Family Riffs Start As Tiffs So Mend Them Quick!

Dear Tazi:

I am having an argument with my sister and we would like you to settle it for us. I am the type to buy expensive, quality goods that are meant to last. I see spending a little more on my purchases as an investment because they last longer so, in the long run, I spend less. My sister “Mary-Ann” prefers to buy the cheapest, least expensive brand of something so when it breaks – as it always does – she isn’t out a lot of money and she gets to go shopping again. My style works for me and Mary-Ann’s style works for her; but our personal styles do not work for each other.

Last week, I loaned my sister a pair of Donna Karen sunglasses because we were going out for a family field day at the park and she had forgotten her cheap throwaways. I expected Mary-Ann to respect my property and treat it with care; but she treated my sunglasses with as much care as she treats her own – that being none at all. Before the day was half over, Mary-Ann had broken the earpiece of my sunglasses clean off while playing volleyball; leaving them beyond repair. Although she apologized for wrecking my sunglasses, she did not offer to pay for a replacement pair. Rather, she offered to “replace them” for me.

I took Mary Ann’s offer of a replacement pair of sunglasses to mean a new pair of Donna Karen’s, so you can imagine my surprise and disgust when she presented me with a pair of plastic throwaways she purchased at the local drugstore. When I expressed my displeasure, Mary-Ann told me that Donna Karen sunglasses are a “waste of money” and that the sunglasses she purchased me were perfectly fine.

I believe that since Mary-Ann broke my sunglasses she should be responsible for purchasing me a replacement pair of equal value. Mary-Ann believes that since I loaned her the sunglasses in the first place I accepted the fact that they may have been damaged, and that she was being nice in replacing them at all. Is this the thanks I get for watching out for my sister’s vision? Or am I wrong in thinking I deserve more?

Signed,
Ginger

Dear Ginger:

Mary-Ann and Ginger were always two women of different tastes. Mary-Ann with her gingham tops, cut-off jeans, and coconut cream pies was the down-to-earth balance the glamorous Ginger needed. Who wears an evening gown on a three-hour-cruise? Seriously, I am asking because you seem the type who could answer this question for me!

As a fan of designer sunglasses (we felines look fabu in them!) I can understand how upset you are with your sister. However, did you really think that pair of Donna Karen sunglasses was appropriate to wear to a family field day? It’s a castaway in an evening gown all over again! As the lender of this fine eyewear, you should have assessed the risk of damage to them before loaning them to anyone; although as the borrower of these sunglasses, your sister has an obligation to make good on the damage done while she was wearing them.


Doesn't this kitty look fabu?

Unless the sunglasses were brand new, there was probably some amount of wear and tear done to them – regardless of how good the care you gave them – therefore I do not think it fair of you to demand the full retail value of the sunglasses, or the full replacement cost of an equally valued pair. All things depreciate in value and construction, including sunglasses. I do not believe that Mary-Ann did the appropriate thing by purchasing you a pair of throw-away sunglasses from the local drugstore, either. Knowing your tastes, I believe it would have been appropriate for her to offer you a fair amount towards the purchase of a replacement pair of sunglasses. An easy way to resolve this issue is to look for the sunglasses on an online auction site like eBay. The average cost of a pair of Donna Karen sunglasses similar to the ones damaged should be the amount your sister owes you towards a replacement pair. If you would like, Mary-Ann can purchase you a pair of sunglasses used from eBay or she can simply offer you the cash towards a new pair.

Regardless of how you resolve this issue, the lesson to keep in mind is “never a borrower or a lender be” – especially to family. Do you really want an argument over sunglasses to be the breach that cannot be resolved between you and your sister?

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

EXTRA EDITION: Happy Birthday, Mommie!

Dear Readers:

Today is my Mommie's birthday, and I wanted to use my forum to wish her a great, big, happy one - so here it is:


Happy Birthday, Mommie!!
I love you!
Snuggles,
Tazi

There. That should keep her happy enough that she doesn't spank me for puking in her shoes. --T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Follow-Up Letter: Tea-Partying Teenager Writes To Tell His Tale!

Dear Tazi:

I am the teenager named "Joey" whose parents wrote to you about my wanting to join the Tea Party. I can't say I am happy with the response you gave them because it has been a very difficult six months for me, but I can see the point that they were trying to make. My Dad wanted me to write this letter to you so your readers can know how everything turned out with their "experiment" with me. It's just easier if I make a list, so here it is:

1. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to give up your iPhone for a Jitterbug phone? If nothing else, this taught me that I never, ever want to be so poor that I can't afford a normal phone. It is practically child abuse to make me use this thing!

2. Education is important and a high school education is free, so taking it for granted is stupid. I realize that not everyone can afford college, but doing well in high school can earn you scholarships so you don't end up doing tough jobs for low pay. My father paid me what he paid the landscaper to do our spring cleanup. It was the toughest $250 I ever made. I thought I was being underpaid and complained about it when he told me the landscaper has to pay his expenses out of that $250 (employees, gas for his truck and equipment, and dumping fees), and actually makes a lot less.

3. I don't want to be a landscaper. I applied for a summer job as one and was offered $9.00/hour to mow lawns and do garden cleanup. My day would start at 7AM and end when the sun went down. My only days off would be when it rained, and I would be an "independent contractor" which means I would have to pay all of my own taxes, even though I am only 16 and it would all be refunded anyway. My Dad told me that the cleaning lady works under a similar arrangement. I don't want to clean houses, either.

4. It is tough to find a job when you have no skills. I just turned 16 and got my working papers, only to find there is no work for me other than minimum wage fast food kind of stuff that I don't want. I was hoping someone in a trade would offer me on-the-job training but that didn't happen, even when I offered to work for free, after school, for two weeks to learn the basics. What is with people? I offered to work for FREE just to learn how to do the job!

5. It is impossible to live off of minimum wage. I have no idea how people manage to pay rent and buy food and own a good car if they have to live off of minimum wage. I still say it is an incentive to work harder so you don't have to earn minimum wage, which is why I am working harder in school and will be taking some Voc-Tech courses next year, so I can learn a trade in case college doesn't work out for me.

6. A helping-hand is not the same as a hand-out. I now understand why my parents give to the United Way, to help those who have less than us. I just wish they would demand that the money go into programs that offer job training and adult education instead of hand-outs.

I still believe in the Tea Party, but I have learned that many of the people who support it would not have all that they have if they had not been given a privileged start when they were young. I also realize that they would not have gotten as far as they have if they made stupid mistakes like Levi Johnston, and that Bristol Palin is a lot luckier than most teen Moms. I still say people need to own their actions, which is what the Tea Party is all about, but I can see the other side of things now, too. People need to remember that people like Herman Cain are Tea Party members, and that we are not all bad; we just want people to live by the standards that made America great.

Signed,
"Joey"

Dear "Joey":

I thank you very, very much for writing to me and sharing the lessons you have learned with my readers, many of whom have asked for a follow-up to your parents' story. It sounds to me that you have learned some valuable lessons about how the real world works. It is my hope that these lessons are not soon forgotten, and that they serve as a guide in how you live your life as well as how you treat others. I would ask that you work to practice what you preach in all areas of your life, lest you fall back into the hypocritical behaviors that brought about the need for this experiment, with you as the guinea pig.

You ask "what is wrong with people?" that they were not willing to train you in a job, even after you offered to work for free for a part-time, two-week training period. The fact of the matter is, even with you working for free, your training would be costing the company time and money; therefore, it is more economical for them to hire someone who is already trained. There are many job-force training programs available - however, they are generally sponsored by unions; which are organizations that the Tea Party works against.

As for your experience in lawn-care and your lack of desire to become a landscaper or home cleaning professional you must remember that the people who do these jobs generally enjoy them, and get paid very well to do them. Many landscapers are college educated, with degrees in Agriculture, Botany, or Environmental Science. Do not assume that these are the jobs of the unskilled or under-educated. There is no shame in having dirt under your fingernails if it was put there by hard work.

Perfunctory Snuggles,
Tazi



Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Pregnant Teen Has Regrets; Will Her Baby Be One Of Them?

Dear Tazi:

How I wish I could pick you up and give you a big snuggle and make everything right in my world again. I have a big problem, one I am not so certain that even a cat could solve. I am 15 years old and pregnant, and I do not know how to tell my parents or if they would even believe me when I tell them how it happened.

