Please, Pastor Bell, explain to me how your giving to the Lord's ministries makes it okay to bully a waitress and refuse her a tip? From where I sit, the math is a bit fuzzy. Did you know that the waitress you stiffed is taxed a set percentage on every dinner tab she serves – whether she receives a tip or not?  I am reminded of another passage from the Book of Matthew (19:24), “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” Pastor Bell, unless you preach from a different Bible, you should be familiar with the parable from which this quote comes; I think it is time you start to practice what you preach.

Unlike leading a religious congregation, waitressing is not a job that yields a lot of respect. The religious faithful of the world tend to accord their leaders a great deal of respect and awe, often times putting these leaders upon a figurative pedestal and offering praise and gifts to these leaders as a way of showing their faithfulness to their Lord. Perhaps it is human nature to do this, to seek approval and favor from those we put in positions of power (how often do we kiss up to cops, doctors, and politicians?), but it is also human behavior to allow such preferential treatments to go to our head. If you tell a person they are stupid and ugly, enough times over the course of their life, they will believe it and feel themselves worthless in a society that values intelligence and beauty. The same can be said for telling someone that they are special and deserve to be revered. It sounds as though Pastor Bell has started to believe her figurative pedestal to be real, and she above the mere mortals that serve her. Jesus wept.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Woman Learns the Hard Way Not To Loan Out Her Credit Cards

Dear Tazi:

I am in deep financial trouble and I don’t know how to get out of it. While we were dating, I allowed my now ex-boyfriend “Roger” to use my credit cards for emergency purchases, like clothes for work or gas to put in his car. He had been out of work for a while before we met, so when he found a job he had no good clothes to wear to it or any way to buy gas to get there until his first paycheck. Because he had to be added to the payroll, and there was a mix-up with his social security number it took him almost a month to get his first paycheck. After he got paid, rather than pay me back the money he owed me, he decided to go out and celebrate his new job with his friends, leaving me at home.

I figured Roger would pay me back the money he owed me when he got his next paycheck (he gets paid every two weeks), but that was the end of the month and his rent and utilities were due, so I figured I would have to wait another few weeks. Two weeks later, when I asked Roger for the money, he dumped me. He said he couldn't stay with someone who was going to constantly pester him about money.

Tazi, I feel so used, but that is only part of the problem. Roger charged almost $2,000 to my credit card for fancy clothes, shoes, and other things he said he needed for work. I do not have the money to pay this off, and can no longer afford to make the minimum payment, which has gone up because the balance is so high.

I have tried talking to the credit card company to tell them that the purchases obviously were not mine, so I should not have to pay for them; Roger is the one they should be harassing for money. The credit card companies have told me that unless Roger stole my card or otherwise used it without my permission I am responsible for the charges. I tried going to the police, but they told me that since I gave Roger permission to use my credit card it is a civil matter, not a criminal one, and they cannot help me.

Tazi, Roger has changed his phone number so I can no longer call him to ask him to pay me the money back, and my credit is in a downward spiral so I can’t even take out a bank loan to pay off the credit card. There is no one in my life who will loan me money; my own mother told me that if I can’t pay my credit cards what expectation others have that I will pay them? I looked into going to a payday loan service, but the interest rate is even higher than the rate on my credit cards, with less time to pay back the balance.

Tazi, would you be able to loan me the money to pay off my credit cards?

Signed,

Tapped Out

Dear Tapped Out:

No. No I will not loan – or give – you the money to pay off your credit cards. For one I don’t know you; for another I am not a bank; and, to give a third reason, if I had the money to loan it would go straight to my Mommie to put towards her student loans. An education is an expensive thing – something you have learned by getting schooled by your ex-boyfriend.

I am printing your letter as a warning to others not to trust their financial stability with someone they hardly know. You do not say for how long you and Roger were dating, but mention that he was out of work before you met, and presumably found a job around the time you started dating. This means you were together less than a month when you gave him free reign with your credit cards.

Since you cannot make the minimum payment on your credit cards, I suggest you talk to the card issuer about working out a payment plan. Your ability to make purchases will probably be suspended during this time but at least your credit will start to improve. Do not refuse to pay the balance on your credit accounts – the purchases may not have been for you, but they were made with your permission which means you are responsible for paying the bill.

You may be able to recover some of your loss in small claims court, which would mean suing Roger for a breach of agreement, but you must be able to prove that Roger agreed to pay the charges he put on your credit account. This will be difficult if Roger was not listed as an additional user on your account. Sad to say, it looks like you will have to chalk this loss up to experience – and know to never loan out your credit cards again.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Other teams available/Click Link for details

Mother Fears Loosening Apron Strings Will Also Loosen Heartstrings

Dear Tazi:

I am a single mother of a sweet, charming, and all around wonderful little boy. "Billy" is seven years old, and my pride and joy. I have known for quite some time that Billy needs to lose weight, but I always thought he was just a bit husky, and would grow into his weight. This week, I got a letter home from the school nurse; she is concerned about Billy's weight and how it is affecting him socially. Billy is apparently unable to keep up with his friends during athletic time, and is upset about it; he is also getting picked on for it.

