Shopaholic Or Not, Wasteful Spending Cuts Into Savings

Dear Tazi:

I have a problem.  When I get bored, I shop.  I am not a shopaholic - I don't feel the need to shop or get any kind of high off of it or feel let-down after I am finished shopping; I just have nothing better to do with my time so I go online and browse for things - gifts for upcoming birthdays, new clothes, bed and bath goodies, and stuff on clearance sale that looks like something I may eventually use.

I am not in debt over my head from my shopping habits, but I would like to pump up my savings account a bit, which I could do if I did not shop so much.  I was reading about one young entrepreneurial woman in Marie Claire magazine who started her business on a whim while unemployed.  She was able to do this because she took $20,000 from her savings for start-up costs.  What twentysomething has $20K in their savings account?  I suppose I could have half that much if I didn't spend so much.

My boyfriend doesn't have a problem with my spending; he tells me that if it makes me happy why stop?  The problem is, I am not sure that it makes me happy; not when I see the alternative things I can be doing with my money, like saving it to start my own business someday, although I am not certain what I would sell. My boyfriend tells me I am over thinking this, but I am not so sure.  What do you think, Tazi?  And do you have any tips to help me curb my spending habits?

Signed,
Bored Far Too Often

Dear Bored Far Too Often:

Can you control your spending when you shop?  It sounds to me as if you are a controlled shopaholic - someone who can control their shopping and spending so long as they are not tempted, but go crazy once the opportunity to shop presents itself.  How long can you continue shopping for needless things before your habit puts you into debt over your head?  Just because you can handle your debt now does not mean that you will always be able to make the payments on your credit cards.  One bout with a serious illness or stretch of unemployment can put you under financially, so a solid savings account is a good thing to have!

Since a solid savings account appears to be your goal, I can offer you some tips on how to get there; and since you humans love the organization of a list, I will present them to you in list form.  Consider it a post-Halloween treat!

1.  Know the difference between wasteful spending and investment spending.  Purchasing a pair of high-end, quality career shoes on end-of-season clearance is an investment; purchasing a pair of high-end, quality party shoes on clearance is not.  Before purchasing something, ask yourself: How often will I use this?  If I put it into storage for the season, will I remember that I have it?

2.  Invest in a book by financial guru Suze Orman - and read it!  The information she has to share is invaluable!  If you are not comfortable buying a book, see if your local library has it and give it a test drive.  I strongly recommend The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke (Riverhead Trade, 2007).

3. Put your credit cards into a lock-box or safe.  This will help you to resist the urge to use them by making them more difficult to access.  Carry one credit card - for emergencies - in your wallet.  Better yet, join AAA; your membership card can double as a pre-paid American Express card.

4. Unless you are absolutely certain that you will be giving someone a gift several months down the road, do not purchase something that will be "perfect" for them.  Furthermore, ask yourself: might an even better gift come along between now and then?

5. When you get the urge to spend wastefully, look at the price and put that same amount towards your credit card debt.  By doing this you are saving money and paying off your past purchases.  A bargain is not a bargain if you are paying monthly interest on it.

6. Create a budget based upon your pay cycle and stick to it.  If you are paid weekly, your budget should reflect that; bi-weekly, your budget should take you through two weeks.  By doing this you should not be caught short and should not have to dip into your savings to pay your regular bills.

7. Create an Excel spreadsheet and record every penny you spend for one full month.  Categorize each item - food, entertainment, credit cards, rent, etc. - and see how much you are spending in each area.  This will allow you  to profile your spending and cut back on things you do not need.  For example, do you really need a Starbucks coffee every morning?  At $2.50/cup adds up to $17.50 for one week!  You could buy and brew your coffee at home for a fraction of that price!

8. Pay yourself first.  My Mommie's Grandpa always used to tell her that she would never have a savings account if she did not pay herself first.  She wishes she took his advice to put 10% of every paycheck into savings and forget about it!  She does that now, and I suggest that you start!

9.  Buy store-brand food; it costs less and is usually manufactured by the brand name company.  Put the money you save into your savings account.

10. Sign up for and use store loyalty cards, cut (and use) coupons.  There are many online sites that offer coupons for free, so you don't even have to buy a newspaper to get them!

These small steps can add up to big savings, which you can put towards your dream of starting your own business, owning your own home, or taking a dream vacation.  Please write back in six months and let me know how you are doing!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S.  Shame on your boyfriend for not being more supportive!  Could it be that his habits reflect yours, and any change would create the need for him to examine his own financial habits?


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Younger Brother Wants Older Brother To Man Up, Mom Is An Enabler

Dear Tazi:

A little background before I tell you my problem: I was 18 when my father committed suicide.  Because he took his own life, his life insurance did not pay out and Mom would have been left destitute if I did not man up and help her.  I took my college savings - money I earned by working summers with my father since I was 10 - and used it as a down payment to buy 50% of Mom's house.  I went to the community college while working full-time to pay the mortgage. It took me several years to do it, but I have graduated a four year school and have paid off the mortgage.  I am now officially 50% owner of our house.

My problem is my older brother, "Larry".  He was 20 when Dad died and [upset] that he could no longer attend the pricey, private college that was bankrupting my parents.  He took out a bunch of student loans, partied for a few more years until his financial aid ran out, and has barely kept his head above water since.  Larry has a small apartment on the ghetto side of town, so when he entertains he prefers to bring his guests to my house.

My mother is always happy to see Larry, and since he hardly ever visits her she will take him any way she can get him, going so far as to allow him to spend the night with his female guests.  (Sorry, Tazi, I cannot call them "lady friends" as they are not ladies!).  I realize my mother has the same right to guests as I do, but a recent event has me putting my foot down.

Larry decided he wanted to throw an NFL Weekend party.  Since his apartment is small, he asked Mom if he could use our basement.  She of course said yes; I knew nothing about it until the day of the party - which lasted two and a half days!  Larry's party started on Sunday morning with the pre-game shows and went straight through Monday Night Football.  The party finally ended at 1 AM Tuesday when I kicked everyone out of the house.  Larry was upset, Mom was relieved - but still insists that Larry should be able to have parties at our house, just not on as grand a scale.

What is upsetting me the most, Tazi, is that Larry left the house an absolute pit!  What's more, he asked Mom and me if we could clean up the mess for him, since he was exhausted from entertaining his guests for two days!  Before you ask, Tazi, I would have thrown him out on his ear a lot sooner if Mom hadn't argued to let him stay, that he hasn't spent this much time "at home" since he was a kid.

Tazi, how can I get my Mom to see that Larry is using her?  I would like to exercise my rights as a homeowner, as well, but every time I try Mom gets all emotional.  I have already offered to buy her out of the house, but she refuses.  I think she knows my first rule will be no more overnights with Larry.  So, Tazi...what do you think?  Is your hair standing on end?

Signed,
Man of the House

Dear Man of the House:

My whiskers are standing on end, too!

To give your cat a full, fluffy coat, try scaring the $%#^ out of it!

I applaud your courage and your willingness to take the risks you did when you were younger, putting your own future on hold to see that your mother could have a secure one.  Just when it seems like men like you no longer exist, a letter like yours shows up in my mailbox!  (Whew!  That was more "likes" than a teenage girl can use in one sentence!).  You have learned many hard lessons in life, and it is time for you to learn one more: you cannot control how other people act, only how you react to their behavior.

