An Elvish Wedding Leaves Guest Out Of Her Element

Dear Tazi:

This past June I attended the wedding of a dear friend’s daughter; it was the most unorthodox wedding I have ever attended and I am not certain how to handle the fallout from events that occurred that day.

“Phoenix”, as my friend’s daughter now calls herself, insisted on holding the wedding outdoors; down a long, brambly trail near a swamp where a man dressed in the strangest robes I have ever seen performed the ceremony in a language I have never heard. Later when I asked, Phoenix informed me that the language was Elvish; that we were on their lands and that we needed to be respectful of their culture. With this in mind, she requested that I remove my shoes because the heels were poking holes in the soil. Tazi, I was not going to remove my shoes in that swampland and informed Phoenix of this fact. She refused to accept my decision and told (not requested – told) me to leave. I left, but not before retrieving the generous wedding gift I had offered to the couple.

Tazi, you can imagine my shock when my friend called me this week to ask about the wedding gift I had given to her daughter. Phoenix claims that it “went missing” around the time I told her that I had a headache and left early. Tazi, I was speechless! I did not claim to have a headache and leave; I am angry that Phoenix would lie to her own mother to cover for her rude behavior; and am shocked that she still expects to receive a wedding gift after she dismissed me from her reception! Unprepared to answer, I told my friend I would see to replacing the check I had written to Phoenix as a wedding gift and suggested that the wind may have blown it away – or perhaps the elves that lived in the swamp commandeered it as a damage deposit. My friend did not know what I meant by this, so I told her that her daughter would understand perfectly.

Tazi, I like to think I got my message across to Phoenix, but I cannot be sure. Do you think I should write her a note explaining why I took back the card and enclosed check I had offered as a gift? Or should I just let the whole thing go? I am not sure what to say if my friend brings up the subject again.

Signed,
Madame Tradition

Dear Madame Tradition:

I can understand why you took your gift back when you left, although it was a terrible breech of etiquette when you did. I will allow you to get away with it, considering the way you were treated, if you give the correct answers to the following questions:

1. Was Phoenix aware that you had presented a gift? Or was she just guessing that you put a card with a check in it into the collection basket? (The latter is the correct answer).

2. If Phoenix was aware that you provided a card, did she know that there was money in it? Or, again, was she just guessing that a gift was enclosed? (Again, the latter is the correct answer).

3. Did you write a check for Phoenix and her husband or did you slip cash in the envelope? (Wrote a check is the correct answer).

4. Was the envelope opened when you took it back and left? (Please say that it was unopened).

If Phoenix was aware that there was a gift enclosed in the card and knew of the amount enclosed, you are obligated by the rules of etiquette to return it to her. If this is the case and you provided cash in the envelope, you are obligated to return it to her because once a gift is given it becomes the property of the recipient. If Phoenix is merely guessing that you provided a gift and/or a card, you are under no obligation to give it back, but your friendship with her mother may depend upon it.

I would not write a letter to Phoenix, as this would provide tangible proof of the riff that has occurred between the two of you, and will most likely drag your friend into the middle of it. A short phone call to Phoenix can straighten the entire situation. Tell her that in her distress over the Elves she must have mistaken your reason for leaving, and offer to let her mother know the true reason for your early departure. If the woman has any scruples at all she will drop the demand for a gift.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. I'm a cat and even I know that Elves habituate in the woods, not the swamps! J.R.R. Tolkien must be rolling in his grave right now!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Remembering 9/11

Dear Readers:

It has been 13 years since that fateful 11th day of September. In honor of this solemn day, I will not be printing any letters; nor offering any words, for all that can be said has already been spoken by those whose words are much more eloquent than mine. I will just offer a simple reminder to never forget…(email readers, please click here to view this article online, so you can see the graphics and videos).


Song: "Where were you when the world stopped turning?" by Alan Jackson


But don’t let your rage turn into hate…


No words were needed for the most touching tribute of all...

My Mommie was at Yankee Stadium on 9/9/01, watching the Boston Red Sox play the New York Yankees...and she is forever grateful that Al-Qaeda chose not to strike there.

For those who seek to do more in remembrance of this sacred day, please visit www.911day.org.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Indiscriminate Woman Discovers The Hard Way That Easy Sex Is Not The Path To Marriage

Dear Tazi:

My friends staged an intervention for me this past weekend, to point out that my behavior has gotten out of control. I don't drink or do drugs or party too much but, long story short, I tend to fall into bed with guys far too quickly and far too often than is healthy.

I am in my late twenties, and all I have ever wanted is to meet a nice guy, settle down, and get married and start a family. My friends pointed out that the way I am going about it is not working. At first I was very angry with my friends, until my best friend pointed out that in 10 years I have slept with - by her count - 100 men. I am embarrassed to admit, her count is a bit low because I have not told her about every guy I have slept with; just the ones I really, really liked.

Most of the guys I have been intimate with seemed like great guys, but they only stuck around for a one or two night stand. I used to think I was getting too clingy, too fast and that is why they ran; so I stopped trying to push them into a relationship, but that doesn't seem to be working, either. How can I meet a nice guy that doesn't seem to want only one thing?

Signed,
Crossed Legs

Dear Crossed Legs:

You can meet a nice guy who doesn't seem to want only one thing by not acting like a woman who has only one thing to give. I realize this statement sounds harsh; but by my math you have slept with - on average - a new man every month for the past ten years. That is not the behavior of a woman seeking to settle down with one man, but the behavior of a woman who is advertising that she is open for business.

You say you are looking for a long-term relationship that could lead to marriage and family, so your first step is to start behaving like a woman who wants to settle down with one man. I am not promoting a sexual double standard, but I am pointing out that there are the type of women men date and then there are the type of women men marry - and 100% of my male sources tell me that they can't see themselves getting serious with a woman who has sex on a first date. (When I pointed out that they, too, must be having sex on a first date they countered by saying it was "recreational sex", not "relationship sex". Apparently, there is a difference).

I find it hard to believe that over the last ten years you have met 100 men who you "really, really like" enough to consider marriage material. I suggest that the next time you meet a man who interests you that much, get to know him before jumping into a physical relationship. You may discover that he is not the type of man you would be interested in for the long haul, and pass on seeing him further; or you may discover that you have a great deal in common. It has often been said that sex and love are like peanut butter and jelly - great by themselves, but there is something about each that complements the other.

On a closing note, I want you to know that your past is behind you; don't dwell on it but do learn from it. Change the behaviors that are not taking you on a path to your goals and set yourself on a new way in your journey to marriage and children.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. How the heck does your best friend remember how many men you have bedded? Does she keep a scorecard? Or does she have total recall of everything?

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Husband And Wife Clash In Potty-Training Battle

Dear Tazi:

I am ready to lose my mind! I have a wonderful daughter who is almost three years old. She is on track or exceeding all of her milestones with one exception: she refuses to toilet train. I have tried bribing her with rewards, punishing her by leaving her in a dirty diaper for longer than normal, forcing her to use the potty and pretending the potty is no big deal – all to no avail.

A large part of my problem in getting “Jennifer” to potty train is my husband. He does not think we should push Jennifer if she is not ready to potty train; however, he is also not home during the day and he frequently travels for work, leaving me alone with Jennifer for days at a time. Being tied to my daughter so much is starting to give me “Mommy brain”. I need more stimulation than Mommy and Me classes but can not leave Jennifer with a babysitter; my husband will not pay for the expense and I am a stay-at-home Mom, so all my cash comes from his paycheck. Although generous, he requests that I account for the money I spend.

I would like to enroll Jennifer in pre-school; but in order to do that she must be potty-trained, which would mean going against my husband’s directive not to push her. What do you think I should do, Tazi? Should I defy my husband? Or just wait and hope that our daughter will eventually potty train on her own?