A few months ago my best friend and I got dressed up, put on make-up, and made ourselves look older in order to sneak into a frat party at one of the local colleges. We did it on a dare and because it felt sooooooo cool to be drinking with college students and to be escaping from my parents firm rule. They are fundamentalist Christians, and have tries to raise me to live by the same rules, but I hate it. Now I feel like I am being punished for breaking the rules.

I take full responsibility for going to the party, Tazi, but I did not have sex on purpose. I can't remember how much I had to drink, only that I got really dizzy after my last one and may have blacked out or passed out - I can't remember! I know I would not willingly have sex with a stranger, so I am thinking maybe someone at the party slipped something into one of my drinks - but I can't be 100% certain! My best friend wasn't with me at the time; all she remembers is seeing me sitting on a couch looking "out of it" and then finding me at the end of the night with my clothes pulled off.

Obviously, I am far too young to be a responsible Mom, but there is no way I could have an abortion, either, even if I believed in it. Sooner or later I am going to have to tell my parents - I just can't imagine how! I just wish this was all a bad dream.

Signed,
Growing Problem

Dear Growing Problem:

You have my deepest sympathies for your plight. Your situation is a difficult one all around, and the sooner you work on setting things straight the sooner your life will start to make more sense. The first thing you need to do is tell your parents everything you have told me here - you can even print out this letter and tell them it is from you, if that is easier for you. The second thing you must do is report your sexual assault to your local authorities.

Normally, a few months after a sexual assault occurs is a few months late to collect evidence; however, your assailant left undeniable evidence that now grows inside of you. Regardless of whether the sex was consensual or not, at fifteen you are considered to be too young to give consent, so your assailant is guilty of statutory rape at the very least. If you provide the police with the time, date, and location of the party they may be able to track down the man who has fathered your child. Fraternities - especially those that are chapters of a national organization - have a reputation to protect, and will generally cooperate in exchange for keeping the house name of their organization out of the negative spotlight that is about to be shone upon it.

Your parents will be understandably upset, to put things mildly. As fundamentalist Christians, though, it is their avowed duty to practice the love that they preach. This means forgiving you of your sins (going behind their backs to a party qualifies as a sin) and offering you the emotional support you need to work through this difficult time. This child you carry is their grandchild, so they have a duel emotional stake in what is happening.

Since termination of your pregnancy is out of the question, this leaves you with two choices: putting the child up for adoption or raising the child yourself. There are several non-profit resources out there that would be willing to offer you assistance as you attempt to find the right path for you to follow. I would suggest that you start with the church that you and your family attend.

I realize this is a scary situation for you to be going through, but I want you to take a deep breath and think for a moment how your decision will affect you down the road. Can you picture your life ten years from now? Do you see raising your child as a daily part of it? Or do you see yourself content with the decision to offer him/her to a loving couple who are seeking to start a family? In the end, the final decision is yours to make; but I do hope that your family will be supportive of whatever you decide.

Extra snuggles and a purr,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Recommends: Five Words

Good Morning, Readers!

I hope your week has been as productive as mine! I spent my days napping, my nights prowling, and the in-between time playing a new game I discovered through the blog

Five Words
by Bill.
What is Five Words, you ask? It is the blog I will be reviewing this week!

With all of the addicting but mind-numbing games out there on the Internet, this blog takes a simple concept - being concise - and turns it into an intellectually challenging game. Each week the author posts a new topic and readers must respond to the question posted in five words, no more and no less. It may not sound difficult, until you try it! Each week the most creative answer gets bragging rights as the winner!

The topic posted for this week is "Define the pitfalls of maturity". Can you do it in exactly five words? Remember, you have to be insightful and creative and/or humorous in order to be declared the winner! If this topic does not work for you, check out one from a few weeks ago: "Don't say to significant other". (The winning response was "I kinda miss my ex").

Five Words is funny, thought-provoking, and a great way to kill time while keeping your mind sharp. How it words is after reading the five word question (all of which are posted on the home page) you click on the comments section to leave your answer. You do not have to register for anything; the site accepts anonymous comments; but wouldn't you prefer to leave your name so the world may know your glory?

Right now, Five Words only appears to have about a dozen regular followers, based upon the number of comments on each post, and I would like to see that number increase - the more the merrier, right? Seriously, this blog is a lot of fun, does not take up a lot of your time, and is not likely to get you kicked off of an airplane. So take five minutes and check out Five Words! While you are there, you can check out my responses to the current questions being asked. What more could you want? Other than a nap in the sun, which is what I am off to do right now!

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Recommends: The World of Poe

Dear Readers:

It has been a VERY exciting week here in Tazi-Land, which is why today's blog review will be a short but concise one. I am sorry to "phone it in" so to speak, but I am drained from the excitement, and a kitty cat needs his rest!

This blog, which was started seven months ago as a project for my Mommie's college writing class is poised to hit 10,000 page views, if it has not done so already by the time you are reading this. If this important milestone is not big enough news, I am also being followed on Twitter by the New York Post and the New York Post Editorial Pages (I love The Post, and I don't mean ironically; they have the best headlines!). Oh, and the movie The Raven, based upon the works of Edgar Allan Poe came out in theaters this weekend. What Black Cat does not love what Mr. Poe has done for our reputed nine lives? In honor of Mr. Poe, I am dedicating this week's blog review to

The World of Edgar Allan Poe
by Undine

What drew me to this blog was the review of The Raven (which is lambasted as a piece of garbage). What kept me there was the extreme knowledge the writer displays about the curiosity that is Mr. Poe. For those who are unfamiliar with the Master of Horror, The World of Poe's tagline says it all: The truth was stranger than his fiction.

Offering book reviews, YouTube videos of artistic interpretations of Poe's work, and - best of all, in my opinion - reliable information about the much storied (and oft incorrect) history of the legendary poet and storyteller. From a 50-minute clip of the haunting but unfinished Claude Debussy opera based upon "The Fall of the House of Usher", a reading of The Raven set to Celtic music, to the MGM produced An Evening With Edgar Allan Poe narrated the late, great Vincent Price there is something for every artistic taste at The World of Poe.

Filled with history and copies of original articles written about Edgar Allan Poe, The World of Poe offers more than artistic expression and makes for a rich source of period information on the man shrouded in mystery. I think I might skip The Raven movie (seriously, John Cusack as E.A. Poe? What were they thinking!) and stay in to further peruse The World of Poe. I believe you would do well to do the same.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. If you have never read the works of Edgar Allan Poe, you do not know what you are missing! Every horror movie villain from Friday the 13th's reincarnating Jason Voorhees to Jigsaw's complicated machinationsin Saw have been influenced by the works of Edgar Allan Poe.

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Recommends: Nature Mom's Blog

Dear Readers:

Welcome to another edition of Tazi Recommends.. in honor of Earth Weekend, I am recommending that you recycle your Sunday paper into a cat toy. We felines love to shred stuff, so when we are done with it you can recycle it again by putting it in your garden as a mulch. Sigh...we cats do nothing but give, I'm telling you! Since you are probably expecting a blog review, I will give you one of those, too (feline generosity knows no bounds!). Again, in honor of Earth Weekend, I am recommending

Nature Mom's Blog
by Tiffany, a Nature Mom Since 2004

I am not a Mom, nor do I pretend to know how to Mom. In fact, small children unnerve me, with their tiny, paw-sized hands and their loud, cat-like wails; however, I am often asked for advice from Moms who are doing their best to raise their children; but sometimes need an outside, unbiased opinion. Because of this, I read a lot of parenting sites and pass along the advice I learn from experts in the field. It was while perusing these sites that I came across what People I Want To Punch In The Throat would call a "crunchy granola Moms" blog. What caught my attention was a line in the first paragraph, about a Mom-To-Be explaining how she bought all of her new baby's things second-hand - INCLUDING CLOTH DIAPERS! Speaking as one who likes my litter to be fresh, I cannot imagine buying second-hand cloth diapers. Yes, I know they are clean, but isn't that a little like wearing someone else's old underwear? As a devotee to the extremes some people will go to in an attempt to out-granola one another, I was hooked and decided to see what this site was all about.