It is obvious that you are the more mature of your mother's two sons; it is also obvious that your brother is holding her as an emotional hostage, ignoring her until he needs a place to party and entertain.  It is sad, really, and what is sadder is that your mother appears to realize what he is doing but feels trapped by his behavior.  On the other hand, it appears that your mother fears similar abuse from you should she sell you her half of the house.  You have made your dislike of Larry's visits well known; does your mother fear he will be unwelcome in the house if you were to own it outright?

You and your mother need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with each other.  You have taken on much responsibility from a young age (including starting work and a college savings account at the age of 10) so it is time to sit back and see where all this responsibility has gotten you in life - and to see who you have become because of it.  Are you rigid and unbending when it comes to how you run your house?  Does your mother feel like you are trying to run her life, too, or does she feel independent of you?  Do you feel like your mother still acts like the house is 100% hers so her rules are the only ones that matter?  A family counselor or clergy member would make a helpful mediator, and I hope you will consider contacting one.

Your brother Larry is obviously a manipulative person, but he is still your brother and your mother's son.  I do not suggest you push him out of your lives, but limit the length of his visits to daylight hours - unless he is alone, then you can decide if you would like to extend the invitation to stay overnight.  If he in turn refuses to visit, is it possible for you and your mother to go visit him?  Roads run both ways; it could be that Larry feels left out of the relationship that you and your Mom have with each other.  Make an effort to reach out to him and see if your mother becomes less of an emotional hostage to him.

One last thought: Larry's two-and-a-half day NFL basement bash should have never happened the way it did.  The next time he seeks to throw a party at your house, draw up a written contract that details how many people will be there, how long the party will last, the condition the basement is to be left in prior to Larry's leaving at the end of the party, and any other conditions you wish to enforce.  You, your Mom, and Larry must all sign it.  Should the rules of this contract be broken, you will have every right to demand that Larry's guests leave your house - by police escort, if necessary.

I wish you luck!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

King Of The Castle Needs To Learn To Appreciate His Queen

Dear Tazi:

I read your letter about housework and unmade beds on Twitter and I knew that I had to write to you!

I am a stay-at-home-mom of three wonderful, active teen and pre-teen boys. This description alone should tell you what my house looks like most days, which is why I work very hard to keep up with all of the housework! I sweep and mop the tile floors daily, and vacuum every other day. The bathroom gets disinfected every day and gets a thorough scrubbing twice a week. I do at least one load of laundry a day, and iron for at least half an hour each day just to keep up with everything. This is on top of meal planning/cooking, grocery shopping, bill paying, and taxiing my sons to their various sports practices and games. Yes, my life is hectic but I would not trade it for anything. The one change I would make is in my husband's attitude.

"Frank" works in construction, and comes home every day dirty from head to toe. He works hard, so it is expected that he will sweat; which in turn makes the dirt, dust, and other debris of his job stick to his skin and clothing. The soles of his work-boots are equally filthy. When he comes home, he refuses to take off his dirty clothes and shoes in the mudroom (and putting on one of the bathrobes provided) before entering the house, claiming that it is his "hard work that pays for this house" and that he "should be allowed to enter it as a King enters his castle". He usually goes on to say that he doesn't know what I do all day that I can't find the time to clean up "a little dirt" that might get tracked in when he enters.

Tazi, he tracks in more than just "a little dirt". After he arrives home, there is a trail of it from the mudroom to the bedroom and then on to the bathroom where he showers. The house - that I spent a good part of the day keeping clean - looks like the Peanuts character PigPen just walked through it! All three of my sons know to take off their dirty shoes before walking in the house; and if their uniforms are muddy they take those off, too, and don a robe before entering. I did not have to do anything special to train them; they just realize that it is an exercise in common sense - and common courtesy - to take these few extra steps to respect all of my hard work. Do you have any ideas on how to get my husband to start towing this line?

Signed,
Not A Scullery Maid

Dear Not A Scullery Maid:

Tell your husband that if he wishes to be treated like the "King" of the castle than he must learn to start respecting you as its Queen! Rather than lock him out of the house until he learns to follow the simple rule of leaving the dirt in the mudroom (which you could try, if all else fails), there is one thing that you could do: take a one week vacation from housework.

As difficult as this may be for you to do, a one week vacation from the cleaning, the laundry, the ironing, etc. will show your husband just what you do all day that he can't seem to notice. Tell your husband that while this is happening, you will be treating your self to the things you enjoy, but never have the time to do - like read a book, take a spa day, lunch with friends, visit your mother, or just take a nap in the middle of the day. Since you cannot completely abandon your family (your boys still need you), keep active with them by teaching them how to do a few simple chores, such as laundry and ironing and simple meal planning (trust me, their future wives will thank you!).

After a few days of this, your husband should start to notice that the cleanliness of the house (and his clothes) is deteriorating rather quickly. If he comments on this, remind him that you are on vacation but that you appreciate the fact that he is finally noticing what you do all day! If you would like, you can offer to end your vacation early if he promises to start using the mudroom for its designed purpose. Hopefully, this experiment will lead to a meaningful conversation between the two of you about appreciating the work that each of you do to keep your loving home running smoothly.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

It Is Not Dinner Host's Place To Teach Children Manners

Dear Tazi:

My brother and his wife have three beautiful children, all who lack basic manners.  I realize it is not their fault that they do not comport themselves like civilized human beings, but my sister-in-law’s fault for not teaching them basic manners.  With Thanksgiving coming up, I am concerned about how the children will behave during our family’s formal dinner.  

I realize it is in poor taste to discipline another woman’s children, but I do not think I will be able to sit idly by and watch my nephew and nieces act like animals during what is supposed to be a classy celebration.  Furthermore, I do not wish for my children to think that such primal behavior can go without reprimand. 

Since I will be hosting Thanksgiving this year, I believe it would be appropriate for me to correct the unacceptable manners of my nephew and niece, should they display them.  My husband, however, has told me that a gracious host does not publicly humiliate their guests.  My intent will not be to publicly humiliate these children, but rather to save them from public humiliations down the road by teaching them proper manners now.  I believe that guests should follow the standard set by their host, and that I would simply be educating these children to behave as expected.  What do you say, Tazi?  Who is right, my husband or me?

Signed,

Gracious Host

Dear Gracious Host:

I have one question for you, regarding something that is bothering me: does your brother have a role in raising his children?  Or does his wife do 100% of the child rearing?  I ask because you assign all blame to your sister-in-law for your nephew and nieces’ lack of decorum.  I believe you when you say that your intent is not to publicly humiliate the children, because I am getting the impression that your intent is to publicly humiliate your sister-in-law.  

I am going to have to side with your husband on this issue – to an extent.  He is correct that a gracious host does not publicly humiliate their guests; however, a gracious host also does all that they can to ensure the comfort of all of their guests.  If your nephew and nieces are as vagabond as you claim their lack of manners will certainly affect the comfort of your other guests.  Since Thanksgiving is still a few weeks away, I suggest that you contact your brother and discuss the issue of table manners with him – not your sister-in-law.  Explain to him that Thanksgiving will be a formal affair, and that you want to give him a head’s up so he and his wife can explain to the children what is expected of them, as well as how to handle the formalities of which fork to use.  Tell him that you will be having the same conversation with your own children (and then have that conversation) so he does not feel that his children are being singled out among many.  