Billy's pediatrician has told me that Billy needs to lose about fifteen pounds, which I didn't think sounded like much, but I suppose for a child it is a lot of weight. I have cut down on Billy's sweet treats, replacing them with fresh fruits and low-cal items, but it is obvious that Billy needs more regular exercise. We live in an apartment, so we don't have a yard for him to play in, and I am not comfortable allowing Billy to go to the park after school without trusted adult supervision, and I work full-time, so it is dark by the time I get home.

Billy has been begging me for months now to allow him to walk to and from school with his friends. It is only a half mile each way, and he would be walking with a group of friends, but I am still frightened to allow my son to walk to school! I think he is far too young to undertake such a journey. You read so much about child abductions occurring close to home; I am petrified that something will happen to my son if I allow him to walk to school. Usually, I drive him to school in the morning (my Mom picks him up in the afternoon), and I have to admit, I enjoy the bonding time with my son. Do you think - as my mother says - I am being overprotective of my son, and trying to keep him my "little boy"? Or are my feelings and concerns logical?

Signed,
Trying My Best

Dear Trying My Best:

Seven years old is a precious age for a mother and her son; he is no longer a little boy, but not yet grown so much that he no longer wants his Mommy around. The problem that you detail is two-fold: as a single mother, you are working full-time to provide financially for you and your son while at the same time trying to carve out one-on-one time with your son. His requests to walk to school with his friends would be a much needed, regular boost to his physical activity but would take away from what little mother-son time the two of you appear to have.

You make no mention of what your neighborhood is like - the inner city; a small suburban neighborhood; or a rural village - but if other boys your son's age are allowed to walk to school in a group, it sounds like a safe environment. With this in mind, I would say that as long as you teach your son to stay with his friends; not to talk to strangers; and to never, ever accept a ride with or leave with an unapproved adult, I don't see a problem with allowing Billy to walk to school with his friends. The extra exercise time will be good for his health, both physical and social.

If you are not quite able to let go of your morning bonding time with your son, you could continue to drive him to school in the morning and allow him to walk home with his friends in the afternoon (weather permitting). Judging from your mother's comments, it sounds like this idea will work for her, too. My only question is, who watches Billy after school? If your mother's house is too far for him to walk to, would she be able to meet him at your apartment to watch him there or drive him home with her? Knowing that someone will be waiting for him when he gets home would keep Billy responsible about coming straight home, and might do a lot to ease your fears about allowing him to walk the short distance that must feel like a million miles to you. Know that loosening the apron strings will not loosen the heartstrings that hold your son close to you.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Man's Girlfriend Wants Marriage, But Maybe Not To Him

Dear Tazi:

I love my girlfriend of two years very much, and would like to ask her to marry me. "Vanna" is always talking to her girlfriends about how much she would like to get married "when everything is right", but has yet to say anything directly to me.

Vanna's  best friend is getting married this summer, and they have been attending wedding fairs for her for the past year. Vanna always comes home from these events with stars in her eyes and pamphlets that she adds to her "fantasy wedding folder", a file she has had since she was a teenager and is constantly adding to and updating. Everything from "First Dance Songs" (updated by the year) to "Dress Styles" (mostly traditional looks) is in the folder. It looks like she has her entire wedding planned and that all she needs is the groom! I would like to be that groom, Tazi!

With Valentine's Day coming up, I am ready to run out and buy Vanna a ring (she has several styles she likes filed in her folder, under "Possible Rings"), but I am afraid that everything is not "right" yet. Why else would she not hint about getting engaged? Can you think of a reason?

Signed,
Groom To Be?

Dear Groom To Be?:

I can think of several reasons why Vanna has not brought up the subject of marriage with you, ranging from the good to the bad to the downright ugly. It could be that Vanna is a very traditional woman, and believes that the man should be the one who brings up the topic of marriage and handles all the details of buying (and surprising) his lady with an engagement ring. If Vanna is not this type of woman, we are left with the bad and the ugly.

The bad could be that Vanna does not feel that the two of you are in a place to take that next step and make a lifelong commitment to each other. Be it financial instability, the desire to pay down debt, or simply a concern that you have not been together long enough to truly know each other.

Maybe Vanna would like to try living with you to see how your lives will mesh before making a legal commitment to spending her life with you. If none of these scenarios are the case, it leaves you to face the ugly.

The ugly truth of the matter might be that Vanna does want to get married - just not to you.