It turns out the recycled underwear woman was just a guest writer (she has her own blog, where she writes about sustainable living), and that the rest of the blog is actually quite interesting in a "hey, I would actually do this" kind of way. I especially loved the blog on Top Ten Green Toys For Toddlers, which offers short reviews and purchase information (most of the stuff is reasonably priced) on high-quality, sustainable toys made from natural products - like wood. And water-based paints. And...yeah, that's about it. No plastics, chemicals, or undecipherable without a degree in Organic Chemistry dyes; and I have to say, this stuff looks fun! As a cat, I would spend hours playing with the "rolling sorter" toy that has different shaped blocks that fit inside of it. I can just see myself spending hours sticking my paws inside of this thing...Other cool toy recommendations include green versions of traditional children's toys, such as stacking toys, push toys, toy cars, and other gender-neutral play items.

Other blogs of note cover topics like "Creating A Real Foods Kitchen" (which is a kitchen devoid of processed foods and artificial ingredients). With suggestions on what equipment to buy (I did not even know there was a such thing as a home-use yogurt maker!) and how to make the transition from processed to whole (or "real") foods, it offers tid-bits that many of us might overlook, such as the importance of purchasing cast iron pans and griddles (which add iron to your diet) over non-stick ones (which add chemicals to your diet).

What I really like about this blog is that it offers a sense of category for each blog, through a tagging index, in the right-hand margin. Each blog is cross-referenced according to category, like Recipes (yes, with me it always comes back to food!), Health and Healing (where I found many natural cures for insomnia), how to host a Green Holiday (I like the idea of using beet juice to dye Easter eggs!) or Eco-Friendly Birthday Party ideas, and even random ideas on how to live or more sustainable life.

Although it is hard to believe that one person can incorporate all of the ideas presented in Nature Mom's Blog (especially since she is also home-schooling her children), pictures of Tiffany and her family are included on the site; many of them showing how they all participate in the über -green lifestyle that is being promoted. Nature Mom's Blog is what I like to call "green fantasy": something many will read and fantasize about doing, but will never actually put the effort into accomplishing. I suggest that, rather than go overboard, you make a conscious effort to incorporate one or two of the green ideas presented in Nature Mom's Blog into your life. A little effort by all of us can help make the world a more sustainable place, and our children all the healthier for it - especially if they are using BPA Free pacifiers, teething rings, and sippy cups.

Happy Earth Weekend to all! I'm off to celebrate by taking my nap in the garden.

Snuggles,
Tazi




Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

EXTRA EDITION: Remembering Columbine

Dear Readers:

It was thirteen years ago today that two ostracized teenagers took out their anger upon innocent classmates and teachers; killing twelve students, one teacher, and themselves by the time their violent assault was over. The reason for their mass carnage, it is believed, was because they were bullied.

Thirteen years later, the problem of bullying in schools has not dissipated; sadly, it has escalated to levels never imagined, fed by easy access to social media which has enabled those who bully to do so without having to actually face their victims.

Today I ask you to take a moment to pause and reflect on the problems of bullying in your community, and to ask yourself what you can do to help end the scourge that is destroying our youth - for when one person is bullied to the point of destruction, the one doing the bullying also loses a piece of their humanity. With bullying, there are no winners.

To follow is a list of the victims of the Columbine massacre, and a short biography of each (courtesy of About.com). May they never be forgotten:

Cassie Bernall
A 17-year old junior who had dabbled in witchcraft and drugs had turned her life around two years before she was killed. She became active in her church and was restructuring her life. (Unfortunately, the story that circulated about her martyrdom was not true.)

Steven Curnow
A 14-year old freshman, Steven loved aviation and dreamed of becoming a Navy pilot. He also loved to play soccer and to watch the Star Wars movies.

Corey DePooter
A 17-year old who loved the outdoors, Corey loved to fish, camp, golf, and inline skate.

Kelly Fleming
A quiet 16-year old who liked to spend time in the library writing short stories and poetry.

Matthew Kechter
A shy, sweet sophomore, Matthew was a football player and a straight-A student.

Daniel Mauser
A smart but shy 15-year old sophomore, Daniel had recently joined the debate team and the cross-country squad.

Daniel Rohrbough
A 15-year old freshman, Daniel loved to play hockey and Nintendo with his friends. Often, after school he helped his father in his electrical store.

William "Dave" Sanders
A long-time teacher at Columbine, Dave was the girls' basketball and softball coach and taught business and computer classes. He had two daughters and five grandchildren.

May they all rest in peace.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Brother-In-Law Is A Hard Pill To Swallow

Dear Tazi:

My brother-in-law is one of those people who thinks they know everything and has no qualms about expressing their opinion whenever they feel like it. There is no such thing as a private conversation when you are around "Bill" because he butts into every conversation he happens to overhear, and excuses his behavior by suggesting that those who want privacy discuss matters elsewhere. Tazi, I am not talking about coffee-shop conversations (although he buts in plenty there, too, and always with his uneducated opinions); I am talking about private conversations taking place away from others.

My wife "Ellie" - who is technically of no relation to Bill (Bill is my sister's husband) - was recently diagnosed with cancer. She is handling the diagnosis quite well, all things considered, and was discussing her prognosis (which is very good) with my mother after Easter dinner, while the two of them were in the kitchen doing the dishes. Bill happened to be passing by on his way to the bathroom when he overheard the conversation, and felt the need to share his "uneducated medical opinion"; which included telling my wife that chemotherapy is a waste of time, that it only makes you sicker, and is a scam doctors pull to keep you coming back for treatment. He then went into a long spiel about how a special diet high in antioxidants could cure her cancer "the natural way, the way God intended". Things went downhill from there, with Bill cornering Ellie for almost half an hour and not allowing her to get a word in, edgewise. My mother has always been on the meek side, so she had no idea how to tell Bill to stop. I had been outside with the children during this time, preparing for our annual egg hunt; otherwise, I would have come to my wife's side.

Ellie was very upset by Bill's verbal attack, but managed to pull herself together for the remainder of the day; I, on the other hand, was livid and would have told Bill off if it were not such a special day for my family. This is not the first time Bill has pulled such inappropriate behavior, but I would like it to be the last. I am considering writing a letter to Bill and my sister to let them know how angry I am over his treatment of my wife; but Ellie says to just let it go - that Bill is never going to change and to rock the boat would only damage family relations. I wish I could be so forgiving, Tazi, but someone has to stand up to Bill and I would like the satisfaction of being the one to put this guy in his place.

Ellie and I have agreed to abide by your opinion, Tazi. Do you think I should write that letter to Bill?

Signed,
Itchy Trigger Finger

Dear Itchy Trigger Finger:

Your brother-in-law sounds like a real jerk. The sad part is, he probably thinks he is a likable guy and is doing people a favor by sharing his opinions and "uneducated medical" advice with them. Because of this, any attempt to correct him will fail miserably and, as your wife said, damage family relations. I am going to suggest you write that letter to Bill anyway. Just don't send it.

When we take the time to vent our feelings in a letter, we also pour out the negative emotions that are pent up inside of us. Just the act of writing a letter to Bill, telling him off in ways you have so far only dreamed of, will lift the burden of anger that is weighing on you. I fully understand your desire to tell Bill where to go, and I believe this desire sprouts from the instinct you feel to protect your wife, especially now that she is ill. I suggest you indulge that desire by protecting her in ways that she actually needs protecting, like being there for her emotionally and allowing her to break down when she needs to let go; and making yourself available to her when she needs assistance around the house. The purpose of this is several-fold: not only will you be "protecting" your wife and fulfilling your role as a supportive spouse, but you will be quietly showing Bill (and others who may be watching) the correct way to be helpful when someone is going through illness.

In time, your wife will recover - in spite of Bill's dire (but uneducated) prognosis, and he will be the one with egg on his face, instead of in his Easter basket. As much as I feel for you and your wife, the person I feel for the most is your sister - after all, she is the one stuck living with Bill.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

EXTRA EDITION: In Honor Of The Greenland (NH) Police Officers

Dear Readers:

I found this graphic on Facebook this morning, and would ask you to copy and paste this graphic (it's virus free) and post to your Facebook page or Twitter account - either on your wall/timeline or as your profile picture in memory of the Greenland, NH police chief, who died in the line of duty this week, and to honor the four officers injured in the same raid.