You do not say how old your nephew and nieces are, but if they are old enough to sit with the adults than they are old enough to learn proper and formal table manners.  If your brother feels that formal table manners are a little too much for his children to handle, with consideration to their age, you should act the part of the gracious host and provide a children’s table – at which your own children should sit, as well.  If their manners are as good as you imply your nephew and niece will pick up their cues from your children.

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Talks About The Neutered Life

Dear Tazi:

My husband and I are having a disagreement, and since it involves our cat we thought we should ask you to offer a solution.  “Roger” and I have adopted the most adorable tabby cat I have ever seen.  I love him so much, and am so afraid of anything bad happening to him.  I do not want to let him outside, but I know that he will eventually want to explore what you call the wide world beyond the fence.  In order to keep “Tigger” from wandering I would like to have him neutered.  I think this step would be in his best interest, but Roger is adamantly opposed to the idea.  He claims that neutering is not necessary and is demeaning to the animal.

Tazi, you have mentioned in the past that you are neutered.  Do you or your Mommie regret having this operation done?  Can you educate my husband on the importance of neutering pets?

Signed,

Tigger’s Mommy

Dear Tigger’s Mommy:

I had no say in my operation; I was a rescue cat and by law I needed to be neutered.  I was “fixed” before I reached sexual maturity, so I really do not miss my testicles one bit.  I do wish that Mommie had sprung for the extra cost of laser surgery/vasectomy as opposed to full castration, but that is only because people now think I am a girl.  I think this might be what Roger means when he says neutering is demeaning to the animal.  Because I have been “altered” I cannot be entered into cat shows, either.  I, however, have this column as a way to share my beauty with the world! 

In a more serious vein, neutering (or spaying) your pet is one of the best things you can do for them!  Not only do you eliminate the potential for reproductive cancers; you eliminate the potential that your pet will reproduce, adding to them stray animal problem in your community.  The tortures of being a stray animal are far worse than the temporary discomfort of sterilization surgery. 

Me in Atlantic City, just chillin' with my feral peeps!

Other potential benefits from neutering your male cat should be attractive to both you and your husband.  Neutered cats do not wander nearly as much or as often as un-neutered cats – we have no reason to chase after the ladies – nor do we spray as much, since we do not feel the need to act as competitive as an un-neutered cat.  Neutered cats are also much less aggressive than un-neutered cats, around both humans as well as other cats.  A neutered Tigger will be much less likely to challenge Roger for the role of dominant male of the house!

Write-In "Tazi for President" in 2012!

In short, unless you are planning on breeding Tigger, I see no reason why he should not be neutered.  The lady cats love neutered males!

Snuggles,

Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenage Vegetarian Seeks Parental Acceptance For Her Choice

Dear Tazi:

I am seventeen and for many reasons I have decided to become a vegetarian. I am not certain if I want to go completely vegan, but I do not wish to see animals die for my meals any longer. When I told my mother this she responded that as long as I eat at her table I will eat what she serves and not argue about it. I figured I could get around this by simply not eating dinner when she serves meat, but she grounded me for wasting food! How am I the one wasting food when I tell her not to prepare a meat-based serving for me?

My father has been a bit more supportive, suggesting that I am going through a "teenage phase" and asking my Mom to "play along" until I "grow out of it". Tazi, this is not a phase! I will be off to college in another year and a half and I will be able to eat however I want, and a vegetarian diet is what I want. In fact, I am only looking at schools that offer vegetarian meal plans.

My decision to go vegetarian has caused a lot of stress around my dinner table. This was not my intent and would like to try and diffuse it, but it looks like the only way to do that is to give up my new lifestyle as a vegetarian and that is not an option. Can you think of any ways to get my mother to lay off on the meat? She serves it at almost every meal!

Signed,
Vegging In, Not Out

Dear Vegging In, Not Out:

For years now, medical science has touted the benefits of a well-balanced vegetarian diet. The key here is the term "well-balanced", which means your diet should include a combination of starchy and non-starchy vegetables, grains, and legumes (nuts, beans, and other protein rich plant-based foods. So often, people who decide to "go veg" do not do their homework and end up eating a poorly balanced diet that is deficient in many of the amino acids needed to build proteins - which are the building blocks of the enzymes your body needs to function!

I suggest that you ask your mother why she is so offended by your choice to eliminate animal flesh from your diet. If she is concerned that you will end up malnourished a trip to the doctor for a full check-up and a visit with a dietitian, who can show you all that you need to eat in order to achieve a balanced diet, will go far in assuaging her fears.

I only wish it was this easy!

If your mother is afraid that your new diet will be an additional burden on her, requiring her to make separate menus for every meal you need to make sure that this does not happen. It is very simple to ask your Mom to set aside a portion of a recipe before adding any meat to it; it is quite another to demand an entire meal be prepared separately for your needs, since there is no medical reason for your specialized diet. For example, if your mother is making spaghetti and meat sauce, ask her to set aside some of the sauce before adding the meat/meat juices; if she is making steak and potatoes, do not tell her that she needs to prepare a Tofurky for you. Rather, politely request that she not prepare a helping of steak for you and sit with your family and eat the parts of the meal that coincide with your dietary preferences.

If your mother's concern is that your vegetarian needs will be a burden on the family's grocery budget, offer to pay for the additional cost of your specialized foods. If your mother normally buys you beef hot dogs for $3.69 a package and tofu pups cost $3.99, offer to pay the difference in cost. Although 30-cents is not much, over the cost of an entire shopping trip the money really does add up fast!

Lastly, if your mother is afraid that you just don't like her cooking, reassure her that this is not the case; that the decision you have made to eschew meat is a deeply personal one. Try sharing your reasoning with her to help her understand that your decision is about you, not her, or anyone else for that matter. You may not be able to convince either of your parents that you are not going through a "teenage phase", but you may be able to convince them to be more accepting of your choice once they see you handling it in a mature and responsible manner.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Another idea is to buy a vegetarian cookbook and offer to cook dinner for your family or ask your Mom to help you prepare some vegetarian recipes! Quality time is what the family dinner hour is all about!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Overwhelmed By Overdrafts, Young Husband Seeks Help

Dear Tazi:

I never thought I would be writing to an advice columnist, so I figure if I am I might as well write to a cat, right? I am a nineteen year old man, married six months, and my wife is driving me up a tree with her horrible banking habits.

"Liesel" has a bad habit of charging stuff to the debit card attached to our joint checking account and then not balancing the checkbook. After having to pay several hundred dollars in overdraft fees one month, I decided I should be the one to balance the checkbook. Now Liesel forgets to give me the receipts for the stuff she charges so the checkbook balance is just as messed up as ever. I have thought of applying for a low-limit credit card for her to use, but I hate the idea of having to pay interest on stupid stuff like a cup of coffee or a package of gum. This is the sort of stuff Liesel charges. I have tried giving her cash to pay with, but that just makes her spend even more.