This does not necessarily mean that she wants to break up with you - she may need more time to decide if you are "the one", or she may see you not as Mr. Right but as Mr. Right Now. The only way you are going to get an answer as to where you stand - at the alter or at the check-in desk of Heartbreak Hotel - is to talk to Vanna.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Aging Mother Could Use Help, But Would Prefer The Gift Of Time

Dear Tazi:

My mother is getting older and is unable to do all of the things she used to do, especially when it comes to living independently. Although she is still able to live in her own home, she has difficulty getting around, which makes chores difficult to complete.

I would like to lighten Mom’s load, but whenever I offer to do something for her, she either refuses or suggest I join her while she completes the chore. For example, I know how difficult it is for Mom to walk for a prolonged period of time, so I offered to do her weekly grocery shopping. She refused, but said I could come along and do it with her if I wanted. I am a working Mom myself, and my free time is limited; I do not wish to spend it replicating the chores that Mom is doing on her own.

I am reaching my wit’s end with Mom and her complaints that she simply cannot keep up with all that needs to be done, and how she is exhausted after everything is complete. I have offered to pay for services from laundry to landscaping, but Mom feels those services are a waste of money. She thinks you should not pay someone to do something that you could do yourself, and has suggested that I just come over and help her instead. I am considering just hiring some help for Mom, above her objections, so she does not have such a heavy burden to bear. My husband thinks this is a bad idea, and that we should offer to do these chores for her ourselves.

Tazi, I do not look forward to doing more housework after I finish cleaning my own house, and I cannot fathom how my husband will find the time to keep up with Mom’s yard on top of our own. My husband says that we should “suck it up” for Mom’s sake, but I am having a hard time doing that. What is your opinion of the situation, Tazi?

Signed,

Double Duty

Dear Double Duty:

Has it occurred to you that your mother might want you to accompany her on her trip to the grocery store because she enjoys your company and would like more of it? This could also be the reason that she is refusing the paid services you are offering to hire for her; it’s possible she is hoping you will offer to come over yourself and assist her with the housework and have a nice mother-daughter visit while you are at it.

I realize that you do not wish to do extra housework on top of your own, or to replicate your mother’s chores by accompanying her as she does them, but as Mary Poppins taught us all as children, a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down! What could be sweeter than spending time with your aging mother?

I wish my sandbox cleaned itself this way!

 If you do not have the time to undertake all of the chores, talk to your mother about which ones she has the most difficulty with and do those for her. If your children are old enough to undertake chores, you could make helping your mother a family event, with everyone taking on one or two chores; if the children are too young to complete chores they could have a nice visit with Grandma while you and your husband - who sounds quite willing - take care of completing your mother's vacuuming, laundry, ironing, landscaping, car washing, grocery shopping, etc. Many hands can make for light work.

If I have not yet convinced you to put a little time aside to assist your Mom, please consider this: children learn what they live. If they see you and their father assisting your elders, they too will learn the importance of respecting them - and of assisting you when you are too aged to do all that needs to get done. I hope you can find it in your heart to make the selfless decision.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #30 - The Inherent Sexism of The "Blonde Joke"

Dear Readers:

Something happened a few weeks ago that has my Mommie seeing red! She needed to blog the anger out of her system, and since my blog gets tens of thousands of more hits than hers, I decided it was in my best interest to lend her this space (an angry Mommie means less kitty snax for me!). --T.K.

The Inherent Sexism Of the "Blonde Joke"

by Tazi's Mommie

I hold an Associates degree in General Science and a Bachelors degree in Communications. I am finishing the final requirements of two more Bachelors degrees, in Biology and in Gender and Women’s Studies at the prestigious University of Rhode Island. I am a member of four academic honor societies – Phi Theta Kappa; Phi Eta Sigma; the Golden Key Society and Omicron Delta Kappa, the last of which requires members to hold leadership positions in addition to having a ridiculously high grade point average. While on the subject, I’d like to mention that my cumulative GPA is a 3.72 (on 4.0 scale) and I will be graduating summa cum laude this spring. All of this means nothing, though, when people first meet me. It means nothing because I am blonde. I am natural blonde. I am also shapely, attractive, and have a bubbly personality which means when people first meet me they automatically want to deduct about 80 IQ points, deciding that because I fit the “blonde joke” stereotype I must have the intellectual capacity of Forrest Gump.

Blonde jokes are one of the last remaining vestiges of a time when it was socially acceptable to insult someone based upon an incorrect stereotype. We have all heard the jokes – the Truly Tasteless Jokes series of books has them cataloged by subject – and perhaps we even tell them, behind closed doors, among close friends and family who we believe will not judge us. How many of you who tell these jokes are willing to post a joke about the “cheap Jew” or the “ignorant Black man” to your Facebook page? Are the jokes you tell in private no longer funny when they result in the court of public opinion judging you unfavorably?