So often, police officers get a bad-rap, so let us take a moment to remember those who gave all to help keep our communities safe.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Is Not Cyberstalking You (Or Kevin Bacon); Just Offers Relevant Advice

Dear Tazi:

Whenever you publish a letter about a person having personal problems with life, relationships, or just in general I feel like you are talking about me. I do not mean specific problems, like the woman who destroyed her mother-in-law's expensive sofa or the one who is considering dating a sex offender; but general letters about problems with life not working out on any level.

Do you go around reading random Facebook and Twitter feeds until you find someone with more issues than they can handle, so they use social media as an outlet for their stress, and then make up letters to print based upon their issues? Are you making fun of people like me? Or are your letters real, and just seem to relate to my life because other people have similar problems with life just plain [stinking]?

Signed,
Life [Stinks]

Dear Life [Stinks]:

I am sorry to hear that your life is so difficult that you cannot find lasting happiness in any area of it. Do you suffer from paranoia, in addition to depression? I just have to ask because the answer to your question is no, I do not go around randomly checking people's Facebook and Twitter accounts for issues to resolve in my column. Do you realize how much time that would entail? My nap schedule would be thrown into complete chaos!! Cats need at least 20 hours of sleep a day in order to function. Not to mention I would have no time to help my Mommie by jumping onto her lap when she is trying to work. Besides, I am too busy cyber stalking Kevin Bacon to fit anyone else into my schedule. (Mmmmmm......bacon!).

Furthermore, I am not making fun of anyone when I print their letters. If someone has the courage to write to me for advice, I am going to give them the best answer possible. As strange and/or entertaining as some letters may seem - like the man who claims he wears ladies silk panties because they cost less than men's silk boxers - they are all real. The only things I change are names that do not come with quotation marks around them. I also edit for content and length, as well as grammatical accuracy. I have readers from around the world, and accurate grammar allows for accurate translations.

My letters are chosen for print for a variety of reasons - some because they are amusing, like the one about the teacup dog in the baby stroller; some because they are from children, like the boy who wanted to know how to convince his Mom to get a puppy; some because they are follow-up letters, like the mother of the aforementioned boy whose husband brought home a puppy; some because they are just plain out there, like the letter about the wife with a Puss in Boots obsession or the nose-picking co-worker; and most because they are issues that people can relate to their own lives - as you have discovered.

I will take your questions as a compliment, since it means that the letters I choose to publish reach a wider audience than their writers!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. I do not really stalk Mr. Kevin Bacon! (Mmmmm....bacon!).

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Guest Writer: A New Family For Foster Child; Some Advice For An Adoptive Mom

Dear Readers:

Yesterday, I received a wonderful letter in response from someone who had been hoping for a follow-up from the young boy in foster care who wrote to me last December. (Yesterday's letter was from the boy's overjoyed adoptive mother, whose adoption of the child is now official).

Today, I hand the reigns to "A Friend From the System" who shares her story, and some advice for the new mother. It is moments like this that make what I do so rewarding, and I thank all who make them happen!

--T.K.

Dear Jamal's Mom,

Congratulations to you, Jamal and the rest of your family. Thank you so much for giving Tazi, and me, an update; I was wondering how things went. I am very pleased to hear that my response to Jamal’s letter gave him the encouragement that he needed to speak to the judge and tell him what he truly wanted. I am sure that the judge listened to him intently. Now, it is time for me to add to Tazi’s advice to you as Jamal’s A-Mom.

The court system will (unless things have changed over the years) seal the adoption records and make it very hard for Jamal’s mother to come looking for him. As for telling Jamal what really happened to his B-Mom that is something only you can tell if Jamal is ready to hear. However, not knowing can have an effect on him. My B-Mom passed away when I was 6 years old. While I was in the foster home (no, I was not adopted by them, but by another family) I was always told that my B-Mother died in a car accident; I am sure Tazi’s mom remembers me talking about that. That was the story that was passed to my A-Mom as well. I, for years, remembered things a bit differently. I remembered trying to wake her up off the couch, and she would not wake up. That made me very curious as I grew up. My A-mother could not tell me anything differently, as that is what she was told too. So, I grew up believing that. As I got older, and became pregnant with my first child, I found I had a real need for medical information that I could not get. (THIS is what Jamal will truly need as he gets older.) I recommend that if you access to any of this, you save it for Jamal, it will be easier for him and his family (when he gets older) to fill out medical forms. Not knowing where I came from put me into a depression.

As I turned 18, I attempted to locate by B-father. I was unlucky for many years due to the fact that Rhode Island sealed my birth records and the state of Massachusetts altered my birth certificate [Ed. Note: The letter writer is from Southern New England]. For the last 12 years (I am now 42), I have been doing genealogy of my birth family, with the help of my A-mother, who does this professionally. Back when we first started the genealogical search, we contacted the state of Rhode Island for a copy of my B-Mom’s death certificate. As it turns out, I was correct and she did not die in a car accident, but rather a drug overdose. About 4 years ago, I found that my B-father died in 1992 in California, alone and in a nursing home.

I have also found a biological uncle through my search; we still talk to this day and have actually met. I found out that He had tried to come looking for me, but was not successful as the adoption had been sealed. I am telling you all of this, so that you can see how difficult it is to locate someone after an adoption. If Jamal so chooses, when he is old enough, there are registries he can sign up on, I know, I did when I was looking for my B-father. One of the many ones out there is http://registry.adoption.com/.

My B-Mom had a friend that adopted her granddaughter due to circumstances similar to Jamal’s. She was told that her B-Mom had died. As a teenager, her mother actually DID die, and her grandmother, now mother, told her this and she became very confused and unhappy. As you can see, it is important for Jamal to know “where he came from”, but you, as his mother, need to determine when it is best for him to hear the ugly details.

Sincerely,
A Friend From The System


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Foster Child Gets His "Forever Family" - An Ask Tazi Update

Dear Tazi:

Back in December, you printed a letter from a young boy named "Jamal" who was in foster care. He had asked you to publish his letter about wanting his foster family to be his forever family, so he could show the family court judge how much it meant to him to be adopted by the family he already saw as his own. Tazi, I am Jamal's Mom - I am so happy to be able to write those words because, you see, I am not his birth mother; I am his adoptive mother. The judge blessed us with the okay to legally adopt Jamal back in January, and the adoption has just finalized! Jamal is ours forever now; and we are his forever family. My husband, children, and I are overwhelmed with joy, as is Jamal. Even our puppy Max seems to understand what wonderful news this is.

Tazi, I want to thank you - and the friend from the system - for the support you gave Jamal when he was obviously stressed about facing the judge. Seeing his letter in print meant the world to my son (I love being able to call him that!) and the follow-up letter of support gave him the courage he needed to go before the judge and pour out his heart.

The one thing marring our joy is the fact that Jamal's mother contested the adoption - from prison, where she is serving a decades-long sentence for drug possession and armed robbery, presumably to support her addiction. Jamal does not know that his birth mother is in prison, or that she contested the adoption; all he knows is that his birth mother stopped visiting him one day. She is well into her 40's (she had Jamal a bit later in life) and has a lengthy criminal record, is HIV/AIDS positive (from using intravenous drugs), and Jamal barely remembers her. At one point, she had petitioned for jailhouse visitations, but the judge refused her request as he felt it would not be in Jamal's best interests.

I am uncertain if I should explain to Jamal and my other children now, or when he/they are a bit older, the reason his birth mother stopped coming around. I am afraid whatever I decide that it will hurt Jamal, which is the last thing I want to do to any of my children. All Jamal knows is that his birth mother loves him very much, but that she had to go away on a very long trip. Jamal adores you, and I read your column to him whenever the subject is age-appropriate. Do you know of any way to appropriately address the subject of his birth-mother? What if she gets out of prison and comes looking for him?

Signed,
Jamal's Mom

Dear Jamal's Mom:

I remember Jamal's letter vividly, and am thrilled beyond measure that his wish to become a part of your family "FOREVER" has come true! I know that my readers will be equally delighted, especially "Friend From the System". I will be certain that everyone hears the wonderful news as soon as possible by immediately printing your letter!

As for your quandary regarding Jamal's birth-mother...I think it is terribly sad that she could not put the welfare of her son above her own desire to hold onto him. From what you write, it is obvious that she cannot give him any kind of life; and it is obvious that the judge felt so, too. You say that she is "well into her 40's" and serving a "decades-long [prison] sentence" for some less than savory acts. This leads me to believe that she will not be released until Jamal is a grown man. For these reasons and more, I believe that an edited version of the full story would be the appropriate thing to tell Jamal.