Signed,
Trapped

Dear Trapped:

Your signature speaks volumes, as does your question as to whether or not you should “defy” your husband. Considering that your husband is not around much of the time, Jennifer’s care falls upon you. At “almost three” the time to potty train is now. The older she gets the more difficult it will become, as she will become more resistant to change.

I will suggest a method that is recommended by family psychologist John Rosemond, a parenting expert. He calls this method “Naked and $75”. The $75 will be the cost to get your rugs cleaned; the "naked" refers to the method of getting your child to potty train.

Mr. Donahue suggests that you remove your child’s bottom layers of clothing – including the diaper (you can let them wear a long shirt). That is pretty much it for your part! When your daughter says that she has to go to the bathroom, direct her to the bathroom and her potty chair and instruct her to use it. You will probably be met with resistance and “accidents” on your rugs, but no creature – human or otherwise – likes to relieve themselves onto their living space. Should Jennifer have an accident, you can have her assist you in cleaning it up and depositing it into the toilet and flushing. Within two weeks, she should have received the message that the potty is the place to relieve yourself.

This is Tazi again! I have also heard that offering a child a reward of panties with their favorite cartoon character on them is a great motivator. If your daughter is into Disney princesses, you can tell her she can wear Disney Princess underwear once she is potty trained. If she is into rufflebutts, you can coax her with big-girl ruffled panties. The key to this method is follow-through – once your daughter shows that she will consistently use the potty you must produce the reward.

As for your husband’s thoughts on this matter: If he feels that Jennifer is being “pushed” into potty training, inform him that while he is home it will be HIS job to change any and all dirty diapers, regardless of how tired, busy, etc. he is. You can then watch how fast he changes his mind about what is best for your daughter.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Lifestyles Clash When Unemployed Brother Moves In With Sister

Dear Tazi:

I lost my job six months ago, fell behind in the rent, and had to move in with my sister and her husband until I can get back on my feet. I appreciate that they have given me the spare bedroom and are not asking me to pay rent, just that I purchase any food that I want but they do not buy for themselves; clean up after myself; and follow the rules of the house. I have no problem with the first request – I have money from my unemployment benefits to buy my own food – but I have a problem with them telling me how to live.

My sister and brother-in-law are eco-freaks. Everything gets reused or recycled. They only use green cleaning products, and insist that I used them to clean on their schedule and to their standard, not mine. For example, they want me to spray and rinse the shower with something called Simple Green after every use. Tazi, I shower every day. The water from the shower washes away any dirt, so the shower is clean when I am done using it. I don’t think I should have to clean it every day. Then there’s the cooking. My sister does not own a microwave because she thinks microwave cooking is unhealthy. Sometimes, all I want is a bag of popcorn, and I have no way to prepare it! She expects me to put popcorn kernels in a pan with oil and pop it that way! I’d buy my own microwave if I could afford it, but I can’t right now. Sis has all sorts of eco-food preparation gadgets, including a yogurt maker. Apparently, she and her husband are too good for the store-bought stuff – it has preservatives in it!

My sister has not yet pushed her eco-lifestyle on me, at least not directly, but I feel smothered by all the eco-[stuff] and eco-rules she has in the house. I feel like she is passively trying to convert me, always offering to let me use her stuff; offering me a taste of the fresh vegetables she grew in her organic garden; and requesting that I use the recycling and compost bins. Is there a polite way to tell her to lay off of me?

Signed,
Can’t Wait To Move

Dear Can’t wait To Move:

I understand how difficult it can be to live in someone else’s house by someone else’s rules. I hear it all the time – “Don’t scratch on the furniture, Tazi!” or “Stop kicking sand out of the box, King Nebuchadnezzar!” So much for being a king, huh?



On the flip side, I do enjoy my king-sized bed, my multiple feeding stations, litter-box cleaning service, and all of the other amenities that come along with my living situation. Rather than focus on the negative, try to focus on the positive.

You sister is not charging you rent, so you should be able to save a good chunk of money and be able to move back out on your own shortly after you find a job. Right now, your job should be looking for work or improving your job skills so you can find a job quicker. This means you will be living under her rules for the least amount of time possible; and I know you do not want to hear this, but it is her house, so her rules rule. As for your complaints…

Spritzing the shower after use takes all of thirty seconds and is a courtesy towards others. Water does not have antibacterial and antimicrobial powers, so your argument about the shower being clean from the water use is incorrect. If your sister prefers not to keep a microwave in her house than this is her business; make your popcorn the old-fashioned way, invest in a small microwave, or go without microwave popcorn.

Your attitude towards your sister’s green lifestyle borders on hostile. So she has her own yogurt maker; so what? Maybe she enjoys making homemade yogurt. How are her kitchen gadgets having a negative effect on your lifestyle? Your sister sounds like she is trying to make you feel at home, offering the use of her kitchen (and its gadgets) and sharing her vegetables (freshly grown does taste better!). All that she has asked in return is that you respect her lifestyle. If you cannot do this, I suggest you find a cheap motel or a friend’s couch before your presence stresses your sister’s marriage.

Perfunctory snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Recommends: Fishing Fury

Dear Readers:

Do you like to fish? I have to admit a certain fondness for pawing at the koi whenever I meander past a backyard pond, so today I thought I would share the master of all fishing blogs

Fishing Fury
by Jonathon Marshall & Clive Mathias
This blog - which is truly a complete website, but it is non-commercial so it qualifies as a blog - is the place to find everything you have ever wanted to know about fishing products and gear - freshwater or saltwater - product reviews, humorous videos on the subject of fishing, contests where you can win fishing gear, and of course read and share stories about fishing!

Fishing Fury offers a vast table of contents, which is thankfully alphabetized, that includes the latest industry and recreational news, editorials on subjects of importance to fishermen/women, an events page, as well as individual pages for every freshwater and saltwater fish imaginable. If you can catch it, it appears that Fishing Fury has information on it.

The site is incredibly easy to navigate thanks to a menu of links, prominently displayed at the top of the page, that will take you wherever you want or need. The page advertising is minimal, non-invasive, and on-topic so while you are there you may find something else that is of interest to you, too! Even if you don't fish, the photo gallery is well worth your time, with pictures gathered from both readers and professional sites such as National Geographic.

Fishing Fury also has an extensive archive, dating back to September 2005 (the site is updated regularly, but archived on a monthly basis). It was in this archive that I found a feature story about my favorite type of fishing - noodling! Cats, as you may realize, lack opposable thumbs which makes it very difficult for us to bait a hook or hold a pole!

Just like an afternoon out on the boat, Fishing Fury will keep you occupied and entertained until you have lost track of the time. I highly recommend it!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Note how the baby cat is balancing his pole on his
tummy, due to the lack of opposable thumbs.
This form is bad for digestion and could result in a tummy ache!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Zoo Animals Are Not Pets; Treat Wild Animals Accordingly

Dear Tazi:

I work as a docent at a mid-sized zoo in a mid-sized city. I love working with the public to teach them about the animals and their natural behaviors and habitats. I have a full-time job, so I am not looking for a job with the zoo, and have nothing to gain except personal fulfillment. Up until this summer, I have looked forward to performing my duties as an educator; but this year a new member of our docent team, “Chloe” is sapping the joy from my job.

One of the cardinal rules of our zoo is that the animals are wild animals, not domestic and certainly not tame. Visitor-animal interaction is strictly prohibited, for the safety of the public as well as the animals. For this reason, the names of the animals are not made known to the public; naming animals anthropomorphizes them, breaking down the barrier between humans and animals, but not animals and humans. Once an animal has a familiar name, people no longer see it as wild; they think it is tame and try to interact with it by feeding it through the fence or even petting it. Just because it has a name does not mean it is no longer wild and/or dangerous! This is a lesson that is stresses to us in our training sessions, but one that the new docent, Chloe has decided to ignore.