Blonde jokes have bothered me since I was a teenager. I considered fighting back by telling brunette jokes – they exist, and are very nasty – but, in the end, these jokes simply feed into the stereotypes that blonde jokes promote. “Who makes bras for brunettes?” (Answer: Fisher-Price) feeds the stereotype that only blondes have curves like Marilyn Monroe. Doesn't anyone remember her Gentlemen Prefer Blondes co-star Jane Russell? Yes, Marilyn Monroe played the role of the dumb blonde on several occasions, but that was sixty years ago! Haven’t we evolved as a society since that time? Girls, it is no longer cool to play dumb; it was never cool to be a slut.

Slut? Yes, slut. Another feature of the blonde joke is rampant sexual promiscuity. “How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex?” (Answer: She opens the car door). This joke – and jokes like it – plays to the assumption that blondes are more likely than brunettes or redheads to have one-night stands in parking lots with men they have just met. I searched GoogleScholar.com, and found not one shred of evidence to support this idea – in fact, one study showed that participants judged brunettes with tattoos to be heavier drinkers and more sexually promiscuous than blondes without tattoos! Another study reveals that it is artificial blondes [i.e. brunettes and redheads posing as blondes] that men judge to be of looser moral character. Are those blonde jokes still amusing to you? Before you answer, let me take this argument one step further: Have you noticed that all blonde jokes are about women?

Think of a blonde joke – any one, it doesn't matter if the blonde portrayed is stupid, promiscuous, or acting like an entitled brat, so long as the subject of the joke is a blonde. Is the blonde in the joke a man or a woman? What did you picture in your head?  If the joke is written down, does it refer to the blonde with the pronoun “he” or “she”? Now, thinking of the same joke, I want you to change the hair color to your own (natural) color. Is the joke still funny? How about when you exchange the hair color for the generic term “woman” or “girl”? Are you still laughing? Or is the sexism now blatant enough for you to see?

Some would argue that former V.P. Dan Quayle is a male blonde joke
(he's more of a blonde, male joke)

 If you are still laughing at your own debasing humor, and you still have the urge to tell blonde jokes, please replace the woman’s description one of your mother, your sister, your wife or girlfriend or another woman you hold dear; maybe then this message will get through to you. Still laughing? Then make yourself the subject of the joke, and have a laugh at your own expense.

To those who want to stand up and make things right, I thank you, but please...don’t take a “Polish joke” and turn it into a “male blonde” joke. This misled attempt to even the playing field is like fighting fire with marshmallows. A marshmallow thrown into the fire does nothing to harm the fire; it only turns into something that brings smiles and laughter. So, too, does the person who attempts to fight sexism with a joke.

KJM
01.26.13

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Aspiring Journalist Must Learn To Ignore Discouragement

Dear Tazi:

I am a junior in high school and have worked on my school paper since middle school. I love journalism, and my goal in life is to be a professional journalist someday. My classmates all want to work for papers like the New YorkTimes or the Washington Post, but my dreams are a little less…I guess the word is “dry”. My dream is to have a byline with the New York Post.

I love The Post’s over the top style and ability to present the news as it is, with its no holds barred headlines, human interest stories, and awesome celebrity news and photos I think it is one of the more interesting newspapers out there, and I want to be a part of making it all happen!

In the past, my journalism teachers have all been supportive of my dream, but this year’s teacher is not. “Miss Jones” has told me that she only teaches serious journalism students and that the time has long passed for me to give up my “childish dream of working for a tabloid”. I do not consider The Post to be a tabloid newspaper simply because it does not conform to the stuffy image of other newspapers.

I feel like Miss Jones is not being fair to me and am upset that she keeps telling me to set my sights in a “more serious direction”. I feel like she is refusing to take me seriously as a student because my dream doesn't come into focus on her radar. I have tried talking with my academic counselor about the unfair treatment, but it got me nowhere. The counselor told me not to put all of my eggs in one basket, that there are a lot of opportunities out there that I am ignoring by focusing solely on one paper. Tazi, do you think this is true? Should I give up on my dream of one day writing for the New York Post? Or should I follow my heart and accept whatever consequences come my way.

Signed,

Cub

Dear Cub:

My lifelong dream is to one day be famous enough to make it onto Page Six of the New York Post. In my case, the fact that I am far too shy to ever leave my yard and travel to New York makes my dream much less realistic than yours.

Every successful newspaper fills a niche, and while the NewYork Post is not in the same class as the New York Times, it is hardly the WeeklyWorld News. The Post brings people the news in a less pretentious, easy to read manner, and sprinkles it with a style that makes people feel good about themselves for reading the news. I think your goal to be a part of this is quite admirable!

My advice to you is not to give up on your dream, but to steadily work towards that dream. Try starting by writing for your local paper – print or online. Papers from your community newsletter to Patch are always looking for people who are willing to write in return for experience and additions to their portfolio – something like an internship, except without the professional guidance. I also suggest that you speak with your career counselor about internship opportunities. Many of these positions are unpaid, but some offer a stipend and all offer the opportunity to learn from the pros while you work on improving your professional skills.