At 8-years-old, Jamal is old enough to understand the concept of jail and prison; as well as the types of behavior that can put a person there. If you have not already done so, I suggest that you and your husband sit down with Jamal and explain to him that his birth-mother cares very much for him, but is unable to take care of him the way he needs and deserves. Explain to him that his birth-mother did some naughty things, and a judge sent her to a place that will help her to try and put her life together, while teaching her that what she did was very, very wrong. If Jamal asks if his birth-mother is in prison, be honest; if he does not ask, do not volunteer this information. As Jamal gets older, he may ask this question. I suggest that you always be honest with him. If he would like to share this information with his siblings, let that be his choice. If he prefers to keep it to himself, please respect his privacy.

Due to Jamal's birth-mother's special health conditions, it is a very real possibility that she may not live out her prison sentence, so your fear that she may seek him out upon release may never come to pass; however, the possibility - however slight - that it could occur is just one more reason to always be open and honest with your son. From the tone of his letter to me, I don't think you have any reason to worry that he will want to return to his birth-mother. Jamal sees YOU as his mother, so feel free to wholeheartedly embrace him as your son - because he is! Congratulations to all!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Happy Easter From Tazi And Family

Dear Readers:

Today is Easter Sunday among Roman Catholics, Protestants, Unitarians, and others! Rather than do a blog review, I have decided to honor the day by sharing an episode of my Mommie's favorite Sunday morning show from her childhood, Davey and Goliath. This episode was always special to her because it featured Davey's Grandma, who reminded her so much of her own Grandma.

Enjoy the episode, and your day! Wishing all who celebrate a happy and holy Easter!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. from my Mommie to her family: Wesołego Alleluja!


copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved


copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved


copyright E.L.C.A./All Rights Reserved


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

EXTRA EDITION: A Very Sacred and Joyous Passover To My Jewish Readers!

Dear Readers:

Passover began tonight at sundown. I would like to offer my Observant readers my wishes for a sacred, blessed, and joyous occasion during this solemn feast.

Shalom,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Wife Wants A New Car Payment; Husband Wants To Live Debt-Free

Dear Tazi:

I would like to buy a new car, but my husband feels that we cannot afford it at this time. He would like to use the money that would go to a monthly car payment to pay extra on our student loans each month and pay them off early so we can live debt-free. I argue that the money we spend on repairs for my current car is adding up, and the next major repair could end up costing more than the car is even worth.

In the last six months, I have had to replace the water pump, timing belts, all four tires, rear brakes, and several minor repairs. All told, I have put about $2,000 worth of repairs into it without even touching the engine or the transmission. My husband argues that the brand of car I drive has a reputation for lasting forever, and that the $2,000 I have put into my car probably represents all the repairs that I will have to make for the next three to four years, thus making the argument for keeping the car a more economical decision. Tazi, in three to four years my car will be over ten years old with a trade-in value of almost nothing. I would rather sell my current car while I can still get a solid down-payment on a new car for it, but my husband is adamant in his decision and since he controls our finances, I feel like I am stuck. Do you have any ideas on how to work my way out of this situation? To help me convince my husband that my argument is just as valid as his?

Signed,
Scrooge McDuck's Wife

Dear Scrooge McDuck's Wife:

Are you calling your husband a Scrooge because you feel he is cheap; or because you feel he is stingy towards the needs of others? The first is a case that can be reasoned; the second is a case for a marital counselor. Once you have figured out the reasoning behind your hard feelings you will be better able to tackle your problem head-on.

You say that your husband "controls the finances". Just how much control does he have over the money you earn? Do you hand over your entire paycheck to him, or do you keep a separate account for your own spending money? What are your personal financial habits? Can you be trusted to properly balance a checking account, without incurring large overdraft fees?

Assuming that you are a responsible adult who can manage her own finances, I believe that you should have a say in the matter of your vehicle. Although your husband makes an excellent point about paying down your student loans, you also make a good point about the money you have invested in repair work to your vehicle. $2,000 is worth several months of car payments on a new vehicle (assuming you keep your payment around $300/month), so the ideal time to have purchased a new vehicle was before you put so much money into it. You do not say what brand of car you drive, but you imply that it is six or seven years old already. If you were to buy a new car from a franchise dealer (Chrysler, Hyundai, Toyota, etc.) they would be required to sell your vehicle at auction, and might not be willing to give you a very good deal on the trade-in value.

Your best bet would be to try and sell your vehicle in a private party sale, which could net a few thousand dollars, putting you even with your recent repair bills. This strategy may work well with your husband, who appears concerned about losing money on the recent repair investment made in your vehicle. You can search the Kelly Blue Book value of your car to see what a fair price for a private-party sale. Armed with this information, you can make a well-researched argument for the purchase of a new vehicle. So long as the car you choose is moderately priced ($25K or less) and your husband is a reasonable man, he should at least be willing to listen to what you have to say.

If your husband's ears are deaf to your pleas, I have to wonder if there is more to the story than you are telling me - like the size of your student loan debt; your ability to manage money; or the price-tag of the car you desire. Be honest with yourself, and some of your confusion may lift.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

"Gift Piggy" Needs To Go On A Diet

Dear Tazi:

I discovered your column a few months ago and have been enjoying the letters people send to you - past and current - never thinking I would ever feel the need to write to you, until I saw your response regarding giving the gift of jewelry to a woman. I saw my own problem reflected in that letter, but with an added twist.

I met "Victoria" on Christmas Eve, at a party at a friend's house. She was actually a friend of a friend of the host, joking that she was "crashing the party" because she didn't want to sit home alone on Christmas Eve. At first, I was charmed by her adventurous spirit; going out to a party on Christmas Eve where she knew virtually no one. We spent the evening talking, and before I left we exchanged phone numbers. I was pleasantly surprised when Victoria called me the next day to wish me a Merry Christmas, and to ask if it was too late to ask me out for New Year's Eve. Never having had a woman initiate a date before, I was flattered and accepted her offer.

When we got together for New Year's Eve, Victoria told me that she was disappointed that I did not bring her a "belated Christmas gift". I thought she was joking, and laughed it off when she told me I could make it up to her for Valentine's Day. We had a great night out, and started seeing each other on the weekends and occasionally during the week. For Valentine's Day, I brought Victoria flowers, a box of Godiva chocolates, and took her to a local jazz club for a light dinner and dancing. I thought we had a great night, but Victoria was playfully pouty because I didn't buy her jewelry. Like you, I feel that six weeks is far too soon to be buying a woman such an intimate gift. Victoria then joked (or so I thought) that I could make it up to her for St. Patrick's Day, since her birthstone is the emerald.

St. Patrick's Day just passed, and Victoria and I went out for a night on the town. I took her to an upscale Irish pub where we had dinner and several pints of Guinness and what I thought was a great time. The next day, though, Victoria emailed me to say she was disappointed that I had not taken the hint that she wanted an emerald! Attached to the email was a picture of a very expensive emerald ring, linking to the website where it could be purchased with the comment that it was "on clearance" and would not last long [Ed. Note: The letter writer enclosed the link. You can view the ring by clicking here].

Tazi, I was positively floored by Victoria's request, and had no idea how to respond so I told her I would have to think about it, just to buy myself some time. On the one hand, I have never met anyone like Victoria - she is a fun, free-spirited woman who makes me want to grab opportunity and squeeze every last drop out of it. On the other hand, she seems to have an absolute obsession with receiving (but not giving) gifts. When I mentioned to her that I have yet to receive any sort of gift from her, Victoria responded that the gift of her time and the wonderful mood she puts me in is what she has offered me; and she honestly seemed offended that I did not consider these "gifts" to be of equal value to the emerald ring she wants me to buy her. Is her reasoning logical? Because at times I feel a little guilty for not purchasing her the one thing she desires; but on the other hand, when I start to feel this way, I want to slap some sense into myself. Thoughts?

Signed,
Empty Hands

Dear Empty Hands:

Let me guess: Victoria suggested that you put the ring in the Easter basket full of goodies that you also were not planning on buying her, right? I have a name for people like Victoria, one I heard on that old TV show Just Shoot Me, and that name is a gift piggy! I realize from what you have written that you are quite taken with Victoria, but please remember that this woman started asking you for presents on your very first date! She then spent the first two months of your relationship trying to guilt you into buying her expensive jewelry, and it sounds like the guilt trip you are on has reached its final destination.