Chloe insists that the public should know the names of the animals; that it would make for a more pleasant visit if the children who visited us knew the animals names, so she has been incorporating this information into the tours and presentations that she gives. The first time it occurred, I was shocked and explained to Chloe the reasons for keeping the names private, but she just laughed. When one of the keepers informed her of the reasons – and that the animals respond to familiar voices, not their names – Chloe pouted that the keepers just wanted to keep the animals as their pets, and their pets alone.

Chloe continues to disclose this private information to every visitor she encounters, and the rest of us are seeing the effect of it. Children are taunting the animals more frequently, and even adults are ignoring the “DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS” signs with regular impunity. We would like to inform the Volunteer Coordinator of the source of this uptick in problem behavior, but as it happens Chloe is his mother’s best friend. We doubt telling would do any good and might even make the rest of us look bad. What do you suggest, my anthropomorphic little friend?

Signed,
Dolly the Docent

Dear Dolly the Docent:

You seem like a very well-educated docent, one who has taken her training to heart. You are correct that naming a wild animal does nothing for the animal – it could still not care less about you as a human, unless you have edibles or it considers you an edible – but creates a bonded feeling to the animal for the humans who view it. This in turn will cause humans to lose respect for the wild side of nature, and put both self and animal in grave danger – any caged animal that attacks a human is killed, even if it was only acting according to its animal nature.


Since you are uncomfortable bringing the subject of Chloe’s behavior to your Volunteer Coordinator, why not ask the Zookeepers to bring it to the attention of their supervisor; the veterinarians; or even the Zoo Curator? Chloe’s behavior is opening a door to liability that your zoo does not want; the sooner her behavior is corrected (through additional training or dismissal) the sooner the problem will be solved for all. As a volunteer, Chloe is not being paid so it is not as if you will be denying her the paycheck she needs to live; therefore, no guilt should be felt. She has earned the consequences of her actions.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Exotic Dancer Offers Advice For College Student Considering The Field

Dear Tazi:

When I read the letter from the young woman who is considering working as an exotic dancer to pay her way through college I knew that I had to write. As one who has been in her situation, I think your advice was right-on; although I made a lot of money as a dancer, it cost me in other ways.

I was a good dancer – I mean really, really good. I took classical ballet, jazz, and modern dance from the time I was three years old, so I knew how to dance and incorporated many of my moves on the pole and on the stage. I was clearing over a thousand dollars a week and receiving expensive gifts (in secret, of course) from clientele who sought to “romance” me. I thought I had the world of a string, as my Grandma used to say!


After graduating – debt free – I went on to pursue a Master’s Degree and continued dancing to pay the bills, even though I was getting a little tired of it. The job is draining, both physically and mentally. Dancing isn’t exactly the type of job you can list on your résumé, so the only experience I had to list was co-op and internship positions, which I was smart enough to get while still a student. Once I got my graduate degree I thought I would be able to put dancing in my past, but I realized it was not going to be that easy. I got dressed up to go on my first professional job interview, walked into the Interviewer’s office, and came face to face with a former regular to my club. When I saw the look of recognition on his face I did not even have the courage to sit down; I turned around and walked right out of there, figuring he would call if he was interested in hiring me, but as expected that phone call never came.

After that incident, I was too upset to continue looking for work in the city where I went to school so I moved back home and looked for work in the large cities in that region of the country, where nobody knew of my past. I am not ashamed of my past, but there were a lot of business people who looked at me as if my past was shameful, which was hypocritical because they were the clientele that kept me employed as an exotic dancer.

That’s all I have to say, Tazi. I hope my story helps that young woman make an informed decision.

Signed,
The Dancer Formerly Known As Peppermint

Dear The Dancer Formerly Known As Peppermint:

Thank you for sharing your story and your words of wisdom. So often when we are in desperate circumstances we cannot see past the immediate gains that are being offered, not realizing that we may be putting ourselves further into dire straits.

"Tempted", if you are reading this, I hope you take the former “Peppermint’s” advice to heart and take a waitressing job instead.

Snuggles to both of you,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teens Ask For Dating Advice From Tazi-Kat

Dear Tazi:

My friends and I are having what we would call a "debate" and our Social Studies teacher would call a "discussion" because we have no researched fact on the subject. Whatever! He makes things so awkward sometimes! Anyway, our "debate" is about boys and relationships and since we love your column we hoped you would answer the question for us: Do you think it is better to date lots of boys but have short-term relationships or date only one or a few boys and have long-term relationships.

My friend Amanda thinks it is best to date lots of boys so you can discover what you like and don't like, and to learn how boys think. My friend Jennifer thinks that you should hold out for the one special boy that you like and have a long-term relationship with him. I think if a boy asks you on a date you should give him a chance because you might learn that you like him after you spend some time with him, but Amanda and Jennifer both say no - that if you are going to accept a date with a boy you should like him first. We have all just started our first year of middle school, and are expecting boys to start asking us on dates soon so we really need to know the answer. Thanks, Tazi! You're the ace boon kitty!

Sincerely,
Courtney

Dear Courtney:

I am also a bit confused...what's an ace boon? I am just a little kitty who (almost) never leaves the backyard. Your words sound like a compliment, so I will take them that way! (Readers, if anyone can translate teen-speak for me that would be awesome!).

Since you and your friends are expecting boys to start asking you on dates next school year, I suppose it's time Tazi had the talk with you about dating; I am so glad you brought it up, so here it is:

1) There is nothing wrong with being in a long-term relationship, but you are far too young to be in a serious (physical or emotional) relationship, which is what long-term relationships generally become. Your bodies and your minds are still developing, which can be overwhelming enough as it is. Add in the emotional roller-coaster that a relationship can be and you will definitely be distracted from more important things - like your schoolwork, your family, and your friends. Keep things light! Sixteen and pregnant is not as cool as it looks on MTV.


Photo courtesy of I'm Not Right In the Head.com

2) Unless you want to develop a reputation for being easy (even if you aren't) dating several boys over a short-period of time is never a good idea. It generally leads to hurt feelings and arguments among the people who take sides when the break-up occurs. Who needs that kind of drama? You can discover how boys think and what you like or don't like in a boy by being friends with them, so I suggest that you all get to know the boys you plan on dating through mutual friends and group events - like a school dance, a movie night, or sporting event - where there is a pretty equal mix of boys and girls.

3) Accepting a date with someone you do not know well is a bad, bad, bad idea! This goes for boys as well as girls. People are not always as nice as they seem. Plus, a date with someone you do not know well can make for a very "awkward" time. If you absolutely, positively MUST give the person a chance I suggest you go to a crowded place or a group event, or better yet eat lunch with him in the school cafeteria. Never be alone with someone you do not know - this is good advice for anyone who dates, regardless of their age!

So...who wins your "debate"? I would call it a draw. You all have good intentions towards dating, and when the time comes you will discover just where and how to adjust these ideas to reach your personal comfort zone until the time comes - many moons from now - that you are ready to settle down with that special someone.

Snuggles to all,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Good Money Does Not Mean The Job Will Be A Good Fit

Dear Tazi:

I am 18 years old and have the opportunity of a lifetime to go to an Ivy League school. My financial aid package will cover all of my tuition and fees, with a little bit left over for books, but I will still have to pay for my room, board, and living expenses. I am concerned as to how I will be able to work enough to pay for all this and study enough to keep my grades strong. I have a friend who suggested I try working in a gentlemen’s club. She said that I do not have to take my clothes off, that gentlemen’s clubs are different than strip clubs; that their cocktail waitresses dress sexy and make very good money without having to worry about men pawing them. She knows so much because she secretly works in one. Last year, she made over $60,000, working part-time during the school year and full-time during semester breaks.

My friend tells me that I have the figure and the looks to work as a cocktail waitress, as well as the experience from working in the local diner. I know how to be sweet and charming, but also how to hold my own against the tough customers who think that their large tips can buy them a little something extra. I like the idea of making good money while I am still in school, but I feel like I would be selling out my morals if I went to work in a tawdry place like a gentlemen’s club. Plus, as a student at an Ivy League I would have a certain level of sophistication to uphold, one that runs contradictory to working as a cocktail waitress, and yet the money is very tempting. What do you think, Tazi? Do you think I could find another job that pays well but would not lower my standards? Or should I look into cocktail waitressing at a men’s club?