The New York Post is a very large paper centered in the largest news market in the world; to hope to start your professional career with them would require starting at the very bottom – several steps below where you might start with other, smaller papers and possibly outside the departmental range of where you would like to work. Rather than make your dream job your starting point and set yourself up for disappointment, why not make it a second or even third step in your career? By doing this you will have already proved yourself worthy of the job by climbing your career ladder rung by rung instead of reaching several levels above your current skills. Experience is a wonderful teacher!

Speaking of teachers, I suggest that you ignore your teacher’s criticism. She may mean well, but she cannot predict what future successes or failures await you. Twenty years ago, my Mommie failed Chemistry. Her teacher passed her with a “D” because he felt badly for her and figured she would never be taking another Chemistry class again; she now tutors the subject professionally and works as a Chemistry Laboratory Teaching Assistant.

I wish you much luck, and hope to one day see your byline in the New York Post! Let me know when it happens!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Melodramatic Ex Reveals More About Himself With Every Lie Told

Dear Tazi:

My ex-boyfriend “Lucas” is several letters to you in one. We dated briefly before I decided that his life was far too full of drama for me top handle and I broke up with him. Lucas then accused me of creating more drama in his life by leaving him and refusing to give him the second chance he “so dearly sought”. I refused to be manipulated and stopped taking his phone calls or answering his emails.

After I cut off personal contact with Lucas he started leaving paragraph long status updates on Facebook and Twitter (he would write 140 characters, tweet, and start a new tweet where he left off). All of these status updates would tag me as somehow being involved with his update – usually as the reason for his “deepening depression” (which only affects his ability to work, not to go out drinking with his friends) or for his “emotional stress”. I have simply blocked him so he can no longer tag me, although I am sure he is still mentioning my name.

Since he has not been getting the reaction he wants, Lucas has taken to calling my cell phone – over and over until I pick up, which I refuse to do; instead, I turned the phone off only to discover Lucas would leave me so many voicemails that it would fill my mailbox. Since I cannot block his number, I filed a formal complaint against him with my local Sheriff’s office, only to discover that Lucas has behaved like this with other women before. The good news is that the Sheriff told me that his behavior will end in time, probably when he finds a new woman to obsess over, but in the meantime there is nothing I can do unless I would like to press charges of harassment against him.

I do not have the time, energy, or desire to prolong the issue by taking Lucas to court and I trust the Sheriff to see that Lucas is warned that his behavior will get him into legal trouble. What scares me is that Lucas can basically say whatever he wants about me on the Internet and, unless I rebut his comments, there is nothing to show that they are nothing but lies. It is said that once something is on the Internet it is there forever, so you can see my fear that these character assassinations may come back to haunt me. On the other hand, if I step in to tell my side of things I am afraid I will be falling right into Lucas’ hands by giving him the attention he is seeking.

Signed,

Slandered

Dear Slandered:

I can understand your fears that the lies printed about you will be on the Internet forever, but so long as you have blocked Lucas from tagging you, there is no direct link between you and these lies. Unless you have a rather unique name, there are probably other people with the same name as you (first and last) that will come up when an Internet search is done for your name. I just did a Google search for “Tazi” and discovered that a “Tazi” is a type of greyhound – a dog! What could be more slanderous than that, if in fact people were silly enough to confuse me with a racing dog! So you see, your fears are probably a bit overblown.

Thus far, you have handled the situation in a very mature and upright manner; please do not sink to Lucas’ level by responding to his Facebook and Twitter posts. The fact that the local Sheriff’s office is familiar with his behavior speaks volumes of Lucas’ reputation – and his credibility. I know it is difficult, but try to remember this the next time word reaches your ears that Lucas is blaming the weight of his troubles on you. Do not go looking for these posts by viewing his status feeds; do not let him rent space in your head. Regardless of what you think of Lucas, you are thinking of him, which is exactly what he wants. You were right to get legal documentation of his harassment; now let the authorities take things from here until Lucas is nothing more than a bad memory.

Snuggles,

Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenage Girl Hopes To Ensnare Boyfriend With An "Accidental" Pregnancy

Dear Tazi:

I am a junior in high school and my boyfriend is a senior. We have been dating for almost a year and I love him very, very much. He will graduate in June, and is planning on going to college. His first choice is Notre Dame, and judging from his grades, activities, and recommendations it looks like he is going to get in. We live on the West Coast, so Notre Dame is a few thousand miles away. “Bobby” has said that we could remain a couple and have a long-distance relationship for a year, and then I can either join him at another school in Indiana (I don’t have the grades for Notre Dame) or that we can continue to try working things out long-distance. I don’t like the sound of this, and neither do any of my friends. They all think that Bobby will probably break up with me or cheat on me after he moves away.