If I were you, I would sit down with Victoria, and explain to her that a gift of jewelry - especially an expensive ring - is a public sign of a deep, serious, and powerful commitment. At least, that is what the Josten's salespeople said when they were attempting to sell my Mommie a college ring. I would like to think that the same reasoning applies when a person is considering buying an expensive ring for another - that is it an outward symbol of the committed, loving relationship that binds the two of them. If Victoria cares for you more than she cares for expensive jewelry, she will understand this and accept that you are not ready to purchase her the bauble she wants and will hopefully stop "joking" about her disappointment. If she cares more for jewelry than she does for you, I am afraid this conversation will spell the end of your relationship. If that is not something you can accept, then buy Victoria the emerald ring; knowing that she is with you not for your love, but for your willingness to buy her presents in return for her presence.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. My Mommie's birthstone is also the emerald! She is currently staring at the picture of the ring and saying "My preciousssssss" in a decidedly Gollum-like voice! --T.K.




Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

EXTRA EDITION: Happy Smack A [French Word For Shower] Day!

Dear Readers:

Today is World Smack A [French Word For Shower] Day. Please celebrate accordingly, but safely. One never knows how a [French word for shower] will react at discovering the news that they are in fact a [French word for shower]. Now please excuse me, it's time for me to get my Tazi paw-slap on!



Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

When Mom And Dad Don't Agree, Child Writes to Tazi For A Tie-Breaking Vote

Dear Tazi:

My Mommy and Daddy are painting all of the rooms in our house. I want to paint my bedroom purple, but my Mommy won't let me. Daddy says it is my room, and I should be allowed to paint it whatever color I want, since I am the one who will have to live with it. Auntie who lives with us said I should let you decide since Mommy always says you give great advice. I am telling Auntie what to say and she is typing this on the Internet for me. Mommy reads your letters every day, and sometimes reads them to me. I like them! I think you are a nice kitty. Will you tell Mommy to let me paint my room purple? I am 5 years old.

Hugs and Kisses,
Madison

Dear Madison:

Five years old! Why you are practically a little lady! Thank you very much for writing to me, and asking me to solve your problem. I like helping humans solve their problems. When humans are happy, they feed me more kitty treats.

Can I tell you a secret? My bedroom - the room I share with my Mommie - is painted purple, and I love it! Mommie took a long time to look at lots of different color purples before she finally decided on two different purples, a dark one and a light one. She was afraid she would get tired of looking at all that purple, so she had to make extra sure she liked the colors. I think your Mommy is afraid that she will get tired of looking at all that purple, too, so here is an idea that you can try:

Since you really, really want to paint your room purple, I think you should be allowed to paint it purple - but your Mommy gets to choose the other colors for the room; like the bedding, curtains, carpet, and paint trim. This way, you get purple walls and your Mommy doesn't get a headache from looking at all that purple. This idea is what grown-ups call a compromise.

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. Remember to say thank you to your Auntie for helping you write to me! --T.K.


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Tazi Recommends: The Garden Of Eaden

Happy Sunday, Readers!

Is it just me, or is the warm weather being a tease, coming out for a few days only to turn cold again? Not that I care a paw lick about the cold - I have a nice warm fur coat - but when it gets too cold my Mommie shuts the windows and I cannot sit in them and sun myself! No matter...the nice weather is coming for good, soon, and with it Mommie's garden - the most wonderful place on earth, full of large leaf plants that are perfect for me to crawl under and hide as I watch the world go by! In the spirit go garden celebration, I am recommending a gardening blog this week! I suggest you head on over to

The Garden of Eaden
by Simon Eade of Kent, United Kingdom

Why do I suggest this blog over all of the other gardening blogs that are out there? Besides the obvious play on the author's last name? There are several reasons, ranging from pure bias for the people of Kent (my Mommie's ancestry traces back to Kent) to the credentials of Mr. Simon Eade, to the ease of navigating the page; not to mention the enxcellent web-design work.

The Garden of Eaden is a site for people who want to learn how to garden from a professional, but don't know where to begin. Simon Eade is a professional horticulturalist and gardening writer, and has been featured on several British television shows where he offers his expert gardening advice to viewers who are probably just as lost as you - if they weren't, they would be outside in the garden; not inside, watching it on the telly!

The Garden of Eaden is dedicated to "Combining good gardening practice with sound organic and environmental advice", so you will find a variety of topics from which to choose - feel free to dig in anywhere that interests you! The site offers a Blog Index that is alphabetized by category - starting with Bulbs, Corms, and Tubers and finishing up with Wildlife and the Environment (my Mommie's favorite is Medicinal Plants). Most of the categorical headings feature a blog, video, or full-color picture offering explanation or information on the overview topic, followed by a long list of blogs related to each specific topic being covered (also alphabetized), such as Are Slug Pellets Poisoning Our Wildlife? (found under Pests and Diseases) or the particularly interesting Gardening In The Arctic Circle - Greenland (found in Plant Myths, Legends, and History). Before reading this article, I know I never thought of the Arctic Circle as a good place to grow crops, although I suppose it should be the obvious choice for cold weather crops like potatoes, cabbage, and radishes.

For the armchair gardener, The Garden of Eaden offers plenty to read in the form of informative blogs and vlogs (video blogs), which offer a National Geographic feel to the site - check out Living Dinosaur Shark - The Frilled Shark to see what I mean, and you may find yourself drawn into spending the day exploring the other topics listed, as well.

For the active gardener, there are plenty of gardening tips and tutorials on how to properly seed and grow various vegetables (Gardener Eade was discussing onions on my last visit to his page, earlier this week), which is when I also learned how to grow strawberries from seed - a tutorial I will be showing my Mommie, so she can grow her own, in addition to picking her own (something I mentioned in my review of Stuff White People Like just a few weeks ago!). Some of the blogs seemed a little tame (really now, How to Grow Cucumbers from Seed? This one just seems a little too obvious, although I did learn that cucumbers originated in India and have been cultivated for over 3,000 years now, so I guess that blog serves a purpose, too).

I have some mixed emotions about the way The Garden of Eaden constantly plugs its Garden of Eaden Seed Shop, an online store where you can purchase any of the seeds that the blog is discussing. On the one hand, it is marketing brilliance to offer the seeds being discussed for convenient sale; but on the other hand, I think it might pull people who are not ready to commit to gardening into the idea that they, too, can grow their own; essentially setting people up for a rather pricey failure (gardening, while not an expensive pastime in the long-run, can be costly at the start). Well, caveat emptor, right?

Last but not least, one of my favorite features of The Garden of Eaden is that is offers recipes that feature the goodies that you have grown in your garden! Imagine making homemade tomato soup with tomatoes grown from your very own garden? Or even an old-fashioned fruit chutney (is there any other kind of chutney besides fruit?) from fruits fresh-picked form your local farm? I have to be honest....I may skip my Sunday afternoon nap today and pester my Mommie to learn how to make homemade gelato from the blueberries she is planning on growing this summer...but then, blueberry season is still a few months away, so I suppose my afternoon nap can happen after all - just as soon as you put down that Sunday newspaper so I can crawl all over it!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Beauty Pageants Are Not For Every Child (Or Every Parent!)

Dear Tazi:

I have absolutely HAD IT with my ex-husband! What ever it was I once saw in the man has disappeared from both view and memory, and the only reason I still have contact with him is because he is the father of my daughters, ages 5 and 3 (not that he does much fathering).

"Jordan" is a horrible failure in life because he refuses to commit to seeing a project through to its finish. He will start out with the best of intentions, but then things will get hard; inconvenient; or both and he he will simply give up because he is no longer enjoying himself. Of course there will always be reasons for why someone else is to blame for his failure - from his supervisor at work giving him too many hours and burning him out (which is why he quit his last job) to being too distracted to concentrate because it was basketball season and he had money riding on the game (his excuse for failing out of the vocational program that he INSISTED was going to turn his fortunes around). Do you need to here more? I have several, but each one ends the same way: with Jordan quitting mid-way through and being unable to pay his child support because he can barely support himself.