Signed,
Tempted

Dear Tempted:

Sixty-thousand dollars a year for part-time work would be tempting to anyone – until they find out what they have to do to earn it, so I can understand your hesitancy to jump at this job field. Since you believe that cocktail waitressing would leave you in an uncomfortable bind, I advise against it. I would never judge somebody by what they do for a living, so long as what they do is legal, but I would never push someone to take a job that compromises their morals. Remember, college is only four short years! Once you graduate, you will have the opportunity to make a comfortable paycheck in a career field that inspires you.


Photo courtesy of www.icanhascheezeburger.com
You do not say which Ivy League school you will be attending, but I live on the East coast and I know that many of the Ivy’s are in or adjacent to large cities; and with large cities come restaurants, from fine dining establishments to small café’s and diners, all of which offer the opportunity to earn a good income from tips. You may not earn as much as you would working as a cocktail waitress, but then again you might do quite well just the same – and you would be much more comfortable with your working environment.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Ex-Boyfriend" Needs "Closure" To Let Go; May Suffer From Erotomania

Dear Tazi:

My ex-boyfriend (and I hesitate to elevate him to that status) "Spencer" - who I only dated for a few months - has enough issues to fill a month's worth of your columns; thus the reason he is an EX-boyfriend/guy I briefly dated. As I mentioned, we only dated for a few months (not quite two); but he refuses to leave me alone. He keeps asking if we can "try again". He suggests that we get together for coffee to discuss "what issues each of us needs to address and focus on changing" in order for the relationship to work.

First off, I do not believe we were together long enough to define what Spencer and I had as a "relationship"; and second, I do not want to get back together with him, so why should I focus on changing who I am to suit him? When I pointed these facts out to him (much more tactfully than I do here) Spencer went off into a tirade about how I am refusing to accept my "share of the responsibility for the failure of our relationship" and that this issue is adding to his already heavy stress load. Tazi, our relationship failed because he is a self-centered dreamer who is all talk and no action. With his charming personality he can win people over until they discover the truth about him: that every word out of his mouth is a lie; that he suffers from a ridiculously inflated sense of self-worth; and that his charm is all that he has going for him. When I explained this to Spencer - in those exact words - he told me that I should get counseling, since I am obviously "deflecting" my own issues of low self-esteem onto him, and that he would be willing to accommodate me by attending couples' counseling with me. I do not suffer from low self-esteem, do not need counseling, and certainly do not want to attend couples' counseling with him because we are not - and never were - a couple! The relationship was never said to be exclusive, nor do I believe my actions led him to believe it was!

Tazi, I admit that I broke things off with him rather suddenly; telling him over the phone one night that I did not see a future between us and that I think we should make a clean break of things, but at least I told him voice to voice and not via text message. Spencer keeps telling me that I have "denied" him the "closure" he needs to move on with his life, and that I am not being fair to him by changing my phone number (which did not work; he managed to get the new one from a mutual acquaintance unfamiliar with the situation), ignoring his calls, and refusing delivery of the flowers he tries to send me. Short of taking out a restraining order against the guy, what can I do to get him to leave me alone? Should I meet him for coffee just this once to prove to him that there is nothing there?

Signed,
Moved On

Dear Moved On:

Obviously, whatever occurred between you and Spencer meant a lot more to him than it did to you. What the dynamic was between the two of you is something you do not mention - did you see each other every day? Once or twice a week? A few dates? Hot and heavy? You mention that exclusivity was never discussed; but it appears that Spencer assumed it. For this one reason, it would have been more appropriate to break up with him in person, not over the phone. Should Spencer call you again, I think a quasi-apology (from you) expressing this fact would be appropriate. You do not have to get all remorseful; just a simple, "Spencer, obviously our friendship meant more to you than I realized, and I should have respected your feelings enough to break up with you in person. However, what's done is done. I have moved forward with my life, and it would be best if you did the same". Notice that the words "I'm sorry" do not appear anywhere in the above statement.

If Spencer continues to suggest that you get together to discuss where things went wrong, answer the phone ONE TIME, to simply repeat that you have moved forward with your life and think it would be best if he moved on, as well. If he continues to demand "closure" tell him that this is the best that he is going to get from you. Ignore any further phone calls from him, as well as any other form of attempted contact - by giving him your attention you are giving him what exactly what he wants. It does not matter that you are thinking horrible thoughts about him; the point is, you are thinking of him.

If Spencer decides to bring things to the next level by following you around in person or showing up at places you frequent at times he knows you will be there, do your best to ignore him. If he approaches you, report him to the management; they will most likely ask him to leave the building. If he starts creeping on you via social media, block him and/or turn your page private for a few weeks - eventually, he will give up on you.

If none of these tactics work - or especially if they make the situation worse - Spencer may suffer from a rare (but very real) mental illness called "erotomania", a very serious disorder in which the stalker believes their victim(s) are truly in love with them but are just playing hard to get; and the more you push them away, the deeper they believe that you really and truly love them. In a case such as this - and you will know it if it is such a case - legal intervention will be necessary to secure your personal safety and mental well-being. An excellent book on this topic is I Know You Really Love Me: A Psychiatrist's Account of Stalking and Obsessive Love, a first-person account by Dr. Doreen Orion. Included in the book is a chapter on resources for the victims of erotomaniacs. I wish you all the best. Please write back to me to let me (and my readers) know how things turn out for you.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

A Labor Day History Lesson From Tazi

Dear Readers:

Happy Labor Day! Are you enjoying your day off? Or are you receiving overtime wages for working today? Either way, I suggest that you thank a union member – it was their fight that brought the benefit of paid holidays, overtime wages, and this day of appreciation to the people.

The history of Labor Day is an interesting one, and today I will be sharing it with you so when you kick back with a hot dog and your favorite beverage at the barbeque, you can impress people with your immense knowledge of this celebratory day!

The actual origin of Labor Day is in historical dispute, but evidence leads to the belief that in 1882 a union machinist named Matthew McGuire suggested the idea of a holiday honoring American workers. What is historically factual is that the Central Labor Union of New York is responsible for the sponsoring and planning of the first Labor Day in America. Unlike today, it was not a day of festivities but a day of demonstrations – complete with a picnic lunch, as was customary with any large gathering of the time.

Why the need to demonstrate? As history shows, the 19th century was not a time of fair labor laws and workers rights. Even though unions existed, they were far from the powerful and respected organizations they are today. From the Industrial Revolution of the 1800’s until 1913, when the 16th amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed to institute an income tax, Industrial “Robber” Barons held the purse-strings of the American economy and workers were bound to the rules they set, working in deplorable conditions for twelve hours a day, seven days a week.

Andrew Carnegie and the Homestead Strike of 1892

Never forget the horror of the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory fire
Children were not excused from labor back in those days; in fact, child labor was preferred as children could be paid less money than their adult counterparts and were more able to fit into small spaces to fix jammed machinery. Although Americans like to think of themselves as the collective protectorate of our nation’s young, the truth of the matter is that it was parents who sent their children to work instead of school, with both the expectation and blessing of the American public.

In spite of efforts in the early 20th century to improve child welfare by ending child employment it was not until the Great Depression when child advocates and union members combined forces to push for the passing of labor laws to enforce mandatory education of children up to the age of 16. It was reasoned that if a child is in school full time they will be unable to hold full-time employment, thus creating much needed job openings for adults and forcing employers to pay increased wages.


The argument against education was an argument against unions!