I went to the bank to close our joint account, because I am afraid all of these overdrafts are ruining my credit, but I could not close the account without Liesel's agreeing; and I couldn't take my name off of the account without closing it. Liesel refuses to agree to this kind of solution because she believes that married couples should have joint bank accounts. I love my wife, but her spending habits have got to change! We are hoping to buy a house in a few years, and the money we are spending on overdrafts is sinking that dream. Do you have any suggestions about what I can do to get my wife to see reason?

Signed,
Underwater

Dear Underwater:

I am sure that the first thing you would like to do is take away Liesel's debit card! However, I do not advocate the subordination of one partner by another and this case is no exception. You are her husband, not her Daddy. Because debit card transactions do not always go through right away, a person can continue to charge on the account and rack up huge overdraft fees, which is what appears to be happening. Since Liesel is forgetting to give you her receipts, you may have to go online and view your account through your bank's online banking features. A list of charges will be made available, and you can confirm with Liesel whether or not she made these charges. You will also be able to see your balance and warn Liesel when it is getting low or even transfer funds from savings to prevent an overdraft. It is a lot of work on your part, but this plan should stop the overdraft fees. Don't worry - your wife is not getting out of trouble here!

It sounds to me that Liesel needs credit counseling and some lessons on financial responsibility. I am assuming she is close to your age, which means she has little to no experience with credit and its importance. Is she even the least bit upset about all of the money being wasted on overdraft fees? Because the two of you wish to save for a house, both a healthy savings account and a healthy credit report will be required. I suggest that you both put the debit cards away; agree to a spending budget for the both of you; and stick to it - meaning once the cash in your pocket is gone, that's it until the next paycheck.

Once you are both comfortable sticking with a weekly spending budget, you can try carrying the debit cards with you for emergencies only. If you find Liesel is falling back into her old habits and the overdraft fees start rolling in again, professional counseling may be required as the problem may run deeper than being scatterbrained when it comes to remembering to balance a checkbook.

I wish you both the best of luck, in your marriage and in your goal of buying your own home.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. With regard to married couples and checking accounts, I have to tell you I have heard of many couples keeping a joint bill paying account but separate personal accounts. Perhaps this is a compromise that would appeal to Liesel?



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Annual Veteran's Day Tribute

Dear Readers:



Today is Veteran's Day. Whether your political stripes are Republican red, Independent white, or Democrat blue, today is a day to remember those - living and dead - who put our country and Her interests above their own, and signed on to serve in the U.S. Military.



The jobs of our Soldiers, Airmen/Airwomen, Navymen/Navywomen and Marines are not like our own. They cannot call out sick because the weather is nice and they wish to take a personal day. If, after signing on, they decide they do not like the job, they cannot simply quit - they must honor the multi-year commitment they have made to serve. When they are told that they are being transferred or deployed, they cannot say "no". They go where their leaders send them, be it across the country and away from family and friends; or across the world and into imminent danger. How many of us show such loyalty to our employers? 



Whether an enlisted member or an officer, employment in the U.S. Military is more than just a job, more than just a career: it is a way of life. When they leave the "office" for the day - whether the office really is an office, or whether it is a ship or a training field or a battle site - the members of our U.S. Military do not stop representing, even if they are out of uniform; and even when they have long since retired from active duty. How many of us show such pride for our profession?



Our country's laws protect our civil rights, preventing our employers from forcing us to complete tasks that we find morally objectionable. The members of our U.S. Military give up many of these protections when they join the service. For the most part, they do not get to choose their job assignment; it is chosen for them based upon their abilities; and they do their job to the best of their abilities, even if they would prefer to be doing something else. How many of us are so accommodating of our employers?



If we, as civilians, disagree with a decision our company leaders make, we can openly argue. If a Military Journalist finds the U.S. position on foreign affairs objectionable s/he had better keep that opinion out of the articles, Editorials, and opinion pieces they write; and keep cheering for the decisions of their Commander in Chief, regardless of their true feelings. The rest of our U.S. Military must also tow the "company line", and keep dissenting opinions out of their blogs and away from the ears of their commanding officers. How many of us are so supportive of our Chief Executives? And how many of us could learn to keep our mouths shut so well?



Being a member of our U.S. Military involves sacrifice that civilians will never understand; but it also provides rewards that civilians will never experience. Being a member of the U.S. Military means you are part of a brother-and-sisterhood that goes beyond self-interest, beyond cultural background, beyond the color of your skin. It is to know that whoever you are, and wherever you are, there are those who are willing to put their life on the line to protect the importance of your mission. How many of us can say that about our co-workers?



Whatever your political stripes; whatever your beliefs on war and military spending; please take the time to say "Thank You" to a Veteran for the sacrifices they make to secure, protect, and preserve our American way of life. In the words of one Veteran - who I am certain speaks for more than self - a Veteran of the U.S. Military has "defended those who hate me, fought those who where afraid of me, aided those who didn't know me, and took shots for those who were with me".


How many of us can claim to be so selfless? 

Wishing you all a Happy Veterans' Day, and sending a great big THANK YOU to all of our country's Veterans!

Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Woman With Signs Of Bulimia Wonders If She Is Doing Something Wrong

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I think I might have an eating disorder, but I am not sure because some of my behaviors seem quite normal. I love food – a lot – but I don’t like gaining weight. I enjoy sitting down to a big meal with family or friends and not worrying about how much fat or calories I am ingesting; but I hate gaining weight.

When I was younger, I could always eat what I wanted, and as much of it, without gaining weight; but since I turned 30 I have discovered I must exercise harder to remain at my goal weight. I have also discovered that there are certain foods I can no longer eat because they cause me severe stomach upset – to the point of vomiting or diarrhea.

Lately, if I don’t feel like exercising after a particularly large meal, I have been sure to include a portion of one of these foods that “doesn’t agree with me”, as my Grandma used to call them, to ensure that my meal will exit my system with minimal caloric absorption. I don’t do this all of the time – most of the time, I will just run the treadmill for an extra hour or two, until the excess calories have been burned. I don’t think this is a problem, but at the same time I find myself hiding my behavior from my husband and children, like it is something that I should be ashamed of doing. What do you think, Tazi-Kat? Do I have an eating disorder? Or is my behavior perfectly normal?

Signed,
Not Overweight…Yet

Dear Not Overweight…Yet:

The behavior you describe is the classic behavior of someone who suffers from bulimia nervosa – bulimia for short. Bulimics are generally people of normal weight who have difficulty maintaining their weight. Most of the time, they eat sensible portions of food; but every now and then they will go on a binge. Some binges can last only a few minutes, when food is stuffed into their mouths as fast as possible; other binges last over days or even weeks, when the bulimic throws nutrition and sensible eating to the wind and eats whatever they want, whenever they want, and however much they want; and then there is the type of binge that occurs over one meal. Regardless of the type of binge, the end result is the same: the binger “feels fat” and seeks a way to purge as quickly and as efficiently as possible.

There are three types of purges, and although many bulimics prefer one over the others they are not mutually exclusive. In your letter, you have described to me all three types of purges:

• The vomiting purge, which is the purge most commonly identified with bulimia
• The laxative purge, in which laxatives and diuretics or foods with a laxative/diuretic effect are ingested as a way to quickly evacuate food from the body
• The exercise purge, in which excessive amounts of cardiovascular exercises are done as an attempt to burn the extra calories.