Thankfully, I do not NEED Jordan's child support money to get by - my current husband and I both make excellent incomes, and any money we receive from Jordan is banked for the children's futures. As of this writing, Jordan has not paid child support in almost two years. Because he is not paying support, I have the legal right to withhold the children from him, which is something I have not done because I feel it would only hurt my children to cut Jordan out of their lives completely. However, I am seriously considering taking that path after Jordan's latest shenanigans.

Jordan has been watching the TV reality series Toddlers and Tiaras, and has decided that he would like to travel the country as "manager" to our girls as they compete competitively in beauty pageants. His plan to cover the expenses is to have local businesses "sponsor" our daughters, charging more than the actual expenses and keeping the overage as his "manager's cut". He believes that the money the children could earn if they win would bring them fame and fortune and, as their manager, would put him on the path to financial solvency as he accepted new "clients" with each pageant win. I am absolutely, positively, 100% against such an idea! And besides that fact, neither of my girls is the pageant type - both are more into athletics than ruffles and lace - and I will not force them down this path. On his last visitation day, he tried to get both girls to "frill up" for photographs and head-shots, and both girls came home hysterical, crying to the point of exhaustion.

Jordan has threatened to take me to court and sue me for access to the girls in order to put his "business plan" into play, saying the judge will see that he is trying to do what is best for all involved, and that I am not only standing in his way but turning the girls into tomboys, as well. I doubt he would win, but I can't help but wonder, "What if??". My husband has suggested we counter-sue for the termination of Jordan's parental rights, which would allow my husband to legally adopt the girls. Both of my daughters love my husband, and consider him to be more of a father than Jordan...but still, I am hesitant to seek termination of parental rights. Jordan IS their birth father, after all. What do you think, Tazi?

Signed,
Wondering How Far To Push

Dear Wondering How far To Push:

I can tell from the tone of your letter that there is no love left between you and your ex-husband, so I find it admirable that you still care for his feelings and seek to nurture a bond between him and your daughters. My question is, are you certain that this is what is best for the children? If Jordan was physically abusing them, would you still try to maintain visitation with him? I am certain the answer to that question is "no", so why are you trying to maintain a relationship when it is obvious that Jordan is mentally abusing your girls?

For a child to come home crying "to the point of exhaustion" because she was forced to "frill up" for photographs makes me wonder what kind of photographs Jordan was taking! I am not accusing the man of sexually exploiting his daughters, but the red-flag is there...exploitative photos of children that fall just short of pornography are often used as a way to build a client base of buyers who want to see more, as well as acclimate the children to taking these kinds of pictures. If I were you, I would demand to see any photos that Jordan took of the girls while they were "frilled up". If he refuses or claims to have deleted them from his camera, I would see that as a further red flag, and end Jordan's access to the children immediately.

You asked for my advice, so I have given it. You did not ask for my personal opinion, but I feel compelled to give it anyway: If your daughters consider your husband to be their father, and your husband is willing to adopt them as his own, I suggest that you entertain the idea. Jordan does not sound like any kind of role model for your young children. A termination of parental rights does not mean you must terminate all contact and visitation - if you want, Jordan can still remain a part of your daughters' lives; but he will have no legal say in which to attempt his hairbrained - and possibly crimminal - schemes.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

College Education Could Be The Beginning Of A New Life For Young Student

Dear Tazi:

I come from a very small town in a part of the country where people still marry their high school sweethearts and buy the house they grew up in from their parents when Mom and Dad are ready to move to Florida. Don't get me wrong, I love my small town - and the people in it, especially my boyfriend "Randy" - but I have always yearned for more! My favorite movie of all time is Sweet Home Alabama, and I often imagine myself in the role of Melanie Carmichael [the Reese Witherspoon character] - until she decides to leave New York behind and settle back down in her hometown.

My family has lived in our town for seven generations now - nobody has ever left, not even to go to college. My teachers have always told me that i am very bright and that I could be somebody if I furthered my education past high school, but my parents always said there is no way they could afford to pay for me to go to college. Late last year, I secretly sent out applications for colleges and I just got the news that my first choice wants me! They have even offered me a full academic scholarship, so I would not have to worry about how to pay for it! When I told my parents the news, Mama cried tears of joy; and Daddy told me he was proud of me, which from him is high praise, indeed! The local newspaper did a write-up about me, and put the story on the front page; and the local diner where I work cut the story out and posted it on the wall for everyone to see. Everyone is so happy for me, I feel like a local hero! The only person who is unhappy is my boyfriend, Randy, who is against me traveling away for school.

Randy and I have been seeing each other since I was 14, and he is the only boy I have ever dated. Randy told me that was hoping that we would get married after he graduates high school (he is a year behind me, because he stayed back a year when he was little) and that my leaving for school would change everything. He is convinced that I will forget all about him and meet someone new while I am away. He suggested that we get married at the end of the school year, and he can come away with me; but I am not certain that is something I want. For one thing, I want Randy to finish high school. For another thing, I am afraid that if I get married I will not be able to handle the responsibilities of college and being a wife. Plus, if I were to get married I couldn't use birth control and I know there would be no way i could handle college and babies. Last of all, I have always hoped that I would grow up to move to a big city, like Atlanta; but Randy has no desire to leave our hometown for good.

What should I do kitty-cat? I don't want to break up with Randy, but I do want to go away to college and start a new life! Do you think it's possible to have it all?

Signed,
Miss Independence

Dear Miss Independence:

You may feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders right now; so I want you to think back to four years ago, right before you started dating Randy. Do you remember what you were like? What was your favorite way to spend your free time? What were your favorite TV shows and books? How much have you changed over these four years? I doubt that you are still the young girl you were when you and Randy started dating. Think for a minute about the dreams you held back then...have you accomplished them?

Now, think about the dreams you hold for your future. What do you hope to accomplish in your four years of college? Do you hope to pledge a sorority? Write a book? Design your own line of clothing? Cheer for a Division 1 cheer-leading squad? Graduate with distinction? Now, for the most important question of all: Do the dreams you have follow the same path as Randy's dreams? Or can you see the two of you growing apart as you both continue to grow up?

The "you" that Randy fell in love with may not be the same woman who returns home from college. Randy is fully aware of this fact, and would like to prevent any such change from occurring by keeping you at his side, be it in your hometown or away on a college campus. Would you be willing to sacrifice your dreams in order to see Randy's fulfilled? The tone of your letter tells me the answer to that question is no.

At this point in time, I would advise you not to make any rash decisions one way or the other. Enjoy the time that you and Randy have together and enjoy your senior year of high school! When the time comes for you to prepare to leave for school, ask Randy to give you one year away at school without any pressure to come back home. One thing you will experience once you get to college is culture shock. You will be surrounded by countless new people from countless different backgrounds. You may take to college and the city like a duck takes to water or you may find that there is a big difference between what we dream and the reality that those dreams can bring.

During this time away at school, you will be able to sort out your feelings for Randy, your hometown, and what exactly you would like your future to include; while Randy will be able to decide what is best for his future. You may both discover some hard truths about life, including the fact that we can't always have everything exactly as we want it. Whatever you discover, I think time and experience will tell you the zip code of where your heart truly resides.

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Celebrate With Caution When Drinking Heavily!

Dear Tazi:

Last year, my 21st birthday fell on the weekend following St. Patrick's Day. Because St. Patrick's Day fell on a Thursday, people were celebrating the whole weekend through, drinking enough to blind a large farm animal (as my Grandma used to say) and unfortunately choosing to drive themselves home. I was one of those revelers (I AM Irish!) and because it was my birthday, I was out with several friends; one of whom was actually a friend of a friend, who was invited along because he agreed to be our designated driver.

I suppose I should have known better than to put my trust into someone I did not know, but I was just so excited about turning 21 and finally being able to go out and party that I didn't think anything of it. I wish my story could end with something stupid, like the designated driver got drunk and I had to call a cab; but things went much more badly than that. Our designated driver stayed sober all night, and drove every one of us home safely - until I was the only person left to drop off. Instead of taking me home, he drove me to a local park - a place my parents would have called a "make-out spot", but this guy had more than "making out" on his mind! Long story short? THANK GOD the local police were patrolling the park, and saw me struggling to get away from the "nice guy" who had offered to be my designated driver!

The police ended up giving me a ride home that night, even though I chose not to press charges against the guy who tried to rape me. I did tell our mutual friend what a slime the guy is and - what a surprise - I am no longer friends with her, because she refused to believe me; claiming that I was "too drunk to know what was happening". This is the reason I am writing to you, and is the message I want to impart to St. Patrick's Day revelers.