I am thinking of “accidentally” getting pregnant so Bobby won’t leave. If he and I have a baby, I just know that he will stick around, and maybe even ask me to marry him after we are both done with school. I haven’t told anyone about my plan, because I am afraid that someone might tell Bobby that my pregnancy wasn’t so accidental and he will be angry with me. I have gone over every angle of my plan, and cannot find any flaws in it, except that Bobby and I have not had sex yet because I wanted to wait until we were together for at least a year and that anniversary will soon be here. I cannot imagine he will say no when I offer him my virginity.

My one concern with my plan will be how to juggle my senior year of high school and a newborn baby. School is tough enough as it is without having to take care of a baby on top of it, but if I don’t go through with my plan I might lose Bobby altogether. I thought of waiting until the summer to get pregnant, so I won’t deliver until the end of the school year, but by that point Bobby will have committed to going to Notre Dame and would be out a large deposit that could otherwise go towards expenses for the baby. I guess it is like they say, there is no perfect time to have a baby. When do you think I should plan my pregnancy for, Tazi?

Signed,

Hopefully Expecting Soon

Dear Hopefully Expecting Soon:

I think the best time for you to get pregnant will be after you have finished high school, landed a job that pays well enough to support yourself and a baby, and can be honest with your boyfriend about your intentions. Until then, no…just no. You may think that you have looked ahead by attempting to plan when to get pregnant, but you have not looked ahead long enough; try looking 18 – 22 years into the future, because this is how long it will take for you to raise a properly educated, morally responsible, contributing member of society. Are you willing to try and go to school and raise a child - quite possibly on your own - during this time? If not, are you willing to put college or vocational training on hold for that long? Is Bobby?

Your decision to wait to have sex has been a mature one, up until now. You fear that your boyfriend may leave you over the stress of carrying on a long-distance relationship is a valid one, and I am sure that he has the same fear – that you will leave him for another guy. Having his baby may ensure that he stays with you on the West coast – and gives up his dream of attending the University of Notre Dame and the bright future that goes along with it – however, nothing in life is guaranteed.

When you are ready to enter into a sexual relationship, you should also be ready to embrace any consequences that may result from it. I do not only mean pregnancy and STD’s, but the oft overlooked emotional changes that occur. These changes are different for everyone, and can run the gamut from clinginess to regret. You already strike me as clingy to a fault with your plan to deceive your boyfriend; will you lie to him and tell him you are on birth control if he suggests that he uses a condom? Take a pin to his stash if he insists on using one anyway?

Sometimes, we need to ask ourselves,
"What would Touchdown Jesus do?"

I suggest that rather than talking to your friends you talk to your boyfriend, and tell him plainly that you fear losing him if your relationship goes long distance. Some couples are able to survive the stress of a long-distance romance; these people generally have a few major traits in common: they have lives independent of their partners, and they trust their partners not to cheat. Many couples are unable to handle a long-distance relationship because they drift apart when their partner is not a part of their day to day life.

You and Bobby are both very young, and have a lot of growing up and exploring to do before you settle down and have children. You do not know what the future holds, or even if you will be spending it together. Please rethink your plan to become a single, teenage mother. Any guidance counselor can tell you that being 16 and Pregnant is not as cool as it looks on TV; I suggest that you talk with yours ASAP.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Click the link to order! You know you want one! 
Other teams also available

Tea-Drinker Is In The Coffeehouse With Best Friend

Dear Tazi:

My best friend has decided to follow her lifelong dream and open her own coffeehouse. She is always telling me to come down and relax with a cup of coffee and to enjoy the “open mic” nights and poetry readings she hosts, but the problem is that I am not a coffee drinker; her open mic nights are like the worst of American Idol tryouts; and the poetry people recite is just plain bad.

I try to be a good friend and stop by once every week or so to see how things are going, but “Suzie” wants me to stop in more often, saying that running a business takes all of her time and that my visits are often the only time she gets to see me – or any of our friends. If stopping by meant actually getting to visit with her I would be fine with it, but she is always too bust to even sit and have a cup of something with me. Worst of all, I am expected to pay for the coffee I buy, which is not cheap because Suzie is always pushing me to try some expensive blend of coffee. Her coffees start at over $20 a pound, and quite honestly I think they taste awful!

Obviously, I cannot be honest with Suzie about why I don’t get by to visit more often, and I would like to curtail my visits even more. How do you think I should handle the situation?

Signed,

Tea Drinker

Dear Tea Drinker:

Why can’t you be honest with Suzie about why you no longer wish to visit her at her coffeehouse? You don’t have to give her the unvarnished truth (that her products and her entertainment are just plain awful and/or overpriced, at least in your mind), but a polite version of your feelings would not be out of line.

The next time Suzie invites you to stop by and visit her during working hours, explain to her that you would love to visit with her when she has time and that while she is at the store you feel like you are taking her away from the responsibility of running it. You could even further with the thought that during business hours, her attention needs to belong to her customers, not to you.