These practices may seem like a good way to eliminate excess calories, but they really are not. Vomiting and laxative use will purge less than 50% of caloric intake; diuretics only 10%; and prolonged exercise results in diminished results as your body attempts to conserve its energy (until you feed it again!).

You do not say for how long you have been practicing these purge methods, or how frequently you employ them. However, the fact that you actively seek to hide these behaviors from those closest to you reveals that you do understand that they are not normal, and certainly not healthy. It appears that if you are not already a full-fledged bulimic that you are on the road to becoming one.

Bulimia may seem like an easy and painless way to maintain your weight, but there are several severe health conditions associated with repeated, long-term purging, including:

• Halitosis
• Erosion of tooth enamel and gum disease
• GERD
• Throat cancer
• Heart conditions
• Kidney disease
• Stomach ulcers
• Dehydration
• Weight gain due to chronic metabolic disruptions

Not to mention your face ends up resembling Uncle Fester of the Addams Family, due to the combination of dehydration and cardiovascular issues.

I suggest that you speak with your doctor or other professional health counselor about seeking help for the dangerous habits you are developing, as well as seek the advice of a certified nutritionist who will be able to assist you in meal planning. Some sessions with a mental health counselor may also be helpful in getting to the root of your love of food, and why you enjoy eating to the point of gluttony. Only by getting to the root of the problem can the weed that is bulimia be destroyed.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. I realize that as a cat, I am an expert on the subject of vomiting, but that is not bulimia. That is a furball problem.

Splitting A Lunch Tab Does Not Require Splitting Hairs

Dear Tazi-Kat:

I have a great group of friends with whom I enjoy lunching once or twice a month. There are six of us total, and five of us generally order a moderately priced meal. Rather than nit-pick over who owes how much at the end of the meal, our preference is to simply split the bill six ways (including the tax and tip). Our problem is that we recently discovered a new lunching spot that all six of us enjoy...one of us more than the rest.

"Sally" has developed a taste for the more expensive items on the menu at this new restaurant. The rest of us would not have a problem with her choice if it simply cost a few dollars more than what the rest of us order; but her new regular entree choices are lobster-based, and the price reflects this fact. Her meals have been running up the tab that the rest of us are stuck splitting.

We - I and the other four women of the group - would like to mention something to Sally about this issue. We are torn between suggesting she pay for her own lunch while the rest of us split the remainder of the bill; and suggesting that she order a less expensive entree. We do not wish to make her feel excluded, but we also do not wish to lessen her enjoyment of her lunch. Since we all enjoy this new restaurant, we do not wish to start going somewhere else. Do you have any advice for five cat-loving ladies, Tazi-Kat?

Signed,
I'll Have the Tuna Salad Plate (She'll Have the Lobster Ravioli)

Dear I'll Have The Tuna Salad Plate...:

I checked out the online menus of several restaurants, and noticed that the cost of a tuna salad lunch plate is around $5 - $7, while the lobster ravioli runs $15 & up. The price difference essentially adds an additional $2.50 each to your respective tabs (including tax and tip) on top of your original share of the bill. This might not appear to be much, until you consider the fact that you are eating canned tuna and your friend is eating fresh lobster. By splitting the tab, you are subsidizing her tastes.

Perhaps if you - or another member of the group - spoke with Sally about this matter in private, explaining it as I have above, she may volunteer to pay her own tab. If she does not offer to rectify the situation, or takes offense at being singled-out, you may have to start "nit-picking" and each of you be responsible for your own tab. Since this is hardly ideal, I suggest rounding your contribution up or down to the nearest dollar amount.

For example, if your personal tab is $5.95 for a sandwich, $1.99 for a beverage, 63-cents for tax, and $1.60 for a tip; round off each amount and add it up this way: $6.00, $2.00, 75-cents, and $1.50 for a total of $10.25 - which makes your contribution eight-cents more than your "nit-picked" total - or simply $10.00 even. Considering your current arrangement, I doubt the others in your group will have a problem covering the extra 17-cents of your exact cost.

-- Tazi-Kat

P.S. I am glad to know that you are all cat lovers! Please think to bring home some of that tuna for your kitty once in a while!

Unplanned Pregnancy Puts Man In A Bind

Dear Tazi:

Several months ago, I met a woman online (I'll call her "Cindy") and we hit it off really well; so we decided to meet in person. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex on our first date. Since I could never have a relationship with a woman of such loose morals, I chose not to see her again. (I realize this sounds like a double standard, but she initiated it). Shortly after this incident, Cindy called me to tell me that she was pregnant and that it was mine. I obviously have no proof of this, and for all I know she could have slept with a dozen guys that week; but Cindy insists I was the one, so I accepted her at her word and let her know that I support a woman's right to choose; which everyone knows is a euphemism meaning I would be willing to pay for half of the cost of an abortion. At least, I thought that's what everyone knew.

Upon hearing that I supported her right to choose Cindy told me she needed some time to think about what she wanted to do, and a few weeks later she called me back and told me that she had decided to keep the baby. When I told her that I did not want to have a child with her and demanded that she take care of the problem, she told me she was "exercising her right to choose". We argued, and I hung up on her and had my phone number changed. This week, I received a letter from an attorney demanding child support for the baby that I made very clear I did not want. Somehow, using whatever tactics these slime-ball lawyers use, the man found my home address and my employer information and is threatening to have my wages garnished if I do not agree to some sort of child support agreement.

Tazi, is this even legal? The man obviously invaded my personal privacy to track me down, and is now attempting to force me to agree to pay 25% of my (net) income "to avoid the inconvenience of going to court" and "the embarrassment of garnished wages". I am tempted to let this slut take me to court just so I can tell the judge my side of the story, but my friends have advised otherwise, saying that a court judgement could end up costing me an even larger percentage of my paycheck. What do you think I should do?

Signed,
Stuck With The Wrong Choice

Dear Stuck With The Wrong Choice:

Is the "wrong choice' to which you refer the choice you made to engage in unprotected sexual intercourse with a woman you barely knew? Or was the wrong choice the decision you made to blow off the mother of your child, hoping that she would just go away and forget the baby that you and she created together?

Whether or not you wanted to pursue a relationship with Cindy or have a child with her was a decision that was removed from your hands the moment you removed something else from your pants. Nobody expects a one-night-stand to have such long-term consequences, but the possibility is there. You played a game of sexual Russian roulette and lost - now, you have to man up and accept the consequences of your actions.

My bigger concern is your belief that a woman's "right to choose" is a euphemism for offering to pay for half of the cost for an abortion. If that is the case, a woman's body and reproductive rights are still not her own, but something to be controlled by a man, which is a chilling thought. Cindy chose to keep the baby, knowing that her life would change - in some ways for the better, in others for the worse. Whether or not you choose to involve yourself in the life of your child is your business; but the responsibility of providing fair financial support is not a choice - it is a legal obligation, and an offer of 25% of your net income is a very generous offer, indeed. If I were you, I would jump at this opportunity because from the tone of your letter I find it difficult to believe that a judge would be sympathetic to your "side of the story". I would first demand a paternity test - but then, I am sure that you have already done that.