In 1883, the second Labor Day was celebrated; keeping with the original date chosen for the celebration it was held of September 5th – a Wednesday. It was not until 1884 that Labor Day took on its traditional date of the first Monday in September. The Central Labor Union of New York, still the only celebrant of Labor Day, encouraged other unions to hold similar celebrations and in 1885 Labor Day was celebrated in several industrial cities throughout America. Since Labor Day was not an officially recognized holiday participants were docked a day’s wages for being absent from work – an attempt by employers to discourage participation in what was seen as undesirable union activity.

Once introduced, the idea of Labor Day spread quickly and by 1886 a bill had been introduced in the New York state legislature to make Labor Day an official state holiday. The bill did not pass (New York City being the home of Tammany Hall) but early the following year the state of Oregon was the first to declare Labor Day an official state holiday. Even back then, the West was known for its progressiveness. Over the next several years, 23 more states passed legislation making Labor Day an official holiday and in 1894 Labor Day became an official Federal holiday with the passage of law by the 53rd Congress.

Originally, the celebration of Labor Day was designed to focus on parades and festivals as a celebration of and reward to hard-working Americans, but like any large gathering of the citizenry it soon attracted politicians and took on a more serious bent. As large industrial centers grew into the cities we now know, it became difficult for municipalities to continue to host such large-scale celebrations as their planning and execution disrupted the commerce that continued to take place. At this point Labor Day celebrations moved to the smaller cities, and eventually brought forth the backyard barbeques and park-based picnic celebrations we now know.

Today we must ask; has the significance of Labor Day been lost as union membership dwindles? This Labor Day, we face protests as those who call themselves “the 99%” fight to call attention to the plight of the shrinking middle-class. Have the “robber barons” of the prior century reappeared in the form today’s CEO’s? Or has the dynamic of the American workforce changed; with even CEO’s being forced to work like slaves, chattel to the stockholders, for exorbitant compensation but no leisure time to enjoy it? Have we as Americans become so beholden to our luxuries that to go without them is considered an inconceivable poverty? Have our first world problems left us blind to true suffering?



Ummm, isn't Twitter corporate?

Has the role of the union changed from one that looked out for the worker to one that looks out for the union bosses and their cronies? So often I hear from everyday workers who complain that their union dues do nothing but take a chunk of much needed money from their paycheck; they feel as though their unions are not representing them but lining the pockets of their leadership. Is this true? Or it is simply the complaints of one who thinks as a child; who would argue that Mommy and Daddy are mean because their allowance is not inflated beyond what their chores have earned them?

I am just a little kitty, and do not pretend to know the answers to such great big questions; but I think a national debate is in order. I offer up my comments section as the forum! In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this history lesson. I will now be resting from my labors of dictating this column to my Mommie and celebrating the day by taking an extra long nap! How will you be celebrating?

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Remember that people in the service industries - from emergency to entertainment - will be working today so you can enjoy your day off. Please do not make lame jokes at their expense; if you do, I will have to paw slap you!

Sources: Historical information courtesy of the U.S. Department of Labor, History.com, and PBS.org; videos via YouTube.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Recommends: I Heart Organizing

Dear Readers:

Welcome to the Repost of Issue #3 of "Tazi Recommends...". (in case you missed it the first time!). As usual, I recommend you put down the Sunday paper and read something else, because your cat and I plan on napping on aforementioned paper whether you are trying to read it or not! However, in my desire to be helpful, am willing to provide you with alternate reading matter. This week, the blog I recommend is:

I Heart Organizing
by Miss Jen from Wisconsin, USA

As a cat, I love an organized home. As a cat, I am not the one who has to do the cleaning and organizing; nor do I have to go around picking up after a litter of little ones who like to leave a mess in their wake. However, I can sympathize with those who do since I am the "little one" that my Mommie often has to cater to, cleaning my sandbox, organizing my toys, and keeping my feeding station sanitary. I just don't know how she does it all! I can only imagine what it would be like if she had kids, too!

I love I Heart Organizing for several reasons, but first and foremost is this: Miss Jen does not expect you to have the time, budget, or talents of Martha Stewart. As the Mommie of three boys and a career as an Interior Decorator, Miss Jen understands what it means to balance the duel responsibilities of career and family, and she writes from that perspective. This leads to the second reason I love I Heart Organizing: FREE organizational tools!

I Heart Organizing has an entire web-page dedicated to free downloadable printables that are suggested on the site. Unlike some organization magazines/sites that suggest projects for you to make (like you have the time?) I Heart Organizing has done the work for you - all you have to do is print the charts, tags, calendars, etc. and remember to use them. From "My Daily Goals" to "A Peek at the Week" each printable is brightly colored and provides ample space upon which to write...and cross out and rewrite as your schedule changes.

Also available for a nominal cost ($3.00 & up) are custom printables - pdf files filled-in with your personal information and needs (from calendars to pantry inventory/grocery lists). Normally, I do not tout for-cost products, but the beauty of this one is that you only have to pay once - for the pdf file - and you can print it out as many times as you would like, indefinitely.

I Heart Organizing offers regular tips on how to get - and stay - organized; how to make the best use of space; and how to declutter both your home and your life. I Heart Organizing also offers an entire project gallery of ideas, from simple to more complex on how to get and stay organized, from make-up storage (try a cutlery organizer) to an organized hand-me-down clothes storage cabinet

I Heart Organizing offers direction, pictures, and humor to help you get the job done at a minimal cost. Miss Jen and her ideas have been featured on daytime television's The Nate Berkus Show as well as various websites on simplicity and home improvement.

I recommend I Heart Organizing to anyone who needs to streamline their busy life - Moms and Dads, homemakers, students, at-home business people, party planners, teachers, and the like. The site is a fun place to visit if you need ideas, or just to laugh at some of the "fantasy" pics Miss Jen posts (which I would swear come from Better Homes and Gardens magazine!).

Snuggles,
Tazi

Is Talking To An Ex The Same As Cheating?

Dear Tazi:

My girlfriend is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She is truly the type of woman that other guys remember as "the one that got away". Knowing this, I will admit that I can act a little insecure sometimes; but I think I am right on the point I want to make to her.

"Amy" does not realize how beautiful she is, or how outgoing she can be with people. Sometimes an old boyfriend will find her on Facebook and try to start up a conversation with her, either through wall posts or email. I have her password, and have seen these emails on occasion while checking her account for her (per her request; she cannot always get on the Internet at work). Her comments and messages to these guys are always polite and friendly, but I am bothered by the fact that she never mentions me. I feel like she is trying to keep me a secret from her ex-boyfriends and I think this is tantamount to cheating.

I would like to say something to Amy regarding these emails and comments, but I do not want it to sound like I don't trust her. I simply want to know point-blank if she is planning on leaving me should the right ex-boyfriend come along. How do you think I should phrase this? Is there a way to start this conversation that will not come off as accusatory?

Signed,
Mike

Dear Mike:

You write that you believe her lack of comments about you to her old boyfriends is "tantamount to cheating" but then say that you "don't want to come off as accusatory". Well, which is it? To say you see an innocent email conversation as a form of cheating is rather accusatory, especially since these emails are coming to an account that she knows you can check. Are you certain you have not overstepped the bounds of Amy's trust in you?

Obviously, you have read the emails Amy has sent and received to/from her old boyfriends and they must be pretty benign if you have not said anything to her already. Some people are not comfortable talking about a "current" with an ex, just as some people are not comfortable talking about an ex with their current partner. The beauty of Facebook (in this situation) is that much of your life's details are visible on your personal page - including your relationship status and the length of your relationship, should you choose to add that information.

It is possible that Amy did not feel it necessary to mention that she was "In a relationship" because this information is prominently posted on her Facebook page, complete with a link to your Facebook page, should you have one. To beat that dead horse might be taken as an insult by her old boyfriend, who himself might be in a serious relationship and honestly interested in catching up with an old friend, as happens frequently through Facebook.