Since Suzie is your best friend, she should already know that you do not like coffee, but it could be that she is trying to turn you into a coffee drinker by introducing you to exotic and/or gourmet roasts. To someone who does not drink coffee, these roasts will all taste the same – bitter, burnt, or otherwise unappetizing. Most coffeehouses also offer other hot beverages, such as tea. Would you be willing to support Suzie’s endeavors by stopping in to buy a tea every once in a while?

Being the new place in town, I am not surprised that Suzie’s open mic nights are attracting a wide and varied crowd. Open mic nights and poetry readings can be quite competitive, with time slots for performing in crowded places a premium score. Once word gets out that the new coffeehouse has spots to fill, more talented players are sure to take notice and join in the festivities. Why don’t you tell this to any musicians and poets you may know? I am sure they will appreciate the tip!

Are the open mic participants really this bad?

Opening your own business can be a stressful endeavor, so try to support Suzie as she makes the transition from being someone who used to hang out in coffeehouses to someone who now owns one. I am not saying that you must learn to appreciate coffee, but I am suggesting that you keep the full extent of your honest opinion to yourself. It is better to be in the coffeehouse with your best friend than in the doghouse with her!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Snake Owner Owns Much More Than He Bargained For

Dear Tazi:

I am 17, and plan on moving into my own place as soon as I turn 18. My Mom has a ton of rules that I don’t like living by, from how I have to eat to how I keep my room. I have been working since I was 15 and have saved a lot of money, have a friend who has agreed to be my roommate, and have my plans all worked out so there is no need for you to lecture (or "advise") me on whether or not I am ready to move out and what to expect. That isn't my problem

My problem is that I want a pet snake, and my mother said no, as expected. A friend’s older brother had to get rid of his snake when he moved in with his girlfriend. Since I am going to be 18 in less than a year I offered to take the snake when I moved, which he said was fine. Since that agreement, his girlfriend decided it was not fine, since the snake – a red-tailed boa – gives her the creeps. I had no choice but to take the snake or risk not getting it at all, so I took it and have been hiding its tank in my bedroom closet – my Mom never goes in there; one of her rules is that I put my own clothes away (a sub-rule of keeping my room clean).

My closet isn't all that big, and I had no idea how fast or how big this snake was going to grow. I am going to need a bigger tank for it, but that won’t fit in my closet. I am thinking of hiding it in my garage with a heat lamp to keep it warm, but my friends tell me that won’t work – the snake will still be cold; one friend said it might start a fire that way (his Dad is a firefighter). I don’t want to tell my Mom about the snake because she will make me get rid of it. Do you know of any place I might hide it from her until September?

Signed,
Snake Lover

Dear Snake Lover:

Like Indiana Jones, I hate snakes, so you will not get much sympathy from me. 

The snake, however, is a living creature so he has my sympathy. Snakes are poikilothermic - that’s the big, fancy scientific word that means their body temperature is not constant, and fluctuates with their surroundings. The common term, “cold blooded” is a misnomer; when kept in too hot of an environment, poikilothermic creatures can die from overheating. That is your first lesson in owning an exotic animal! Your second lesson will be in responsibility. 

Since you are surprised at how large and fast your snake is growing, you must have taken it in while it was still a baby – a hatchling, as they are properly called, and only a foot or two in length. By the end of one year that snake will be 5 or 6 feet long; by the end of two years even longer – and much wider. You are going to need a very large apartment that will hold a very large tank. In the meantime, there will be no hiding this creature from your mother. 

According to Anapsid.org, a website dedicated to the care of amphibians and reptiles as pets, when it comes to owning a boa constrictor (which is what the red-tailed boa is), you need to ask yourself: “Do you really want a snake that will get to be 10 feet long, weigh over 50 pounds, urinate and defecate like a St. Bernard, should live more than 30 years and for whom you will have to kill mice, rats and, eventually, small rabbits?

That will be one large poop!

Did you not realize that your snake would get this large when you adopted it? Can you now see why your mother would not like having a boa constrictor living in her house? If, at this point, you are having second thoughts about owning such a snake, it is time for you to own up to your behavior and tell your mother what you have done so she can work with you in finding a new home for this snake or a shelter that will attempt to find an adoptive owner for it. (Since you are under 18, you cannot enter into a binding legal contract, and will need your mother's help here).

If you are committed to being a responsible snake owner, you will still have to inform your mother that you have a boa constrictor in your closet. Seriously, this is not the type of creature that you can easily hide, and things could end badly for the snake if your mother accidentally discovers it out of its cage and calls animal control!

If you have a heated basement, you should be able to keep the snake in a large tank in the basement, away from your mother, without injury to the animal until you move out of her house – this would only work if your mother was in agreement with this plan. If your mother is dead-set against having the snake in her house, you will have to look for a very understanding friend or a professional shelter that would board the animal for you until September. Whatever you do, do not release the animal into the wild. Not only is this illegal, it disrupts the ecosystem and could very well mean death by starvation or disease for the snake, which was born in captivity.