As an aside, you should also know that in this day and age, Cindy's attorney would not have to "invade" your privacy to find out your personal information - a visit to your Facebook page could tell him all he needed to know; a search on MyLife.com would give him even more information; and a copy of your IP address (which would have been stored in Cindy's computer under her Internet history) would also provide the personal information he needed to find you.

-- Tazi

(No snuggles for you!).

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Is He A Liar? Or Just A Complete Fool?

Dear Tazi:

I am so torn up inside I don't know what to do, so I am writing to you for advice. I have been dating "Chuck" for about a year now. We met online, so I took my time getting to know him before meeting him in person since we had no mutual friends. One of the things he told me before we met was that he was hypoglycemic [suffers from low blood glucose] and that when stressed out his blood sugar will drop and he will "turn into someone he is not". He described it like how Bruce Banner gets when he turned into the Incredible Hulk (Chuck is a fan of Stan Lee comics).

Over the past several months, I have seen Chuck turn on people when stressed. He flies off into a rage until he is physically drained, and then demands some "pure fruit juice" to raise his blood sugar levels and set him back to normal. When these instances occur in public (restaurants, bars, etc.), it is very frightening; and management usually calls in the paramedics to see that he is okay. On every single occasion Chuck's blood sugar levels have been fine; but Chuck insists it is because he has had some fruit juice and time to recover before the paramedics arrive. It turns out that this is not the case at all.

Chuck and I recently attempted to see the opening of a new movie. I say "attempted" because even though the movie was playing in multiple theaters and we pre-purchased our tickets online, by the time we arrived at the theater only single seating was available, meaning Chuck and I would have been unable to sit together. This stressed Chuck out and by the time he got to speak to a manager, he was in full-fledged tantrum mode. I apologized to the manager, explained the situation, and asked for medical assistance. There was a fire station directly across the street from the movie theater, and the paramedics were able to arrive before Chuck could drink some pure fruit juice (he pushed away the sports drink that was offered to him, demanding "pure fruit juice"). The paramedics checked his blood sugar levels and declared them to be normal. Chuck demanded a recheck, and again they were well within the normal range. I was shocked.

As it turns out, Chuck is not hypoglycemic. In fact, he never was. He was never medically tested or diagnosed; he just decided on his own that low blood sugar was the reason he would irrationally fly off the handle when stressed. I was so disgusted by this revelation that I broke up with Chuck. My problem is, he wants to work things out between us; and I still love him - I think. A part of me wants to work things out; but the larger part of me is wondering who Chuck really is. Obviously, he is not hypoglycemic so his poor behavior cannot so easily be explained away. On the one hand, I feel like he lied to me about being hypoglycemic; but on the other hand, he honestly believed he was. I am so confused, Tazi! What should I do?

Signed,
Sugar, Sugar

Dear Sugar, Sugar:

Just to clarify, Chuck is not a doctor, health professional, or in any way shape or form trained to perform a medical diagnosis of hypoglycemia, right? And it has, in fact, been medically proven that he is not hypoglycemic?

Among other symptoms of hypoglycemia (such as dizziness, nausea, anxiety and panic attacks), a complete and total emotional meltdown under stress is not an uncommon reaction. It is, however, not an excuse for poor behavior. Whenever I have witnessed such an event occur the person lashing out has always been extremely apologetic and embarrassed of their behavior - not belligerent and demanding, as you have described Chuck's behavior. It sounds to me that Chuck has larger problems than just Web MD'ing a diagnosis that allows him to act like a spoiled toddler. It sounds to me like Chuck has some deep rooted anger management and denial issues.

I can understand why you are questioning who Chuck really is; and I would advise you not to reconcile with him until you are absolutely certain of the answer to this question. You say that you still love him; but does the Chuck you fell in love with even exist outside of his own mind? This is another question you will need answered before giving this relationship a second chance. As for Chuck's lies about being hypoglycemic: yes, he was lying to himself; but that does not make him - or his lies - virtuous. In my humble opinion, what it does make Chuck is a complete fool! If I were you, I would walk away from this man...and keep walking until he was out of sight - and out of mind.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Mom's Dating The Former Quarterback; Daughter Does Not Know What To Do!

Dear Tazi:

My life is over! I am twenty years old, and my parents have decided to get divorced. I can handle this, because they have been living separate lives for years and the stress of seeing them stay together for my sake has been overwhelming (they were still teenagers when they got married because Mom got pregnant with me). No, it is not the divorce that bothers me; it is the reason for the divorce. My mother has met someone and wants to "move the relationship forward". The problem is that the person she has met is the former quarterback of my high school football team. "Hunter" is only four years older than me!

I have been cheer-leading since I was old enough to walk, and participating on competitive teams since I was five; so I naturally tried out for my high school squad as soon as I was eligible, my freshman year. My mother came to all of the football games, even when it was so cold you tossed your dignity and wore a Snuggie, like those tools in the commercials! I thought she was there to watch me cheer; but now I realize she was there to watch Hunter in tight pants! The most humiliating part of all this? My old high school mascot was the Cougars!

Thankfully, I have been away at college while Mom and Hunter have been publicly prancing around together; so I have not had to put up with the stares and rude comments that are sure to come when I return home for Winter Break next month. Do you have any advice on how to handle this whole situation? I am praying to God that they break up; but I don't think that is going to happen - Mom and Hunter are talking about moving in together. Help!

Signed,
Somewhere In Middle America

Dear Somewhere In Middle America:

Your situation certainly is a delicate one; however you must remember that your parents marriage - and the state of it - is nobody's business but their own. You mention that your Mom was still a teenager when she had you, which would put her in her mid-to-late thirties now; making the age difference between she and Hunter a little more acceptable to most people; but still upsetting to some.

At 24, Hunter is no longer a kid and is probably looking to settle down and get married; maybe even start a family. Your mother is still young enough to have children, and if this is the path she and Hunter decide to follow, your inability to accept their relationship will make the situation all the more difficult.

My advice to you is to have a frank talk with you mother about how you feel. Tell her why her relationship with Hunter upsets you so much, refraining from using phrases like "it's icky". Put your thoughts into a mature and reasoned argument, and then listen to your mother's response. If she is acting like a school-girl with a crush, I would not worry about a future between she and Hunter; these things tend to die a natural death. If, however, she is truly in love with Hunter and he with her you will have to work on accepting the relationship if you wish to have a continued relationship with your mother.

As for dealing with the rude stares and comments, I suggest you do so with grace. If someone calls your Mom a "Cougar", you might want to remind them that she is too young for that title; "Puma" is the correct term (trust me on this one; I'm a cat!). Once people see that they cannot rattle you, all but the most boneheaded will leave you alone; and as for them, they do not deserve the dignity of an answer.

You do not mention how your father feels about all that is happening; but I suggest that you do your best not to take sides in this matter. As I said before, the state of your parents marriage is nobody's business but their own.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Please try to keep some perspective, as well. I doubt your mother came to all of those football games just to "watch Hunter in tight pants". The age difference between you and he tells me that he would have been a senior during your freshman year, meaning your mother also attended three years of Hunter-free games. --T.K.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Need For Speed Results In A Need For Fast Cash

Dear Tazi:

I am in big trouble, and don't know what to do so I am writing to you for help because my own cat doesn't talk. I am 17-years-old and recently got my drivers' license. I was driving my Mom's convertible the other day, and with the top down and the wind blowing through my hair I felt like I was in the middle of a Fast and Furious movie! It was so awesome - until I got stopped for speeding, that is.