I believe that you are making mountains out of molehills. Amy trusts you enough to allow you to read her personal email. If there was anything in there that she did not want you to see, she would not be letting you in there. From the volume of email I receive on the subject, I would say that Facebook causes enough relationship issues already. Please do not go borrowing trouble, or you may find your girlfriend leaving you for entirely different reasons than you fear.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Cancer Patient Wonders Why Friends Won't Help With "Bucket List"

Dear Tazi:

I have terminal lymphoma, which is cancer of the lymph system. My doctors have given me six months to live, which is something I have accepted. In fact, I consider myself lucky that the cancer I have is not one that will leave me in pain and debilitation. I have refused chemotherapy, which would extend my life by only a few months but rob me of my quality of life. I am at peace with my decision, and ready to do as the Tim McGraw song suggests and live like I was dying. I am receiving SSDI benefits, so I no longer work and have time to spend with my college-aged children. Death must come to us all; and I feel blessed to have such an easy sentence. My only problem is, none of my friends or family seem to have the time for me to do the things I want to do with them.

Every time I suggest we do something that I have always wanted to do - like go rafting, like in the movie Deliverance or try skydiving, they are always too busy. I always offer to pay their way, so it is not a matter of money; I cannot understand why they would turn down the opportunity for adventure with a friend. Short of reminding them that my time is short, how can I change their minds? I don't want to spend the last of my days sitting around waiting for death.

Signed,
Still Living

Dear Still Living:

You may be "still living" but it appears that you no longer have a life. Unlike you, your friends still have to go to work every day, care for their children, and maintain their homes; making their free time a precious commodity. While it is admirable that you are willing to cover the financial cost of the rather pricey activities you wish to try, more than money is involved. A Deliverance style canoe-trip involves a great deal of planning and covers an entire weekend, which is time many wish to spend with their children; plus it can be physically grueling. Even if others are up to the challenge - and they may not be - they may be concerned that that you are not. Others have a fear of heights or falling, and think it crazy to voluntarily jump out of a perfectly good plane.

Rather than trying to plan grand events with your friends, try for smaller events: a night out on the town or a field day in the park. For larger events, a travel agency can hook you up with a touring group that is participating in the things you want to try - like skydiving or canoeing down the Coosawattee. If you seek to make memories with those you love in order to preserve their memories of you, volunteering (alone or as a group) for Habitat for Humanity is a wonderful way to help others and leave a lasting legacy in your community, as is holding a clothing drive for a local charitable organization. Like the Tim McGraw song suggests in addition to grand activities, you can love deeper, speak sweeter, and give forgiveness that you've been denying.

I wish you a peaceful journey.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Sibling Who Received In Parents Lifetime Got Surprise Inheritance

Dear Tazi:

I was reading your letter about the man who was taking advantage of his mother’s generosity and it reminded me of my brother (who also liked to hang around the house naked). He is well into his forties and has spent his entire life chronically unemployed. He has had more jobs than he has had years of life, no exaggeration. Because of this, he has never had money to support himself and has never moved out of our parents’ house.

All of my life I have worked hard to support myself, so I resented the fact that my brother was sponging off of my parents. They were not rich, but were comfortable – they owned their own home (mortgage free); had money in the bank; and their investments were doing well. Whenever I brought up the topic of “Steve” to Mom and Dad, they told me not to worry; that the issue was between them and Steve, not me.

Last year, Steve and I lost Mom and Dad. Mom had cancer and went first; Dad had a heart condition, and losing Mom did not help it. He passed away less than six months later. At the reading of Dad’s will, I finally understood what Mom and Dad meant when they told me the issue of Steve was between them and Steve: they had kept track of every expense they covered for him, from car payments and insurance to the room and board he never paid. This information was kept on record with their accountant, and the total amount subtracted from Steve’s half of our inheritance. All Steve got was a 50% interest in our parent’s house; I ended up with their savings and investments, as well as my half of the interest in their house. Steve was livid, but Dad’s will was airtight – there was no way for Steve to fight it.

I am not asking for advice, but wanted to share my story with others so they may see the other side of the story. If it appears that Mom and Dad are favoring one sibling over another, don’t get all worked up over it. There might be a lot more to things that you do not know!

Signed,
Over It

Dear Over It:

I do hope that your parents at least hinted to your brother that the financial assistance he was receiving while they lived would be taken from his inheritance; otherwise, this must have come as a horrible shock to him. I do hope that Steve matures, now that his primary source of income has dried up; but I will not hold my breath waiting for this to happen. I will let your story serve as the “other side” you wish to present.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Attractive Daughter Receiving More Attention Than Dad Would Like

Dear Tazi:

I am the father of a very attractive, very well-developed 16-year-old girl. As if my daughter's stunning good looks were not enough to worry me, she is also very popular due to her sweet personality and the many extra-curricular activities in which she participates in and out of school.

Her mother and I have worked to raise her right, and keep her on a moral path; and thus far, I'd like to think we have done a good job. My concern is her social networking habits. "Staci" has a habit of Facebook friending everyone she has ever met, and encourages people to "follow" her on Twitter. Even though she does not post too much personal information to these sites, she is fond of posting pictures of the many events she attends - school dances, football games, work sites for Habitat for Humanity (she volunteers with them one weekend a month). These pictures - aside from providing a permanent online record - give people details as to her whereabouts, making it easy for her to be found when she is offline.

As far as I am concerned, inviting someone to "follow" you is an open invitation to stalk you, and I am concerned that some of the boys she has "friended" are starting to do just that. In particular, one young man that she met at the beach this summer has shown up at every one of her school's events, and is now volunteering for Habitat. Although I admire his school spirit and commitment to helping those in need, I cannot help but think his motives have more to do with dating my daughter than with improving his chances of getting into a good college.

Staci's Mom thinks I am over-reacting, and has pointed out that our daughter is a very responsible young woman with admirable Internet habits. She has never given us an ounce of trouble; but it is not my daughter's behavior that concerns me - it is that of those who follow her, online and in person. Staci has a close (male) friend who she has known since babyhood and that I trust implicitly. She is like a little sister to him, and I would like to ask him to keep an eye on my daughter, and on those who are keeping their eyes on her. Would this request be unreasonable?

Signed,
Overprotective Dad?

Dear Overprotective Dad?:

First let me say that your daughter is a lucky young woman to have two such caring parents that balance each other so well. Keep up the good work!

I also have to say that your comment that inviting people to follow you on Twitter is an open invitation to stalk you is a bit extreme, especially since your daughter's postings seem pretty innocuous. [Ed. Note: The writer included a link to his daughter's social networking pages]. She is not updating her status every time she leaves a room, so it would be pretty difficult for someone to stalk her, considering she only updates her status twice a day (on average). Someone who is merely smitten with your daughter would probably be content to sigh over such postings; but a stalker would definitely seek more, and such behavior would be quite noticeable.

With regard to the boy who has suddenly developed a social conscience and a sense of school spirit, so long as his behavior does not escalate - and he is actively participating in the events and projects for which he has signed up - I see no problem with his intentions. Many men have gone to extremes in their attempts to court a lady; so be glad that this young man's attempts are resulting in a greater good.

As for asking your daughter's platonic male friend act as her bodyguard, this may not be necessary. If he looks upon your daughter like he would a "little sister" you can be certain that he is already keeping an eye on Staci, and on those who are keeping eyes on her. There is no need to formally request such protection.

Gardener Is Pee'd-Off About Getting Pee'd On

Dear Tazi:

Since you are a cat, I think you can relate to my problem, if only from the other side of it. I keep a beautiful, three-season vegetable garden in my fenced backyard. I work very hard on it and in it to ensure the fruits of my labors are tasty and nourishing. I love gardening and am generally at peace whenever I am plowing my bare hands through the dirt. Herein lays my problem.

My next door neighbor has four indoor-outdoor cats that like to use my garden as their own personal litter-box. They jump the fence and do their business in my garden, burying the evidence of their visits in shallow holes they have dug. I find this evidence when I am weeding, and pick up a handful of it. I have tried wearing gardening gloves to cut down on the ick factor, but I find them cumbersome and uncomfortable.