With St. Patrick's Day falling on the weekend this year, there will certainly be many more people out celebrating. We have all heard about the importance of not drinking and driving or of designating a driver; but I was never taught about the dangers of choosing the wrong designated driver! I want your readers to ask themselves this question: If someone is offering to be my designated driver, why are they offering? Is it because they don't drink? Is it because they believe in putting responsibility before fun? Or is it because they are hoping to have an advantage being the only sober person among the drunk people? I got lucky that night and managed to escape; but I can only imagine what might have happened if those police officers hadn't happened along.

Signed,
Erin (Go Bragh)

Dear Erin:

Your story is a sobering one (no pun intended) and offers a lesson that could only have been learned through experience. Although most people who offer to be the designated driver do so with a pure heart, there are some who do it in order to take advantage of drunken revelers. The lesson you learned was an important one: that just because someone is friends with a friend does not mean that they will be a friend to you!

To my Irish readers, I wish you a happy, healthy, and blessed St. Patrick's Day! To all who plan to go out and celebrate the holiday, I wish you a safe and healthy evening; and remember: If you are going to drink, don't drive! If you are going to drive, don't drink!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. to Mr. and Mrs. J.J.D. of Colorado: A very happy 5th anniversary to you!! May Irish eyes continue to smile upon you!


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Shy Twenty-Something Seeks Dating Advice From The Confident Kitty!

Dear Tazi:

Are all cats as confident as Puss In Boots? If you are, can you send some of that ego my way? I am a 22 year old man, and have never had the courage to ask a woman on a date. Because of this, I never went to any of my high school formals - not even my senior prom. I will be graduating college this May, and my university will be hosting its annual formal for all graduates. The Graduation Ball is a huge tradition - with both the university, and my family. I am a legacy (on both sides of my family) going back generations. It was at their Graduation Ball that my father asked my mother to marry him; and all my mother ever asks me anymore is who will be the "lucky lady" who accompanies me to the dance. No pressure, huh?

Tazi, there is this one woman that I like an awful lot; and I would really like to ask her to be my date for the Graduation Ball, but she is only a sophomore (we have a general studies class together). Among the underclassman, to be asked to the Graduation Ball is a huge social honor, so I have no doubt she would say yes; I just want to be sure that she is saying yes for the right reasons - because she wants to go to the ball with me, not because she just wants to go to the ball and would attend with a three-headed martian if one were to ask her. If I am going to ask her I will have to ask soon, so she can find a dress and do all that other stuff that women do for formal events. I guess what I want to know is, how can I be sure?

Signed,
Shy Guy

Dear Shy Guy:

Cats are, by nature, egotistical creatures. Confidence with the ladies comes naturally to us. Yes, we felines are a lucky bunch...but enough about me! Let's talk about you! The fact that you are 22 and have never been on a date is not unheard of, nor is it unusual among today's high school and college age generations. Dating rituals are very different than what they were when your parents were dating, with a lot of the formality having gone the way of the IBM typewriter and the 8-track cassette. These changes have both positive and negative aspects, ranging from taking the pressure off of the person asking for a date to the lack of formal dating experience among twenty-somethings.

Asking someone on a date can be nerve-wracking, but know that waiting and wondering if the person you like likes you back can be equally nerve-wracking! I encourage you to take the plunge in person, not by sending a her a text message. Some things are just better done face-to-face. However, before you ask this woman who has caught your eye to such a formal event as your Graduation Ball, you might want to ask her out for coffee first! By spending some time in each other's company, you will be able to get a feel for whether or not you would like to spend time with her outside of a classroom setting; and a sense of whether or not she is interested in you.

Since time is of the essence, I suggest you invite her out A.S.A.P. With the warm and sunny weather arriving, you could ask her to join you for a coffee in a cozy spot on the other side of the campus; giving you time to take a walk together, as well, and extending your coffee date. If at the end of the coffee date you feel confident that she would be interested in going to the Graduation Ball with you - and not just anyone, including a three-headed martian - ask her! Tell her that you really enjoy her company, and would love it if she would accompany you to this special event. From there, who knows where things might lead? Not me, so if things work out for you, please write back and let me (and my other readers) know!

Snuggles,
Tazi


Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.

Teenager Finds That Tea-Party Ideals Difficult For Average Person To Reach

Dear Tazi:

Last Fall, my wife and I wrote to you about our teenage son "Joey" who, at 15, decided to turn against the beliefs he was raised with to join the Tea Party. You advised us to respect Joey's new-formed beliefs, and to go along with things - every step of the way. We took your advice and told Joey that we would be providing him with the support that was required by law (food, clothing, shelter) but that any extras - designer labels, his iPhone, and recreation - would have to be paid for out of his own pocket.

My wife and I also renegotiated Joey's allowance, basing the amount of work he does around the house on a fair-wage for hours worked system. The amount of chores he completes each week takes approximately one hour of his time. We decided that since the Tea Party is against "living wage" legislation that we would be paying Joey the Federal minimum wage ($7.25 an hour). This actually resulted in a large cut to his weekly allowance. My wife and I decided to put the money aside and, at the end of this experiment or six months later (whichever was to come first) donate the money to charity. We offered Joey the opportunity to earn back the balance of his allowance by taking on extra chores at the hourly rate; with the overtime rate kicking in after only three hours of work (we considered the amount of time he spends in school and on homework to go towards a forty-hour work week). Joey leaped at this challenge, and immediately began to feel the bite of reality.

Once Joey had gone through his allowance savings, he started asking for extra chores; however, few were available. After the first snowfall, we offered Joey the opportunity to wake up an hour early (5 AM, instead of 6 AM) to shovel snow at the rate of $10/hour, but he chose sleep instead and was upset that I had shoveled the driveway and the walk by the time he woke. When he complained that this was unfair, I explained to him that when work calls the employee must answer; that this is a part of developing "a work ethic and a sense of morality" that he originally insisted the poor do not have.

When Christmas rolled around, Joey got a Jitterbug phone (which he is embarrassed to be seen using) to replace the iPhone he could not afford; as well as a few things he wanted, but nothing near the extravagant gifts my wife and I usually give to him. Joey was disappointed, but we explained that he is a "working man" now, which means he should be buying gifts for others as well as receiving. Since he did not purchase gifts for my wife and me, we did not give as generously as we normally would. During school vacation, we took him shopping for new clothes and sneakers - at JC Penney, where he was mortified to be seen purchasing store-brand clothing. My wife wanted to give in when she saw how upset Joey was, but I convinced her to keep up with the "tough love".

Due to a lack of snowfall, there were no (more) driveways to be shoveled over the winter and warm-weather yard-work does not yet need to be done. Last night, Joey asked me if he could "collect unemployment benefits" since "work has been slow". My wife and I responded that he was not eligible for unemployment benefits since he did not have enough work hours banked, but that he could try applying for T.A.N.F. benefits [Temporary Assistance for Needy Families, formerly known as "welfare"]. The look of horror on his face was priceless, when I explained to Joey that since he was a single man with no children he probably would not qualify for T.A.N.F. benefits anyway.

This morning, when my wife and I came downstairs for breakfast, Joey was standing in the kitchen holding a sign that read "Working Poor. Please Help. Need Gas Money for Carpool to Get to School". My wife and I plan to have a long talk with our son this evening (I am writing this on my lunch break), but we are pretty certain that this experiment has reached a concluding point. It has been a great success, and we just wanted to say thank you for the wonderful advice!

Sincerely,
Two Proud Liberal Democrats

P.S. We made Joey walk the two miles to school, just to drive home our point!

Dear Two Proud Liberal Democrats:

Thank you for writing back to me to follow up on your situation! I love hearing back from people who have had success with the advice I have given - it makes me purrrrrrrr like a kitten!

Although I cannot guarantee that your son will not continue to hold ultra-conservative viewpoints (which is his right, should they be his beliefs), I do believe that you and your wife have taught him the importance of having compassion for others, and not to judge someone until you have walked a mile (or two!) in their shoes. You have done your job as parents, the toughest job there is! Keep up the good work!

Snuggles,
Tazi

P.S. You went even further than I suggested! I didn't think to take away his iPhone or to restructure his allowance. Bravo!

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with a Bachelors of Arts in Communications. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.