I got tagged for going 80 in a 35 mph zone, and the ticket is over $300. I can't understand what the problem was - there was hardly any traffic on the road, so it was not like I was putting anybody in any real danger - but there is no way I can fight the ticket in court, so I am on the hook for the entire thing. My Mom doesn't know about it yet, so I was hoping to pay it before she finds out and nobody will ever know. The problem is, I would have to spend the money I was saving to go to my [high school] Snow Ball in January. I could go without a new dress, but then people would start asking questions and my whole secret might unravel.

I have a pair of gold earrings that my grandmother gave to me (before she died last year) as a Sweet Sixteen birthday gift. They were very expensive, and I learned from watching Pawn Stars that gold is in high demand right now; so I think I could pawn them for enough money to cover the ticket, but then how would I explain to my Mom where my gold earrings went? If I claim to have lost them that will end up with me being grounded. Otherwise, this plan is perfect. I know you don't approve of lying Tazi-Kat, but this wouldn't really be a lie because I would be able to get the earrings back in just a few months. Can you think of a good story to tell my Mom if she asks about my missing earrings?

Signed,
No Longer Fast, But Still Furious

Dear No Longer Fast...:

I can tell you who will be furious when the time comes to renew the auto insurance on her car: your Mom, who will want to know exactly when you got the speeding ticket you have been trying to hide from her and why you thought you would be able to get away with it. Remember, it was her car you were driving, which means it is connected to her vehicle registration. She will find out about the speeding ticket sooner or later.

Compounding her anger - and certainly your punishment - will be the fact that you risked losing what might someday be a valuable heirloom in your attempts to cover up your driving infraction. Although it is a pawnbroker's preference to be paid on the loans they make, they are running a business; and if something happens that leaves you unable to pay for your pawn in the allotted time, you can kiss those gold earrings goodbye!

I strongly advise that you come clean with your Mom, explaining that you got caught up in the moment and did not realize how fast you were going or that you were endangering others - which, contrary to what you might believe, you were. Many a pedestrian has been hit by a speeding car that did not see them! If you accept your punishment gracefully, your mother might be more lenient with you.

If you are still determined to go ahead with your plan to pawn your earrings, there is nothing I can suggest to help you. I will not be party to lying, especially to a Mom.

-- Tazi Kat

P.S. That's right!  No snuggles for you! 

Is It Racism Or Paranoia?

Dear Tazi:

I think my father might secretly be racist.  I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and decided it was finally time to introduce him to my parents, who live two hours away from me.  Although emails and pictures have been sent over the past eleven months, my parents have never met “Elmont” in person.  Elmont is a light-skinned black man, so it can be difficult to tell his race from pictures.  Since his race has never mattered to me, I never thought to mention to my parents that he is black.

Over the Labor Day weekend, Elmont and I took a trip back to my home to visit with my parents and have a meet and greet with the family.  My mother was her usual cordial self but my father was not.  Dad is normally a very welcoming person; he has a big Irish personality and is the kind of person who likes everybody and everybody likes.  This is why I was very surprised to see him greet Elmont with a handshake instead of a big hug.  His excuse was that he was coming down with a cold and did not wish to spread it, but I thought he looked fine.

That evening, after dinner, Dad did not offer Elmont a drink as is his custom when he and Mom host guests.  When I pulled him aside to ask why, Dad blamed his non-existent cold.  Although the conversation was polite, Dad seemed detached; he claimed it was the cold medicine he was taking. 

The next morning was Sunday, and Elmont and I had planned on taking Mom and Dad out for brunch but Mom said that my father was not feeling very well, and that perhaps brunch could wait until the next day.  Tazi, we had a barbecue to attend the next day; we didn’t want to make it a full day of eating and socializing so Elmont and I went to brunch by ourselves.  Later, my father told me that he was hurt that we did not want to wait a day to have brunch with him and my mother! 

On Labor Day, Elmont and I attended a barbeque with family and friends and everyone was happy to meet him.  I thought once my father saw how everyone loved Elmont that he would warm up to my boyfriend, but he claimed that he was not feeling well and left the party early; by the time Elmont and I returned from the party it was late and we had to start back home because we were working the next day.

At first I thought I was just being paranoid about my father’s coolness towards Elmont, but he mentioned to me that he thought my father did not like him.  After I got home I called my Mom to let her know that we were home safe, and I asked her how my father was.  Mom told me that Dad was “resting in front of the TV” and that the weekend had really worn him out.  Tazi, he didn’t do anything!  I asked Mom to put Dad on the phone so I could talk to him, and once again he seemed fine – no hint of a cold!

This week, when I spoke to my parents in my weekly phone call, I broached the idea about Elmont and I coming home for Thanksgiving, but Mom told me that she and Dad had plans!  They will supposedly be taking a four-day cruise with my aunt and uncle.  When I mentioned that Auntie and Uncle made no mention of the cruise on Labor Day my mother responded that Labor Day was when the plans were first made; that it was a last minute thing.  I feel like my parents made these plans just to avoid spending Thanksgiving with Elmont!  When I told my mother this, she was hurt that I could think such a thing and defended my Dad, saying he really was feeling under the weather.

Tazi, do you think I am being paranoid and hypersensitive, like my Mom says I am?  Or could my father be a closet racist, like Elmont and I are thinking?  I have never seen my father act this way before, but I also grew up in an exclusive, all-white neighborhood so I have no standard of reference by which to judge.

Signed,

Biracial Blues

Dear Biracial Blues:

Late August and early September is high time for ragweed allergies to make their appearance, making those susceptible feel horrible by turning them into an itchy, watery-eyed, sneezing mess.  Allergy medications and cough and cold syrups can help alleviate these symptoms so as to appear like nothing is wrong, but the side effects include lethargy.  If your father is one of millions who suffer from allergies this could explain his aberrant behavior. 

Although it seems deliberate that your parents have planned to be away for the Thanksgiving holiday, it is probably just a coincidence.  You do not say if you have siblings still living at or near home, but you do mention that you live two hours away from your parents and have not been home to visit in several months.  Your parents probably decided to plan some “me” time for the holidays and Thanksgiving was the logical choice; it is America’s busiest travel time of the year. 

I sympathize with you and Elmont; I cannot imagine what you have been through in the past that would make you jump to such drastic conclusions but it must not have been pleasant.  I suggest that you make a second attempt with your parents and Elmont.  You say that your mother was pleasant and welcoming of him, so I suggest you give her the benefit of the doubt when she says that your father was not feeling well.  If your father truly was racist, he would not have welcomed Elmont into his home; rather, he would have used his cold as an excuse to send you both to a hotel and cancel all plans to spend time with the two of you.  The fact that he was hurt that you would not reschedule brunch lends credence to this view.  If a second visit with your parents does not alleviate your uneasiness I suggest that you have a frank discussion of your concerns with dear old Dad!  You may or may not like what he has to say, but at least you will know where things stand.  Sometimes, it is what it is.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi's Corner # 64 - Celebrate "Movember"!