I have considered sprinkling the ground with irritating toxins, but am concerned about what such poisons would do to my vegetables. I am at my wits' end, Tazi-Kat! Oh, and before you suggest that I talk to the neighbors, don't bother. I have tried, and it doesn't work.

Signed,
Tired of Being #$%! On

Dear Tired of...

Halloween is coming up, a time for pranks and trickery. Have you tried collecting the cat poop in a brown paper bag, putting it on your neighbor's porch, lighting it afire, and then ringing the bell before running? I am not endorsing anything so childish; I am just curious to know how low you would go to get back at your neighbors, considering that poisoning their pets was scratched due to potential harm to yourself.

One of the great joys in a cat's life is scratching, be it dirt or furniture, nothing gives us satisfaction like digging our claws into something soft and pliable beneath our paws - kind of like you feel about your garden, no? I am hoping this will help you see that you and the cats have some common ground other than your garden.

There are many natural, non-toxic remedies to keep these felines - and other creatures such as deer, rabbits, and even mosquitoes - from invading your turf.  One very inexpensive way of keeping kitties out of your garden – or anywhere else you do not want them – is to sprinkle red pepper flakes around the perimeter and throughout the area.  Cats have very a very sensitive sense of smell, and we do not like the spicy smell of hot pepper flakes.  If for some reason your neighbor’s cats don’t mind the smell, they will certainly mind the irritation to their paws and their tushies should they “go” where the flakes are spread.  Negative reinforcement is all that is required to make these cats find a new stomping ground. 

Come spring, you can plant marigolds around your fence and garden.  These flowers look pretty but stink something awful!  They are a natural deterrent to anything with a sense of smell, bugs included, which will cut down on your need for pesticides.  Hopefully, this will allow you and the neighboring felines to live in harmony.

Snuggles,
Tazi-Kat

Teen's Room Is Her Domain, So Remain "com", Mom

Dear Tazi:

My sweet, beautiful, talented, and pleasant daughter is driving me up a wall! Yes, she is a teenager. Could that have gone without saying? On most fronts, "Eleanor" is the perfect child - and I am not just saying that because I am her Mom! She stays out of trouble, dresses appropriately for her age, gets excellent grades in school, is involved in extra-curricular activities and sports, is popular without being a "mean girl", and even volunteers at the local animal shelter on Saturday mornings. In fact, it was she who suggested I write to you, and we have both agreed to abide by your advice.

My problem with Eleanor is her bedroom. It is an absolute pigsty, and this is in complete contrast to the rest of my home, which is neat as a pin. At any one point in time, half of her clothes are on the floor in what she calls "laundry piles"; I cannot see the top of her dresser for all the papers, books, and accessories littering it; her bed is never made; and I will not even begin to tell you about her closet, as mere words cannot describe the dumping ground that it is.

I realize that my daughter's busy schedule demands a great deal of her time and energy, so the last thing she wants to do when she gets home is clean; but her bedroom is just so far out of hand! The more I beg her to clean it up, the worse it gets. In spite of her protests that she is not, I think she is doing this to spite me. My daughter claims that it is her room and she should be able to keep it the way she wants; but I counter that it is in my house, and I want the room clean. What do you think, Tazi? Which of us is right?

Signed,
Debra the Harried Mom

Dear Debra-Harried:

I can understand your frustration completely! If it were up to me, my litter-boxes would be cleaned and freshened after my every use; whereas my Mommie feels that a once-a-day cleaning and sanitizing should suffice. This brings me to the detail that you left out of your letter: Is your daughter's room dirty? Not just messy, but dirty?  Does she leave dishes with food stuck on them lying around, or sticky glasses, or other things that would attract ants or other bugs? Does her room emit an unpleasant odor that is stinking up the rest of the house? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then she has crossed the line from messy to dirty and her room should be cleaned immediately for the health of the entire household.  Feel free to revoke her priviliges until this happens. 

On the other hand, your daughter's argument that her room is her personal space is a valid one. I realize that it is your house, but this one corner of it is space that you have given to her to have as her own. It is her personal domain; the place where she can decompress and "let it all hang out".  If she chooses to keep this space in disarray then she is the one who has to live in disarray, not you. If you cannot stand the sight of her mess, just close the bedroom door and pretend that it is not there. Sooner or later, she will get sick of her own surroundings and clean the place. She will also run out of clean laundry, and be forced to clean up the piles on the floor and organize her closet.   [One caveat: Do not allow her to burn candles, incense, or anything with a flame.  This could create a fire hazard].

You say that you "beg" her to clean her room. Are you sure that you are begging and not nagging? The two may seem similar, but to the person on the receiving end they are vastly different; and whereas the first will generally elicit sympathy, the second will result in your daughter stubbornly digging in her heels and refusing to clean just to spite you. Letting her be may result in her abiding by your wishes sooner, rather than later.

I realize this advice may be hard for you to accept, so I can offer an extreme alternative: embarrassment. The next time your daughter's friends show up at the door, invite them in and tell them that she is "up in her room" and send them in to see her. To a teenager, nothing is worse than the disapproval of their peers; so if her friends are horrified by the mess their reaction just might inspire her to turn into Martha Stewart.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Repost - Tazi Recommends: Blossom Bunkhouse

Dear Readers:

Last week I poked a little fun at over-achieving moms and the amazing things they manage to do for their children - you might even say I was being catty; so this week, to make up for any hurt feelings, I am recommending

Blossom Bunkhouse
by Danielle
When I think of the over-achieving mom who will do anything for their children - including lasso the moon, because I am sure she has found a way to do it - I think of the mom behind Blossom Bunkhouse. I choose to recommend this blog over other "Mommy Blogs" for one reason: the blog is obsessed with The Elf on the Shelf. Anyone who can think of 101 Elf On The Shelf Ideas AND put their money where their mouth is by actually following through with those ideas in a recurring Elf On The Shelf Series that creates a huge mess with a ton of clean-up deserves a recommendation. My big Elf on the Shelf idea is to drag him under the bed and hide him with the rest of my collection of purloined items (and then blame it on the dog); Blossom Bunkhouse suggests #35: Sit [the elf] in shoe, holding shoe laces as if going on a sleigh ride. I suggest you make certain your cat has not barfed in said shoe first.


Picture courtesy of
Commissioned Comic.com
Blossom Bunkhouse tends to go overboard on creativity, but it is not always a bad thing. For example, it offers practical ideas like the "Never Miss A Dose Again" article which suggests you write a dosing schedule on the bottle of medication your child is taking, and check off when you give it to them. The blog even offers a picture showing how to do this, and it looks pretty simple! Pure genius! (I am a bit bothered by the fact that the author picked up this idea off of Pinterest, because her copyright policy requests that you do not Pinterest her stuff. It seems a little hypocritical to me).

A recent cool idea suggested - and the one that tipped my paw towards recommending this blog, in spite of the hypocritical Pinterest policy - is the Hockey Pucks on a Stick idea, perfect for a child's birthday party or a Stanley Cup Finals party (if you have not planned one by now, you had better get started!). The treats are basically Hostess Ding Dongs on a stick with a few creative touches added to complete the look. Blossom Bunkhouse is full of ideas for all levels of talent; however, some ideas require advance planning and special order of accessories - I offer as an example, Leg Lamp Cupcakes, an idea I have seen all over the Internet but never dreamed anyone would actually make. Kudos, Blossom Bunkhouse, for going the extra mile!


Picture courtesy of The Party Animal
If you are long on time but short on talent (Mom's everywhere are laughing at the "long on time" comment!) and you are the type of parent to let your child host a slumber party (more laughter), you could try your hand at creating Rice Krispie Treat Sleeping Bags (chocolate covering optional, and not for the talent-impaired). If you are feeling extra creative, you can shove your Elf on the Shelf into one of them. There - Idea # 102, courtesy of Ask Tazi! America's FAVORITE Advice Giving Cat!