I realize that you do not like living by your mother’s rules, but as long as you live in her house you will have to do as she demands. Even if you get your own apartment, there will be rules to follow – specifically, those put down by your landlord, so make sure that any lease you sign is to your agreement and that it allows for you to keep a large snake as a pet. Did I mention that red-tailed boas can grow up to 10 feet in length and weigh up to 50 pounds? Be sure that you mention this to a prospective landlord, lest you break the terms of your lease and get evicted.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner #29 - Test Taking Tips To Conquer Anxiety

Dear Readers:

Welcome to another edition of Tazi's Corner, which is my opportunity to talk about what is on my mind! Last week, I offered success tips for returning students (which really could work for all students); this week, I continue where I left off by offering you Test Taking Tips To Conquer Anxiety!

You can know all of the answers, but if you freeze up during testing you will be unable to prove your knowledge! Test taking can cause anxiety in even the coolest cucumbers out there, so if you do freeze up over tests, don't feel alone, and don't feel like there is nothing you can do to control it!

With the exception of Math and math based classes like Physics, Engineering, and Chemistry (which I will cover last) there are three basic types of test questions. Remember, professors often have 100+ exams to correct, so they will usually give tests using the Scantron correcting system. To follow is a breakdown of each type of test you will most likely encounter using this system, and tips for conquering each!

The True or False Question

The good news is, you have a 50-50 chance of getting these questions right! The bad news is, the questions are often written in a way that makes you second guess yourself. Studies have shown that absolute statements – which are statements with words like “always” and “never” – are generally false, because a single exception makes the whole statement false. Words that modify a statement – like “most” and “usually” – allow for some wiggle room, but are generally easy to figure if you have studied the material.

The Multiple Choice Question

Also known as multiple guess among nervous students. My Mommie says that most professors she has had prepare multiple choice tests with four choices, two of which are obviously wrong to anyone who has paid even the slightest attention in class, leaving two similar choices from which to choose. At this point, if you don’t know the answer, you have a 50-50 shot of getting it right. Helpful Fact: The most common answer on a multiple choice test is “C” (or “3” if the choices are numerical).

A good way to reduce anxiety when taking a multiple choice test is to do it “Jeopardy!” style; read the answers to the question first, then read the question. When reading the answers, ask yourself what you know about each one, and then look at the question. This method mentally prepares you and has been shown to reduce anxiety and boost test scores.

The Essay Question

Oh, the dreaded essay question! It doesn't have to be a scary event! Essays are graded on many things – content, spelling and grammar, and how closely they stick to the topic at hand. Your teacher does not want the great American novel; just proof that you understand the material being taught.

An essay cannot be corrected through Scantron, so before you start rambling away in your blue book, take time to organize your thoughts because your professor will be reading them! Read the essay question, and think about what you know about the topic. If you have scrap paper, write down a few key ideas and number them in the order that best answers the question. Once your thoughts are organized, writing the essay will be that much easier. Most importantly, don’t try to "b.s." your way through an essay question – contrary to common belief, it will only hurt your grade. Professors can tell that you don’t understand the assignment, usually because you did not do the assigned reading from which the question was drawn.

Math (and math based) Questions

If possible, schedule your math classes at the time of day when your thinking is the clearest. Math requires concentration, and you cannot fully concentrate if you are tired. Math also requires energy to power your brain, so try not to eat a big meal before doing math. Digestion is an energy intensive process, and your body cannot digest a meal and solve quadratic equations at the same time! Just a little something my Mommie learned in her Human Anatomy class!

When it comes to math, story problems and other word problems generally throw a lot of people because they are looking for numbers and operations and not seeing any. The key to solving a story problem is reading comprehension. After reading through the full problem once, go back and read it again, this time pausing at all punctuation - every comma, semicolon, period, etc. - and reviewing up to that point. What information is being given? Are any numbers or operations mentioned? Write them down on your scrap paper! By the time you have finished re-reading the problem, you should have all the elements of the equation in front of you. Now work on solving it. If you are stuck on a math problem, skip it and go back to it when you have finished the other questions. Concentrating on it further will only cause further frustration and anxiety, not to mention waste your time; both will result in a lower grade.

In the end, regardless of what kind of test you are taking, if you find you are completely unable to concentrate because you are stuck, try this little exercise: Close your eyes, take a few deep, cleansing breaths, and literally push the test paper away from you. Exhale, open your eyes, and look at the test with a fresh perspective. The additional oxygen to your brain and the pushing away of what is upsetting you can work to refresh your brain. This tip can also work with other types of tests, too!

Good luck students! Next week I will be back to my regularly scheduled rants!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.