Dear Readers:

It’sNo Shave November or, as the Aussie' s call it, Movember! It's time for dudes to show their support for men's health and let those mustaches and beards grow! (Personally, I have always wondered why men shave their facial fur, but not the rest of their fur!). 

For more information, go to www.us.movember.com. Or, just read on...I have pulled all of the following info directly from their website:

As an official global charity, Movember’s vision is to have an everlasting impact on the face of men’s health. During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of millions of moustaches on men's faces around the world. Through the power of the Mo, vital funds and awareness are raised to combat prostate and testicular cancer and mental health challenges.

HOW IT WORKS
Movember encourages men to join the movement by growing a moustache for the 30-days of November. After REGISTERING on Movember.com, these generous Mo Bros start the month clean-shaven, then grow and groom their Mo (slang for moustache), asking friends and family to donate to their efforts. With their new moustaches, these Mo Bros bring much needed awareness to men’s health issues by prompting conversations wherever they go...

The Movember Effect
Globally, the funds raised support world-class men’s health programs that combat prostate and testicular cancer and mental health challenges. These programs, directed by the Movember Foundation, are focused on awareness and education, living with and beyond cancer, staying mentally healthy, living with and beyond mental illness and research to achieve our vision of an everlasting impact on the face of men’s health.

Movember - a global movement
Since its humble beginnings in 2003 in Melbourne, Australia, Movember has grown to become a truly global movement inspiring more than 3 Million Mo Bros and Mo Sistas to participate across 21 countries worldwide. Movember is also aware of Mo Bros and Mo Sistas supporting the campaign and men’s health causes in other parts of the world, from Moscow to Rio de Janeiro, and everywhere in between.

In 2012, over 1.1 million Mo Bros and Mo Sistas around the world joined the movement, raising USD $147.0 million. In the US, over 209,000 Mo’s raised $21.0 million.

Tazi, again! Ladies, you can join the movement in one of two ways: 1) Get your man to participate and help him to raise funds for the cause or 2) Stop waxing your facial hair and grow your own 'stache!

If you don't have a dude in your life (partner, father, brother, friend) and can't (or just can't bring yourself to) grow your own, you can participate by not shaving your legs and collecting donations towards the Movember Movement! Let's make a difference!!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Movember needs a corporate sponsor! Would Schick or Gillette be willing to be the Official Sponsor of Movember? You know it's going to take a good razor to tame those tough beards come December!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Mother-In-Law, Daughter-In-Law Face Off Over Laundry

Dear Tazi:

I am having an argument with my mother-in-law, “Joan”, and we are hoping that you can settle it for us.  What is the correct way to do laundry?  I was always taught to separate the clothes into loads of darks, lights, and whites; running each load in the “permanent press” cycle.  Joan believes that you also need to separate the loads by fabric weight and utilize the “heavyweight” and “delicate” cycles, as well.

“Joan” is horrified over the way I wash her son’s clothes, believing that her way is the best.  I say Joan’s way just creates more work and wastes energy by making for smaller loads of laundry, and more of them.  Who is right?

Signed,

Laundered Out Out West

Dear Laundered Out Out West:

I have to say that yours is one of the more interesting letters I have received on a practical household problem, and I thank you for sending it! To answer your question, you are both correct.

To wash your brights – especially reds – with your whites is to invite discoloration of your fabrics; not to mention that washing your darks in hot water can cause them to fade. On this the two of you agree so there is no argument to settle!

This is what my litter-mate looked like 

after a washing in hot water!

To separate by both color and fabric weight creates twice as many loads of laundry (if not more) with less laundry per load and while I realize that you can adjust the load size to save on water, you are still using electricity to power the washer for each load.  On this point, you are correct.  However, Joan also has a point. 

 I am not trying to be diplomatic in saying this, but practical; lingerie and other undergarments can be damaged on a cycle with a faster agitation speed.  I learned this the hard way when Mommie needed me to help her with the laundry (imagine, asking your cat to help you with the laundry!) and I was too lazy to sort.  The point goes to Joan here. 

The solution to your problem would be to ask your husband how he prefers his clothes to be washed – and if he prefers his Mama’s way of doing it to let her do his laundry!  Think of it as a load (or two) off of your busy schedule.

Snuggles,

Tazi

P.S.  Always remember to check the pockets before you launder!

And don't forget the fabric softener!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Fun Halloween Facts From The Black Cat!

Greetings, Readers!

A Happy Halloween/All Hallow's Eve to all who celebrate!  Here in America, Halloween is a big deal - it is the second highest retail grossing holiday in the country, second only to Christmas!  In honor of this time of excess (and chocolate - lots and lots of chocolate!) I present to you today some fun facts about the history of Halloween and its traditions!

1. Trick-or-treating evolved from the ancient Celtic tradition of putting out food to appease spirits who roamed the streets during Samhain, a sacred festival that marked the end of the Celtic calendar year. Ireland is generally accepted as the birthplace of Halloween!

2. Jack o’ Lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed-out turnips to keep away spirits and ghosts on the Celtic Samhain holiday.

I is scary!  RAWR!

3. Trick-or-treating dates back to the Middle Ages! “Souling” is a medieval Christian precursor to modern-day trick-or-treating. On Hallowmas (November 1, now known as All Saints Day), the poor would go door-to-door offering prayers for the dead in exchange for soul cakes, a sweet and tasty treat!

4. Because Protestant England did not believe in Catholic saints, the rituals traditionally associated with Halloween were originally associated with Guy Fawkes Day on November 5th!

Remember, remember the 5th of November...

5.  A Rhode Island man holds the record for world's largest pumpkin, which weighed in at 2,009 pounds (911 kg).  It is the first pumpkin ever recorded to break the one ton mark!  (Sorry, not a Halloween History fact; being a Rhode Island native, I had to brag!).

6.  Halloween is not a universally celebrated holiday (France sees it as an American celebration).  In Mexico, the days following Halloween - All Saints Day and All Souls Day - are celebrated as Los Días de los Muertos, the Days of the Dead.  Teng Chieh or the Lantern Festival is how Halloween is celebrated in China. Animal shaped lanterns are hung around houses and in the streets to help spirits back to their earthly homes. 

7.   In 1950, Philadelphia-based trick-or-treaters traded in a sweet tooth for a sweet action. In lieu of candy, residents collected change for children overseas and sent it to UNICEF. Subsequently, the Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF program was born.

8.  Bobbing for apples actually started as part of the entertainments of the Roman tradition of harvest festivals that honored Pomona, Goddess of the Harvest.

9.  In most countries that celebrate Halloween, black cats are thought to be unlucky as they are thought to be witch's familiars.  In England, the same is thought about white cats, instead of black cats.

I subordinates to nobody!

10. Legend has it that the jack-o’-lantern began with an Irish man named Jack, who was too stingy to be allowed into Heaven and too much of a troublemaker to join the Devil in Hell. When Jack died, the Devil threw him a lighted coal, which Jack placed inside a turnip he was eating. To this day, Jack continues to use the coal to light his path as he searches for a final resting place.


Gracious thanks to RandomFacts.com and MSN.com for their fun facts about Halloween!  

Snuggles and a Happy Halloween from the Black Cat!!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.