In addition to creative projects, recipes, and household tips, Blossom Bunkhouse also does the occasional product review. I could not find one for a Snuggie (I like to crawl inside the sleeves), but I did find one for a similar, less embarrassing wrap-around warmer: The Wrap Trap. The author of Blossom Bunkhouse even posts a video of herself wearing a Wrap Trap, and I can tell you...it looks a lot better than the video I have posted below (because her video is copyrighted, and I did not feel like contacting her to ask permission to use it, I am posting this Snuggie spoof instead).


The one downside to Blossom Bunkhouse is that the author only posts 3 - 5 blogs a month, so if you are the type who hopes for/expects new content every week, you will be sorely disappointed. I am pretty sure the lack of regular content is because the author is busy actually doing all of the projects posted on the site. As for me, I will not be busy taking a nap for the next several hours. If you find your that you Snuggie has gone missing, I suggest you ask your Elf on the Shelf. I am pretty sure he's the one who took it.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

God's Gift To Women Needs To Be Returned For Exhange!

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I can't believe I am writing to a cat for advice, but since women all seem to be crazy about cats (you never hear about the "crazy cat man") I figured what the heck, right? I am a 43-year-old man, never married (by choice), father of one (also by choice). I work hard, make a good paycheck, and play hard as well. My looks have held up over the years, and overall I would say I am a choice catch for any woman.

My problem is that all of the women I meet seem to think there is something wrong with me because I have never been married. They are especially put-off when they discover that I was never married to my son's mother. Tazi, I was only with her because I wanted a child and she was willing to bear one for me. It was more of an arrangement than a relationship, and I feel that this is nobody's business but my own.  (In the end, it would not have worked anyway.  She never lost the baby weight; but she did lose the figure I loved, along with my interest).

As I mentioned, I am quite a catch, yet women my own age do not seem to realize this; and women who are much younger than me are either not interested (because I am "too old for them" or because I have a young son) or are only interested in my money. When I do meet a woman who meets my physical standards and is interested in me, I find out after only a few dates that she is vapid and self-absorbed; a total turn off, in spite of her hot looks and smokin' body. I guess what I want to know is what is it women want? And do I have to sacrifice looks in order to find someone with a quality personality?

Sign me,
Confuzzled

Dear...did you say "Confuzzled"? Can I assume that is a combination of "confused" and "puzzled", which are synonyms of each other? Oh, where does a kitty-kat start to explain?

As for - specifically - what women want, that I suppose is anybody's guess; but most will agree that what they do not want is a self-centered, middle-aged, man-child! Twice in your letter you mention that you are "a catch". If you are God's gift to women, I find myself hoping that He kept the receipt! Your arrogance rivals that of a cat!

You mention that you work hard, make a good paycheck, and play hard. I do hope that somewhere in between you make time to be a responsible and loving father to your son, and offer up a realistic portion of that "good paycheck" as financial support for him on a regular basis. Along those same lines, you never mention if your son's mother was aware that your relationship with her was just an "arrangement" or if she expected more of a commitment from you. The reaction you get from women is probably reflecting their doubt that she was on the same page as you when your son was conceived.

Women, like all humans regardless of gender, want someone who will treat them with respect. For a woman, this means not leaving her because her looks are starting to fade (in your eyes) or because she gained a few pounds over the winter or (in the case of your ex) has trouble losing the weight she gained after bearing your child. It means appreciating her inner beauty, as well as her outer beauty, and showing interest in her as an entire person, not just as a sexual creature. Perhaps a viewing of Jack Black's Shallow Hal will better illustrate this point for you. Remember that the package in the plain brown UPS wrapper often contains a wonderful surprise inside, while the most beautifully wrapped gift under the Christmas tree might just be a big box of socks and underwear.

--Tazi-Kat

Does "Ugly" Furniture Belong In The Man Cave? Readers, Share Your Thoughts!

Dear Tazi:

I am newly married, and I love my husband with all my heart; but I hate the furniture he brought into our marriage. "Derek" was a confirmed bachelor before he met me, and had a home that was all man - pool table, Foosball table, poker table, etc; as well as some pretty tacky looking furniture.

When we married, we sold both our houses and bought one that is "ours"; which thankfully has a finished basement with a large area that has been sectioned off as Derek's "game room". Most of his bachelor pad furniture is down there as well, with the exception of his upholstered New England Patriots recliner. It is the most hideous thing I have ever seen, and I am not just saying that because I am a Miami Dolphins fan. Unfortunately, this recliner is Derek's prized possession, and he insists on putting it in our living room. I have cried, begged, and threatened divorce proceedings; but he refuses to remove the chair from the living room, claiming there is no space for it elsewhere - with the exception of our bedroom, which I have already nixed.

Tazi, Derek has agreed to abide by the opinion of a neutral third party; which is why I am writing to you. Please tell me you agree with me that this recliner belongs in the man cave and not the living room!

Signed,
Marino Fan

Dear Marino Fan:

In what colors have you decorated your living room? New England Patriots red, white/silver, and blue are primary colors; and can tastefully blend with many colors (with the possible exception of pastels). Are you certain that your team loyalty is not causing you to tread upon your husband's wants? It can be difficult to go from owning your own home to sharing home ownership - and space - with another, so I suggest you reflect on why you feel so harshly towards this particular recliner.

My personal opinion is that a sport-themed recliner belongs in the game room or the man cave; but then my Mommie - who feeds me, cleans my sandbox, and makes certain all my needs are met - is a raging Green Bay Packers fan, and as of this writing she is still a little sore about their losing in the playoffs while the local teams sails off towards the Super Bowl. Therefore, I am not certain that my opinion can be considered completely unbiased. After all, I want to eat tonight.

Readers, what is your opinion? Click Here to see a picture (and ordering information) of the New England Patriots recliner, and leave your thoughts in the Comments section - or take the poll on my Facebook page! In which room should the chair reside?

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Mother Needs Comfort, Not Scorn, Over Loss Of Her Adult Son

Dear Tazi:

I am so overwhelmed with grief and anger I do not know where to begin. Please feel free to edit my letter so it makes enough sense to publish, because what wish to say needs to be heard.

I am the mother of a gay son. At least, I was until he passed away from complications of AIDS last summer, at the age of 42. Up until that point I was also an active member of my church, but due to some of the comments I heard people making when they thought I could not hear I left and have not gone back. The words were varied, but the theme was the same: People who die of AIDS get what they deserve for living immoral lifestyles, and are unworthy of the rewards of Heaven or the forgiveness of the Lord.

"Larry" contracted his virus during a careless and promiscuous period in his life, and accepted the fact that his personal behaviors led to his failing health. By the time he passed, he had come terms with his shortened life-span, and welcomed death as a release from the pills and the pain. He was a firm believer in God and I know that I will see him again in Heaven someday. For him, death was not a punishment. However, for those of us left behind, it is a wound that will never heal. I would like to make that point clear to those who would judge others. Those who they judge do not have to hear the hateful words being spewed. It is the survivors who suffer.

Thank you for letting me have my say, Tazi.

Signed,
Missing My Boy

Dear Missing My Boy:

Your letter is both poignant and sincerely heartfelt, and I have printed it exactly as you wrote it. You have my deepest sympathies on your loss. In this day and age, there are few who have not witnessed or known someone who has had their lives touched by the specter of HIV/AIDS and the destruction it wreaks on individuals, families, and communities. You have my deepest sympathies on the loss of your son - and on the loss of your church community. I pray that it was only an ignorant few who felt the need to judge your son so, and not the voice of an entire faith community.

You are correct in saying "those who they judge do not have to hear the hateful words being spewed. It is the survivors who suffer" and it is my hope that all people will heed this thought the next time they seek to judge one who has passed. As for being "unworthy of the...forgiveness of the Lord", I would say that is not their decision to make.

Snuggles,
Tazi

I would like to dedicate today's column to the memory of a special friend of my Mommie. 831, JH. --TK